Good Enough
Spoilers: "The Confession"
Summary: Saying goodbye is often the hardest thing to do.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them . . . but I'm open to donations of handsome CIA agents. . .
A/N: This is part two of 'Alavidha' ~ part one was Sydney at her mother's grave. This is before "The Box, pts I & II".
Hey your glass is empty,
it's a hell of a long way home,
Why don't you let me take you,
it's no good to go alone,
I never would have opened up
but you seemed so real to me,
After all the bullshit I've heard
it's refreshing not to see,
I don't have to pretend,
she doesn't expect it from me
So just let me try
and I will be good to you
Just let me try
and I will be there for you,
I'll show you why
you're so much more than good enough
"Good Enough" ~ Sarah McLachlan
"Goodbye, Dad," Vaughn found himself whispering. He'd come here to explain – if that was even the right word, to explain everything to his father. Why he'd joined the CIA, why he'd broken his promise to his mother, why he was risking everything for the daughter of the woman who had taken his father from him. He'd done the best he could. He stood up and turned to leave.
Sydney Bristow was standing there. "Hello," she said shyly when he found himself at a loss for words.
He knew the surprise at seeing her was written on his face and he tried hard to regain a clear face. "Hey. Visiting your fiancé?"
He saw the brief look of pain in her eyes and instantly regretted saying it. "No," she said, shaking her head, "My mother."
"Oh," he said, for lack of anything better. Great, Vaughn, just great.
"I was saying goodbye," she told him. He sensed she was feeling guilty again, for being who she was – Laura Bristow's daughter. He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her until she stopped feeling that way.
He smiled slightly again. "Saying goodbye to the past, huh?"
"Yeah, I just had to separate the mother I knew from the . . ." Was she crying? He could swear he saw tears forming in her beautiful brown eyes. "The woman who killed all those people, including your father. I'm sorry, Vaughn."
"Hey, hey, no," he said, and he found himself reaching out and touching her, wiping away a tear that had slid down her cheek. "You have nothing to apologize for. Laura Bristow's deeds aren't yours."
"Thanks," she said softly, and he could feel her warm breath on his hand that was still cupping her cheek. Vaughn found himself wishing that this were some other world, where they had met not as agent and handler, but two normal people. But what did they know about normal? Their world was full of lies and death, destruction and intrigue.
They stood for a moment, and then he found himself taking her hand. "There's somebody I want you to meet. Sydney Bristow, meet William Vaughn, my father."
"Hello, Mr. Vaughn," Sydney said to his silent grave. "You should be very proud of your son – he's a very good agent. And he's my guardian angel." She smiled.
He could feel himself blushing and he wished desperately that Sydney wouldn't see. "He'd like you," Vaughn told her. And it was true – Sydney was exactly the type of woman his father would want him to be with. She was smart, funny, brave, generous, and dedicated. Vaughn figured he must suck at life, meeting the girl who could be – no, should be – The One, and he can't have her.
In fact, that was why he had been visiting his father. He wanted advice. After they had been told the truth about his father and her mother, he had breeched handler-agent protocol and hugged her. The minute his arms were around her, he knew he never wanted to let go. And that was very, very dangerous.
He had known his job was dangerous. He knew that from the time he was eight, when he found out his father had been murdered. It had been confirmed when his mother had cried for days over his decision to join the CIA. Vaughn remembered that incident clearly.
"Mom, I have something important to tell you," he said, hanging his head and not meeting her gaze.
"What is it, Michael?" she asked in her slightly accented voice.
"I've joined the CIA."
Her immediate reaction was to slap him right across the face. She was fast, he never saw it coming. His cheek stung where her palm had connected with his flesh . . . physical pain mirroring the emotional pain he felt inside.
"Why?" she demanded. "Michel, pourquoi?" She was reverting to her native tongue. Not a good sign.
"I want to be a hero, like Dad."
"Voulez-vous mourir comme votre père?" she demanded – Do you want to die like your father?
No, he didn't. He just wanted to know how and why his father had died. He owed him that much.
Vaughn could feel a faint tingling in his cheek, a ghost of the slap his mother had inflicted on him all those years ago. He wanted to be able to tell his mother everything – tell her that he knew how his father died, that he had met the most perfect woman on earth, that he finally felt like he had proven himself worthy of being William Vaughn's son.
He had gone in search of advice from his father, but the cold white headstone had stood as silent as ever. Vaughn knew that he was out on his own here, he'd have to figure out what to tell his mother when he saw her next time. Yes, Mom, I'm eating my vegetables, and I met the girl of my dreams, only her mother killed Dad, and it's all classified information, but other than that, I'm fine. Yeah, that would go over real well.
He looked over at Sydney, who was deep in conversation with his father's headstone. She was the only other one in this whole crazy world that knew his secrets. Oh sure, the whole thing with his father and her mother was office knowledge, but there were some things that only he and she knew – private, inner feelings of failure – that he hadn't been a hero like his father, that she would become what she feared most.
He knew that this would be the last time that he would come to his father's grave. Just like Sydney, he had to put the past behind him. He'd done what he had wanted to do all along – to find out how his father died. Now he had a new mission, to help Sydney take down those bastards who had taken so much from her. He hoped he would be good enough.
A/N: Remember this? Anyways, I was going to make this a three-parter, the third part being Jack at Laura's 'grave'. But now, so much has happened that I don't think I will. I hadn't even gotten an idea for it anyway, and I like Breaking Souls better as far as Jack/Laura stuff. :)