When You're All Alone
*************
The nightmares went away three days after Sori's first day in the maze of halls with me, after Rinfi and Judah arrived. Judah and Tachiku had each awoken only once, but seemed kind of…bleary, I guess. D'torei told me that he was doing all he could for them, but apparently, the transporting between realms was just too much for them. He said he had total confidence that they would fully recover, he just didn't know when.
Anyway, the nightmares. All those horrible, black, bloody nightmares finally stopped. Even the memory dream let me be at long last. But now I kept feeling like someone was watching me when I went down certain halls. When I mentioned this to Sori, he made comments on my having gotten hit upside the head in the training room so much. I had to chase him again.
Sometimes, I'd wake up in the middle of the night, feeling like there was someone else in my room, or something else. Sid didn't seem to notice, and he noticed even the moths sleeping on the high vaulted ceiling of the dining room, so I discounted it as just more homesick jitters, which I'd had plenty of.
But you know that little voice in the back of your head that tells you weird things, and no matter how much you count against it, it's almost always right? Well, that little voice was whispering to me: "Something is really wrong. Terribly, horribly wrong."
***********************
His world was all pain now. Not physical, although sometimes…he thought it was tantamount to having his heart ripped out and thrust in a blender. Once or twice, he'd remember that there was something left to hold onto, not everything was gone…but it just…wasn't enough.
Cye had submerged himself in an ocean very different from the kind he'd always reveled in, taken comfort in, even drawn power from. This ocean's waves tossed to a rhythm that was not the harmonious tempo of the sea he'd taught his children to love when they were barely a year old. No, these waves smashed in wild, ferocious beats against every part of him that was still whole. Anything he'd ever thought safe and good, sweet and worth living for, was being washed away by a hurricane of grief, fear, pain. There was no refuge from the gale-force winds and waters that raged within him now.
Tachiku…he never should have brought her into this mess. He should've just handed the books to her and left all those years ago, instead of stopping to talk to her, working up the courage to get her telephone number or something.
But he hadn't. He'd talked, listened, shared. He'd fallen in love.
Tachiku had given him her number while she smiled at his blush. They'd kept talking, dated, married.
The babies. Oh, what miraculous little lights they'd been. He'd been stunned when Tachiku had told him she was pregnant, and then overjoyed. Shock had been the only expression that came to his face for a good five minutes when a doctor had informed them that they were going to have twins. And when the children finally came…
The memory was one of the most vivid he had. That morning, he'd been halfway to work already when the car mobile rang. Tachiku had urged him to return home immediately. "I don't want my children born in a car, honey, so you better hurry," she'd said with laughter touching her tone.
While his wife had been laboring to bring their children into the world at the hospital, he'd called his friends and then he had stalked the waiting room for half an hour before Sage and Rowen—who'd come to Colorado just two days before so he could be there when Cye's twins arrived—burst through a door, both out of breath. Sage had dropped into a chair, panting heavily; Rowen had just sat down on the floor, gasping out that his legs didn't have the energy to get him to a chair. They would later explain that they'd had to park a good six blocks away.
Kento had come in a few minutes later, nowhere near as rushed. He'd wormed his car into an over-packed parking lot across the street, and nudged aside a couple other vehicles to park his own. "My best bud's gonna be an old man! A couple dented cars are a small price to pay to be here so I can tease ya." And then he'd proceeded to give Cye plenty of noogies.
Ryo, still in California, called Kento's cellular phone every ten minutes, asking, "Well? Are they there yet?" like an impatient child. Kento would say no, Ryo would say damn or something similar, and the call would be ended. But ten minutes later, the phone would be ringing again.
