Chapter 2
I was running in circles, this conversation was getting nowhere. For the past half hour I'd dodged telling Legolas what was wrong. I'd come with in sentences and even words of just spilling it all but I kept swerving out of harm's way.
"Tandeawen, you're avoiding me. Tell me, what went to wrong while I was gone with the fellowship?" His voice was stern now, nothing compared to the light laughter I knew him capable of.
"Legolas, I don't know if I can do this." I murmured, contemplating if and how I could escape but I came to the conclusion that the only way out would be to dive into the pool below, but I didn't want to do that, it would just draw more attention to me.
"Of course you can." He softly gripped my chin in his hand and tipped my face up to look into his. "Now, in as few words as possible, tell me what has gotten you so upset."
"You know Kaniron?"
"The same Kaniron that was drooling all over you before I left?"
"Yeah."
"What about him?"
"Well, you see I went on a holiday with him and a few other people." I sighed, Legolas was never going to look at me the same way and I knew it. "Things went well until he convinced me to come with him to go out into the stables where our horses were and take care of them." I tied my fingers into knots and stared into my lap, examining the ropes of the hammock that held us.
"What happened then?"
"I was brushing some of the burs out of Silver's coat when he put his right hand on top of mine and his other around my waist."
Legolas sucked in a breath in anger and jealousy. I pressed on quickly, not wanting him to jump to any conclusions.
"He kissed me and that was fine, I kind of liked him and I had a strange curiosity about the feelings he was raising in me… But then it went over my head." I bit my lip, trying to stop it from trembling.
"Tandaewen, did he hurt you?"
"Not physically, he just stabbed my heart, my soul."
"What did he do to you Tandaewen? How did he turn the beautiful, smart and cheerful friend I knew into this… sad and violated shell of her?"
"He… he … I can't do this…"Tears spilled unbidden over my cheeks.
"Tandaewen … did he do what I think he did?"
I just nodded softly, not able to answer him.
Legolas sighed, "Oh Dae, just to make absolutely sure, he raped you didn't he?" His voice was filled with hurt and caring.
"Yes." I whispered. Trying my best to not cry, I wasn't supposed to cry, I was Elrond's daughter I had warrior's blood running in my veins, I couldn't cry, not ever.
"I'm so sorry, Dae. I know you've always been told not to cry but you've been hurt, don't hold that inside any longer, just cry please. You're acting too strong and tight lipped to be the Tandeawen I love. Please, don't hold back any more."
"Thank you Legolas." I sobbed, tears continuing to pour over my cheeks. I buried my face in my hands, not able to look at his loving face any longer. I felt his timid hand reach out and touch my shoulder. When I didn't pull away he pulled me to him and I sobbed into his chest, broken cries escaping from my lips.
I felt something soft and wet land on my shoulder I stopped sobbing and looked there to find a small wet drop, glistening in the moonlight. 'It could be the water from a leaf…' I thought.
I looked up into Legolas' face and saw glistening gullies where tears had poured over his cheeks, before mingling with my own without my notice. Now, the places on my face where his tears had joined mine could be felt easily.
"Tandaewen…" He looked deep into my eyes and whispered my name so caringly I melted.
"Legolas…"
"I love you." He breathed softly, before gracing my ears with elvish, softly whispered Sindarin and beautiful Quenya, both mixxed with murmurs of love and sorrow.
"I love you Legolas."
"Come with me to Mirkwood for a while Tandaewen, there you can get away from all this for a while, and a festival is coming up, you know." He smirked. "The crown prince's birthday I do believe." A look of mischief crossed his face and I gave into impulse and tickled him. He fell back on the hammock laughing and tried to reach me to seek his revenge but I evaded his able fingers.
"Ha ha ha, oh please stop Dae! Ha ha ha!" He gasped for breath.
"No way!" I lightened my attack a little and he grabbed my wrists I fidgeted to get out of his grasp but it didn't work., instead I found myself pinned under him. He smirked and a feeling of panic ran through me.
He saw the look that came over my face, no matter how briefly and I could see his face pale in the evening light.
"Tandaewen, I'm sorry." He drew back from me and I jus at up and pulled my knees to my chest.
"No Legolas, I'm sorry." Murmured, not realizing as I started to tremble as the hammock swayed.
"Dae, don't shut me out." Legolas coaxed putting his hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off.
"Why not? No Legolas, just back off for a moment." He did, sitting at the opposite end of the hammock from me.
I felt numb, as if I had lost all contact with me body. It was a strange sensation, as if I was on teeter-totter and had just pushed off the ground and if I kept my mind to it I could soar rather high and land softly or if I wasn't careful would come crashing back to reality. It was strange because I actually felt the upwards motion.
"Tandaewen, please, I'm sorry."
I started to fall but remained silent, not wanting to come crashing back down but also frightened by it, I wanted of this 'ride' and now.
"I love Tandaewen please, forgive me, I love you." That was it, now I was falling and would land hard. "Tandaewen respond to me!" I felt his hands on my shoulders and at the same time I had that gutless feeling like reaching the bottom of a roller coaster hill, or coming to a rapid stop in a car. I jolted and moved out from under his grasp.
"I… I'm sorry Legolas." I whispered, still biting back tears.
"Dae…"
"I'm sorry…"
He gathered me into his arms and I just let him, still shocked by what had just happened.
"Dae, I'm sorry." He brushed some stray locks from my face and I remembered bitterly what I had tried to do that morning. He tilted my face up to look into his and I avoided looking into his eyes. "Please, look into my eyes Dae, I would never do anything to hurt you."
"You wouldn't mean to… but everyone does," I whispered.
"Tell me Tandaewen, would I really do that?" He murmured and I could feel his breath on my lips. "Would I?"
