Title: The Gift (4/?)
Author: Bert
Disclaimer: BtVS characters are owned by Joss Whedon, The WB and Mutant Enemy, no copyright infringement is intended, blah blah de-blah
Summary: Not nice
Buffy stepped out of the mausoleum and into the blizzard, standing in the doorway she looked out over the cemetery that she had come to know so well. Several inches of snow covered everything, blanketing the entire area in white, masking any distinguishing marks that might have helped Buffy gain her bearings in the alien landscape.
Struggling to see through the wind whipped snow Buffy walked for a few minutes before deciding to head back as the cold wind started to bite through her thin clothing. Unhappy that maybe for once Spike was right and that it was foolish to be out in this weather, even thought she would never admit it in his face.
Turning around she headed back in the direction she came from, sure that she was heading for the mausoleum that she came from. After a couple of hundred yards and now sign of the building Buffy looked around, "what the hell is going on here?" she asked herself looking around.
In the corner of her eyes she thought she detected some movement, turning to face it she could barely make out a shadowy figure as he rapidly moved past. "Hey" shouted Buffy as she frantically tried to gain his attention. Getting no response Buffy gave chase, "Wait a minute" she called as her legs started to fail her.
Digging deep into her reserves Buffy picked up her pace as she followed whoever it was, hoping he or she knew where they were going. Stepping onto some ice she skidded on the slippery surface and stumbled for a few feet before falling down hard against the frozen ground. Cursing under her breath, Buffy staggered upright and looked for her guide. Seeing no sign of him, Buffy desperately shouted out into the storm, "Wait" she called, "please wait" she pleaded to no avail. Looking at the snow covered ground she searched for any sign of which direction to travel in, before realizing that the falling snow would quickly cover any footprints or other marks.
Tripping against a low gravestone hidden in the snow, Buffy fell down into the snow, the shock of the fall shoot up her arms. Struggling to get up she collapsed back down as her tired limbs surrendered. Strangely instead of the cold that she expected, Buffy found herself feeling comfortably warm as she drifted once more into unconsciousness. The storm quickly covered her in a soft blanket of snow, hiding her from any would be rescuers.
"Get up" a voice penetrated through her groggy mind, "come on Buffy, you can do it" the voice was insistent.
"So tired, just let me rest a while" Buffy mumbled tiredly, "just a few minutes more" she close her eyes tried to fall back asleep.
"No I won't" a hand plunged through the snow and pulled her head up out of it, "come Buff, don't give up now, not when you almost made it!" he waved his hand at the nearby church, "just a few yards further, I know you can do it"
Buffy blinked and tried to make out the building through the blizzard, but only managed to see a dark looming building ahead, "Xander?" she asked as she looked up at her savior.
"Who else?" he grinned and stepped back slightly, "now are you going to lie there all day?" he asked.
"Xander!" Buffy exclaimed trying to jump up and failing miserably as the frozen limbs refused to respond to rapid movement. Carefully she pulled herself up into a kneeling position before raising herself on unsteady legs, "Xander?" she called looking around and finding him gone. "Come back" she shouted out into the storm, getting no reply Buffy staggered towards the church figuring that it was the only place he could have gone.
She concentrated on moving one foot In front of the other as she slowly walked towards the building, not sure that she would have the energy to get up again if she slipped and fell down. Her thoughts went into overdrive as she tried to remember if she actually saw him or was he just a hallucination created by her mind as it slowly shut down in the cold. Already the memory of him was becoming fuzzy as if it was only a half- remembered dream.
Reaching the stone steps she winced as she lifted the frozen legs up onto each step, pain lancing through her joints as she pressed her wait onto them. Slipping on some covered ice Buffy frantically grasped at the stone wall to stop herself from falling, badly grazing her hands but not feeling anything except the cold numbness.
Facing the wooden doors Buffy felt triumphant as she gasped the handle with both hands and forcibly pulled it open against the wind. Using most of her remaining strength to hold it open long enough for her to slip inside. The door slammed shut as she released her grip, unable to stay open against the wind blowing against it. The sound echoed around the bare empty hall.
