Disclaimer: All characters pertaining to and contained within the original
scripts of the original series are here by claimed as NOT MINE officially
in front of all people present.
Thanx to reviewers and to those who encouraged efficient use of my time. This was done at the expense of a lot of useless homework!
Chapter Five: A Meeting of the Minds
Unfortunately, getting the Klingons off the ship wasn't the hard part.
A meeting of the Senior officers had taken place on the bridge immediately after the encounter. After all the solutions had been hedged to pieces a moment of despair settled upon Kirk, Scotty, Uhura, Sulu, and Stanton. Spock sat at his station, in a mode of concentrated contemplation. All of the plans that had been suggested involved either a 50% chance of the Enterprise being destroyed in the end of a prolonged conflict, or a 75% chance that Kirk would be carved to death by the Klingon commander. None of the ideas were totally acceptable to the Captain or Commander Spock.
The only two who weren't dismal were McCoy and Chekov. They were whispering in the corner; McCoy was looking unduly pleased with himself, and Chekov was looking horrified.
"Doctor McCoy, thet is inhuman!"
"I know, that is exactly why it will work, Pavel, haven't you been listening?"
"Gentlemen," Kirk inquired, "Have one of you possibly come up with a plan that doesn't involve my decapitation?"
"Well," McCoy drawled, "I can solve your Klingon problem Jim, but whether it will pass with the Starfleet board of medical ethics is the problem."
"What do you mean, Bones?"
"What I mean is my plan includes methods that have been condemned by the physicians of Earth for hundreds of years."
"Quit stalling and explain", ordered Kirk.
Chekov stepped foreword and gladly explained for the doctor.
"Keptian, he vant's to get the Klingons stoned!"
************************************************************************
STONED?
The word hung in the air of the bridge and many smiled or grimaced depending on their personal associations with the word.
Spock was utterly confused.
"Aside from the fact, Doctor, that putting the Klingons to death by hurling rocks at them is barbaric and beyond our more civilized natures, we have already agreed that attacking the Klingons once they have boarded the Enterprise would mean certain destruction for the ship and would result in…
Kirk's laughter interrupted Spock's indignant explanation.
"No, Spock," corrected the Doctor, "Not stoned in the historical context of putting people to death, but stoned as in referring to the phrase used in the later twentieth century to refer to peoples actions when they were under the influence of harmful drugs."
He turned back to the Captain.
"Jim, I was referring to a drug that we have on board right now. It has only a small affect on humans, and is by no means harmful, but some data I ran across last week says that when Klingons come in contact with it, it acts as a powerful hallucinogen."
Kirk sat down; no one said anything for a moment.
Then Spock said, "I see what you are trying to do doctor, but even if the Klingons were inhibited by one of your drugs, any harm that may come to them on the Enterprise will register on their automatic transmitters. To gamble that they will board the Enterprise without them, as we have already discussed, is unwise."
"But that is the beauty of it, Spock," McCoy persisted, "The drug will make the Klingon's believe anything we say. If we play it right, we can make the Klingons believe that they have captured the enterprise, and give Scotty the time he needs to repair the ship."
Kirk smiled, and ordered the Doctor to make his preparations. Laughing to himself he realized he had already won.
Before McCoy left the bridge he turned to the Doctor and asked, "By the way Bones, what is that drug?"
McCoy grinned from ear to ear.
"Liquid Aspirin."
As the Klingon crew assembled to board the USS Enterprise a current of excitement was running through the air. The snap and click of disruptors being readied filled the transporter room. All but one of them was looking foreword to capturing the Enterprise, hopefully with lots of resistance. Kraal, the youngest, was sitting on the floor sharpening his knife. He had good reason to be in the unnoticed in the corner. The exact pronunciation of his full name sounded like what a Klingon version of a buffalo did after it ate.
Kraal had received many beatings for his existence and his name, and he had a pretty rough life in the service of the Empire. He sheathed his knife after making sure it was sharp to the touch. He stood slowly to join the landing party and took the disk at the very back. If no one noticed him, it would be better. As his atoms disassembled he grabbed the hilt of his knife, thinking of how he planned to use it.
