Oh the insanity, Oh the calamity! This is so much fun to write!
Disclaimer: man I am tired of writing these at the start, does anybody know if they absolutely have to be at the top of every chapter? Is Paramount Pictures monitoring every single one of these to see if we violate copyright laws? Do they even care? If they do, they have no lives.
Right: I should talk.
SHIGH! Startreknotmine. (Grinding of teeth)
Oh, and the coconut song ain't mine either.
Chapter 9 – PARTY on the Bridge!
Eliza received the orders to go to full warp speed just as they were watching Spock die on the main view screen.
"Engineering to bridge," came the voice of the Scottish engineer through the intercom. "Lieutenant Stanton, we've got full warp power, and since "out run" is the only thin we can do to the Klingons at the moment, I suggest ye get this ship movin."
It was time to go back on alert, so Brikosa took the cotton balls out from between her drying toenails, rolled up her sleeping bag, and turned the view screen back to the Bird of Prey outside the ship. Chekov threw away his popcorn, and wiped the butter grease from his hands. Eliza moved the command chair from recline mode to command mode, and turned the main lights back on.
"Thank you Scotty, The Captain is almost finished with phase one. You might want to go down to the rec deck and watch; it's quite a show! Bridge out."
She turned to the helm where Chekov and Brikosa sat expectantly.
"Bri, Prepare to go to maximum warp on my order. Chekov, plot us a nice tight Parabolic curve around that Klingon ship. If they are monitoring us, I want them to be confused as to which way we are headed. We aren't going to run for Federation space like they expect us to, but parallel to the neutral zone. If they blink they might just miss us passing by."
"Plotted and laid in Lieutenant," said Chekov.
"Warp 9 on your command, Liza." added Brikosa.
Well, this was it; she was actually at the center of the action for once. The Klingon ship seemed to hover closer to the Enterprise than it had before, but Eliza was not afraid. She was lovin it.
That was exactly the moment that the turbo lift doors opened and a very drunk looking Dr. Serita came staggering in.
"Wait a second," she mumbled to herself as she flapped her wings for balance, "This isn't deck five."
She glanced up at the three officers without recognizing them. Eliza doubted if she even recognized that she was on the bridge.
"B…but the nice little hamster in the turbo lift told me we were going to deck five," Serita sobbed.
"Doctor McCoy to the bridge," Eliza shouted down to sickbay.
"Oh boy", muttered Brikosa
"Whatever she's on," whispered Pavel, "I vant some of that."
The all turned again as the opposite lift deposited another person on to the bridge.
A Klingon with a very big knife.
"I am KRALL!" he shouted, "And I have disabled your security systems. Despite all of your attempts to throw me off with little GREMLINS in your elevator tubes!!"
"Oh, did you meet him tooooo!" slurred Dr. Serita as she began to sway back and forth. "Isn't he nniiccceee?"
Eliza ignored the doctor and stepped in front of the Klingon.
"Nice work, congratulations." She spoke to the Klingon as if he were two, not wanting to spark him into doing something violent. "Not many people have broken through our Kun Fu hamster ploy."
Kraal made a face as he heard the word Kung Fu, but he still moved forward onto the bridge. Eliza sat back down in the command chair and started to call the Captain, but suddenly remembered. The Captain was busy killing Spock.
No, that wouldn't work.
She drew her hand away from the con button, but not before her fingers brushed up against something rubbery.
"Bri, implement my last order!" Eliza decided she was going to take matters into her own hands. "Kreal, or what ever your name is, freeze right there, or I will fire!"
She stretched a rubber band across one finger.
"And don't think I won't blow you're your atoms to pieces and shove them out the air lock, because I will. Surrender your weapons."
"IIIIV'E GOT A LOOOOOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS!!!" sang Doctor Serita as she twirled on her tippy toes.
That was the moment that Dr. McCoy decided to come on to the bridge…
…from the wrong door. He ran smack into the Klingon who didn't waste time. Kraal moved so fast, Eliza didn't have a chance to shout a warning to the Doctor. Three seconds later the unsuspecting CMO was being used as a human shield, protecting Kraal from Eliza's attack.
"THEREEE THEY ARE A STANDIN IN A ROOOOW!!"
"I'll kill the physician! Throw down that dirty federation weapon and surrender this ship. Do it now, or he dies."
To emphasize his point, Kraal brought his knife to McCoy's neck. The Doctor immediately stopped squirming and turned as pale as a sheet, but Eliza did not lower the rubber band.