"Hello" she called out uncertainly.
In the far corner a small door opened to reveal an elderly priest, catching sight of her he slipped back inside only to return with a thick blanket. "Come here, child, you must be freezing" he motioned for her to join him at the front by the alter.
Feeling more alone than ever before, Buffy walked down the aisle, using the wooden pews for support as her legs failed to operate properly. Pools of colored light spilled onto the floor from the windows depicting saints and martyrs from the churches past. Passing through the light she felt them gaze upon in judgement, feeling foolish Buffy averted her eyes and glanced up at the vast stone arches overhead. The church responded in kind and Buffy felt the weight of ages bearing down upon her shoulders as it attempted to show her just how insignificant she was to compared to it. These stone walls had stood for a hundred years and would stand for hundreds more, long after she was forgotten by all who knew her.
"Are you ok?" the priest asked as he guided her into the seat, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders. Getting no response he kneeled in front of her tried again, "Buffy, are you alright?"
He watched as the lost look in her eyes faded as she returned to her surroundings, "do I know you?" she asked.
"I don't think so" he painfully stood up, his aged knees protesting against the movement, "I'll just get some soup, I hope you like vegetable" he smiled down at her before hurrying away before Buffy could question him further.
Buffy watched the flickering candles, day dreaming of better times when the sun shone and it was warm in Sunnydale. 'Was it only yesterday?" she wondered dazedly, in her frozen state she couldn't remember what it felt like to feel warm. 'Maybe' she though as she reached out and held her hand over the flame, feeling the heat as it penetrated the cold before burning her flesh.
"What are you doing?" the priests stern voice broke her thoughts as he forcibly pulled her hand away from the candle, "you'll burn yourself. Here" his returned to a more gentle tone as he placed a cup of hot soup in her hands and carefully wrapped her fingers around it.
"Thanks" she smiled and brought it slowly to her lips before taking a small sip from the thick liquid. She could feel it travel down, warming her from the inside out. "Taste's good" she said before drinking more, shivering slightly as she warmed up and feeling returned to her limbs.
The priest sat down and studied her for a moment, "you seemed troubled"
Buffy glanced over at the elderly priest, she continued to stare at him as she carefully weighed his words before she decided upon a course of action. "How did you know my name?" she asked carefully.
The father smiled at her, "we may keep silent about the evil in the world, but it doesn't mean we don't listen. We know all about you Buffy Summers and your friends in your fight against them. Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.
Buffy opened her mouth as if to say something before closing it again. "I'm fine," she said a little too harshly.
"No, you are not. You are distracted and that is dangerous in your line of work, especially now" he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.
Buffy shrugged it away, "now?" she asked, "what do you mean?"
He raised his eyes in surprise, "You don't think this storm is natural do you?" he asked, "somehow I always expected California to be mostly hot and sunny and not have blizzards in the middle of June." He paused and studied her reaction for a moment, "do you want to talk about it?" he asked again.
"A confession?"
"If you want, it's good for the soul"
Buffy shook her head, "I like my guilt where it is"
The priest took her hand and wrapped his hands around it, he tightened his grip when Buffy tried to pull away. "Thankyou"
"For what?" asked Buffy confused.
"For saving the world time and again" he said simply, "I think the problem is that no one has thanked you or your friends properly for the sacrifices that you have all made so that they may live normally. You have given so much but received so little in return, however we can give what help we can if you only you will accept it"
Buffy stared at him for a while before answering, "he's gone" she said softly.
"Who?"
"Xander" she said simply, "one day he was here with us and the next he was missing. At first we thought he had simply left, but now…"
"You miss him"
Tears started to run down her cheeks, "It's not just that, he's dead and it's my fault"
"It's no ones fault, this is the hellmouth after all."
