Title: Standing On Your Own

Author: Hope

Rating: PG-13

Summary: When a demon kills everyone the slayer loves, she falls deep into depression: No will to live, no will to fight. Because her heart is no longer in slaying, the PTB send back a certain blonde vampire to help get her back on track.....

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Spike curled himself up tighter, tears spilling through his clenched eyes. There was a dull pain running through his head, but it was nothing compared to the hole he felt in his chest. Buffy was gone. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt this much pain, felt this much remorse. Sure, it had torn him apart when she had died last summer, but she had done that of her own free will. She had saved the world, but not this time. This time she had died to save Dawn, to save him. He didn't deserve that. She should have taken Dawn and run, she should still be alive, not him. Her life wasn't worth his.

"Spike?"

Spike's eyes opened slowly. It was them, the bloody wankers who had put him here, who had taken Dawn away, the bastards who had killed his Buffy. The voice rung through the room from a speaker in the ceiling, bouncing off the plain white walls. Katherine's voice. Spike clenched his jaw and shut his eyes once more. He didn't want to hear her, he didn't want to hear anything. What he wanted was Buffy, but he couldn't have that now, could he? He could feel fresh tears begin to pour down his face and he wrapped his duster more tightly around himself.

"Spike. We need to talk." The voice said flatly. He opened his saddened blues eyes and scanned the room. Same as it had been before. Plain and white, all except for the large mirror on the wall opposite of him and the bit of blood on the floor. He was positive he was being watched through the glass, but he didn't care. He had tried for hours to get out of the room, but it was no use, he was locked in.

His gaze dropped to his hands. Blood. His knuckles were torn apart from where he had been pounding on the walls, the door, the glass, everything, trying to find a way out. Sitting up slowly, he dropped his feet to the floor and continued to stare at his bloody palms. There had been so much blood, he didn't think a slayer could bleed that much. She had looked so scared, so afraid. Bloody Hell, the last thing that must have registered in the girl's mind was the searing pain coursing through her body. The last thing she remembered was pain.

"Spike."

His eyes flared and he brought them up to focus on the glass. Katherine and her other watcher friends were behind there, watching him. They had hurt her, they had killed her and taken his only tie to her away. They took his slayer and his Bit. They destroyed the very thing they created. The slayer. Snarling, he lunged from the bed and began his merciless assault on the mirror once more, shouting string after string of curses that would have made the Devil himself flinch. He pounded his fist against the glass, accomplishing nothing more than making his hands bleed more. He continued on like this for what seemed like hours. He choked in the middle of one of his curses, starting to cry once more. He smacked his palms against the glass, leaving bloodied handprints on the surface. Sliding to the ground, he brought his knees up to his chest. He couldn't take this anymore, it was all too much. The pain wouldn't stop.

Katherine stood behind the window, her arms crossed over her chest. She had never seen such a display of emotion, especially not from a vampire. She watched with interest as he ran his fingers through his hair, leaving trails of crimson red in the nearly white locks. The red-on-white contrast brought her attention beack to the room he was being held in. Like all their containment chambers, it was white, but now there was blood scattered about. The walls, the floor, the bed. She traced the outline of his palm on the glass in front of her before readjusting the headset she wore. Pulling the microphone closer to her mouth, she decided she need to end this now before it got out of hand.

"Spike, we're sending someone in there, alright?" The vampire remained huddled in the center of the room, unmoving. Katherine nodded to the man next to her.

Spike heard the door rattle and click as it opened and closed. The sound of a quick human heartbeat filled his ears. Whoever had entered the room remained near the door, not approaching him. They could wait all they wanted for all he cared, the second they were within his reach he'd tear their head from their shoulders anyway.

"Spike?"

The vampire's eyes shot open and he sat there, staring at the floor. It couldn't be. His head snapped towards the door. Dawn stood there, staring at him with wide eyes. She had watched him pounding on the window from the other side, watched him hurt himself. The room they were in scared her. Everywhere she looked she saw the crimson red blobs, streaks. It wasn't as though he had bled a lot, but the way he was hitting things had left the red liquid smeared on the walls, the floor, everywhere. She stood the, not moving as the vampire shot from the floor and rushed towards her, enveloping her in his arms. She could hear his muffled crying as he hugged her and she reluctantly circled her arms around his neck. His knees gave out and they fell to the floor, unphased. Refusing to let go of the girl, he sat with her in his lap. Dawn trembled. He wasn't supposed to be like this, he was the strong one.  

"I'm so sorry Dawn…." He muttered. Sorry for her loss, but more so for failing her, for letting her sister die.

"Spike, please, don't cry." Dawn said softly, cringing. She didn't like him like this at all. It was scary. He began to shake his head. It was his fault. He had killed her. "Spike, don't."

