All the Things You Hide
*************
I don't plan on these things, you know. It just seems to be part of the Your-Dad's-Got-An-Armor-And-Has-To-Save-The-World-Every-Other-Day deal. Sucks, huh? I mean, one of my best friends/cousins gets kidnapped or something, along with one of my "uncles", and no one has the slightest clue about why or where to or anything like that and it just SUCKS. Sucks, sucks, sucks. It's like that painting I tried to do last month and when it was absolutely perfect and probably my best work ever, Sori's damn little friend Jason splashes cranberry juice all over it. Blah.
Not that I'm complaining.
Not yet, anyway.
This is the part where I complain: My mother and my brother are gone. One minute we're all safe and happy and all that crap at home and the next, Sori and Mom are just kinda POOF! Gone. Another little benefit of the armor deal? My guess is, yes.
It gets worse of course. Aunt Judah and little Rinfi disappeared in much the same way. I'm getting very close to the Lily philosophy at this point: "I'm in a bad mood. Anything moves, I'll kill it!"
Then comes the part where I had to tell Dad. I thought at first that I was doing an okay job of giving it to him gently. Until he stood up and walked out of the room and didn't come back. Sage found him sitting on the kitchen floor in front of the sink, and he was so blank-faced I thought maybe he'd gone catatonic. I don't think I would have lasted long if that had been the case. Dad's sleeping right now, and I'm sitting in the chair beside the bed while I write this stupid thing.
Kento is down in the kitchen with Tess, I think. She's taking it surprisingly well, just very sensitive to almost everything. And she's really mad at herself, too, I think… I want Sori to come home. I want Mom scolding us for being too loud. I want Dad to be able to smile and laugh like he used to every time Sori and I sang Little Miss Can't-Be-Wrong. I want Judah and Rinfi to be with Ben and Lily and Kento and Tess. I want Ryo to come walking through the door and lose his temper over something. I want Lessa sleeping on the living room floor with candy wrappers all over the place. I want Rowen and Allie to be alive and with Lessa, so she wouldn't get that suicidal look in her eyes from time to time. I want a normal life in a world where invaders in black armor don't take your family away from you when you're supposed to be going to college with your twin brother in just a month.
I want everything to be okay.
Is that so much to ask?
Kyri Mouri***********************
Rusty was pacing again. Maya watched him from where she was curled up in the easy chair with her book. Her son had been on edge ever since Goldette had showed up the day before with the unconscious Kyri slung over her back. He jumped at the slightest touch if it was unexpected, and she could see the wary anger in his eyes smoldering almost constantly. This was all so wrong. When she'd married Sage, even though she'd known all about the yoroi, she'd never considered the possibility that anything would threaten their happiness together, their lives, or her son…
The two remaining Mouris were upstairs in the room that had been Lessa's just a week ago. Cye had wiped himself out with shock and grief and hadn't taken long to fall asleep. Poor Kyri was probably still up there with him. The girl had yet to say anything more than what she'd told her father. Not a word had left her mouth since then. Kento and Tess were still in the kitchen, talking in quiet tones. Kento didn't want to let his daughter leave his sight, and Tess didn't want to be more than a couple yards from her father. Ben and Lily were out on the front lawn, sparring. Sage was sitting on the porch, watching them.
Rusty had decided to stay with her, didn't want to leave her alone. And now he was pacing. "Rusty, honey, stop wearing out my good carpet."
The teenager halted and sighed. "Sorry."
Maya patted the easy chair's arm. "Come sit with me."
He did as she asked, as he always had. "Mother…everything's so…"
"Screwed up?"
Rusty nodded.
Maya ran her hand through his hair. "I know. But let me ask you something."
"What?"
"What do you think is the worst part?"
He looked at her blankly. "Worst? How can any one part be the worst?"
"Well, there's always one thing that hurts more than all the rest."
"…I guess so."
She brushed a few coppery strands away from his forehead. "Alright. So what's the worst part now?"
