Disclaimer: I don't own them. Project WeiB does. You can't sue me because
you get much.
Warning/Notes: Ok, no this is not apart of Past. Sorry people ^_^'''!! The good news is I wrote something!! This is dedicated to DI and Yaoke because they're the ones that told me to get over my writer's block (that hasn't left yet). Now the warnings: Aya's real name, yaoi, very mild violence, flashbacks, oneshot/ficellet, um…that should be it. Enjoy! Please don't go too hard on me. This is my first fic in first person.
~~~ = overall flashback
*** = flashbacks in the flashback/normal flashbacks
~~~
I stare at him everyday. I know I'm oblivious to him. For his heart is with another, not to mention I think he's straight. I'm just left to stand here in the shadows alone. I love him but, I know he doesn't love me. Who could love me? A cold, heartless bastard. Yep, that's what everyone thinks of me. I know I just appear to be cold. I just don't want to get hurt again.
***
"My Orchid, you grow more beautiful each day." he said.
"I'm nothing special compared to you." I kissed him.
"You shouldn't think so low of yourself. You are the rare flower that everyone wants…"
"You are the only gardener, who can make me grow."
"I'm not sure about that Ran."
"I know I am. I love you."
He tightened his grip on me. "You know, we can never be happy together."
"But, can't we try?"
"Ran…"
"Don't 'Ran' me! I gave up everything just to be with you! DOESN'T THAT MEAN SOMETHING!?!?"
"No, it doesn't mean a thing to me." He got up off the bed and put on his clothes. It was the last I saw of him. He never said good-bye.
***
I knew I shouldn't lost my temper. It wasn't his fault I was young and in love with him. It wasn't his fault I was tossed out on the streets. It wasn't his fault… it was mine. It's always my fault. I'm getting tired of having the blame put on me.
***
"AYA, WHERE WERE YOU!?! You were supposed to have Ken's back!" Yoji yelled.
"Yoji-kun, clam down. You're not helping by screaming your head off at Aya- kun." Omi said. He smiled at me from the foot of my bed.
"I don't care. Ken is still in the operating room!! He shouldn't be there!! But, do you know who should be?!? You!!" Yoji pointed at me.
I sighed and took a deep breath. I looked at my bed sheets, better to look at them then at Yoji. "Look, I don't know how many more times I have to say this… I'm sorry. I'm sorry for screwing everything up. I'm sorry for not having Ken's back. If it makes any difference, I wish I was in Ken's place right now."
"You should be…"
Whatever he said next I didn't hear. I had passed out in the middle of Yoji's tirade. Next thing I know I'm wake in the ICU. Instead of being in my boring, normal hospital room, heck, they're all boring. They found out my foot along cut my back was infected. Wonderful, I was running a 105.9 fever. I didn't see Omi or Yoji for the next month.
***
Funny, now that I look back, Ken was out of the hospital in less than two weeks. He supposedly had the more serious injuries. While I only had a foot long slash along my spine. I was originally supposed to stay over night because of blood loss. Instead, I stayed a month and two weeks. I was bed ridden for the next two weeks at home as well. All because the stupid gash had to get infected.
I do remember one thing though… when I woke up one time I saw Ken. He said thank you. I was confused mostly due to fever and pain medication. He talked slowly and told me he was grateful for taking the laceration. I just blinked my eyes and went back to sleep. I know that wasn't the smartest thing to do but when you're drugged up on medicine, I don't think you have a choice.
He was the only one to visit me. I guess they don't care about me. Ken stated to care less also. I'm back in the hospital again. This time for multiple gun shot wounds, three cracked ribs, two bruised ribs, and a serve sprained ankle. I've only been in here for three hours and already I'm bored. The medicine hasn't kicked in yet, or I would be sleeping. One can only count the ceiling tiles for so long.
Now, I'm thinking about the one I can't have, Ken. The gorgeous, perfect, ok not so perfect human being. So, he may be a klutz and trip down the stairs every morning. He's still has some coordination. He was a goalie, right? Oh and speaking of the devil himself.
"Hey Aya, are you ready to leave?" His on crutches for a broken leg. Yoji only has bruises and a sprained wrist. Omi was the luckiest. He only has a very minor cut above his right eyebrow.
Dumb question, Ken, real dumb question but what can I expect from mother hen number 2. That's right first comes Omi, then Ken, me, and last Yoji. I just nod my head, and he goes to get the nurse. After a painful ten minutes I'm in the back seat of the car. Omi is just waiting for Ken. He is getting last minute instructions for me. Looks like I'll be looking at my walls for the next month or so. The key words here is being 'or so'.
