Disclaimer: The characters taken from DM belong to CBS and Viacom,
respectively to their inventors. I'm not making any money with this story,
it's purely written for entertainment.
Feedback: appreciated.
*Twice Shy*
"Steve?"
"What's now?"
"Could you try to take a less bumpy route?"
"Haven't we had this discussion only a few minutes ago?"
"Yes, and I thought it was time to mention it again."
"Jesse, I'm really doing my best. But we're marching through the woods in the middle of the night, and I'm afraid I can't avoid every little rock or root that's in my way."
"But it feels like you're aiming at them."
"Jess, I have two deep pricks in my left foot from the barbeque fork *you* dropped into my sleeping bag, and this really doesn't make me want to hit every rock on the path. Besides, why are you complaining? You're comfortably hanging over my shoulder, I'm the one who has to find his way through this jungle."
"Hey, you cut my leg with your giant hunting knife. I'll probably die from the blood loss before the snake bite can get dangerous."
"If I hadn't done that, you'd have a lot more of that venom running through your veins now."
"I could've done that myself."
"Oh yeah. May I remind you that you passed out right after I had made the first cut?"
"You worked like a butcher, Steve. Every surgeon would have gone sick at this sight."
"Hey, try to work with such a knife. I bet your results wouldn't have been better."
"Oh yes, they would have, because I would have taken a smaller knife."
"Okay, Jess. If you think you can do everything better, maybe you want to walk on your own feet."
"Maybe I really should. I'd at least take care of those rocks."
"Jesse?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up."
"---"
"---"
"Steve?"
"What?"
"I'm cold."
"Sorry to hear that."
"A little bit more sympathy wouldn't kill you, Steve."
"Jesse, it's raining. It hasn't exactly been hot in the past few days, so what do you expect? Besides, I'm freezing, too."
"Okay, I'm not complaining."
"Good."
"You won't hear anything from me."
"Fine."
"Not a single word."
"Jesse?"
"Shut up?"
"Right."
"---"
"---"
"Steve?"
"I hope it's important."
"I think so."
"So what is it, Jess?"
"Are you sure we're walking into the right direction?"
"First of all, I'm walking. And yes, I'm sure."
"When did you last have a look at the compass?"
"When we left the tent."
"Don't you want to check the direction? I mean, that was half an hour ago."
"Okay, Jesse. If it makes you happy, and you keep your mouth shut for a while, I'll have a look at this compass."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
"Ouch! Hey, did you have to drop me like this?"
"No, it just felt a nice idea to me."
"Ha-ha. Now what does the compass say?"
"---"
"Steve?"
"Uh, I think we have to adjust our walking direction a little bit."
"And what's a little bit?"
"90 degrees."
"Oh great. Not even worth mentioning, huh?"
"Okay, I was wrong. Satisfied?"
"Hey, I didn't want to prove you wrong, I just wanted to make sure we're moving in the right direction. - Uh, Steve?"
"Yes?"
"Now that we're here under this tree, can we make a short break?"
"Yeah okay. Just keep it short, I don't want to lose any time."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
"---"
"Jesse?"
"Yes?"
"How are you feeling?"
"Uh, okay, I think."
"Really? You're not getting sick now, are you?"
"Don't worry, you did a good job on my leg. It'll take a while until the venom takes effect."
"Oh wait, didn't you say I worked like a butcher?"
"Sorry, I didn't mean that."
"Why do I have a feeling you did mean it?"
"---"
"Jess?"
"Yeah?"
"Sorry that I dragged you on this camping trip with me."
"Why do you tell me this now?"
"We're sitting underneath a tree, in the middle of the night, soaked by the rain while a thunderstorm makes the woods look like a swamp. I think it's a good moment to say sorry. Beside that, you've been bitten by a snake, and I'm really starting to worry if we'll make it to the car in time."
"Thanks for mentioning."
"Oops."
"Never mind. I know it'll be close."
"Sorry again anyway. If I hadn't persuaded you to come with me, you wouldn't be in this kind of trouble now."
"Hey Steve, you could blame it on Mark as well. After all, he was the one who wanted to go on this camping trip with you. I only went with you because he had this convention to attend."