"I'm not sure…" he murmured. "I get so angry when I think about Sori and Aunt Tachiku… And then Judah…and little Rinfi… I just want to beat the crap out of someone." His brow scrunched up in frustrated thought.
Maya knew that he was hesitating. "But that's not the worst part to you, is it?"
Her son sighed, glaring at the carpet as if he could burn holes in it. "No."
"Am I going to have to poke and prod all day then?" She poked him in the ribs.
He grinned a little. "No." His expression became solemn again. "There's Ryo being gone…and Lessa…"
"Uh-huh…?"
"…I keep thinking that she just wasn't completely ready for all this, that we should have waited a little longer before letting her start training and everything. I don't think she was completely over Rowen and Allie being…gone."
Sage's wife smiled. "There's more, isn't there?"
"What, are you psychic or something?" he teased back.
"No, no. I'm just a lowly retired psychologist. The psychic stuff's your father's area. Oops, don't tell him I mentioned that. But, really, what're you holding back?"
Rusty flinched. …it's not like you to hold back. She'd been right. That day at the mall, the fight with Akutagawa. He'd been unwilling to go all out right then, to put all his skill into beating the man. Why? Because I was angry, and I was afraid I'd take it out on him. But angry about what? He'd just been angry, even before Les had thrown the water on him. I was angry because…because Lessa wasn't. He was surprised with himself. He'd never thought to question the anger, just to get rid of it before he did something stupid.
"Lessa," he whispered.
"What about her?" pushed Maya.
Yeah, what? Why had it mattered that Lessa wasn't angry? Because she should have been. Her life was a wreck and she had gotten so calm about it, so accepting. So? What was wrong about that? It was better than trying to kill herself every hour or so. It wasn't fair. She didn't deserve that. She deserved better than all that chaos. Better. And that was it.
"I miss her. And not just that. I'm angry…furious, because every time she's doing okay again, something happens to mess her up again. I'm scared…because she might not come back this time."
Maya shook her head sadly. "Oh, baby. I'm sorry. But this isn't something you should worry about. Lessa's just as hardy as her father was; she won't go down easy. I remember when Rowen had that bad flu strain, and he ended up having to go to the hospital. The man hated hospitals as much as he hated parties. Kento had to take him since Allie was still in California with Ryo. Kento told us later that the whole way there, Rowen was cursing everything he could think of to remotely blame for his condition, right down to a torn page in an old textbook. And right before Kento left him, Rowen told him that there was no way he would let himself be stuck there for more than a day."
"And?"
"Well, he was there for twenty-nine hours. More than a day, but not much. He got better so fast. Of course, Tenku probably helped, but willpower may have made a difference. Lessa's so much like Rowen…and she's got a lot of Allie, good ol' Allie in her too. She'll come back…it'll be okay, sweetheart."
Rusty smiled at her. "Yeah." He stood up. "Hey, I'm going to go check on Kyri again, okay?"
"Sounds like a better idea than wearing out more of my carpet." She slapped his butt playfully. "Now get off with you so I can read my book."
He laughed and headed for the stairs. Lessa better get back soon…before I get too angry again.
***********************
She stared long and hard at the door. The door. Door. There was no door! Only walls and some rugged, half-decent furniture. No exit or entrance, not even a window. The room was lit by half-melted candles scattered here and there. A prison, even if it had the illusion of some comfort.
"I'm not afraid of you," she whispered. "I'm not. I never will be. I'm not afraid. Not afraid."
The walls, of course, did not respond.
"Do you hear me?!" she screamed. "I'm NOT AFRAID!!!"
Silence was the only reply.
She started laughing. Softly at first, then louder. Her laughter grew until it was hysterical, wild and uncontrolled, pealing off the walls and furniture with an insane quality. She fell to her knees on the stone floor, pounded her fists into the unforgiving rock, screaming with laughter.
"That's enough."
She jerked upright, silent. Slowly, a smirk overtook her lips. "Hello to you too. I suppose you're here to ask me to do something else, aren't you?" She chuckled, the hysteria still tainting her voice. "Well, of course. Whatever you want. I don't know why I should even give you my consent. After all, I have no choice in the matter, do I? Do I?!" She deteriorated into that insane laughter once again.
