Homecoming pt. 4
Spike pushed the bedroom door open. The room was dark, but he could see. Buffy, love?" he said softly. "I'm back."
She lay in the bed, pale against the hotel linen. Her eyes, sunken in dark circles, were wide opened and staring. She didn't respond to his voice.
He sat on the edge of the bed and took her hand. "I'm back, pet." There was nothing to her, now. He had thought she was tiny before, but now she was frail, emaciated. She could have been a hundred. Her skin stretched tight over her bones. He was afraid if he squeezed her hand, with just the slightest pressure, it would shatter. Tears filled his eyes. "My sweet, sweet darling."
"Spike?" The voice sounded distant, like it came up from the bottom of a grave. "That's funny," she said. "I think I hear Spike."
"It's me, love." He kissed her forehead tenderly. "I'm home." He climbed onto the bed with care, wrapping his arms around her, afraid to disturb her. "Home to stay." He thought he saw the ghost of a smile play on her lips.
"Why did you leave me?"
He could have said, 'because you didn't want me, because you finally convinced me you hated me', all the things he'd planned on the long trip back. "Because I'm a fool."
"No," she said softly. "That would be me." She shifted a bit, pressing herself against him. "I'm sorry I made you hate me."
"Is that what you thought, Slayer? That I left because I hated you?" He stroked her forehead. "I love you. I'll always love you." He heard her tears come then, in little sobs. "I went because I wanted to be worthy of you. I went so you could love me."
"It worked." She turned to look at him, but he was a shadow in the darkness. "Are you really here? Because this is just like a dream I keep having. And if it's the dream again, I'd rather not wake up this time."
"Shhh. It's not a dream. You're awake. I'm here. I'm not leavin."
"Tara's dead, Spike. I told her about us, long ago. She said it was alright, if I loved you. Why didn't I listen to her, Spike?" She started to flail about in the bed. He held her, but she was surprisingly strong even yet. "She was my friend. Why couldn't I save her? And Willow. Why couldn't I help Willow?"
"I know, pet. I know what happened. You did your best; you always do." He tried to calm her. "Sleep now, love. I'll be here. You can tell me all about it later, when you're feeling better."
"Spike, they took Dawn away. They won't even let me see her." She buried herself in his strength.
"We'll deal with that too. Everything you need. Later." He wrapped himself around his love like a security blanket.
"I want to live now."
"That's good, pet."
"I love you."
His cheeks were moist with his own tears. "I know."
Spike pushed the bedroom door open. The room was dark, but he could see. Buffy, love?" he said softly. "I'm back."
She lay in the bed, pale against the hotel linen. Her eyes, sunken in dark circles, were wide opened and staring. She didn't respond to his voice.
He sat on the edge of the bed and took her hand. "I'm back, pet." There was nothing to her, now. He had thought she was tiny before, but now she was frail, emaciated. She could have been a hundred. Her skin stretched tight over her bones. He was afraid if he squeezed her hand, with just the slightest pressure, it would shatter. Tears filled his eyes. "My sweet, sweet darling."
"Spike?" The voice sounded distant, like it came up from the bottom of a grave. "That's funny," she said. "I think I hear Spike."
"It's me, love." He kissed her forehead tenderly. "I'm home." He climbed onto the bed with care, wrapping his arms around her, afraid to disturb her. "Home to stay." He thought he saw the ghost of a smile play on her lips.
"Why did you leave me?"
He could have said, 'because you didn't want me, because you finally convinced me you hated me', all the things he'd planned on the long trip back. "Because I'm a fool."
"No," she said softly. "That would be me." She shifted a bit, pressing herself against him. "I'm sorry I made you hate me."
"Is that what you thought, Slayer? That I left because I hated you?" He stroked her forehead. "I love you. I'll always love you." He heard her tears come then, in little sobs. "I went because I wanted to be worthy of you. I went so you could love me."
"It worked." She turned to look at him, but he was a shadow in the darkness. "Are you really here? Because this is just like a dream I keep having. And if it's the dream again, I'd rather not wake up this time."
"Shhh. It's not a dream. You're awake. I'm here. I'm not leavin."
"Tara's dead, Spike. I told her about us, long ago. She said it was alright, if I loved you. Why didn't I listen to her, Spike?" She started to flail about in the bed. He held her, but she was surprisingly strong even yet. "She was my friend. Why couldn't I save her? And Willow. Why couldn't I help Willow?"
"I know, pet. I know what happened. You did your best; you always do." He tried to calm her. "Sleep now, love. I'll be here. You can tell me all about it later, when you're feeling better."
"Spike, they took Dawn away. They won't even let me see her." She buried herself in his strength.
"We'll deal with that too. Everything you need. Later." He wrapped himself around his love like a security blanket.
"I want to live now."
"That's good, pet."
"I love you."
His cheeks were moist with his own tears. "I know."