Chapter 8
I could feel myself beginning to wake up again. The blackness was ebbing and the world around me looked fuzzy and was becoming a little clearer every moment. I could hear muffled conversations around me from everywhere.
"Albus is she going to make it?"
"I think so. You know how strong she is."
"What about the baby? Is that OK?"
"It is still very ill. Possibly fatal."
I opened my eyes and looked through a film of tears. I became aware of a dull pain but ignored it. Where was my baby? I tried to speak but I couldn't. It felt as if my voice had been taken away and I was left with nothing.
I felt someone stroking my hair and I looked up to see Albus.
"Hermione my dear its OK. You're fine. You just calm down and rest." I looked with him at panic, trying with my eyes to say what my voice could not. He understood though. " Hermione your child is still very ill and it is too early to say whether he will live. You had a little boy."
I smiled at the thought of a little boy. Images of him playing on his first broom and playing Quidditch jumped into my mind. But they were quickly squashed by the realisation that he might not live.
I sat up and looked around the room. Looking for the person who had given me comfort. The person whose words were the last I heard before I sank into the blackness. I knew it was not Poppy or Minerva, for it had been a man's voice. And yet it was too young to be Albus'. I knew who it was though. It was the father of my child. The man, who I knew merely through the comfort that he had given me before I fell asleep, would look after me and my child, no matter what.
I fell back on the pillow of my bed and began to let myself wake up from the draught, which was responsible for my falling asleep. I could feel myself able to hear properly again and my vision became less blurry. Eventually I tried to speak.
"Can I have some water?" I managed to say. Why was speaking such an effort? Actually just thinking was an effort. My whole body ached and I felt to exhausted to do anything.
"Here you are dear," said Minerva who looked more haggard than ever. She handed me a glass of water and smiled.
" Oh Hermione he is beautiful, wait until you see him," she said almost crying, like she was the proud grandmother.
"Can I see him please?" I asked to Albus who was standing in the corner.
He nodded and walked over to the small crib next to my bed. I hadn't seen it and I as looked into it I saw a small bundle in the middle of the crib. Albus picked it up carefully and laid it on my lap. I unwrapped it slightly so I could see it clearly. He was beautiful. "Is he?" I asked without taking my eyes off the baby. But the room was now empty all the staff had left.
I looked back to the baby.
"Yes he is mine," said a voice from the door.
" I know but I need to be completely sure." I said.
The figure walked over to me and planted a kiss on my forehead.
"I love you." I said to the man in front of me. To the father of my child. To Severus.
He sat down next to my bed.
"I love you too Hermione. I always did and always will. But I didn't know whether I could love another. I didn't want to share you with anyone not even my own flesh and blood. I had to do it once before and the result was that she left me because the child had been as ill as yours is now. He died a week after birth. I thought it might have brought back repressed memories. But now I see him I know I want to take care of both of you." He said as he stroked my hair.
"Wow Severus I didn't think you could be like this. So paternal, so caring, so." I stopped searching for the word.
"So human?" he offered.
"I suppose," I giggled, " but then I suppose I was thinking too much about the you I knew as a student. The you that didn't care about what people thought and that you didn't care about them either."
He nodded and mused on my words for a while. I turned my attention back to the baby. He was very small, with beautiful black hair and a small mouth. I couldn't see his eyes but I knew they would be brown.
"He is very ill Hermione. You know he may not last the night." Said Severus sadly as he looked at me.
" I know but if I hope enough maybe he will Severus." I said as I looked into Severus eyes. Tears welled up in my own eyes and I held the child close to my chest. As I sat there the tears ran down my cheeks and fell onto the head of my child.
" Oh Hermione be careful you're crying on him."
" Severus I don't care, he may not be here tomorrow. I want to be as close to him as I can." I sobbed.
Severus took the child from my arms and laid him in the crib. Gently he bent forward and kissed the baby's head. Then he sat down next to me again. As he did I heard footsteps down the corridor and seconds later the door opened.
"Hermione I," but the figure stopped. It was Severus, but Severus was also sitting next to me.
I looked from one to the other and back again. Which was the real Severus?
Eventually the Severus next to me stood up.
" I'm sorry," he said, " I just wanted to be close to you Hermione. I wanted to try and help you calm down so you wouldn't hurt the baby. If that meant I had to be Severus to do it then so be it. But I knew you couldn't be calm until he was here with you. I didn't know whether he was going to turn up and take on his role as father so I had to do something. I suppose that there is some human left in him. After all he is here now isn't he?" as he had been speaking the figure next to Hermione had turned from Severus back into Ron.
