Chapter 1
I sulked as we walked to the dinning hall. I could feel Legolas' stare boring into my back and it was driving me insane. 'What on earth does he want? A thank you? Yeah right, he didn't do me any favors.' All I wanted was to die in the only way I could, suicide, by my own hand I could kill myself. That was the only way any elf could die, by choice.
I seethed as he began to walk beside me. 'What on earth is he trying to do? Comfort me? Like that will work, he's just making me more irritated.'
He broke my silence, "Tandaewen, why are you so angry? I understand the fact that you are in despair but why? Why go so far as to destroy a life you've only begun to live?"
"Only begun to live! Ha! Legolas, there's one thing you have to know, I have seen more trouble in my life, been through more things than you or any one knows. Just face it, I don't care any more."
He was silent and couldn't seem to find the words to react. I smirked, this was what I wanted, to see him speechless make him question. It was deathly silent as we walked on and I could feel his heavy spirit I nearly laughed at how silently he walked beside me.
We came into the hall and I could immediately feel my fathers disapproval as he frowned at me from across the room. I gritted my teeth and took my seat across from my sister, Arwen. She smiled at me and touched her hair, while mouthing "I like it." I smiled back weakly as I tired to drown out Elrond giving some sort of speech about friends of the fellowship of the ring and working together… blah… blah… blah… I was bored out of my skull.
It didn't help that the prince of Mirkwood had taken up the position at my left side. I could feel his eyes on me every time he glanced at me, appearing to be looking at my father at the head of the table.
As soon as the dinner was over the guests, left to small talk and drinks of sweet honeyed liquor, dissipated into parlors around the hall, balconies and patios. I, on the other hand, escaped from everyone's watchful eyes, as I always did after such things, and slipped into the gardens.
It felt peaceful with the low lighting and soft trickle of the various small waterfalls cascading down to form deep pools of sweet azure water. The walls were covered in vines, sprinkled with beautiful pastel colored flowers that seemed to glow in the moon light. The breeze lifted my now chin length hair and I sighed as I reached my favorite spot in the garden.
There, the vines climbed into the branches of a large tree, creating a canopy over another small waterfall. The large leaves were like bowls that collected the mist and rains where the tree frogs liked to frolic and play. Over the pool below, between the strong branches of the tree, was a hammock. I climbed the ladder embedded into the tree lay in my hide-a-way.
In the pool water-lilies floated and small iridescent insects skimmed the water, creating a light show for the fish and frogs that called the pool home. The hammock itself had become intertwined with the smooth vines and the sweet smell of the flowers filled me with a sense of calm.
Here, I was away from everything that bothered me, at peace with myself. My hand brushed my thigh and it itched suddenly. But not the sort of itch one get from an insect bite or a rash, this was more vile than that and it brought me to draw my knife from its place strapped there against my thigh. I took it out and in the process revealed the scars that were already there, some red and new, others fading and white. I watched the blade as it reflected the moon light and then slid it softly over my thigh, creating yet another red wound. The pain felt good, it kept me from forgetting that I was still alive, it relieved some of the pent up emotions and anger, and I felt at rest. That is, until I heard him climbing the ladder.
"D***!" I cursed and tugged my skirt down, unfortunately he was to close and my knife was to far away before I could hide that as well.
"Tandaewen? What are you doing up here?" he asked, climbing up next to me.
"Nothing," I lied, and slowly let my hand reach out for my blade.
He saw, I could tell by his sharp intake of breath as the blade caught the moonlight and the blood on it was evident. His breath hissed out between his teeth and I could tell he was actually worried about me as he laid his hand on my wrist and reached around me with his other arm to take the blade from my hand.
Had I been thinking straight I would have protested but instead I just let him take it. I felt strangely protested in his arms and it was that feeling of safety that caused me to yield to him. I felt his breath on my neck and I felt it waver as he wiped the blade clean.
"Nothing," he managed, "that sounds like the biggest lie I've ever heard." His voice wavered with what sounded like anger mixed with compassion and it scared me. But at the same time his arm around my shoulders comforted me. "Where have you been drawing your crimson blood from? And Why?"
I sighed and tugged my skirt back up, wincing as the light scab that had begun to attach my skirt to my flesh was torn. Legolas winced as well, taking in the depth of my pain and what I was doing to myself. He took a soft kercheif from his pocket and dipped it into one of the leaves the was filled with water and dabbed at my self-inflicted wound. When he felt it was treated enough he blew on it lightly to help it dry and I shivered.
"Now, why?" He asked with strong tenderness.
"Oh, Legolas, if only you knew…" I turned into his embrace and sobbed into his chest. His had drifted over my back and tenderly comforted me.
"Then tell me," he whispered into my hair. "Remember when we were younger?"
I nodded. "I could tell you anything."
Legolas smiled and I could feel him sigh. "So tell me, have things changed so much here in Rivendell since I left with the fellowship?"
I pulled away from him at this and looked away, down towards the pool, watching the little points of light shimmer on the surface.
"Yes," I whispered.
"Then tell me about it, I'm still here, you can still tell me anything, but let me say one thing before you do." He paused and took a breath. "As much as I'd like to say things are still the same between us I know they aren't but I believe things may turn out to be for the better, because what I feel for you in this moment, Dae, is more than friendship."
I was at a loss for words, was he saying…? Nah, he couldn't be, could he? He sighed and brushed a whisp of hair from my face and at the same time forcing me to look into his eyes.
"I love you, Dae."
Dae… he hadn't called my that since we were children.
"Legolas, you won't love me if I tell you what you're trying to coax out of me," I stammered.
"Come on, try me." His breath played across my skin and caused me to blush and I sighed.
"All right, but it won't be pretty."