Now, in a sleep plagued with dreams that were composed of such memories, Cye moaned softly and tried to turn away from the light coming through the window. Though he didn't know it, a hand came to his brow, wiping it with a cool damp cloth. The dreams continued…
When the wait finally ended, someone had called him into a room and before he really knew what was happening, he was sitting in a chair with a bundle in his arms. He distinctly recalled blinking, and then his eyes had found those of the creature he held. He'd been left breathless. "What shall you name this one, hm?" asked a doctor standing by Tachiku's bed. Cye—he could see himself in this beautiful, horrible dream—looked up, still uncertain how to approach this situation, how to respond to the miracle, the precious life he'd been presented with. And Tachiku had met his gaze, had smiled at him. In her arms, she held another bundle, another miracle. "This one here," she said, turning her loving gaze upon the child at her breast, "this will be Kyri. And her brother, who seems to have left his dear father mute…" she glanced up at Cye, laughing, "His name will be Sori…"
Cye smiled back, nodded, and then looked again at his son. "Sori…"
The edges blurred, the dream dissipated into the darkness of false vision. Then it coalesced again into new shapes, and still the bearer of Suiko could look upon himself, or dream-self…who had just gotten out of a car.
Kyri sat on the front steps, round little face balanced on her chalk-covered hands, her elbows on her knees, her shoes missing as they almost inevitably did until around her eighth birthday. The chalk stick she'd held in her hands had left its sign on her skin, and was now being smeared across her young cheeks. Her hair was a fright today, having thoroughly escaped the careful braid her mother had put it in that morning. She was looking annoyed, as usual, and the expression brought a smile to Cye's face.
Sori was chasing a soccer ball around the yard, a present from Uncle Ryo. They'd gotten him a haircut just last month, but already it seemed he needed another one…the poor boy looked like a girl…He had chalk all over him too, mostly his clothes.
Cye walked towards the steps, but a smear of color caught his eye and he stopped.
They had a huge front yard, a massive back yard, a large house. The front yard was divided into four parts: the large rectangle directly before the house, beside the road; the two squares between that large rectangle and the house, divided by a sidewalk that came from the steps to move toward the road and then turn two ways to flow the perimeter of both squares; and then, to the right of the driveway, which was beside the lawn square on the right from the road's view, there was a fourth huge rectangle with four trees scattered across it. Now, approaching the sidewalk, he paused.
Colored chalk was smeared all across the walk, faint outlines still evident, but everything was blurred as if something had rubbed the picture away. He bent down to inspect it closer; he was always interested in what his children did, even when Tachiku called him at work to talk about Sori's knocking over the cake twice, of Kyri's habit of drawing on everything, including walls, bedsheets, clothes…
Kyri stood up with a sigh and came to stand beside him. Sori dashed by shouting at his ball to stop as if it would hear him. Kyri winced, almost as if she expected her brother to hit her. She sighed once more and then pointed at the chalk smears. "It was a sakura tree, Daddy." She sighed again and went to sit down. "Like the one in the painting in your room."
Indeed, Cye could see the tree vaguely, or the had-been tree anyway. "What happened to it?" he asked, even as the answer occurred to him. Sori's clothes…
"Sori. He thought it was funny." Kyri shrugged. "And I ran out of chalk." She stood up now, opened the door, saying, "I didn't hit him this time, Daddy." The door closed behind her.
Sori finally reappeared with his soccer ball under his arm. "She's mad at me." He blew at his long bangs, which did little good, as the hair fell right back in his face. "She's always mad. Mommy says it's cuz I'm mean to her, but she's mean to me too!" Then his little face brightened. "Guess what, Daddy? I can beat anyone in my class when we do arm wrestling now. Isn't that cool?"
"Sure, kiddo!" Cye hoisted the six-year-old to his hip. "Now, why did you mess up your sister's picture?"
"Cuz…"
"Cuz why?"
"Because…just cuz!" He scrunched up his face. "The stupid tree wasn't that great anyway!"
Cye gave his son the look. The look was reserved only for occasions when the kids were misbehaving a great deal and refused to acknowledge it. Even Kyri's stubborn anger would melt under this disapproving gaze. Now, Sori blinked and looked away, his self-righteous expression vanished, replaced with a sheepish look. "It was just a stupid tree…"
"But your sister was proud of it, wasn't she?"
"I guess so…I'm sorry."