"You don't understand" she said, "he was always getting hurt trying to help so I tried drive him away to keep him safe, so he wouldn't be injured. Now he's gone it was all for nothing, despite my best efforts he died. I couldn't save him"
"You can't save everyone." He looked deep into her eyes, "it was just his time, that's all"
Buffy pulled back, "it wasn't his time and yes I can save everyone, I have too", she snapped angrily, "I've made the mistake once and I won't make it again"
"Mistake?" he probed, drawing out the root of her problem, "what mistake?"
"Missed chances," the tears returned, "I was deluding myself that it was for the best, ignoring his feelings would keep him alive. If I kept him close instead then he would be here today. I killed him, my mistake killed him."
"You're forgiven"
"What?" Buffy looked up into the priest eyes.
"That is what you want isn't it? You are seeking forgiveness for what you see as your crime, well you have it. Let the guilt go, it has been eating away inside you for too long and it is dangerous to be distracted by events from the past."
A ghost of a smile appeared on Buffy's face, "thanks I guess" she cocked her head to one side and thought for a moment, "I don't feel any different"
"You will" he smiled, "let the wound heal." He listened for a moment, "the storm has stopped for now. You'd better hurry if you want to get home in case it starts up again."
Feeling her burden lighten Buffy headed for the doorway, watched by the priest as she left. Exiting the church she blinked in the sunlight and looked up at the clear blue sky, the snow all around was already beginning to melt in the heat.
Buffy stuck her head around the door and called into the church, "I just wanted to say…" her voice trailed off as she took in its dilapidated state. The stained glass windows that she remembered so vividly were broken and dirty, light streamed in from gaping holes in the roof. The light reflecting off puddles of murky water on the floor whilst pigeons fluttered about the hall disturbed by the sound of her voice.
"Ok, that's creepy even by hellmouth standards" Buffy said to herself as she backed away from the building, disturbed by what she had just witnessed. Enjoying the warmth of the sun on her skin Buffy headed off towards Giles', "let's see him find an answer for this one" she smiled, feeling truly at ease with herself for the first time in months.
Author: Bert
Disclaimer: BtVS characters are owned by Joss Whedon, The WB and Mutant Enemy, no copyright infringement is intended, blah blah de-blah
Summary: Not nice
Buffy stepped out of the mausoleum and into the blizzard, standing in the doorway she looked out over the cemetery that she had come to know so well. Several inches of snow covered everything, blanketing the entire area in white, masking any distinguishing marks that might have helped Buffy gain her bearings in the alien landscape.
Struggling to see through the wind whipped snow Buffy walked for a few minutes before deciding to head back as the cold wind started to bite through her thin clothing. Unhappy that maybe for once Spike was right and that it was foolish to be out in this weather, even thought she would never admit it in his face.
Turning around she headed back in the direction she came from, sure that she was heading for the mausoleum that she came from. After a couple of hundred yards and now sign of the building Buffy looked around, "what the hell is going on here?" she asked herself looking around.
In the corner of her eyes she thought she detected some movement, turning to face it she could barely make out a shadowy figure as he rapidly moved past. "Hey" shouted Buffy as she frantically tried to gain his attention. Getting no response Buffy gave chase, "Wait a minute" she called as her legs started to fail her.
Digging deep into her reserves Buffy picked up her pace as she followed whoever it was, hoping he or she knew where they were going. Stepping onto some ice she skidded on the slippery surface and stumbled for a few feet before falling down hard against the frozen ground. Cursing under her breath, Buffy staggered upright and looked for her guide. Seeing no sign of him, Buffy desperately shouted out into the storm, "Wait" she called, "please wait" she pleaded to no avail. Looking at the snow covered ground she searched for any sign of which direction to travel in, before realizing that the falling snow would quickly cover any footprints or other marks.
Tripping against a low gravestone hidden in the snow, Buffy fell down into the snow, the shock of the fall shoot up her arms. Struggling to get up she collapsed back down as her tired limbs surrendered. Strangely instead of the cold that she expected, Buffy found herself feeling comfortably warm as she drifted once more into unconsciousness. The storm quickly covered her in a soft blanket of snow, hiding her from any would be rescuers.