"You forget that I pursued you all day to talk you into this."
"Okay, it's all your fault. Satisfied?"
"Actually I had hoped you'd keep on contradicting me. Jesse, could you move aside and let me have a look at your leg?"
"Sure, but as long as the bandage holds, we should leave it as it is."
"Looks good."
"Okay. Uh, Steve, did you take the snake with you?"
"Only the head."
"WHAT?"
"When I killed it, I accidentally cut the head off, and I thought I needn't carry the whole beast around if the head is enough for an identification. Hey, why couldn't you tell me what snake it was anyway?"
"Do I look like a boy scout, Steve? I've never seen anything like this before. I thought you might be able to tell me what it is. After all, you're the one who makes fire with two sticks."
"I hope this was a compliment. Anyway, now that we agree that we both don't have a clue which snake this head belongs to, can we move on?"
"Okay."
"---"
"Steve, don't you think it looks a bit steep over there?"
"No, that little slope shouldn't be a problem."
"Maybe not by daylight and with dry ground, but right now, it's a tiny bit slippery - whoaaaaah!"
"---"
"Steve?"
"---"
"Steve, you okay?"
"---"
"Hey, don't do that to me. Steve, come on!"
"ooooh. . ."
"Oh good, you're coming to."
"Now will you stop slapping my face? I thought you were a doctor, don't you have anything better in store? Or was that what they taught you at university?"
"Good to hear you're fine."
"Did I say I'm fine?"
"Not exactly. Why - are you hurt?"
"Beside my head which is killing me? Yes, my leg hurts."
"The one with the fork pricks?"
"No, the one which used to be alright until a few seconds ago."
"This is not good."
"You haven't even had a look at it."
"Shall I?"
"Please, if you don't mind."
"That sounded a bit sarcastic. Okay, let me see -"
"Aw, what are you doing?"
"Trying to find out what's wrong with your leg."
"And?"
"It looks like it's broken."
"Oh no! Are you sure?"
"As sure as I can be when I have to diagnose somewhere in the woods with hardly enough light around to see my own hands."
"In other words, sure enough."
"Pretty sure."
"Wait, I'll try to get up."
"Better don't."
"No, really. I think it'll work, and maybe I can walk - aaaaw!"
"You always have to touch the plate to believe that it's hot, huh?"
"No lecture please, Jesse."
"Just stay where you are. I'll see if I can improvise a splint and maybe crutches. I'm afraid I can't carry you, and I can't leave you here."
"Don't worry about me, I'll get along until you return with help."
"I'm not worrying about you, it's me I'm concerned about. Without you, I definitely won't find the way back to the car."
"Oh."
"Wait a minute, I'll be right back."
"---"
"Okay, here we go. You're lucky, it's not twisted."
"Yeah, I'm such a lucky fellow."
"Luckier than me, I'd say."
"Sorry Jess."
"Never mind. Now hold still so that I can fix this."
"---"
"Okay, here are your crutches. Could you try and stand up?"
"No comments about the hot plates?"
"Not this time. Now come on."
"Okay."
"Ah, see. It works. Can you walk?"
"'Limp' would be the better word, but yes. Can you?"
"Think so."
"Okay, can we go?"
"Yup."
"---"
"Uh, Steve?"
"Yeah?"
"Are we still going into the right direction?"
"Wait a minute - yes."
"Okay."
"---"
"Steve?"
"Yeah?"
"I think it stops raining."
"Yes, I noticed that, too."
"Isn't it getting brighter?"
"It's seven in the morning. I'd really be surprised if it didn't."
"---"
"---"
"Steve?"
"What?"
"Sorry, but I think I'll pass out now."
"Jess?"
"---"
"Jesse, this isn't funny."
"---"
"Oh shit. Hey Jess, get up. Oh my, you're blazing hot. Couldn't you have told me anything? Okay, calm down, Steve. Your leg is splinted, and it can't be too far to the car, so clench your teeth, get the little guy and move your ass."
"…aw…"
"It's okay, Jesse. Don't move, I'll carry you."
"…so tired…"
"Hey, don't give up now. Come on, we're almost there."