"Aya, I have good news and bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?"
Let me think… "The bad news."
"The good news is you have to stay in bed for two months" Omi said with a grin.
That's the good news? Ok, so what's the bad news. It can't be as bad as the good news, right?
"The bad news is… you'll have to put up with me in your room for the whole two months. Manx is giving the same amount of time off as you or until I get the cast off. She knows when you're bed rest is up you won't be in the best of shape. So, she's giving us off with half of our usual pay until I can walk again." Ken said.
This could be very good or bad depending on the way you look at it.
~~~
"Orchid what are you think about?" Ken asked me. He puts his arms around my waist and pulls me closer to him.
"Nothing." I respond. He gives me that look of 'I know you're lying'. He has gotten to know me so well these past few months. "I was just thinking of how much I love you."
"I love you more."
"No, I love you more." I said. Knowing where this was leading. I usually end the game. It is amazing how just one moment can change a person's life.
***
"AYA!! AYA, WAKE UP!!" Ken shouted.
"Huh?!?" Ow! That wasn't the smartest thing I ever done. Ken didn't miss my small wince of pain.
"You shouldn't have bolted strait up, you know. You only came home two weeks ago." Ken reminded me of the painful fact of how much longer I have to stay in bed.
"Has Yoji come home yet?" I asked. Not wanting him to ask about my nightmare.
"No, he's coming home tomorrow." Ken replied. "Do you want to talk about it? Talking does help."
"No, I'm fine." I huffed and tried to go back to sleep.
"Does it have something to do with me?" Ken asked.
My eyes shoot straight open. "What?!?"
"I know the looks you have been giving me. I'm not blind, you know. I may be stupid and a klutz. I do know when I'm being watched."
"Well…"
"Out with it."
"Idreamtthatweweretogetherandyoutoldmeyouhatedme.Youneversaidgood-bye." Wow! I never knew I could talk so fast. I felt my face flush. I looked down at my covers as if they were the best thing since sliced bread.
Ken cupped my chin in his hand and made me look into his hypnotizing gaze. "Is that what you think I think about you?"
I just nodded. Not trusting my voice. All I remember is a pair of lips attaching themselves to mine. "Ken." I said breathlessly.
"Aya, I love you."
I thought I would cry, heck, I'm crying already. "Ran, my name is Ran."
"Ran…hmmm… I like it. I love you, my Orchid."
I cringed at the sound of that nickname. I was able to put on a fake grin. "I love you, too KenKen."
"Do you know how much I hate that name?"
"No, but now when you hear it. It won't be so bad, ne?" I liked KenKen. I wasn't going to think of another nickname for him either. I was too lazy.
"I guess I'll get use to it. I have one question thought. Why did you say I didn't say good-bye in your dream?"
I sighed and looked at the ceiling. Pretending I didn't hear him.
"Ran."
"I had a boyfriend a long time ago. When we broke up, he just left without a word. We were cuddling on the bed and I made him angry. He just got up and left."
"Ay… er… Ran, he called you Orchid, didn't he?"
"Hai"
"Then he got up and just left you there alone?"
Darnnit!! Couldn't he just have let be get away with half the truth. Then again, this was Ken. The seeker of truth and you gave it to him no matter what. "Yeah, my parents threw me out of the house, when they found out I was gay. I told him I left everything behind just to be with him. Then, I told him I loved him. He said nothing and told me it meant nothing to him. He left. That's it just nothing. Promise one thing, ok?"
"Ok"
"When you leave you'll say good-bye."
"Of course, I'll say good-bye. I'm not going to be going anywhere anytime soon. I love you. That guy was an idiot for not seeing what he had."
"Thank you. I love you, too." This time I think the one who holds my heart will say good-bye.
***
Wow, that was four months ago. I'm still on bed rest. Knocked up on medication too. Dumb bullet wounds got infected. I'm happy. The more time I'm in bed the more time I get to spend with KenKen. I finally found what I love is really supposed to be. No more thinking for me. Ok, so I'll have to think on missions, but that's it.
"Love, you're doing it again." Ken warned.
"Doing what?"
"Pondering, now scoot over so I can cuddle with you." Ken ordered.
"Do you really think I can move?" Technically I could but it took a lot of concentration and hurt like the dickens. He just shook his head and scooted over to me on the bed. I just can't help but keep pondering on how we came together. "I love you."
"Un uh, I love you more."
"No, I love you more."
"Orchid, you know how this is going to end, don't you?"