"You should be apologizing to Kyri, not me. Now, go do that right now." He set the boy on his feet and gave him a gentle push toward the door. As Sori opened it, Cye called to him. The boy turned around again. "Sori, I bought a new video game today. If you behave until six o'clock, we'll have a game together, okay?"
Sori's face was instantly eager and obedient. "Okay!" He practically dove through the door, nearly slamming it behind him.
A thought occurred to Cye now, as he dreamt this memory… He'd always…he'd always favored his son. Sure, he paid plenty of attention to Kyri, adored her, loved her…but it was Sori he spent the most time with, Sori with whom he was more lenient, Sori who he bought the most things for…
The dream continued. He'd gone into the kitchen and hugged his wife while she beat away at a bowl of eggs. Upstairs, he could hear a door slamming and Sori's shouts, apparently attempts at apology, which his sister was indignantly refusing. Tachiku kissed him, laughing. "They've been at it all day," she told him.
"Why? What was it this time?"
"Oh, I found a book in Kyri's room." She picked up a volume from a counter. "Just look."
Cye opened the book and blinked. He flipped through page after page. "Look at these…" he whispered. The book was one of those blank-paged ones, but this one had penciled, crayoned, penned—whatever else—sketches adorning every page. Pictures of dogs, cats, trees, clouds, houses, flowers, people…
"I think we got the names a little backwards, love." Tachiku took the book from him, methodically searching through it. "I named Sori for the famous painter…but it seems that our little Kyri, named for a song…" she turned the book back to him, holding it on a certain page, "…is the true artist."
The picture she'd turned to was very carefully drawn with graphite. A woman stood before a young boy, who sat at a school desk. She had a disapproving look upon her face, and the boy looked embarrassed. There was a paper airplane in the boy's hand, which he was trying to hide out of the teacher's line of sight. Other desks were scattered around the classroom, and the other students were watching this with interest. In the background, the teacher's desk was cluttered with papers and writing utensils, an apple or two being used for paperweights. A blackboard was behind the desk, and writing was on it. Cye could even read the words written there. "Kyri…drew this?"
"Isn't it amazing? Just six years old. That woman there, that's Kyri's teacher, Ms. Everon; I knew it when I first saw her. And the whole sketch is seen from the viewpoint of Kyri's desk… I think we should get a special tutor for her, to help her develop."
Cye shook his head in amazement as he sat down at a table. "But what does this have to do with them fighting?"
"Oh, well, that's simple!" Tachiku started beating her eggs again. "Sori's just jealous. But he has his own talents. Did you know he can pick up one end of that table you're sitting at? He's turning into quite a strong little fellow. And he likes to play with your camera too. You should teach him how to use one."
Sori had come pounding down the stairs then. Cye had smiled at him, asked, "Did you apologize?"
"Uh, kinda. She said that she'd forgive me if I'd just go away and shut up already. So, can we play now?"
"Sure." Cye stood up, snatching up the plastic bag he'd set on the table when he'd walked in. "Hope your ready to get your butt kicked, kid. I'll beat you for sure this time!" They headed for the rec room, and Cye grabbed his son up under one arm, despite all protests, and carried him along.
"Will not!" Sori shouted but laughed. As they passed through the stairwell room to the rec room, Cye caught a glimpse of his daughter's unhappy face on the stairs, but he didn't stop. Kyri would be fine; she'd get over it soon enough. He ruffled his son's hair and said, "Will too."
He'd forgotten about Kyri in a mere five minutes…
Cye sat up.
"Dad?"
He turned to look at the voice. "Kyri…oh, baby, come here." He grabbed her into his arms before she could respond. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
"Dad…" The girl merely wrapped her arms around him, confused and relieved at the same time. "It's okay. I'm sorry too. I should've helped them."
"No, baby, this isn't your fault at all. But…but I can't do this anymore…"
"What? What are you talking about?" Kyri's expression was priceless, the kind that made him want to call Sori to take a picture before it was gone…but that was part of the problem…Sori couldn't come now…
Cye pulled his daughter out of her chair and onto the bed, into his lap. He stroked her hair; he didn't want to let her go… "Kyri…I never paid much attention to you, did I?"
