From the creator of "Diablo's A Girl" and "Seven Silly Saviors" comes a new epic story.
Written strictly to make you laugh; another load of complete and utter . . . nonsense, this new
story: "The Neurotic Necromancer" by: (you know who) RedLady. Of course. Who else?
Look at that. You made me conceded!
Well I just couldn't help but do another humorous story to go along with the Diablo world. And
Necromancers are the coolest to work with, so don't get mad at me for making fun of them. I
love them, I really do.
Thanks for reviewing my other stuff. I love you man! And let me just get on with the story
before I embarrass myself. And I laughed at my own story. Is that like illegal or something? It
feels wrong somehow. Anyway read and feel free to make this girl's day by leaving a little
review. Then I'll be back to write another story.
THE NEUROTIC NECROMANCER
(What an alliteration, huh?)
By: RedLady (Master of Original Ideas)
A Necromancer attempts to tell his side of the story. But what happens when a higher power
interrupts and tries to tell everyone that he's not even a real Necromancer. Guest appearance by
Tryeal. And I'd like to tell everybody that even though I wish I did, I don't own Diablo. K?
Just wanted to get that fact clear. Also any flames some people may magically produce will be
fed to Diablo who thrives off the burning stuff. (We don't want to keep him alive now do we?
Oh yes, he also gets your soul. Couldn't help but mention that part. So if you want to keep your
soul, I suggest not doing anything drastic.) Special thanks goes to Adro13 who thinks I'm
copying his interview idea. (Look! Did I give you the credit you deserve?) Anyway. He gave
me the idea for this story and even helped in writing bits of it. Did I cover everything? Am I
thorough enough? And now that we got all that out of the way. Onto the story.
The first two parts are nothing but funny nonsense, but it gets better, I promise you.
Chapter 1: Necromancer vs. Higher Power
Greetings fellow men and ladies. I am a Necromancer. Now don't run away? Why are you
running away? Just because we hang out with the dead doesn't mean we're evil? What? It's not
that? Oh. (sniff, sniff). It's the stench. Oh. Sorry.
(Comes back after taking a long bath which took nine hours to get the whole decaying body
smell out of his skin.)
Ok. That better? As I was saying is that I am a Necromancer. (crickets chirp). Good. Just
wanted to make that fact clear. My name is Diputs and I defeated the almighty Lord of . . . what
was it again? Pain? Terror? Suffering? Oh well. All I know is that he was the lord of
something and a Prime evil. Meaning only the number itself and one can go into it . . . I think.
Isn't that what a prime number is? Anyway. As I was saying, I killed them. It was all me! Boo
Ya! Who's ya daddy! Is it Tyreal?
(Dances around the room.) Go me! Go me! It's ya birthday! Its ya birthday! I'm good! I'm
good! I'm cool! I'm cool! Yeah! Yeah!
[This singing is getting highly repetitive with you repeating everything twice]
What? Who said that? What? Who said that?
[I am a higher power at work here! And I am here to set the record strait.]
There's a record?
[You should know better than to lie to these poor ladies and gentlemen who are unsuspecting
fools and may be lured into your strange views of craziness. I don't even know how you survived
all these years.]
What do you mean! I'm a Necromancer! I laugh at death! Death is my friend. There is nothing
to fear of death! (Thinks a bit.) Except maybe dying. I've never died before and I really don't
want to find out what it is all about just yet.
[See what I mean ladies and gentlemen. Please do not listen to this bozo!]
What! How dare you say that. People, people. (looks at audience--in other words looks at you.)
Who are you gonna believe? Me, a hero and Necromancer. Or a higher power.
[My votes for the higher power. How 'bout yours?]
(Everyone votes for a higher power and the Necromancer is voted off the island . . .)
What island?
[Anyway. I will tell the real story. You were never that great of a warrior.]
I wasn't? Than how do you explain this! (Holds up a sword!)
[Stolen from a dead body in the wilderness. Anyways, Necromancers don't even use swords.]
They don't?
[But I'm not here to explain the ways of the Necromancer. My dear mortals. This is a man who
suddenly woke up one day and decided to be a Necromancer.]
What are you talking about? I thought long and hard over that decision.
[Over breakfast you mean.]
It takes a long time to spread the butter on my toast!
[Necromancers don't even eat toast.]
They don't?
[I don't know. You tell me.]
If you don't know, then why did you say that, huh? Oh mighty greater power?
[You're supposed to be a Necromancer. See mortals, this proves that he isn't a real genuine
Necromancer. He doesn't even know if Necromancers eat toast or not. Its all a sham!]
I'm not a sham! How dare you insult me higher power! Come out and fight me like a man!
[What are you gonna do? Poke me with the tree twig you call a wand?]
I can do spells with my wand!
(Ignores him.)
[Dear mortals I have taken it upon myself to prove that this poor excuse of a man is indeed not
worthy to even be called a grave digger! The following is the true story of this so called
Necromancer's adventures.]