"…hurry…"
"Yes, Jesse. Don't worry. Hey, I think I can see the car. I'll call help over the radio, and in a few minutes, we'll be on our way to the hospital."
"…good…"
"Yes. See, here we are. I'll put you on the ground and call help. Promise you'll stay awake till I'm back, okay?"
"Uh-huh."
"Good."
"---"
"---"
"---"
"Jesse? Jess, they're on their way. Come on pal, don't you let me down now."
"How… could I?"
"Okay, that's how I like you. Keep on talking. Come on, tell me something."
"What… what do you… wanna hear?"
"Doesn't matter. As long as you don't sing."
"99 bottles of beer… on the wall…"
"Hey, I warned you!"
"Sorry. Couldn't… resist -"
"Hey, it's okay. If you want to, we can sing."
"We? You mean… like you… singing… too? - Spare… me…"
"You find that funny?"
"Uh-huh."
"My voice ain't that bad, Jess. Really. Okay, I'll prove it. But you sing along, okay?"
"Yup. If you… really… want to do this… to yourself -"
"You bet. - 98 bottles of beer on the wall…"
" . . . "
"If one of the bottles should happen to fall -"
"21 bottles… of beer… on the wall."
"Hey Jesse, do you hear that? There's a chopper coming. They're coming to get us. Just hold out, they'll help us."
"Okay… good…"
"Sir? What happened?"
"A snake bit him."
"Do you know which kind of snake it was?"
"I have no idea, but here's its head."
"Sir?"
"Yes?"
"That's disgusting."
"I know."
"But brilliant."
"Thanks. Now get moving. My friend here promised to accompany me on a camping trip as soon as my cast comes off, and he'll have to be fit for that."
"Steve… I never said…anything like that."
"But you thought it."
"Definitely… not."
"Aw, come on. You can't tell me you didn't like anything about this one."
"Oh… wait. Three days without… a shower… a thunderstorm…rain… a snake… marching through… the woods all night… did I… forget something?"
"Okay, maybe we were a bit unlucky this time, but the next trip will be just wonderful."
"I… said… no!"
"Oh Jess, you're not quite yourself. I bet you'll like it."
"Steve…"
"Ah, what do I say - you'll love it!"
"Steve!"
Feedback: appreciated.
*Twice Shy*
"Steve?"
"What's now?"
"Could you try to take a less bumpy route?"
"Haven't we had this discussion only a few minutes ago?"
"Yes, and I thought it was time to mention it again."
"Jesse, I'm really doing my best. But we're marching through the woods in the middle of the night, and I'm afraid I can't avoid every little rock or root that's in my way."
"But it feels like you're aiming at them."
"Jess, I have two deep pricks in my left foot from the barbeque fork *you* dropped into my sleeping bag, and this really doesn't make me want to hit every rock on the path. Besides, why are you complaining? You're comfortably hanging over my shoulder, I'm the one who has to find his way through this jungle."
"Hey, you cut my leg with your giant hunting knife. I'll probably die from the blood loss before the snake bite can get dangerous."
"If I hadn't done that, you'd have a lot more of that venom running through your veins now."
"I could've done that myself."
"Oh yeah. May I remind you that you passed out right after I had made the first cut?"
"You worked like a butcher, Steve. Every surgeon would have gone sick at this sight."
"Hey, try to work with such a knife. I bet your results wouldn't have been better."
"Oh yes, they would have, because I would have taken a smaller knife."
"Okay, Jess. If you think you can do everything better, maybe you want to walk on your own feet."
"Maybe I really should. I'd at least take care of those rocks."
"Jesse?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up."
"---"
"---"
"Steve?"
"What?"
"I'm cold."
"Sorry to hear that."
"A little bit more sympathy wouldn't kill you, Steve."
"Jesse, it's raining. It hasn't exactly been hot in the past few days, so what do you expect? Besides, I'm freezing, too."
"Okay, I'm not complaining."
"Good."
"You won't hear anything from me."
"Fine."
"Not a single word."
"Jesse?"
"Shut up?"
"Right."
"---"
"---"
"Steve?"
"I hope it's important."
"I think so."
"So what is it, Jess?"
"Are you sure we're walking into the right direction?"
"First of all, I'm walking. And yes, I'm sure."