I didn't know what to say so I just sat there and looked at the baby next to me.
The real Severus was fuming.
"How dare you Weasly! You insolent little shit! That's is my child!" he was livid, he face was paler than usual.
"Well I didn't know whether you were gonna grow up and accept that you had made a mistake and now you would have to take responsibility for it did I? I just knew that I needed to help Hermione calm down enough to have this baby, you're baby without too much trouble and without harming either of them. You weren't about to do that were you? See, if you really loved her then you would have done it yourself! Even if it had been my baby! Well sod you then! I try and help you out of a bad spot and you throw it in my face you unfeeling fuck! You don't deserve her anymore than I do!" Ron shouted and then he turned to me. " Bye Hermione" he whispered and kissed my forehead and then he walked out.
The baby was screaming at this point and I picked him up and held him close to me. Severus walked over to me and stroked my arm, but I pulled it away from him.
" Don't touch me." I said quietly.
" Hermione please." He began.
"No Severus! You're the reason this happened. If I hadn't have slept with you I wouldn't have been pregnant with this kid. But that's not what made me angry. What made me angry was the fact that you couldn't face up to the fact that I needed help and you got scared. You got scared that you would have to show some emotion and actually be human. Instead the one that calmed me in the end was Ron! It's not his baby or his responsibility and yet he helped. He came down to your room and tried to reason with you didn't he? And then he came here and helped me! He took on your responsibility Severus and all you can do is hate him! You're not feeling! He didn't have to do anything for me Severus I walked out on him!"
I looked away from him.
I felt him sit there for a few moments trying to think of the words to say and then he got up and left.
Why had I done that? Why had I driven him away? Only a few hours ago I had been crying that all I wanted was him but now.
A/N sorry its short but I couldn't have this in the other chapter I needed it to be a cliff hanger and it really is turning into a soap opera. OK so competition time. If you can think of a really good ending then email it to me and I'll give you eternal credit and praise in my story, plus I have so many endings running round my brain that I can't choose one!
I could feel myself beginning to wake up again. The blackness was ebbing and the world around me looked fuzzy and was becoming a little clearer every moment. I could hear muffled conversations around me from everywhere.
"Albus is she going to make it?"
"I think so. You know how strong she is."
"What about the baby? Is that OK?"
"It is still very ill. Possibly fatal."
I opened my eyes and looked through a film of tears. I became aware of a dull pain but ignored it. Where was my baby? I tried to speak but I couldn't. It felt as if my voice had been taken away and I was left with nothing.
I felt someone stroking my hair and I looked up to see Albus.
"Hermione my dear its OK. You're fine. You just calm down and rest." I looked with him at panic, trying with my eyes to say what my voice could not. He understood though. " Hermione your child is still very ill and it is too early to say whether he will live. You had a little boy."
I smiled at the thought of a little boy. Images of him playing on his first broom and playing Quidditch jumped into my mind. But they were quickly squashed by the realisation that he might not live.
I sat up and looked around the room. Looking for the person who had given me comfort. The person whose words were the last I heard before I sank into the blackness. I knew it was not Poppy or Minerva, for it had been a man's voice. And yet it was too young to be Albus'. I knew who it was though. It was the father of my child. The man, who I knew merely through the comfort that he had given me before I fell asleep, would look after me and my child, no matter what.
I fell back on the pillow of my bed and began to let myself wake up from the draught, which was responsible for my falling asleep. I could feel myself able to hear properly again and my vision became less blurry. Eventually I tried to speak.
"Can I have some water?" I managed to say. Why was speaking such an effort? Actually just thinking was an effort. My whole body ached and I felt to exhausted to do anything.
"Here you are dear," said Minerva who looked more haggard than ever. She handed me a glass of water and smiled.
" Oh Hermione he is beautiful, wait until you see him," she said almost crying, like she was the proud grandmother.
"Can I see him please?" I asked to Albus who was standing in the corner.
He nodded and walked over to the small crib next to my bed. I hadn't seen it and I as looked into it I saw a small bundle in the middle of the crib. Albus picked it up carefully and laid it on my lap. I unwrapped it slightly so I could see it clearly. He was beautiful. "Is he?" I asked without taking my eyes off the baby. But the room was now empty all the staff had left.