This seemed to unnerve the girl. "Of course you did! You paid plenty of attention to me! Why are you talking like this?" She was concerned, he could tell.
"I didn't pay attention to you. And then…I didn't protect you…and it was my fault that you were attacked at all. If I had never been a part of your lives, you wouldn't have been in danger."
"No, Dad! If you had never been a part of our lives, I wouldn't have a life. I wouldn't exist, and neither would Sori…what's wrong with you?!"
"I'm going to give up Suiko."
***********************
"Lemme go!"
"Uh…maybe in a minute, okay?"
"No! NOW!"
"Aw, Tess, it isn't hurting ya any to wait." Lily covered her ears as her little sister continued shrieking. Ben was holding the child up in the air over his head, wincing as if he would cover his ears too if his hands weren't already busy. Kento was serving dinner to everyone, resisting the temptation to just gulp all of it down himself. Tess was quite hungry and not in the mood to wait to be served. She was terribly grumpy and wanted her food immediately.
Rusty had a tray in his hands and while Kento ladled stew into the two bowls, the young man was peering around his body to watch the rest of the Fuans in this amusing scene.
"Lemme go, lemme go, lemme GO!" Tess wriggled and pounded at her brother's arms, causing Ben to yell in protest and remove one hand, holding the child up high with just one arm. This resulted in a scream from Tess, thinking she was going to fall, and she clung to his arm and calmed slightly.
Lily, meanwhile, had picked up a pair of dishtowels and pressed them to her ears. "You're too fucking loud!" she bellowed.
"WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!!!" roared Kento. He set the pot down on the counter with a clang and a slosh, picked up a cutting board, and smacked it across his eldest daughter's rump.
"YeeeeOOOWWWCH!!!" Lily jumped forward, smacking into Ben. Ben stumbled backward, hit the counter, and dropped Tess. Tess fell with a shriek…and landed in the dishwater of the sink.
The room was abruptly silent.
"Uhhh…" Rusty blinked.
Tess stood up quickly in the sink, causing more water to splash out onto the floor. She looked down at herself in surprise, then disgust, then anger…and finally she broke down crying, plopping right back down into the dirty water. "Daaaaadyyyyy!" she wailed. "Ben dropped meeeee! He dropped me in the water, Daddy!" She began to throw things from the counter beside her at Ben, and splashed water at him furiously, sobbing the whole time. Ben threw his arms up and ran across the kitchen.
Kento strode forward quickly and seized his daughter up. "Shhh," he murmured in her ear. "We'll get you all cleaned up, sugar. Shush, now."
With an apologetic backward glance at Sage and Maya at the table, and Rusty still holding the tray, he left the room. Ben surveyed the damage done to his clothes by the dishwater, sighed, and said, "I gotta go change. Excuse me. I'm sorry." He hurried out. Lily shrugged, sat down at the table, and picked up her spoon. That stew looked so good…
"Lily, get your butt in here!" called Kento's voice.
"Awwww, maaaaan!" Lily dropped the spoon with a clatter, shoving her chair back so hard it almost toppled, and stomped out of the room.
"Um…okay, I'm gonna go take Kyri and Cye their stew now, alright?" Rusty headed toward the door.
"If he's still sleeping, dear, don't wake him," instructed Maya.
"And ask Kyri if she wants anything," added Sage.
"Yes, ma'am, sir."
He started to push the swinging door open with his foot, but it suddenly slammed back toward him. Rusty yelped, trying to dance out of the way, but it was too late. The stew spilled everywhere, somehow managing not to get on his clothes, but then he was nearly run over by someone. Stumbling back, he grabbed at a chair back to steady himself. It was Kyri who'd collided with him.
"Sorry!" she spurted, looking terribly upset.
"Kyri, honey, what's wrong?" asked Maya, already out of her seat and holding the girl's hands.
"It's Dad," Kyri gushed. "I don't know what's wrong with him; he's saying crazy stuff."
