He was dressed in one of his suits that made her practically faint from the
feelings it gave her. "God he is so beautiful!" she thought. With a small
smile that tried to contain her giddiness, she spoke. "Why good morning
Christian, what brings you here so early?" The second the words flew from
her lips, she knew she regretted saying them. Something in the way he
looked today, told her that everything she had been hoping and dreaming for
the past month was all ending at this very moment.
"Good morning to you also Willow." Christian replied, with much less affection in his voice than Willow had given him. "I have come to tell you that I am leaving England, today actually, I know it is short notice, but..." At this point, Willow has stopped listening, all she could hear was "leaving" over and over again in her mind. "What??" she blurted out, unable to contain the shock and pain in her voice.
Christian seemed a little startled by the tone of her voice and took a step backwards, toward the door. He slowly began to fumble with his coat sleeves and quietly remarked "It's what I've been telling you I've wanted to do for ages, I need to get away from the conservative place Willow, you know, um, go to a... creative one."
"no no no no no...." Willow screamed in her mind, "He can't be serious! He can't leave me here!" She managed to control herself and spoke in barely a whisper "Where are you going?"
Christian in turn, replied nonchalantly, "oh, to Montmartre, you know, near Paris?" Willow, still in shock, slowly nodded her head as she stared at the floor. "yes, I have heard of it..." she wisped. "how can he be so un emotional about this?" she thought. "We are meant to be married, he cannot just leave me to go to such a, such... such a place of debouchment!"
Suddenly she realized that Christian had begun to talk again. "Any ways, I better be going, my train leaves in about an hour, I would love it if we could still keep in touch in some way, um, maybe we could write each other, I'll send you my address when I get to Montmartre." This was too much for Willow, all the control she had been able to keep in her demeanor was totally forgotten at this moment, "Write to each other?! WRITE TO EACH OTHER?! What are you talking about? We are to be married in less than four months and you are just leaving me here?"
Christian seemed a bit startled at this and remarked "Willow, you must understand, our marriage was arranged by our parents, not by us. The aspect of it disgusts me! I mean seriously, why should two people who don't even love each other get married just because of their parents? Willow, it goes against all my values, remember? Truth, Beauty, freedom, and love? Where is love in an arranged marriage?
"But Christian," Willow slowly looked up from the floor with tears springing into her eyes, "I do love you..." The last part was spoken so softly, she was afraid Christian hadn't even heard it. But when she looked up into his eyes, she knew he had. And it broke her heart. When she gazed into the eyes of the man she had fallen madly in love with, the eyes that she thought mocked even the most beautiful gems in the world, she did not see the love she had for him reflected in his eyes. No, she saw confusion, and no love at all.
Christian was obviously taken back, and spoke with a nervous laugh, "Oh, don't be silly Willow, you cannot possible love me! Um, Don't let your parents fool you like this!" She could tell by his demeanor that he was just trying to convince himself as well. "My parents have nothing to do with this Christian, I love you. I've loved you since the moment I saw you, and weren't you the one who for a whole hour one evening spoke to me about your utmost belief in love at first site? You must believe me!" She almost screamed the last sentence, she had to make him understand!
But in turn, she saw that Christian didn't understand, or maybe, more importantly, didn't want to. "Look, Willow, im sorry for whatever emotions may be misleading you right now, but really, I must be on my way." And with that, he slowly, and quietly began to walk towards the door.
"No wait!" squeaked Willow, and she grabbed for his hand to stop him. Oh, his hand, such a wonderful feeling against hers, the sensation overwhelmed her and she gasped quietly at what just holding on to his hand did to her entire being. But almost as soon as she had grabbed his hand, it was quickly ripped away from her, and a feeling of cold, and despair flooded through her body.
"Please, " she whispered, "Please take me with you," She began to throw out every thins she could think of that would convince him to take her with him. "I'll be good I promise! I won't take up much room! I can be really quiet, you will barely know im there! I..I..." She was quickly cut off by Christians gentle remark. "Willow, Willow, please look at me." She glanced up with im with tears slowly dropping down her cheeks. "why is he making me look at him?" she thought, "doesn't he know what he does to me?" "Willow, " Christian stated again. God how she loved the sound of her name form his lips, why was he torturing her like this?
"I, I'm sorry, but, I cannot let you come with me. I need to do this on my own, and having you around would just be this....this constant reminder of my past. I need to start anew."
Willow just could not understand how he could leave her. She could never even dream of leaving him, even if she tried, how was it so easy for him to do? "But, but don't you love me too?" she whispered. At this, Christian glanced at the floor, and Willow knew she didn't want his answer. "I'm afraid not Willow, I just, I don't think you are who I am meant to be with, I'm sorry, I, I, I just see you as a friend, but I think that in a week or two, you will realize it also."