"Of course, I do." As I said before I'm happy.
Warning/Notes: Ok, no this is not apart of Past. Sorry people ^_^'''!! The good news is I wrote something!! This is dedicated to DI and Yaoke because they're the ones that told me to get over my writer's block (that hasn't left yet). Now the warnings: Aya's real name, yaoi, very mild violence, flashbacks, oneshot/ficellet, um…that should be it. Enjoy! Please don't go too hard on me. This is my first fic in first person.
~~~ = overall flashback
*** = flashbacks in the flashback/normal flashbacks
~~~
I stare at him everyday. I know I'm oblivious to him. For his heart is with another, not to mention I think he's straight. I'm just left to stand here in the shadows alone. I love him but, I know he doesn't love me. Who could love me? A cold, heartless bastard. Yep, that's what everyone thinks of me. I know I just appear to be cold. I just don't want to get hurt again.
***
"My Orchid, you grow more beautiful each day." he said.
"I'm nothing special compared to you." I kissed him.
"You shouldn't think so low of yourself. You are the rare flower that everyone wants…"
"You are the only gardener, who can make me grow."
"I'm not sure about that Ran."
"I know I am. I love you."
He tightened his grip on me. "You know, we can never be happy together."
"But, can't we try?"
"Ran…"
"Don't 'Ran' me! I gave up everything just to be with you! DOESN'T THAT MEAN SOMETHING!?!?"
"No, it doesn't mean a thing to me." He got up off the bed and put on his clothes. It was the last I saw of him. He never said good-bye.
***
I knew I shouldn't lost my temper. It wasn't his fault I was young and in love with him. It wasn't his fault I was tossed out on the streets. It wasn't his fault… it was mine. It's always my fault. I'm getting tired of having the blame put on me.
***
"AYA, WHERE WERE YOU!?! You were supposed to have Ken's back!" Yoji yelled.
"Yoji-kun, clam down. You're not helping by screaming your head off at Aya- kun." Omi said. He smiled at me from the foot of my bed.
"I don't care. Ken is still in the operating room!! He shouldn't be there!! But, do you know who should be?!? You!!" Yoji pointed at me.
I sighed and took a deep breath. I looked at my bed sheets, better to look at them then at Yoji. "Look, I don't know how many more times I have to say this… I'm sorry. I'm sorry for screwing everything up. I'm sorry for not having Ken's back. If it makes any difference, I wish I was in Ken's place right now."
"You should be…"
Whatever he said next I didn't hear. I had passed out in the middle of Yoji's tirade. Next thing I know I'm wake in the ICU. Instead of being in my boring, normal hospital room, heck, they're all boring. They found out my foot along cut my back was infected. Wonderful, I was running a 105.9 fever. I didn't see Omi or Yoji for the next month.
***
Funny, now that I look back, Ken was out of the hospital in less than two weeks. He supposedly had the more serious injuries. While I only had a foot long slash along my spine. I was originally supposed to stay over night because of blood loss. Instead, I stayed a month and two weeks. I was bed ridden for the next two weeks at home as well. All because the stupid gash had to get infected.
I do remember one thing though… when I woke up one time I saw Ken. He said thank you. I was confused mostly due to fever and pain medication. He talked slowly and told me he was grateful for taking the laceration. I just blinked my eyes and went back to sleep. I know that wasn't the smartest thing to do but when you're drugged up on medicine, I don't think you have a choice.
He was the only one to visit me. I guess they don't care about me. Ken stated to care less also. I'm back in the hospital again. This time for multiple gun shot wounds, three cracked ribs, two bruised ribs, and a serve sprained ankle. I've only been in here for three hours and already I'm bored. The medicine hasn't kicked in yet, or I would be sleeping. One can only count the ceiling tiles for so long.
Now, I'm thinking about the one I can't have, Ken. The gorgeous, perfect, ok not so perfect human being. So, he may be a klutz and trip down the stairs every morning. He's still has some coordination. He was a goalie, right? Oh and speaking of the devil himself.
"Hey Aya, are you ready to leave?" His on crutches for a broken leg. Yoji only has bruises and a sprained wrist. Omi was the luckiest. He only has a very minor cut above his right eyebrow.
Dumb question, Ken, real dumb question but what can I expect from mother hen number 2. That's right first comes Omi, then Ken, me, and last Yoji. I just nod my head, and he goes to get the nurse. After a painful ten minutes I'm in the back seat of the car. Omi is just waiting for Ken. He is getting last minute instructions for me. Looks like I'll be looking at my walls for the next month or so. The key words here is being 'or so'.
