Homecoming 18

"Okay," said Xander. "I know you went to look for a soul. But you said that wise man, or whoever he was, said you didn't need one. So what gives?"

"That's what I'd like to know." Spike sat heavily into his easy chair. "You think I'd know. You think I'd feel different. Want ta devote my life to charity, or go celibate, or somethin'. I just feel like, well, me."

"You did say you didn't want to bite anyone anymore. That sounds kind of soulish," Xander offered helpfully.

"Yeah, but that's been a long time comin'. Long before I went away." He shook his head. "I just don't get it. What was with the 'all you need is love' crap?"

Willow smiled. "Maybe you're like an ice cream sundae."

Xander looked at his friend, sizing her up. "You sure you don't want to go lie down, Will? It sounds like you just called Spike an ice cream sundae."

"I said 'like an ice cream sundae.' I mean, ice cream sundaes are great. All you need is ice cream and chocolate sauce, and it's a happy. God, I miss ice cream sundaes ..." After a moment she realized the two men were staring at her, awaiting the point of the analogy. "Sorry. Mind wandered. Okay. Ice cream sundae great. But take a big dollop of whipped cream, and it's all the better. Maybe that's what your soul is like. Enhances the flavour. More goodness to the greatness."

"My soul is made out of whipped cream." Spike sighed. "Well, that's as good an explanation as any."

"You said Buffy wasn't well," Willow frowned. "Is she sick? What's wrong."

"She's weak, she hardly eats ... she's wastin' away." Spike's desperation was obvious. "I don't know what to do."

"Yeah," Xander added. "I thought she'd get better, much as I hated to admit it, when Spike got back. You saw how she was after he left. Then, you know, we didn't know how close she was to Tara, and after you, well, went magic postal ..."

"But she isn't getting any better." Spike's voice dropped to a whisper. "I think we're losing her."

Willow looked stricken. "It sounds like she's tainted. Then it's my fault."

"What do you mean?" Spike was at her in a second, pulling her up by her shoulders and shaking her. "Tainted? What did you do to her?" He raised the growl of his voice. "What did you do?"

Xander tried to pull him back, but he couldn't. "Spike, stop it. Listen to me. Spike, if you hurt her, she can't help Buffy."

Spike dropped Willow back onto the couch, trying to control himself. "What did you do?" he asked quietly.

Willow rubbed her shoulder. "I deserved that. That last battle, I threw everything I had at her. If she wasn't the Slayer, she wouldn't have survived. Then Anya got D'Hoffryn to whisk me off, and Buffy was left with the damage. I think she's tainted. Her system's been poisoned by dark magicks."

"So you can help her," Xander implored. "Make her better. Do some sort of healing spell."

"No, not a healing spell. Way too intrusive. Too dangerous." She watched Spike crumble in his chair, defeated. "Don't worry. I don't mean there's no hope . A cleansing spell. I can do that, get the magic out of her system."

"She'll be okay?" Spike asked. "That'll fix her up?"

"Not exactly." Willow stood up and paced in front of the couch. "If I do it, she can start to heal. If I don't, nothing can help her. If she didn't have Slayer strength, we probably would have lost her already." She stopped and turned to Xander. "Is the Magic Box still open?"

"No," he replied, "but I have the key. I was getting the equipment out of the training room. There's not that much stuff left though."

"We'll swing by there, and then you can take me to Buffy." She turned to Spike and put her hand on his shoulder. "I'll do my best."

Spike looked back at her, tears in his eyes. "Help my girl."