Kraal scanned the bridge, taking a head count. Killing the Doctor and the winged creature would be no problem. The human who seemed to be the one in charge might pose a challenge, but it would be one that he had been trained to solve.
But the two officers he had seen executed in the transporter room might prove to be a bit of a problem. He had never had to kill ghosts before, but if there were a way, he would find it. Kraal shook his head and blinked at the absurdity of his own thoughts.
"I don't know what game you Federation people are playing, but it is a useless waste of my time. Tell the dead ones to turn the ship over to me, or else. And tell the winged one to stop SINGING!"
"BIG ONESSSSS, SSSMALLLL ONESSSS, SOME ASBIGASYOURHEAD!!!"
SHUT UP!!!!!!
Then, everything happened at once. While Doctor Serita and her horrendous singing distracted Kraal, Eliza shot the rubber band at Dr. McCoy, who moaned, twitched, and fell to the floor, happy to get away from the Klingon and the knife. Kraal looked for a moment at the 'dead' physician on the floor. Even Klingons did not kill their own crew being held hostage. He looked at the woman who had found another rubber band on the floor, and realized her cunning. With out the physician as a shield, he was open to direct attack. Kraal rushed Eliza before she could bring her weapon to bear. The force of his attack drove Eliza into the helm, and soon all of them were on the ground, kicking, biting and fighting to get to a weapon before Kraal retrieved his knife. Dr. McCoy decided to resurrect himself, and grabbing a hypo, joined the fray. He missed, Chekov's eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he was shoved out of the fight to lie on the floor in front of the view screen. Eliza managed to untangle herself for long enough in order to punch Kraal in the nose. Pink Klingon blood spewed over his face, but he still fought on, avoiding another jab of the hypo from McCoy and a Karate chop from Brikosa'a nimble hand. As he backed away, he slammed into Eliza who slammed, head first into the command chair. She could feel the blood rushing to her head, and she blinked to clear her eyes from the haze that covered them. She felt a hand at her side and a triumphant cry from Kraal as he grabbed her Phaser and fired into the group. The last thing she heard before she fell to the floor unconscious was Dr. Serita staring up again with 99 bottles of beer on the wall.
Disclaimer: man I am tired of writing these at the start, does anybody know if they absolutely have to be at the top of every chapter? Is Paramount Pictures monitoring every single one of these to see if we violate copyright laws? Do they even care? If they do, they have no lives.
Right: I should talk.
SHIGH! Startreknotmine. (Grinding of teeth)
Oh, and the coconut song ain't mine either.
Chapter 9 – PARTY on the Bridge!
Eliza received the orders to go to full warp speed just as they were watching Spock die on the main view screen.
"Engineering to bridge," came the voice of the Scottish engineer through the intercom. "Lieutenant Stanton, we've got full warp power, and since "out run" is the only thin we can do to the Klingons at the moment, I suggest ye get this ship movin."
It was time to go back on alert, so Brikosa took the cotton balls out from between her drying toenails, rolled up her sleeping bag, and turned the view screen back to the Bird of Prey outside the ship. Chekov threw away his popcorn, and wiped the butter grease from his hands. Eliza moved the command chair from recline mode to command mode, and turned the main lights back on.
"Thank you Scotty, The Captain is almost finished with phase one. You might want to go down to the rec deck and watch; it's quite a show! Bridge out."
She turned to the helm where Chekov and Brikosa sat expectantly.
"Bri, Prepare to go to maximum warp on my order. Chekov, plot us a nice tight Parabolic curve around that Klingon ship. If they are monitoring us, I want them to be confused as to which way we are headed. We aren't going to run for Federation space like they expect us to, but parallel to the neutral zone. If they blink they might just miss us passing by."
"Plotted and laid in Lieutenant," said Chekov.
"Warp 9 on your command, Liza." added Brikosa.
Well, this was it; she was actually at the center of the action for once. The Klingon ship seemed to hover closer to the Enterprise than it had before, but Eliza was not afraid. She was lovin it.
That was exactly the moment that the turbo lift doors opened and a very drunk looking Dr. Serita came staggering in.
"Wait a second," she mumbled to herself as she flapped her wings for balance, "This isn't deck five."
She glanced up at the three officers without recognizing them. Eliza doubted if she even recognized that she was on the bridge.