Thanx to reviewers and to those who encouraged efficient use of my time. This was done at the expense of a lot of useless homework!
Chapter Five: A Meeting of the Minds
Unfortunately, getting the Klingons off the ship wasn't the hard part.
A meeting of the Senior officers had taken place on the bridge immediately after the encounter. After all the solutions had been hedged to pieces a moment of despair settled upon Kirk, Scotty, Uhura, Sulu, and Stanton. Spock sat at his station, in a mode of concentrated contemplation. All of the plans that had been suggested involved either a 50% chance of the Enterprise being destroyed in the end of a prolonged conflict, or a 75% chance that Kirk would be carved to death by the Klingon commander. None of the ideas were totally acceptable to the Captain or Commander Spock.
The only two who weren't dismal were McCoy and Chekov. They were whispering in the corner; McCoy was looking unduly pleased with himself, and Chekov was looking horrified.
"Doctor McCoy, thet is inhuman!"
"I know, that is exactly why it will work, Pavel, haven't you been listening?"
"Gentlemen," Kirk inquired, "Have one of you possibly come up with a plan that doesn't involve my decapitation?"
"Well," McCoy drawled, "I can solve your Klingon problem Jim, but whether it will pass with the Starfleet board of medical ethics is the problem."
"What do you mean, Bones?"
"What I mean is my plan includes methods that have been condemned by the physicians of Earth for hundreds of years."
"Quit stalling and explain", ordered Kirk.
Chekov stepped foreword and gladly explained for the doctor.
"Keptian, he vant's to get the Klingons stoned!"
************************************************************************
STONED?
The word hung in the air of the bridge and many smiled or grimaced depending on their personal associations with the word.
Spock was utterly confused.
"Aside from the fact, Doctor, that putting the Klingons to death by hurling rocks at them is barbaric and beyond our more civilized natures, we have already agreed that attacking the Klingons once they have boarded the Enterprise would mean certain destruction for the ship and would result in…
Kirk's laughter interrupted Spock's indignant explanation.
"No, Spock," corrected the Doctor, "Not stoned in the historical context of putting people to death, but stoned as in referring to the phrase used in the later twentieth century to refer to peoples actions when they were under the influence of harmful drugs."
He turned back to the Captain.
"Jim, I was referring to a drug that we have on board right now. It has only a small affect on humans, and is by no means harmful, but some data I ran across last week says that when Klingons come in contact with it, it acts as a powerful hallucinogen."
Kirk sat down; no one said anything for a moment.
Then Spock said, "I see what you are trying to do doctor, but even if the Klingons were inhibited by one of your drugs, any harm that may come to them on the Enterprise will register on their automatic transmitters. To gamble that they will board the Enterprise without them, as we have already discussed, is unwise."
"But that is the beauty of it, Spock," McCoy persisted, "The drug will make the Klingon's believe anything we say. If we play it right, we can make the Klingons believe that they have captured the enterprise, and give Scotty the time he needs to repair the ship."
Kirk smiled, and ordered the Doctor to make his preparations. Laughing to himself he realized he had already won.
Before McCoy left the bridge he turned to the Doctor and asked, "By the way Bones, what is that drug?"
McCoy grinned from ear to ear.
"Liquid Aspirin."
As the Klingon crew assembled to board the USS Enterprise a current of excitement was running through the air. The snap and click of disruptors being readied filled the transporter room. All but one of them was looking foreword to capturing the Enterprise, hopefully with lots of resistance. Kraal, the youngest, was sitting on the floor sharpening his knife. He had good reason to be in the unnoticed in the corner. The exact pronunciation of his full name sounded like what a Klingon version of a buffalo did after it ate.
Kraal had received many beatings for his existence and his name, and he had a pretty rough life in the service of the Empire. He sheathed his knife after making sure it was sharp to the touch. He stood slowly to join the landing party and took the disk at the very back. If no one noticed him, it would be better. As his atoms disassembled he grabbed the hilt of his knife, thinking of how he planned to use it.