"Get up" a voice penetrated through her groggy mind, "come on Buffy, you can do it" the voice was insistent.
"So tired, just let me rest a while" Buffy mumbled tiredly, "just a few minutes more" she close her eyes tried to fall back asleep.
"No I won't" a hand plunged through the snow and pulled her head up out of it, "come Buff, don't give up now, not when you almost made it!" he waved his hand at the nearby church, "just a few yards further, I know you can do it"
Buffy blinked and tried to make out the building through the blizzard, but only managed to see a dark looming building ahead, "Xander?" she asked as she looked up at her savior.
"Who else?" he grinned and stepped back slightly, "now are you going to lie there all day?" he asked.
"Xander!" Buffy exclaimed trying to jump up and failing miserably as the frozen limbs refused to respond to rapid movement. Carefully she pulled herself up into a kneeling position before raising herself on unsteady legs, "Xander?" she called looking around and finding him gone. "Come back" she shouted out into the storm, getting no reply Buffy staggered towards the church figuring that it was the only place he could have gone.
She concentrated on moving one foot In front of the other as she slowly walked towards the building, not sure that she would have the energy to get up again if she slipped and fell down. Her thoughts went into overdrive as she tried to remember if she actually saw him or was he just a hallucination created by her mind as it slowly shut down in the cold. Already the memory of him was becoming fuzzy as if it was only a half- remembered dream.
Reaching the stone steps she winced as she lifted the frozen legs up onto each step, pain lancing through her joints as she pressed her wait onto them. Slipping on some covered ice Buffy frantically grasped at the stone wall to stop herself from falling, badly grazing her hands but not feeling anything except the cold numbness.
Facing the wooden doors Buffy felt triumphant as she gasped the handle with both hands and forcibly pulled it open against the wind. Using most of her remaining strength to hold it open long enough for her to slip inside. The door slammed shut as she released her grip, unable to stay open against the wind blowing against it. The sound echoed around the bare empty hall.
"Hello" she called out uncertainly.
In the far corner a small door opened to reveal an elderly priest, catching sight of her he slipped back inside only to return with a thick blanket. "Come here, child, you must be freezing" he motioned for her to join him at the front by the alter.
Feeling more alone than ever before, Buffy walked down the aisle, using the wooden pews for support as her legs failed to operate properly. Pools of colored light spilled onto the floor from the windows depicting saints and martyrs from the churches past. Passing through the light she felt them gaze upon in judgement, feeling foolish Buffy averted her eyes and glanced up at the vast stone arches overhead. The church responded in kind and Buffy felt the weight of ages bearing down upon her shoulders as it attempted to show her just how insignificant she was to compared to it. These stone walls had stood for a hundred years and would stand for hundreds more, long after she was forgotten by all who knew her.
"Are you ok?" the priest asked as he guided her into the seat, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders. Getting no response he kneeled in front of her tried again, "Buffy, are you alright?"
He watched as the lost look in her eyes faded as she returned to her surroundings, "do I know you?" she asked.
"I don't think so" he painfully stood up, his aged knees protesting against the movement, "I'll just get some soup, I hope you like vegetable" he smiled down at her before hurrying away before Buffy could question him further.
Buffy watched the flickering candles, day dreaming of better times when the sun shone and it was warm in Sunnydale. 'Was it only yesterday?" she wondered dazedly, in her frozen state she couldn't remember what it felt like to feel warm. 'Maybe' she though as she reached out and held her hand over the flame, feeling the heat as it penetrated the cold before burning her flesh.
"What are you doing?" the priests stern voice broke her thoughts as he forcibly pulled her hand away from the candle, "you'll burn yourself. Here" his returned to a more gentle tone as he placed a cup of hot soup in her hands and carefully wrapped her fingers around it.