"When did you last have a look at the compass?"
"When we left the tent."
"Don't you want to check the direction? I mean, that was half an hour ago."
"Okay, Jesse. If it makes you happy, and you keep your mouth shut for a while, I'll have a look at this compass."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
"Ouch! Hey, did you have to drop me like this?"
"No, it just felt a nice idea to me."
"Ha-ha. Now what does the compass say?"
"---"
"Steve?"
"Uh, I think we have to adjust our walking direction a little bit."
"And what's a little bit?"
"90 degrees."
"Oh great. Not even worth mentioning, huh?"
"Okay, I was wrong. Satisfied?"
"Hey, I didn't want to prove you wrong, I just wanted to make sure we're moving in the right direction. - Uh, Steve?"
"Yes?"
"Now that we're here under this tree, can we make a short break?"
"Yeah okay. Just keep it short, I don't want to lose any time."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
"---"
"Jesse?"
"Yes?"
"How are you feeling?"
"Uh, okay, I think."
"Really? You're not getting sick now, are you?"
"Don't worry, you did a good job on my leg. It'll take a while until the venom takes effect."
"Oh wait, didn't you say I worked like a butcher?"
"Sorry, I didn't mean that."
"Why do I have a feeling you did mean it?"
"---"
"Jess?"
"Yeah?"
"Sorry that I dragged you on this camping trip with me."
"Why do you tell me this now?"
"We're sitting underneath a tree, in the middle of the night, soaked by the rain while a thunderstorm makes the woods look like a swamp. I think it's a good moment to say sorry. Beside that, you've been bitten by a snake, and I'm really starting to worry if we'll make it to the car in time."
"Thanks for mentioning."
"Oops."
"Never mind. I know it'll be close."
"Sorry again anyway. If I hadn't persuaded you to come with me, you wouldn't be in this kind of trouble now."
"Hey Steve, you could blame it on Mark as well. After all, he was the one who wanted to go on this camping trip with you. I only went with you because he had this convention to attend."
"You forget that I pursued you all day to talk you into this."
"Okay, it's all your fault. Satisfied?"
"Actually I had hoped you'd keep on contradicting me. Jesse, could you move aside and let me have a look at your leg?"
"Sure, but as long as the bandage holds, we should leave it as it is."
"Looks good."
"Okay. Uh, Steve, did you take the snake with you?"
"Only the head."
"WHAT?"
"When I killed it, I accidentally cut the head off, and I thought I needn't carry the whole beast around if the head is enough for an identification. Hey, why couldn't you tell me what snake it was anyway?"
"Do I look like a boy scout, Steve? I've never seen anything like this before. I thought you might be able to tell me what it is. After all, you're the one who makes fire with two sticks."
"I hope this was a compliment. Anyway, now that we agree that we both don't have a clue which snake this head belongs to, can we move on?"
"Okay."
"---"
"Steve, don't you think it looks a bit steep over there?"
"No, that little slope shouldn't be a problem."
"Maybe not by daylight and with dry ground, but right now, it's a tiny bit slippery - whoaaaaah!"
"---"
"Steve?"
"---"
"Steve, you okay?"
"---"
"Hey, don't do that to me. Steve, come on!"
"ooooh. . ."
"Oh good, you're coming to."
"Now will you stop slapping my face? I thought you were a doctor, don't you have anything better in store? Or was that what they taught you at university?"
"Good to hear you're fine."
"Did I say I'm fine?"
"Not exactly. Why - are you hurt?"
"Beside my head which is killing me? Yes, my leg hurts."
"The one with the fork pricks?"
"No, the one which used to be alright until a few seconds ago."
"This is not good."
"You haven't even had a look at it."
"Shall I?"
"Please, if you don't mind."
"That sounded a bit sarcastic. Okay, let me see -"
"Aw, what are you doing?"
"Trying to find out what's wrong with your leg."
"And?"
"It looks like it's broken."
"Oh no! Are you sure?"
"As sure as I can be when I have to diagnose somewhere in the woods with hardly enough light around to see my own hands."
"In other words, sure enough."
"Pretty sure."
"Wait, I'll try to get up."
"Better don't."