I was running in circles, this conversation was getting nowhere. For the past half hour I'd dodged telling Legolas what was wrong. I'd come with in sentences and even words of just spilling it all but I kept swerving out of harm's way.
"Tandeawen, you're avoiding me. Tell me, what went to wrong while I was gone with the fellowship?" His voice was stern now, nothing compared to the light laughter I knew him capable of.
"Legolas, I don't know if I can do this." I murmured, contemplating if and how I could escape but I came to the conclusion that the only way out would be to dive into the pool below, but I didn't want to do that, it would just draw more attention to me.
"Of course you can." He softly gripped my chin in his hand and tipped my face up to look into his. "Now, in as few words as possible, tell me what has gotten you so upset."
"You know Kaniron?"
"The same Kaniron that was drooling all over you before I left?"
"Yeah."
"What about him?"
"Well, you see I went on a holiday with him and a few other people." I sighed, Legolas was never going to look at me the same way and I knew it. "Things went well until he convinced me to come with him to go out into the stables where our horses were and take care of them." I tied my fingers into knots and stared into my lap, examining the ropes of the hammock that held us.
"What happened then?"
"I was brushing some of the burs out of Silver's coat when he put his right hand on top of mine and his other around my waist."
Legolas sucked in a breath in anger and jealousy. I pressed on quickly, not wanting him to jump to any conclusions.
"He kissed me and that was fine, I kind of liked him and I had a strange curiosity about the feelings he was raising in me… But then it went over my head." I bit my lip, trying to stop it from trembling.
"Tandaewen, did he hurt you?"
"Not physically, he just stabbed my heart, my soul."
"What did he do to you Tandaewen? How did he turn the beautiful, smart and cheerful friend I knew into this… sad and violated shell of her?"
"He… he … I can't do this…"Tears spilled unbidden over my cheeks.
"Tandaewen … did he do what I think he did?"
I just nodded softly, not able to answer him.
Legolas sighed, "Oh Dae, just to make absolutely sure, he raped you didn't he?" His voice was filled with hurt and caring.
"Yes." I whispered. Trying my best to not cry, I wasn't supposed to cry, I was Elrond's daughter I had warrior's blood running in my veins, I couldn't cry, not ever.
"I'm so sorry, Dae. I know you've always been told not to cry but you've been hurt, don't hold that inside any longer, just cry please. You're acting too strong and tight lipped to be the Tandeawen I love. Please, don't hold back any more."
"Thank you Legolas." I sobbed, tears continuing to pour over my cheeks. I buried my face in my hands, not able to look at his loving face any longer. I felt his timid hand reach out and touch my shoulder. When I didn't pull away he pulled me to him and I sobbed into his chest, broken cries escaping from my lips.
I felt something soft and wet land on my shoulder I stopped sobbing and looked there to find a small wet drop, glistening in the moonlight. 'It could be the water from a leaf…' I thought.
I looked up into Legolas' face and saw glistening gullies where tears had poured over his cheeks, before mingling with my own without my notice. Now, the places on my face where his tears had joined mine could be felt easily.
"Tandaewen…" He looked deep into my eyes and whispered my name so caringly I melted.
"Legolas…"
"I love you." He breathed softly, before gracing my ears with elvish, softly whispered Sindarin and beautiful Quenya, both mixxed with murmurs of love and sorrow.
"I love you Legolas."
"Come with me to Mirkwood for a while Tandaewen, there you can get away from all this for a while, and a festival is coming up, you know." He smirked. "The crown prince's birthday I do believe." A look of mischief crossed his face and I gave into impulse and tickled him. He fell back on the hammock laughing and tried to reach me to seek his revenge but I evaded his able fingers.
"Ha ha ha, oh please stop Dae! Ha ha ha!" He gasped for breath.
"No way!" I lightened my attack a little and he grabbed my wrists I fidgeted to get out of his grasp but it didn't work., instead I found myself pinned under him. He smirked and a feeling of panic ran through me.
He saw the look that came over my face, no matter how briefly and I could see his face pale in the evening light.
"Tandaewen, I'm sorry." He drew back from me and I jus at up and pulled my knees to my chest.
"No Legolas, I'm sorry." Murmured, not realizing as I started to tremble as the hammock swayed.
"Dae, don't shut me out." Legolas coaxed putting his hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off.
"Why not? No Legolas, just back off for a moment." He did, sitting at the opposite end of the hammock from me.
I felt numb, as if I had lost all contact with me body. It was a strange sensation, as if I was on teeter-totter and had just pushed off the ground and if I kept my mind to it I could soar rather high and land softly or if I wasn't careful would come crashing back to reality. It was strange because I actually felt the upwards motion.
"Tandaewen, please, I'm sorry."
I started to fall but remained silent, not wanting to come crashing back down but also frightened by it, I wanted of this 'ride' and now.
"I love Tandaewen please, forgive me, I love you." That was it, now I was falling and would land hard. "Tandaewen respond to me!" I felt his hands on my shoulders and at the same time I had that gutless feeling like reaching the bottom of a roller coaster hill, or coming to a rapid stop in a car. I jolted and moved out from under his grasp.
"I… I'm sorry Legolas." I whispered, still biting back tears.
"Dae…"
"I'm sorry…"
He gathered me into his arms and I just let him, still shocked by what had just happened.
"Dae, I'm sorry." He brushed some stray locks from my face and I remembered bitterly what I had tried to do that morning. He tilted my face up to look into his and I avoided looking into his eyes. "Please, look into my eyes Dae, I would never do anything to hurt you."
"You wouldn't mean to… but everyone does," I whispered.
"Tell me Tandaewen, would I really do that?" He murmured and I could feel his breath on my lips. "Would I?"