"Silence!"
She quieted.
"How can I take the rest, child? Tell me."
Surprisingly, the smirk returned. "Or you'll what? Threaten my life again? Go ahead. I don't care. Death is preferable to this never-ending nightmare you've made of my life."
"If you wish. But then I might as well kill your precious friends while I'm at it. And the others. Those mortals you hold so highly. Even the children."
"You wouldn't dare!"
The voice, still without a visible owner, laughed. "You forget. I also have the boy. Would you betray even him? What would your grandfather say? What would the boy's father think of you then? Have you no love for them?"
She had stood up, had taken a defiant pose. But now, as these words were spoken, she sank back to the floor, shaking her head in denial. "No. No. Not my baby. Not my little boy. Never."
"Good girl. Now tell me what I ask."
She hung her head in defeat. She'd long ago broken under the will of this tyrant, and had even begun to lose what hold she had on her sanity. Sometimes she had dreams of days full of darkness and pain and hatred, then days of joy and light, voices laughing freely and without the hysteria that colored her own false mirth now. She dreamt of loneliness, sorrow and guilt. And one sweet dream…that soft hair under her hands, a hand against her cheek, words whispered in her ear, words of comfort and tenderness, of forgiveness…and love. She always woke from all of those dreams confused and maybe a little frightened.
She stood here and was sharply aware of how haggard she'd become lately. She knew her hair was a tangled, greasy mess. She knew her cheekbones were painfully obvious beneath her dirty, bruised cheeks. She knew that her eyes were hidden by shadows and bangs in terrible need of a trim and washing, dark circles painting the anxiety-tainted flesh around her once bright eyes. She knew that she was a sorry sight. The dreams made her ashamed of herself, but she saw no reason to do anything to improve her appearance. There was nothing left for her anyway…
"Tell me!"
She snapped back to the "real world". It was a world she'd begun to question, but a world she still had duties in; small, vain duties, but duties nonetheless. "I will. Give me a moment." She closed her eyes and concentrated.
A dim room. A broken man, lost within himself, exhausted by emotion and questioning his own ability. A girl sitting by a bed, forlorn, angry, grief-stricken, and yet somehow…slightly, secretly hopeful. A boy in the doorway, smiling, comforting, but with a dark, hidden anger smoldering within. Away now, past the boy, down the stairs, into a well-lit, warm room. A woman there, full of quiet strength and thoughts, love in her heart. Away again. Through another door, through a room, another door, into a room…a kitchen it seemed. A man stirring something in a skillet, talking cheerfully, but there was pain within him, hidden for the sake of a deeper love. A young child, a girl, sitting on a counter, angry and afraid, wary of everything, guilt, a need to protect. Quickly, now, time's running out! Away, back through the room where the woman is, through a fine door, outside, a porch. A man sitting in a bench swing, thoughtful, finding serenity from a secret source, watchful at the same time, planning, some anger carefully stocked away. A boy in the lawn, touched by grief and a sense of intense loss, loyally determined, a deep well of hidden strength, trying to keep light for others' sake. A girl, openly furious, concentrating her rage, focusing on it, making it her center, deep sorrow, thoughts flying by too quickly, rebellious, protective. And all of them…what was it? A changing, a shifting? What was that feeling…
Her breath left her quickly and she collapsed.
"Well? You've seen what you needed to see. Now tell me how I can take the rest."
She concentrated on breathing first, then pushed herself off the floor carefully. Leaning against some piece of furniture, she sighed and said, "Let the shadows grow. There will be a shift in its shape and darkness, and then uproot the foundations. Turn the shadow on the sparks for more. Throw the darkness upon the light. There lies truth or lie, as will be. Step lightly, lest your shadow bite your own heel and hand."
"Riddles again? Why do you never say it outright?"