"I'm so sorry…."

"Spike, look at me." Dawn ordered, pulling away from his grasp. She fought to keep from crying herself when she saw the devastated look on his face. He seemed so miserable, so hurt. "It's not your fault," He began to shake his head again, but she caught his face between her palms, forcing him to look at her. Her face was grim, yet full of determination. "She's alive, Spike, she's alive….."

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White.

That was all that registered in her mind. White. Everything around her was white. Was she in Heaven? No, even Heaven hadn't been this white. She went to sit up, but doubled over in pain.

Nope, definitely not Heaven.

She clutched her stomach, absently running her fingers over the bandage she could feel through her clothes. Her very plain, very white clothes. A hospital? No, there were no machines, no curtains, nothing, just her bed. Her green eyes flitted around and she curled further into a ball on the mattress, trying to avoid the pain shooting through her. Deciding that it wasn't going to go away, she sat up slowly, keeping her back to the wall as she glanced around.

Something moved behind her.

She turned quickly, startled, but relaxed when she saw who it was. Spike was curled up against the wall, asleep. She turned and stared down at him, running her finger over the small hole in the back of his duster. Her hand slid up to his shoulder and he stirred once more, this time waking. He rolled over to find the girl looking down at him, tears flooding her eyes. He sat up, smiling at her. She was alive.

"Buffy…" He cooed, brushing her hair from her face. He took her small hand in his, entwining their fingers together.

"Where are we? Where's Dawn? Spike, what happened, I…" She began to question, tears spilling from her eyes.

"Buffy, shhhh. It's alright pet, I promise. Everything's fine." He said as she fell into his arms, crying. "Calm down luv, Nibblet's okay." After a few moments, he pulled away, looking into her eyes. "You're okay…"

She shook her head. This was wrong. She was supposed to be dead and he was supposed to be gone, keeping Dawn safe. "No. Where are we?" She begged, shaking her head.

"The Council." He said quietly, squeezing her shoulders reassuringly. She tensed.

"No." She shook her head frantically and stood from the bed, wincing as another wave of pain shot through her. Spike was by her side almost instantaneously, holding her up. "No! We have to get out of here. We have to find Dawn!" she shouted, trying to pull from his grasp. She only proceeded to throw herself into a coughing fit which only amplified the pain in her stomach.

"Buffy. Buffy!" He spun her around to face him and held her firmly by her shoulders. "Listen to me!" She cringed as he shouted and he sighed, his voice softening. "Just calm down, pet, please. You're going to hurt yourself." She relaxed a bit, nodding slightly. "Good girl." He said gently, ushering her back to the bed to sit down. She sat obediently, her eyes falling to the floor.

"They caught you…" She said absently, bringing her eyes to meet his.

He smiled. "Yup, brought me and the Bit back here. I woke up, that bloody bullet gone from my back. Katherine sent Dawn in, had the girl talk some sense into me. I had a chat with her after that." He watched Buffy's face harden at the mention of the woman's name. "Buffy, pet, she wasn't there to hurt us. She dispatched the choppers and the men with the order to get us out of there."

"But she said Travors…"

"Travors was in no condition to be given orders, luv. I killed him, remember?" She nodded. "Well, with him out of the picture she had full say in the operatives' dispatch. She sent them to recover us, get us out of the building. Those men weren't trying to kill us."

"Lily. She shot me…" Buffy looked up at him, confused.

"She wasn't with them, pet. She did that on her own, dropped the barriers that were put in place to keep her and the elders safe inside the building and followed us to the roof."

"I killed her…" the slayer mumbled, her gaze falling back to the floor.

"Yeah, and I've got to say, you made a bloody right mess doin' it." She smiled slightly as wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her against him. "She had it coming, luv. You…you almost died. You've been out cold for almost a week now. You were startin' to scare me…"

"Sorry."

He couldn't help but chuckle as he wrapped his arms around her. "It doesn't matter anymore, you're okay now."

"Where's Dawn?" She asked into his chest.

"A asleep a few rooms over. We can go see her if you want, she's been waiting for you to wake up." Buffy didn't move. She didn't want to wake her up. Swallowing hard, she looked back down at where Spike had taken her hand back in his. She traced a shakey finger over the faint red marks on his knuckles.

"What happened?" She asked softly, her mind drifting back to when she had dug her way out of her own grave.

The blonde vampire smirked. "I got mad, now come on. I'm sure Nibblet won't mind you wakin' her skinny arse." Buffy sighed and nodded weakly. Standing, she wrapped her arms around her stomach and began to shuffle towards the door. She was suddenly very glad vampires had never thought to use guns before. She was halfway out the when she felt Spike wrap his arm around her waist, supporting some of her weight on himself. She managed a small smile.