Sage put a hand on her shoulder, trying to soothe her. "Like what?"
"He says he's going to give up Suiko. He says he shouldn't be using it. He says its all his fault that Mom and Sori…" her voice cracked. "…that we were attacked."
Sage glanced at his wife and son and then left, presumably to see to Cye.
Rusty sighed as his mother embraced Kyri and sat her down, saying calming things. Rusty went about cleaning up the spilled stew. When finished, he took the door at the back of the kitchen and went to sit behind the house. His old bicycle was there, spurring him to thoughts of all the times he and Lessa and Ben had gone biking through the woods, actually trying to get themselves lost. It had been fun to try to figure out where they were and how to get home when they had no idea how to go about it. But most of the time, Ben ruined this game. He had an uncanny sense of which way home was, so they rarely got truly lost. Except once.
They'd been biking for maybe two hours; Lessa's watch stated the time as five in the afternoon. Rusty hit a small rock in just the right way to knock his front tire slightly off balance and he'd crashed. Ben had been right behind him, hadn't been able to stop fast enough to avoid Rusty's bike, and had crashed too. Lessa didn't notice at first that her friends were no longer following her, until she was halfway down a hill. When she did, she came back, took one look at the two boys so hopelessly entangled in each other and the bicycles, and started laughing. She'd gotten quite serious quite fast though when she realized that Ben was holding his head that funny way because he'd smacked it against a tree.
And then, when Ben couldn't think past his headache to figure out where they were, they'd realized they were lost. At first, they'd been reasonably anxious about this. That is, until Lessa remarked, "Well, at long last we accomplish the goal of our little outings and wouldn't ya know, it's gonna rain. Figures, huh?" And she'd smiled. They'd all laughed, because it really was kind of ironic and amusing.
They tried following the tracks they'd left at first. Then the rain had started coming down, lightly then gradually heavier, thicker. They'd had the great luck of finding one of those small caves that are hidden everywhere on the Colorado mountains and foothills. Spending nearly two hours in a cramped cave wasn't exactly first on any of their lists of fun things to do, but they'd had fun nonetheless. Lessa teased them about their crash and the bump that had formed on Ben's head, until she started sneezing, seemingly unable to stop, and Rusty and Ben had teased her in turn.
The rain eventually stopped. Ben's headache went down some and he decided that if they just went east of where they were now, that was the way home. They'd all been lectured upon arrival at Rusty's house, but in private, the three of them agreed that it had still been fun, for what reasons they couldn't say. Lessa had developed a cold, the bump on Ben's head had been there for a week, and Rusty's bike was rather bent out of shape. They hadn't tried to get lost anymore, but they'd still gone biking in the woods together.
Now, sitting in the dried leaves at the back of his house, Rusty found himself smiling. Good times past, I suppose…We can't stay lost forever, we have to find each other again soon. We will.
He stood up and wondered toward the storage shed nearby. They liked to keep stuff to take with them on their little trips there. He dug out his backpack and found the old cassette player with headphones the three of them shared while biking. He slid the headphones on and pushed the play button.
The cassette was one of the ones Ben and Lessa liked, not really one he cared for a great deal. But since all of this stuff had started happening, he'd found that everything seemed to mean more than it usually did, even the music he was now listening to. A rock song apparently. And he found that the words had a personal meaning to him now too.
Old games we used to play/ What do you think happened/ Nothing changed with us, I think/ It merely slipped away/ It only slipped away
We can get it back/ We can take it back/ We can storm the walls we built around us/ Let the old games find us
My life deteriorates/ Everything's insane/ I can't stand to think of you/ I can't stand you being/ Away
We can get it back/ Take it back/ Storm the walls/ …Let the old games find us
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LETTER FROM THE AUTHOR:
If ye could take the time, please read An Intermission. It's just something to explain my stories, including A Fiery Rain. Scream drew poor pictures of the A Fiery Rain characters, so feel free to go to the link I left for ye in the last chapter and see them. I love you all, especially those of you who still take the couple seconds to give me a review. Thanks a ton!