I sulked as we walked to the dinning hall. I could feel Legolas' stare boring into my back and it was driving me insane. 'What on earth does he want? A thank you? Yeah right, he didn't do me any favors.' All I wanted was to die in the only way I could, suicide, by my own hand I could kill myself. That was the only way any elf could die, by choice.
I seethed as he began to walk beside me. 'What on earth is he trying to do? Comfort me? Like that will work, he's just making me more irritated.'
He broke my silence, "Tandaewen, why are you so angry? I understand the fact that you are in despair but why? Why go so far as to destroy a life you've only begun to live?"
"Only begun to live! Ha! Legolas, there's one thing you have to know, I have seen more trouble in my life, been through more things than you or any one knows. Just face it, I don't care any more."
He was silent and couldn't seem to find the words to react. I smirked, this was what I wanted, to see him speechless make him question. It was deathly silent as we walked on and I could feel his heavy spirit I nearly laughed at how silently he walked beside me.
We came into the hall and I could immediately feel my fathers disapproval as he frowned at me from across the room. I gritted my teeth and took my seat across from my sister, Arwen. She smiled at me and touched her hair, while mouthing "I like it." I smiled back weakly as I tired to drown out Elrond giving some sort of speech about friends of the fellowship of the ring and working together… blah… blah… blah… I was bored out of my skull.
It didn't help that the prince of Mirkwood had taken up the position at my left side. I could feel his eyes on me every time he glanced at me, appearing to be looking at my father at the head of the table.
As soon as the dinner was over the guests, left to small talk and drinks of sweet honeyed liquor, dissipated into parlors around the hall, balconies and patios. I, on the other hand, escaped from everyone's watchful eyes, as I always did after such things, and slipped into the gardens.
It felt peaceful with the low lighting and soft trickle of the various small waterfalls cascading down to form deep pools of sweet azure water. The walls were covered in vines, sprinkled with beautiful pastel colored flowers that seemed to glow in the moon light. The breeze lifted my now chin length hair and I sighed as I reached my favorite spot in the garden.
There, the vines climbed into the branches of a large tree, creating a canopy over another small waterfall. The large leaves were like bowls that collected the mist and rains where the tree frogs liked to frolic and play. Over the pool below, between the strong branches of the tree, was a hammock. I climbed the ladder embedded into the tree lay in my hide-a-way.
In the pool water-lilies floated and small iridescent insects skimmed the water, creating a light show for the fish and frogs that called the pool home. The hammock itself had become intertwined with the smooth vines and the sweet smell of the flowers filled me with a sense of calm.
Here, I was away from everything that bothered me, at peace with myself. My hand brushed my thigh and it itched suddenly. But not the sort of itch one get from an insect bite or a rash, this was more vile than that and it brought me to draw my knife from its place strapped there against my thigh. I took it out and in the process revealed the scars that were already there, some red and new, others fading and white. I watched the blade as it reflected the moon light and then slid it softly over my thigh, creating yet another red wound. The pain felt good, it kept me from forgetting that I was still alive, it relieved some of the pent up emotions and anger, and I felt at rest. That is, until I heard him climbing the ladder.
"D***!" I cursed and tugged my skirt down, unfortunately he was to close and my knife was to far away before I could hide that as well.
"Tandaewen? What are you doing up here?" he asked, climbing up next to me.
"Nothing," I lied, and slowly let my hand reach out for my blade.
He saw, I could tell by his sharp intake of breath as the blade caught the moonlight and the blood on it was evident. His breath hissed out between his teeth and I could tell he was actually worried about me as he laid his hand on my wrist and reached around me with his other arm to take the blade from my hand.
Had I been thinking straight I would have protested but instead I just let him take it. I felt strangely protested in his arms and it was that feeling of safety that caused me to yield to him. I felt his breath on my neck and I felt it waver as he wiped the blade clean.
"Nothing," he managed, "that sounds like the biggest lie I've ever heard." His voice wavered with what sounded like anger mixed with compassion and it scared me. But at the same time his arm around my shoulders comforted me. "Where have you been drawing your crimson blood from? And Why?"
I sighed and tugged my skirt back up, wincing as the light scab that had begun to attach my skirt to my flesh was torn. Legolas winced as well, taking in the depth of my pain and what I was doing to myself. He took a soft kercheif from his pocket and dipped it into one of the leaves the was filled with water and dabbed at my self-inflicted wound. When he felt it was treated enough he blew on it lightly to help it dry and I shivered.
"Now, why?" He asked with strong tenderness.
"Oh, Legolas, if only you knew…" I turned into his embrace and sobbed into his chest. His had drifted over my back and tenderly comforted me.
"Then tell me," he whispered into my hair. "Remember when we were younger?"
I nodded. "I could tell you anything."
Legolas smiled and I could feel him sigh. "So tell me, have things changed so much here in Rivendell since I left with the fellowship?"
I pulled away from him at this and looked away, down towards the pool, watching the little points of light shimmer on the surface.
"Yes," I whispered.
"Then tell me about it, I'm still here, you can still tell me anything, but let me say one thing before you do." He paused and took a breath. "As much as I'd like to say things are still the same between us I know they aren't but I believe things may turn out to be for the better, because what I feel for you in this moment, Dae, is more than friendship."
I was at a loss for words, was he saying…? Nah, he couldn't be, could he? He sighed and brushed a whisp of hair from my face and at the same time forcing me to look into his eyes.
"I love you, Dae."
Dae… he hadn't called my that since we were children.
"Legolas, you won't love me if I tell you what you're trying to coax out of me," I stammered.
"Come on, try me." His breath played across my skin and caused me to blush and I sighed.
"All right, but it won't be pretty."