"how can he say this?!" she thought. "Does he not understand?? "Christian," she gasped, "I'll never be over you, I will love you forever, you are the only person in this world that I would ever want to share my life with, ever, I, I, I cannot live without you!" she screamed. "Oh, don't be silly Willow," Christian stated gently, "of course you can, and I'm sure you will find a much more suitable husband than me." with that he nervously chuckled to himself, and began to head for the door.
"No," Willow strained out, "I never will, never." The sincerity in her voice must have made Christian exceedingly uncomfortable, because he began to quickly walk towards her door. "I am sorry Willow, but I am sure you will be fine, and I wish you the best of luck, I am sure you will find your true love soon,... do not fret,.... I will write you,... I promise!" And with that, he nervously walked out of the door, and shut it as quietly as he possibly could.
To willow, it wouldn't have mattered if hee had slammed the door in her face, it hurt no less. She slowly slid down the wall to sit ungracefully on the floor, "You were it...." she whispered, and with that she broke into sobs.
"This can't be happening!" she though over and over again. "no no no no no. I cannot go one without him, doesn't he understand? Why didn't he love me too?, No, I know why," she thought. "I wasn't perfect enough for him, why should he love me? He was perfection in its finest sense, what am I compared to that? I am unworthy of his love."
Then she remembered where he as going, to Montmartre, wasn't that just a place of whores and drunks? How could he possibly find his true love there? She hoped to god that he wouldn't wind up wasting all of his money on absinthe and whores. She couldn't imagine him doing so, but then again, ten minutes ago, she couldn't have imagined him leaving her like this.
Willow was always such an innocent and good hearted person, but at that moment, a pang of something shot through her body that she had never felt before. It was like fire pouring through her veins, and then she realized it was jealousy. she though to herself, she knew she wasn't perfect, but didn't Christian deserve better than jaded whores? He deserved someone artistic, and innocent, and naive, and before her modesty got the best of her again, she though "He deserved me..."
This brought on a new entourage of tears, she was hurting more now, than she ever had in her life, and suddenly, the hurt became worse. She became angrier than she had ever been in her life, "Why the hell is he so stupid?" she screamed to the world. "What does he think he can gain from all this? He's spouted nothing but his thoughts on love for the past month to me, he could have had it right here in England. I cannot be that repulsive! Why couldn't I have been his love?"
And then, before a new bout of shaking sobs hit her, the worst thought she had ever conjured up entered her mind, and stuck. She wished to god that he found his damn true love in Montmartre, and she hoped that love was ripped from him, and that he would sit there and watch as she died.
"Good morning to you also Willow." Christian replied, with much less affection in his voice than Willow had given him. "I have come to tell you that I am leaving England, today actually, I know it is short notice, but..." At this point, Willow has stopped listening, all she could hear was "leaving" over and over again in her mind. "What??" she blurted out, unable to contain the shock and pain in her voice.
Christian seemed a little startled by the tone of her voice and took a step backwards, toward the door. He slowly began to fumble with his coat sleeves and quietly remarked "It's what I've been telling you I've wanted to do for ages, I need to get away from the conservative place Willow, you know, um, go to a... creative one."
"no no no no no...." Willow screamed in her mind, "He can't be serious! He can't leave me here!" She managed to control herself and spoke in barely a whisper "Where are you going?"
Christian in turn, replied nonchalantly, "oh, to Montmartre, you know, near Paris?" Willow, still in shock, slowly nodded her head as she stared at the floor. "yes, I have heard of it..." she wisped. "how can he be so un emotional about this?" she thought. "We are meant to be married, he cannot just leave me to go to such a, such... such a place of debouchment!"
Suddenly she realized that Christian had begun to talk again. "Any ways, I better be going, my train leaves in about an hour, I would love it if we could still keep in touch in some way, um, maybe we could write each other, I'll send you my address when I get to Montmartre." This was too much for Willow, all the control she had been able to keep in her demeanor was totally forgotten at this moment, "Write to each other?! WRITE TO EACH OTHER?! What are you talking about? We are to be married in less than four months and you are just leaving me here?"
Christian seemed a bit startled at this and remarked "Willow, you must understand, our marriage was arranged by our parents, not by us. The aspect of it disgusts me! I mean seriously, why should two people who don't even love each other get married just because of their parents? Willow, it goes against all my values, remember? Truth, Beauty, freedom, and love? Where is love in an arranged marriage?
"But Christian," Willow slowly looked up from the floor with tears springing into her eyes, "I do love you..." The last part was spoken so softly, she was afraid Christian hadn't even heard it. But when she looked up into his eyes, she knew he had. And it broke her heart. When she gazed into the eyes of the man she had fallen madly in love with, the eyes that she thought mocked even the most beautiful gems in the world, she did not see the love she had for him reflected in his eyes. No, she saw confusion, and no love at all.