"Aya, I have good news and bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?"
Let me think… "The bad news."
"The good news is you have to stay in bed for two months" Omi said with a grin.
That's the good news? Ok, so what's the bad news. It can't be as bad as the good news, right?
"The bad news is… you'll have to put up with me in your room for the whole two months. Manx is giving the same amount of time off as you or until I get the cast off. She knows when you're bed rest is up you won't be in the best of shape. So, she's giving us off with half of our usual pay until I can walk again." Ken said.
This could be very good or bad depending on the way you look at it.
~~~
"Orchid what are you think about?" Ken asked me. He puts his arms around my waist and pulls me closer to him.
"Nothing." I respond. He gives me that look of 'I know you're lying'. He has gotten to know me so well these past few months. "I was just thinking of how much I love you."
"I love you more."
"No, I love you more." I said. Knowing where this was leading. I usually end the game. It is amazing how just one moment can change a person's life.
***
"AYA!! AYA, WAKE UP!!" Ken shouted.
"Huh?!?" Ow! That wasn't the smartest thing I ever done. Ken didn't miss my small wince of pain.
"You shouldn't have bolted strait up, you know. You only came home two weeks ago." Ken reminded me of the painful fact of how much longer I have to stay in bed.
"Has Yoji come home yet?" I asked. Not wanting him to ask about my nightmare.
"No, he's coming home tomorrow." Ken replied. "Do you want to talk about it? Talking does help."
"No, I'm fine." I huffed and tried to go back to sleep.
"Does it have something to do with me?" Ken asked.
My eyes shoot straight open. "What?!?"
"I know the looks you have been giving me. I'm not blind, you know. I may be stupid and a klutz. I do know when I'm being watched."
"Well…"
"Out with it."
"Idreamtthatweweretogetherandyoutoldmeyouhatedme.Youneversaidgood-bye." Wow! I never knew I could talk so fast. I felt my face flush. I looked down at my covers as if they were the best thing since sliced bread.
Ken cupped my chin in his hand and made me look into his hypnotizing gaze. "Is that what you think I think about you?"
I just nodded. Not trusting my voice. All I remember is a pair of lips attaching themselves to mine. "Ken." I said breathlessly.
"Aya, I love you."
I thought I would cry, heck, I'm crying already. "Ran, my name is Ran."
"Ran…hmmm… I like it. I love you, my Orchid."
I cringed at the sound of that nickname. I was able to put on a fake grin. "I love you, too KenKen."
"Do you know how much I hate that name?"
"No, but now when you hear it. It won't be so bad, ne?" I liked KenKen. I wasn't going to think of another nickname for him either. I was too lazy.
"I guess I'll get use to it. I have one question thought. Why did you say I didn't say good-bye in your dream?"
I sighed and looked at the ceiling. Pretending I didn't hear him.
"Ran."
"I had a boyfriend a long time ago. When we broke up, he just left without a word. We were cuddling on the bed and I made him angry. He just got up and left."
"Ay… er… Ran, he called you Orchid, didn't he?"
"Hai"
"Then he got up and just left you there alone?"
Darnnit!! Couldn't he just have let be get away with half the truth. Then again, this was Ken. The seeker of truth and you gave it to him no matter what. "Yeah, my parents threw me out of the house, when they found out I was gay. I told him I left everything behind just to be with him. Then, I told him I loved him. He said nothing and told me it meant nothing to him. He left. That's it just nothing. Promise one thing, ok?"
"Ok"
"When you leave you'll say good-bye."
"Of course, I'll say good-bye. I'm not going to be going anywhere anytime soon. I love you. That guy was an idiot for not seeing what he had."
"Thank you. I love you, too." This time I think the one who holds my heart will say good-bye.
***
Wow, that was four months ago. I'm still on bed rest. Knocked up on medication too. Dumb bullet wounds got infected. I'm happy. The more time I'm in bed the more time I get to spend with KenKen. I finally found what I love is really supposed to be. No more thinking for me. Ok, so I'll have to think on missions, but that's it.
"Love, you're doing it again." Ken warned.
"Doing what?"
"Pondering, now scoot over so I can cuddle with you." Ken ordered.
"Do you really think I can move?" Technically I could but it took a lot of concentration and hurt like the dickens. He just shook his head and scooted over to me on the bed. I just can't help but keep pondering on how we came together. "I love you."
"Un uh, I love you more."
"No, I love you more."
"Orchid, you know how this is going to end, don't you?"
"Of course, I do." As I said before I'm happy.