"No, really. I think it'll work, and maybe I can walk - aaaaw!"
"You always have to touch the plate to believe that it's hot, huh?"
"No lecture please, Jesse."
"Just stay where you are. I'll see if I can improvise a splint and maybe crutches. I'm afraid I can't carry you, and I can't leave you here."
"Don't worry about me, I'll get along until you return with help."
"I'm not worrying about you, it's me I'm concerned about. Without you, I definitely won't find the way back to the car."
"Oh."
"Wait a minute, I'll be right back."
"---"
"Okay, here we go. You're lucky, it's not twisted."
"Yeah, I'm such a lucky fellow."
"Luckier than me, I'd say."
"Sorry Jess."
"Never mind. Now hold still so that I can fix this."
"---"
"Okay, here are your crutches. Could you try and stand up?"
"No comments about the hot plates?"
"Not this time. Now come on."
"Okay."
"Ah, see. It works. Can you walk?"
"'Limp' would be the better word, but yes. Can you?"
"Think so."
"Okay, can we go?"
"Yup."
"---"
"Uh, Steve?"
"Yeah?"
"Are we still going into the right direction?"
"Wait a minute - yes."
"Okay."
"---"
"Steve?"
"Yeah?"
"I think it stops raining."
"Yes, I noticed that, too."
"Isn't it getting brighter?"
"It's seven in the morning. I'd really be surprised if it didn't."
"---"
"---"
"Steve?"
"What?"
"Sorry, but I think I'll pass out now."
"Jess?"
"---"
"Jesse, this isn't funny."
"---"
"Oh shit. Hey Jess, get up. Oh my, you're blazing hot. Couldn't you have told me anything? Okay, calm down, Steve. Your leg is splinted, and it can't be too far to the car, so clench your teeth, get the little guy and move your ass."
"…aw…"
"It's okay, Jesse. Don't move, I'll carry you."
"…so tired…"
"Hey, don't give up now. Come on, we're almost there."
"…hurry…"
"Yes, Jesse. Don't worry. Hey, I think I can see the car. I'll call help over the radio, and in a few minutes, we'll be on our way to the hospital."
"…good…"
"Yes. See, here we are. I'll put you on the ground and call help. Promise you'll stay awake till I'm back, okay?"
"Uh-huh."
"Good."
"---"
"---"
"---"
"Jesse? Jess, they're on their way. Come on pal, don't you let me down now."
"How… could I?"
"Okay, that's how I like you. Keep on talking. Come on, tell me something."
"What… what do you… wanna hear?"
"Doesn't matter. As long as you don't sing."
"99 bottles of beer… on the wall…"
"Hey, I warned you!"
"Sorry. Couldn't… resist -"
"Hey, it's okay. If you want to, we can sing."
"We? You mean… like you… singing… too? - Spare… me…"
"You find that funny?"
"Uh-huh."
"My voice ain't that bad, Jess. Really. Okay, I'll prove it. But you sing along, okay?"
"Yup. If you… really… want to do this… to yourself -"
"You bet. - 98 bottles of beer on the wall…"
" . . . "
"If one of the bottles should happen to fall -"
"21 bottles… of beer… on the wall."
"Hey Jesse, do you hear that? There's a chopper coming. They're coming to get us. Just hold out, they'll help us."
"Okay… good…"
"Sir? What happened?"
"A snake bit him."
"Do you know which kind of snake it was?"
"I have no idea, but here's its head."
"Sir?"
"Yes?"
"That's disgusting."
"I know."
"But brilliant."
"Thanks. Now get moving. My friend here promised to accompany me on a camping trip as soon as my cast comes off, and he'll have to be fit for that."
"Steve… I never said…anything like that."
"But you thought it."
"Definitely… not."
"Aw, come on. You can't tell me you didn't like anything about this one."
"Oh… wait. Three days without… a shower… a thunderstorm…rain… a snake… marching through… the woods all night… did I… forget something?"
"Okay, maybe we were a bit unlucky this time, but the next trip will be just wonderful."
"I… said… no!"
"Oh Jess, you're not quite yourself. I bet you'll like it."
"Steve…"
"Ah, what do I say - you'll love it!"
"Steve!"