Author: Jozzy
Title: Sessions part 3
Disclaimers: I own nothing. Don't sue me please. : )
Authors Note: In this series Jubilee actually talks like she has a brain in her head, unlike she is portrayed in some fics. She uses big words and concepts. ( I'm just saying this because sometimes people will tell me that my Jubilee characters are not realistic. I don't agree. I choose to think that there is something more than air between Jubilee's ears.) : )
Warning: There are like Three curse words in here so look out.
Part3
I used to have a slight crush on him. Well I used to be in love with him, but every time I say that someone new tells me I'm too young to know what love is. Which by the way is total bullshit. I know what love is.
Why do I think I love him? Well you know I spent allot of my life with him. I mean my life as a mutant superhero. I don't really think of my life before my parents death as my life. It was more like Hell. Anyway, I spent a lot of time with him. I admit that at first my feelings were more of a hero worship than actual love. But I matured and so did my feelings.
A lot of shit has happened to me over the years Doc. These things affected me, matured me. I am so not the kid that everyone thinks I am. I chose to pretend to be the way I am because deep down I wish that I could be one of those innocent kids I see on TV. I was never that way. I grew up in a place where childishness was not allowed. I had to grow up fast. And then I had to look after myself when my folks croaked. Meeting Wolvie, being part of the Xmen certainly matured me.
So me and Logan. When you know someone as well as I've known him. Four years in like actual numbers and about 30 on the emotional level. You develop a deep bond with them. Sometimes its just friendship like with me and Dameon. But sometimes its love, like with Logan.
I loved Logan for about a year. It was actually while I was away at the Academy that I fell for him. Weird that I would fall for him when he's gone. But then he was never there now was he?
Never mind.
You know Doc, I never really talked about this stuff with anybody. I mean usually when I have a problem I go to Wolvie; and since that won't happen anywhere in the near future, I've had no one to talk to lately.
Yeah me and LOGAN have stopped talking Doc. I mean get serious if I am this angry at him do you think that we would still be on speaking terms. Sometimes its so sad. He just walks into my room at night and looks at me. Its not like some weird thing or anything. I knows he is there and he knows I know. But we don't say anything.
I guess he misses being around me or something.
Cause we both know that he doesn't talk to me while the sun is up.
Sometimes I want to say something to him. You know tell him not to be so sad. I've spent so much time taking care of Wolvie, even now when I hurt so much I don't want him to be unhappy.
I am such a wimp.
Duh its a bad thing. I'm mad at him. I'm not supposed to be sympathetic. I am supposed to hate his guts. He deserves the loneliness.
Because that's what I felt on the streets. Before I met Dameon. You don't know what it was like, what I went through...
No Doc, I don't want to talk about that. Ask me something else.
Okay so I don't always feel sorry for him. When I think about it too much, and I get so mad that I can imagine clocking him in the jaw. Which would be as smart hitting my fist against a brick wall.
Things are so crazy Doc. This is the only time I feel even slightly comfortable.
And that's only slightly.
No offense Doc, but you were hired by them. And they are the ones that pay you. Even though I think your a professional and have ethics. It would be stupid of me totally let my guard down around you. Not after the stuff I've been through.
No offense, but I know that if they really wanted they could find out what happens at these sessions. Or maybe you're secretly on they're payroll ( I mean besides the money they're already paying you), maybe you tape these sessions and sell them to the Xmen.
Don't look at me that way Doc. I know that more than likely that's not how it is. But I've been hurt to many times to totally trust anybody. People tend to betray me. Its a unfair trend that has lasted most of my life.
Ask me a question Doc, I don't feel like talking about my cynicisms anymore.
No I don't want to talk about Wolverine anymore either Doc. Why don't you ask normal questions, like how am I doing at school?
Well just so you know I am doing beautifully. My teachers just love me. I'm the prom queen.
Of course I'm being sarcastic. Everyone hates me, I'm that crazy chick that tried to off herself.
You know what Doc, suddenly I don't feel like talking anymore.
Session over.
*************
Stay tuned and find out more about Dameon and Jubilee's attempted suicide.