Disclaimers: See parts 1-5
Warning: Rated R for sexual allusions
Part 6
Something was going on with Jubilee. Wolverine knew that she had snuck out that day when the alarms had been triggered. He remembered the way she smelled when they had found her. Like cheap booze and sex. He couldn't smell anyone else on her so he was pretty sure that she had not been participating in the sex. But where ever she had been for those months she was gone, promiscuity was rampant.
After being slapped by the girl that he had come to realize he loved, Wolverine had gone to a small bar and gotten flat out drunk. No easy task because of his healing factor. It had taken him hours and lots of money to become drunk enough to forget his pain. He also managed to forget his promise to himself not to have anymore one night stands. When he had awoken the next morning he felt ten times worse than when he had left the mansion. He felt like he had cheated on Jubilee, the woman who less than twenty-four hours before had slapped him, hard.
Wolverine never hid the truth from himself, honesty was always best. That's why he could not pretend that he didn't know why Jubilee hated him. That he was to blame for all of her problems. She had been in love with him for years, and he had ignored her. Yeah they were friends, best I-would-do-anything-for-you friends; but that didn't change the fact that he had pushed away her love for all those years. Anyone who ever met the two knew that they loved each other. It was assumed by everyone that it was in a father-daughter way. Logan had spent hours , days, month, convincing himself that this was true. That those dreams he had of the young girl didn't mean anything.
His obsession with not being in love with Jubilee influenced a lot of his action. Especially when he would go off to Kitty. He and Jubilee would be getting really close and he would start feeling those tugs on his heart, so he'd go on a mission too far away and too dangerous for Jubes to follow. It never really helped, when he fell asleep she was there.
When she had disappeared Wolverine finally gave up. He could not fight his feelings anymore, not when they were plainly staring him in the face. You didn't feel that kind of pain for just anyone. He spent the first couple of months in a drunken stupor in Canada, leaving his cabin only to restock on booze.
It was approaching his third month in Canada when he admitted his feelings to himself for the first time. He had picked up some Redhead at the bar and was in the midst of 'showing her a good time'. That is he would have been if he could have gotten those images of Jubilee out of his head.
The woman was, of course, enjoying her self' completely oblivious to the fact that Logan was really think about a young Asian body instead of her own. Logan knew it was wrong for him to be thinking these things about Jubilee. He had withstood doing so for years now. She was a child, a child with enough problems without having to add this to the list.
His body however had other plans. It had been two months since he had been with anyone. Ever since Jubilee had disappeared his thoughts had been else where. His sex starved body was making up for lost time, and his damn subconscious felt it necessary to remind him of who he would rather be spending time with.
This wasn't the first time that Logan had ever thought of Jubilee in a sexual manner. She was a very beautiful girl, and something about her never ending energy had always gotten to him. Before now though the images had always been blurry, just stray thought or dreams that he didn't really remember when the sun came up. But now ever thing was sharpened, he could see her, smell her, feel her skin.
He wasn't thinking about screwing Jubilee while pounding into someone who's name he couldn't remember and wasn't sure he had ever known. He just wasn't. Why couldn't he have normal problems like a midlife crisis. No his problems were, I can't get close to anyone because a) they will more than likely die, b) I will ultimately screw it up and they'll hate me, c) even if we had something they would eventually get old and die; I won't. Now he got to add pedophile to his long list of flaws.
It wasn't just sex though, which probably the main difference with this relationship and every other one he had ever had. He loved Jubilee, she was so like him, they complimented each other well. He could talk to her about almost anything and she never judged him. She loved him (it always surprised him that she did) but she never pressured him about it. Not when she was dying to tell him that Jean was a loser and she was a much better girlfriend prospect. Not when he left her alone to go visit Mariko's grave every year.
Jubilation Lee had never been a little girl to him, not really. Sure he treated her as if she was on the surface, but when they were alone she was just one of the guys. She had all the good qualities of a girlfriend without the hassle of commitment. It had been so easy to use her as a substitute for a real relationship.
Jubes always put on a mask of childishness which kept most people from getting close to her. However if you really knew her, as only Wolverine did, you knew she was actually more like a woman trapped in the body of a child. That was probably the reason his subconscious didn't see any problems dreaming of her in that way. To him, deep down, she wasn't a child, just a small woman.
Of course that didn't help his conscience from telling him what a pervert he was all day long. At night, in his dreams, he was at peace; but when he opened his eyes and reentered the world of the living, he felt the slam of reality. It didn't matter how he thought of Jubilee in his mind. The truth was that she wasn't even the legal age to vote, much less do the things in his dreams. She wasn't really a small woman, no she was a teenager (one that had seen too much for someone her age).
Logan managed to keep it all bundled inside of him, the entire time Jubilee was away. He had wanted to scream tat the Xmen for losing, the most precious thing in his long life. He wanted to hunt her down and make sure she never left again. He did none of those things because then everyone would have known his true feelings.
He hadn't been able to help his reaction when he had first seen her again. IT had taken all that was in him not to close what little space that had between them and crush her lips with his own. He had settled for a hug. It nearly killed him when she had slapped. Not the pain, though it stung more than he thought it should have, physically he was fine. What had torn him in two was the look of anger, pain and hatred sweeping across Jubilee's face.
Logan had known from that point that what could have been would never be.