The pair shuffled through the hallway and stopped at another door. It was cracked open slightly and Spike pushed it fully open with the toe of his boot. Buffy stared wide eyed at her sister, who was sleeping on a small bed. She was glad to see the girl was in something other than the bloodied white jumpsuit she had last seen her in. Instead she was in one of Spike's black t-shirts and a pair of pink plaid pajama pants. Spike must have gone back to Giles' place to get their bags. She sat on the edge of the bed and ran her fingers over the girl's hair. Spike took a few steps back and watched from the doorway. Dawn stirred and turned to look up at her sister. Buffy smiled through her tears. "Hey Dawnie…."

"Buffy…" Dawn could feel tears forming in her own eyes as she wrapped her arms around her sister's neck, hugging her tightly. Buffy ignored the pain in her stomach and hugged the teen back. Spike smiled at the two girls. His two girls. Closing the door quietly, he began to saunter back up the hallway.

"Spike?"

Spike turned to find Katherine smiling at him. "Oh, it's you."

"She's awake?" Katherine asked, nodding to Buffy's door.

"Yeah, she's in with Dawn now."

Katherine nodded, smiling. "I'm sure they'll make it through this, they're strong. But, speaking of Dawn, I would like to have a word with you."

"Bout what?" He asked, becoming skeptical of the woman. He had more or less become friends with her over the past week, but something about this conversation was making him uneasy.

She shook her head, still smiling. "Don't worry, chap, it's nothing bad, I assure you."

"What is it then?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. Katherine looked at Dawn's door.

"Perhaps we should go to my office, hm?" Spike nodded reluctantly, following the woman down the hallway. She led him into a rather large office. It had been Travors', from what she had told him. She had taken up his duties since his death and had dismissed most of the former Elders. A lot had put up protest, but they had agreed to their dismissal when she reminded them that she had hundreds of trained operatives under her control that could escort them from the building if need be. Spike had a feeling that the Council was about to change completely, almost certainly for the better.

"So, what is it?" Spike asked, shoving his hands in his pockets and watching as she sat down behind the desk.

"Well, I wanted to talk to you about Dawn." She looked up to see him staring at her expectantly. "Travors was right about her, you know, she has the blood of a slayer in her. In essence, that means she holds the same power as Buffy. The ability to fight evil."

"She's not a slayer.." Spike began to protest, shaking his head, but Katherine held up her hand.

"I know that, and I'm not saying that I fully back the idea that she should become one. But Spike, the girl knew of what Travors' had planned on having her do, she knew what she was capable of. I have talked to her and she says she wants to go back to Sunnydale and help you and Buffy."

Spike swallowed. "I know." He had had a very similar conversation with the girl, trying to convince her that it wasn't her job and that he and Buffy could handle it. He had even said that Faith was there to help them now, but there was no changing her mind, she wanted to help her sister. Dawn wanted to be a slayer.

"You don't want her to do this?" Katherine asked.

Spike shook his head. "She's just a little girl."

"As was Buffy when she became the slayer." Katherine pointed out.

"I can't have them both in danger like that, I can't let anything happen." He said firmly, shaking his head. They had been too close to death this time and he didn't intend on letting them that near danger again.

"But wouldn't it make sense to have the girl trained? Even if not to slay, at least she'd stand a better chance of protecting herself."

"She's not a slayer." Spike ground out slowly, not in the mood to argue.

"Yes, Spike, she is. Maybe not by birth rite, but she is a slayer. She was created from Buffy and therefore has the gift to fight off evil." Katherine protested, standing.

"Some gift…" Spike scoffed, scowling down at the floor. Katherine sighed and approached the vampire. She had taken a certain fondness to the boy, a sort of maternal bond even though the vampire was decades older than herself. She had never known another creature to show such emotion. He was truly a unique soul. A soul, now there was something he lacked, a good ole' human soul. But that didn't stop him from loving, from caring. She placed her hand on his shoulder.

"You want only to protect them and I understand that. Think about it, talk to them. This isn't your decision to make, but you'll be a deciding factor. The girl respects you, both of them do…" She offered him a smile and patted him on the back before exiting the room. He stood there a few moments, staring down the empty hallway. With a defeated sigh, he swallowed and walked towards Dawn's door. He wrapped his hands around the cool metal knob, but didn't turn it. Instead, he pressed his ear against the door, listening to the muffled giggles from the girls inside. He smirked and pulled away, letting his hand drop from the knob. Giving the door a quick glance, he turned and headed back down the hallway.

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A/N: Prolly only one chap left. Please review!!