"That's your own fault. You did this to me. Put the gray over the white so I can't see straight anymore. I can't help that the sight has been tainted. Riddles are the only answers I get now. Your fault."
"Wench. Keep your insolence to yourself. Perhaps you just need to review that same old lesson again, hm?"
She flinched and hurried to her feet, the panic and hysteria returned to her eyes as she sought some escape. But there was no such thing and as the candles all abruptly went out she found only enough breath to scream once before the punishment came.
***********************
Eky gasped and whirled full circle, nearly dropping the pot. Scalding hot water sloshed up and splashed onto the girl in front of him. She screamed and dropped the basket she'd been carrying. He, in turn, tossed the pot aside and rushed to help her. "Oh, Anx, I'm sorry!"
"It's okay," she gritted out, her jaw clenched and eyes screwed shut. She sat on the grass, careful not to let her legs touch the ground. "What's wrong with you? You're so jumpy lately. Ouch!"
He drew back his hand, spurting apologies. "Come on. We better go get you taken care of or you'll scar."
"Ah, I'm tough, babe. Tough… Just kinda, ow, in pain, that's all." She laughed at herself and at the awkwardness of the situation as her friend tried to lift her without causing her more pain. "I'll be fine. But you, dear boy, need to fix whatever's wrong with you."
Some time later, after Anx had been delivered into the hands of the nurse, and Eky had received a long and enthusiastic scolding/lecture from both the head cook and the supervisor, the young man finally found a little time to think about what had happened while he was dicing onions. What had happened anyway? He'd thought he'd heard…no…felt something. At first, he'd thought it was someone behind him, in trouble, and he'd turned to see. But even as he'd turned, he'd thought again that perhaps it was Anx, who he'd come to care a lot about, who was in trouble, and he'd whirled the rest of the way around.
But Anx had been fine.
That is, she'd been fine until he'd splashed the water on her.
Still…there was something else. There was something so wrong…
***********************
Sage laughed as Ben and Lily ended up on the ground, neither one the victor. They held each other in headlocks, taunting one another in hopes to distract their opponent. Ben teased his sister about her hair and short height; Lily mocked her brother about his shyness and good grades. After several minutes more of this, Lily bit Ben's arm.
"Yyyowwwwch!" Ben jerked to his feet and dropped the younger girl, nursing his arm. "That was low, Lil!"
"Oh, boo-hoo. Whatcha gonna do 'bout it? Cry?"
A grin came to his lips. "…nooo."
Lily gave him a suspicious look. "Hey…why are you looking at me like that?"
"Don't worry, little sister. Nothing too terrible."
She shook her head and laughed. But then Ben lunged at her and she spun about, kicking him in the shoulder as she went. However, she'd only run a few feet before she was grabbed up and tossed over one of the taller boy's shoulders. She kicked and punched and screamed and bit, but to no avail. She strained to look over her own shoulder and then her eyes widened. "Nooo!" she hollered. "You can't do this to me!"
"I can, and I will," laughed Ben.
A moment later, sputtering and wiping soaked hair out of her face, Lily glared at Ben as she bobbed in the little pond just within the forest's tree line. "Oh, you're gonna pay," she growled, storming out of the water. Ben laughed and laughed, even as he jogged away.
Lily shook herself and squeezed most of the water out of her hair, muttering and growling the whole time, but she couldn't help grinning. "I'll get you back, Benjamin Fuan!"
"Yeah, yeah," he shouted back.
"Alright, you two," Sage said. "It's getting cold. Why don't you come inside?"
Ben shrugged and went past him through the door. Lily came stomping out of the trees, wringing her shirt out. She rolled her eyes when Sage stepped back, avoiding her drenched self. Abruptly, she jumped at him, embracing him and effectively soaking every bit of him that she touched. The man protested, laughed, and pushed her away. Surveying the damage, he sighed. "Thanks so much, Lily."
"Welcome," she said brightly, walking on into the house.
Sage glanced around at the woods and the road once more, feeling almost paranoid. Seeing nothing, he went inside, and found that he had to resist the urge to lock the door behind him.