"B…but the nice little hamster in the turbo lift told me we were going to deck five," Serita sobbed.
"Doctor McCoy to the bridge," Eliza shouted down to sickbay.
"Oh boy", muttered Brikosa
"Whatever she's on," whispered Pavel, "I vant some of that."
The all turned again as the opposite lift deposited another person on to the bridge.
A Klingon with a very big knife.
"I am KRALL!" he shouted, "And I have disabled your security systems. Despite all of your attempts to throw me off with little GREMLINS in your elevator tubes!!"
"Oh, did you meet him tooooo!" slurred Dr. Serita as she began to sway back and forth. "Isn't he nniiccceee?"
Eliza ignored the doctor and stepped in front of the Klingon.
"Nice work, congratulations." She spoke to the Klingon as if he were two, not wanting to spark him into doing something violent. "Not many people have broken through our Kun Fu hamster ploy."
Kraal made a face as he heard the word Kung Fu, but he still moved forward onto the bridge. Eliza sat back down in the command chair and started to call the Captain, but suddenly remembered. The Captain was busy killing Spock.
No, that wouldn't work.
She drew her hand away from the con button, but not before her fingers brushed up against something rubbery.
"Bri, implement my last order!" Eliza decided she was going to take matters into her own hands. "Kreal, or what ever your name is, freeze right there, or I will fire!"
She stretched a rubber band across one finger.
"And don't think I won't blow you're your atoms to pieces and shove them out the air lock, because I will. Surrender your weapons."
"IIIIV'E GOT A LOOOOOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS!!!" sang Doctor Serita as she twirled on her tippy toes.
That was the moment that Dr. McCoy decided to come on to the bridge…
…from the wrong door. He ran smack into the Klingon who didn't waste time. Kraal moved so fast, Eliza didn't have a chance to shout a warning to the Doctor. Three seconds later the unsuspecting CMO was being used as a human shield, protecting Kraal from Eliza's attack.
"THEREEE THEY ARE A STANDIN IN A ROOOOW!!"
"I'll kill the physician! Throw down that dirty federation weapon and surrender this ship. Do it now, or he dies."
To emphasize his point, Kraal brought his knife to McCoy's neck. The Doctor immediately stopped squirming and turned as pale as a sheet, but Eliza did not lower the rubber band.
Kraal scanned the bridge, taking a head count. Killing the Doctor and the winged creature would be no problem. The human who seemed to be the one in charge might pose a challenge, but it would be one that he had been trained to solve.
But the two officers he had seen executed in the transporter room might prove to be a bit of a problem. He had never had to kill ghosts before, but if there were a way, he would find it. Kraal shook his head and blinked at the absurdity of his own thoughts.
"I don't know what game you Federation people are playing, but it is a useless waste of my time. Tell the dead ones to turn the ship over to me, or else. And tell the winged one to stop SINGING!"
"BIG ONESSSSS, SSSMALLLL ONESSSS, SOME ASBIGASYOURHEAD!!!"
SHUT UP!!!!!!
Then, everything happened at once. While Doctor Serita and her horrendous singing distracted Kraal, Eliza shot the rubber band at Dr. McCoy, who moaned, twitched, and fell to the floor, happy to get away from the Klingon and the knife. Kraal looked for a moment at the 'dead' physician on the floor. Even Klingons did not kill their own crew being held hostage. He looked at the woman who had found another rubber band on the floor, and realized her cunning. With out the physician as a shield, he was open to direct attack. Kraal rushed Eliza before she could bring her weapon to bear. The force of his attack drove Eliza into the helm, and soon all of them were on the ground, kicking, biting and fighting to get to a weapon before Kraal retrieved his knife. Dr. McCoy decided to resurrect himself, and grabbing a hypo, joined the fray. He missed, Chekov's eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he was shoved out of the fight to lie on the floor in front of the view screen. Eliza managed to untangle herself for long enough in order to punch Kraal in the nose. Pink Klingon blood spewed over his face, but he still fought on, avoiding another jab of the hypo from McCoy and a Karate chop from Brikosa'a nimble hand. As he backed away, he slammed into Eliza who slammed, head first into the command chair. She could feel the blood rushing to her head, and she blinked to clear her eyes from the haze that covered them. She felt a hand at her side and a triumphant cry from Kraal as he grabbed her Phaser and fired into the group. The last thing she heard before she fell to the floor unconscious was Dr. Serita staring up again with 99 bottles of beer on the wall.