"Thanks" she smiled and brought it slowly to her lips before taking a small sip from the thick liquid. She could feel it travel down, warming her from the inside out. "Taste's good" she said before drinking more, shivering slightly as she warmed up and feeling returned to her limbs.
The priest sat down and studied her for a moment, "you seemed troubled"
Buffy glanced over at the elderly priest, she continued to stare at him as she carefully weighed his words before she decided upon a course of action. "How did you know my name?" she asked carefully.
The father smiled at her, "we may keep silent about the evil in the world, but it doesn't mean we don't listen. We know all about you Buffy Summers and your friends in your fight against them. Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.
Buffy opened her mouth as if to say something before closing it again. "I'm fine," she said a little too harshly.
"No, you are not. You are distracted and that is dangerous in your line of work, especially now" he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.
Buffy shrugged it away, "now?" she asked, "what do you mean?"
He raised his eyes in surprise, "You don't think this storm is natural do you?" he asked, "somehow I always expected California to be mostly hot and sunny and not have blizzards in the middle of June." He paused and studied her reaction for a moment, "do you want to talk about it?" he asked again.
"A confession?"
"If you want, it's good for the soul"
Buffy shook her head, "I like my guilt where it is"
The priest took her hand and wrapped his hands around it, he tightened his grip when Buffy tried to pull away. "Thankyou"
"For what?" asked Buffy confused.
"For saving the world time and again" he said simply, "I think the problem is that no one has thanked you or your friends properly for the sacrifices that you have all made so that they may live normally. You have given so much but received so little in return, however we can give what help we can if you only you will accept it"
Buffy stared at him for a while before answering, "he's gone" she said softly.
"Who?"
"Xander" she said simply, "one day he was here with us and the next he was missing. At first we thought he had simply left, but now…"
"You miss him"
Tears started to run down her cheeks, "It's not just that, he's dead and it's my fault"
"It's no ones fault, this is the hellmouth after all."
"You don't understand" she said, "he was always getting hurt trying to help so I tried drive him away to keep him safe, so he wouldn't be injured. Now he's gone it was all for nothing, despite my best efforts he died. I couldn't save him"
"You can't save everyone." He looked deep into her eyes, "it was just his time, that's all"
Buffy pulled back, "it wasn't his time and yes I can save everyone, I have too", she snapped angrily, "I've made the mistake once and I won't make it again"
"Mistake?" he probed, drawing out the root of her problem, "what mistake?"
"Missed chances," the tears returned, "I was deluding myself that it was for the best, ignoring his feelings would keep him alive. If I kept him close instead then he would be here today. I killed him, my mistake killed him."
"You're forgiven"
"What?" Buffy looked up into the priest eyes.
"That is what you want isn't it? You are seeking forgiveness for what you see as your crime, well you have it. Let the guilt go, it has been eating away inside you for too long and it is dangerous to be distracted by events from the past."
A ghost of a smile appeared on Buffy's face, "thanks I guess" she cocked her head to one side and thought for a moment, "I don't feel any different"
"You will" he smiled, "let the wound heal." He listened for a moment, "the storm has stopped for now. You'd better hurry if you want to get home in case it starts up again."
Feeling her burden lighten Buffy headed for the doorway, watched by the priest as she left. Exiting the church she blinked in the sunlight and looked up at the clear blue sky, the snow all around was already beginning to melt in the heat.
Buffy stuck her head around the door and called into the church, "I just wanted to say…" her voice trailed off as she took in its dilapidated state. The stained glass windows that she remembered so vividly were broken and dirty, light streamed in from gaping holes in the roof. The light reflecting off puddles of murky water on the floor whilst pigeons fluttered about the hall disturbed by the sound of her voice.
"Ok, that's creepy even by hellmouth standards" Buffy said to herself as she backed away from the building, disturbed by what she had just witnessed. Enjoying the warmth of the sun on her skin Buffy headed off towards Giles', "let's see him find an answer for this one" she smiled, feeling truly at ease with herself for the first time in months.