I looked back to the baby.
"Yes he is mine," said a voice from the door.
" I know but I need to be completely sure." I said.
The figure walked over to me and planted a kiss on my forehead.
"I love you." I said to the man in front of me. To the father of my child. To Severus.
He sat down next to my bed.
"I love you too Hermione. I always did and always will. But I didn't know whether I could love another. I didn't want to share you with anyone not even my own flesh and blood. I had to do it once before and the result was that she left me because the child had been as ill as yours is now. He died a week after birth. I thought it might have brought back repressed memories. But now I see him I know I want to take care of both of you." He said as he stroked my hair.
"Wow Severus I didn't think you could be like this. So paternal, so caring, so." I stopped searching for the word.
"So human?" he offered.
"I suppose," I giggled, " but then I suppose I was thinking too much about the you I knew as a student. The you that didn't care about what people thought and that you didn't care about them either."
He nodded and mused on my words for a while. I turned my attention back to the baby. He was very small, with beautiful black hair and a small mouth. I couldn't see his eyes but I knew they would be brown.
"He is very ill Hermione. You know he may not last the night." Said Severus sadly as he looked at me.
" I know but if I hope enough maybe he will Severus." I said as I looked into Severus eyes. Tears welled up in my own eyes and I held the child close to my chest. As I sat there the tears ran down my cheeks and fell onto the head of my child.
" Oh Hermione be careful you're crying on him."
" Severus I don't care, he may not be here tomorrow. I want to be as close to him as I can." I sobbed.
Severus took the child from my arms and laid him in the crib. Gently he bent forward and kissed the baby's head. Then he sat down next to me again. As he did I heard footsteps down the corridor and seconds later the door opened.
"Hermione I," but the figure stopped. It was Severus, but Severus was also sitting next to me.
I looked from one to the other and back again. Which was the real Severus?
Eventually the Severus next to me stood up.
" I'm sorry," he said, " I just wanted to be close to you Hermione. I wanted to try and help you calm down so you wouldn't hurt the baby. If that meant I had to be Severus to do it then so be it. But I knew you couldn't be calm until he was here with you. I didn't know whether he was going to turn up and take on his role as father so I had to do something. I suppose that there is some human left in him. After all he is here now isn't he?" as he had been speaking the figure next to Hermione had turned from Severus back into Ron.
I didn't know what to say so I just sat there and looked at the baby next to me.
The real Severus was fuming.
"How dare you Weasly! You insolent little shit! That's is my child!" he was livid, he face was paler than usual.
"Well I didn't know whether you were gonna grow up and accept that you had made a mistake and now you would have to take responsibility for it did I? I just knew that I needed to help Hermione calm down enough to have this baby, you're baby without too much trouble and without harming either of them. You weren't about to do that were you? See, if you really loved her then you would have done it yourself! Even if it had been my baby! Well sod you then! I try and help you out of a bad spot and you throw it in my face you unfeeling fuck! You don't deserve her anymore than I do!" Ron shouted and then he turned to me. " Bye Hermione" he whispered and kissed my forehead and then he walked out.
The baby was screaming at this point and I picked him up and held him close to me. Severus walked over to me and stroked my arm, but I pulled it away from him.
" Don't touch me." I said quietly.
" Hermione please." He began.
"No Severus! You're the reason this happened. If I hadn't have slept with you I wouldn't have been pregnant with this kid. But that's not what made me angry. What made me angry was the fact that you couldn't face up to the fact that I needed help and you got scared. You got scared that you would have to show some emotion and actually be human. Instead the one that calmed me in the end was Ron! It's not his baby or his responsibility and yet he helped. He came down to your room and tried to reason with you didn't he? And then he came here and helped me! He took on your responsibility Severus and all you can do is hate him! You're not feeling! He didn't have to do anything for me Severus I walked out on him!"
I looked away from him.
I felt him sit there for a few moments trying to think of the words to say and then he got up and left.
Why had I done that? Why had I driven him away? Only a few hours ago I had been crying that all I wanted was him but now.
A/N sorry its short but I couldn't have this in the other chapter I needed it to be a cliff hanger and it really is turning into a soap opera. OK so competition time. If you can think of a really good ending then email it to me and I'll give you eternal credit and praise in my story, plus I have so many endings running round my brain that I can't choose one!