Christian was obviously taken back, and spoke with a nervous laugh, "Oh, don't be silly Willow, you cannot possible love me! Um, Don't let your parents fool you like this!" She could tell by his demeanor that he was just trying to convince himself as well. "My parents have nothing to do with this Christian, I love you. I've loved you since the moment I saw you, and weren't you the one who for a whole hour one evening spoke to me about your utmost belief in love at first site? You must believe me!" She almost screamed the last sentence, she had to make him understand!
But in turn, she saw that Christian didn't understand, or maybe, more importantly, didn't want to. "Look, Willow, im sorry for whatever emotions may be misleading you right now, but really, I must be on my way." And with that, he slowly, and quietly began to walk towards the door.
"No wait!" squeaked Willow, and she grabbed for his hand to stop him. Oh, his hand, such a wonderful feeling against hers, the sensation overwhelmed her and she gasped quietly at what just holding on to his hand did to her entire being. But almost as soon as she had grabbed his hand, it was quickly ripped away from her, and a feeling of cold, and despair flooded through her body.
"Please, " she whispered, "Please take me with you," She began to throw out every thins she could think of that would convince him to take her with him. "I'll be good I promise! I won't take up much room! I can be really quiet, you will barely know im there! I..I..." She was quickly cut off by Christians gentle remark. "Willow, Willow, please look at me." She glanced up with im with tears slowly dropping down her cheeks. "why is he making me look at him?" she thought, "doesn't he know what he does to me?" "Willow, " Christian stated again. God how she loved the sound of her name form his lips, why was he torturing her like this?
"I, I'm sorry, but, I cannot let you come with me. I need to do this on my own, and having you around would just be this....this constant reminder of my past. I need to start anew."
Willow just could not understand how he could leave her. She could never even dream of leaving him, even if she tried, how was it so easy for him to do? "But, but don't you love me too?" she whispered. At this, Christian glanced at the floor, and Willow knew she didn't want his answer. "I'm afraid not Willow, I just, I don't think you are who I am meant to be with, I'm sorry, I, I, I just see you as a friend, but I think that in a week or two, you will realize it also."
"how can he say this?!" she thought. "Does he not understand?? "Christian," she gasped, "I'll never be over you, I will love you forever, you are the only person in this world that I would ever want to share my life with, ever, I, I, I cannot live without you!" she screamed. "Oh, don't be silly Willow," Christian stated gently, "of course you can, and I'm sure you will find a much more suitable husband than me." with that he nervously chuckled to himself, and began to head for the door.
"No," Willow strained out, "I never will, never." The sincerity in her voice must have made Christian exceedingly uncomfortable, because he began to quickly walk towards her door. "I am sorry Willow, but I am sure you will be fine, and I wish you the best of luck, I am sure you will find your true love soon,... do not fret,.... I will write you,... I promise!" And with that, he nervously walked out of the door, and shut it as quietly as he possibly could.
To willow, it wouldn't have mattered if hee had slammed the door in her face, it hurt no less. She slowly slid down the wall to sit ungracefully on the floor, "You were it...." she whispered, and with that she broke into sobs.
"This can't be happening!" she though over and over again. "no no no no no. I cannot go one without him, doesn't he understand? Why didn't he love me too?, No, I know why," she thought. "I wasn't perfect enough for him, why should he love me? He was perfection in its finest sense, what am I compared to that? I am unworthy of his love."
Then she remembered where he as going, to Montmartre, wasn't that just a place of whores and drunks? How could he possibly find his true love there? She hoped to god that he wouldn't wind up wasting all of his money on absinthe and whores. She couldn't imagine him doing so, but then again, ten minutes ago, she couldn't have imagined him leaving her like this.
Willow was always such an innocent and good hearted person, but at that moment, a pang of something shot through her body that she had never felt before. It was like fire pouring through her veins, and then she realized it was jealousy. she though to herself, she knew she wasn't perfect, but didn't Christian deserve better than jaded whores? He deserved someone artistic, and innocent, and naive, and before her modesty got the best of her again, she though "He deserved me..."
This brought on a new entourage of tears, she was hurting more now, than she ever had in her life, and suddenly, the hurt became worse. She became angrier than she had ever been in her life, "Why the hell is he so stupid?" she screamed to the world. "What does he think he can gain from all this? He's spouted nothing but his thoughts on love for the past month to me, he could have had it right here in England. I cannot be that repulsive! Why couldn't I have been his love?"
And then, before a new bout of shaking sobs hit her, the worst thought she had ever conjured up entered her mind, and stuck. She wished to god that he found his damn true love in Montmartre, and she hoped that love was ripped from him, and that he would sit there and watch as she died.