. . . . . .
. . . . . .
. . . . . .
. . . .
. .
. .
.
.
.
.
Nothing's happening you stupid higher power!
[At least my name doesn't spell Stupid backwards.]
Are you making fun of my name given to me by my own mum?
[Yes.]
Well as long as you don't say she was fat I'm OK.
[?]
[Anyway. On with the footage.]
[Yo! Tyreal get that footage rolling!]
Tyreal: Gladly. (The screen is black with a couple of dust specks as the film of this
Necromancer named Diputs begins.
. . . .
., . . .
. . . ..
].
.
.
.
.
.
Written strictly to make you laugh; another load of complete and utter . . . nonsense, this new
story: "The Neurotic Necromancer" by: (you know who) RedLady. Of course. Who else?
Look at that. You made me conceded!
Well I just couldn't help but do another humorous story to go along with the Diablo world. And
Necromancers are the coolest to work with, so don't get mad at me for making fun of them. I
love them, I really do.
Thanks for reviewing my other stuff. I love you man! And let me just get on with the story
before I embarrass myself. And I laughed at my own story. Is that like illegal or something? It
feels wrong somehow. Anyway read and feel free to make this girl's day by leaving a little
review. Then I'll be back to write another story.
THE NEUROTIC NECROMANCER
(What an alliteration, huh?)
By: RedLady (Master of Original Ideas)
A Necromancer attempts to tell his side of the story. But what happens when a higher power
interrupts and tries to tell everyone that he's not even a real Necromancer. Guest appearance by
Tryeal. And I'd like to tell everybody that even though I wish I did, I don't own Diablo. K?
Just wanted to get that fact clear. Also any flames some people may magically produce will be
fed to Diablo who thrives off the burning stuff. (We don't want to keep him alive now do we?
Oh yes, he also gets your soul. Couldn't help but mention that part. So if you want to keep your
soul, I suggest not doing anything drastic.) Special thanks goes to Adro13 who thinks I'm
copying his interview idea. (Look! Did I give you the credit you deserve?) Anyway. He gave
me the idea for this story and even helped in writing bits of it. Did I cover everything? Am I
thorough enough? And now that we got all that out of the way. Onto the story.
The first two parts are nothing but funny nonsense, but it gets better, I promise you.
Chapter 1: Necromancer vs. Higher Power
Greetings fellow men and ladies. I am a Necromancer. Now don't run away? Why are you
running away? Just because we hang out with the dead doesn't mean we're evil? What? It's not
that? Oh. (sniff, sniff). It's the stench. Oh. Sorry.
(Comes back after taking a long bath which took nine hours to get the whole decaying body
smell out of his skin.)
Ok. That better? As I was saying is that I am a Necromancer. (crickets chirp). Good. Just
wanted to make that fact clear. My name is Diputs and I defeated the almighty Lord of . . . what
was it again? Pain? Terror? Suffering? Oh well. All I know is that he was the lord of
something and a Prime evil. Meaning only the number itself and one can go into it . . . I think.
Isn't that what a prime number is? Anyway. As I was saying, I killed them. It was all me! Boo
Ya! Who's ya daddy! Is it Tyreal?
(Dances around the room.) Go me! Go me! It's ya birthday! Its ya birthday! I'm good! I'm
good! I'm cool! I'm cool! Yeah! Yeah!
[This singing is getting highly repetitive with you repeating everything twice]
What? Who said that? What? Who said that?
[I am a higher power at work here! And I am here to set the record strait.]
There's a record?
[You should know better than to lie to these poor ladies and gentlemen who are unsuspecting
fools and may be lured into your strange views of craziness. I don't even know how you survived
all these years.]
What do you mean! I'm a Necromancer! I laugh at death! Death is my friend. There is nothing
to fear of death! (Thinks a bit.) Except maybe dying. I've never died before and I really don't
want to find out what it is all about just yet.
[See what I mean ladies and gentlemen. Please do not listen to this bozo!]
What! How dare you say that. People, people. (looks at audience--in other words looks at you.)
Who are you gonna believe? Me, a hero and Necromancer. Or a higher power.
[My votes for the higher power. How 'bout yours?]
(Everyone votes for a higher power and the Necromancer is voted off the island . . .)
What island?
[Anyway. I will tell the real story. You were never that great of a warrior.]
I wasn't? Than how do you explain this! (Holds up a sword!)
[Stolen from a dead body in the wilderness. Anyways, Necromancers don't even use swords.]
They don't?
[But I'm not here to explain the ways of the Necromancer. My dear mortals. This is a man who
suddenly woke up one day and decided to be a Necromancer.]
What are you talking about? I thought long and hard over that decision.
[Over breakfast you mean.]
It takes a long time to spread the butter on my toast!
[Necromancers don't even eat toast.]
They don't?
[I don't know. You tell me.]
If you don't know, then why did you say that, huh? Oh mighty greater power?
[You're supposed to be a Necromancer. See mortals, this proves that he isn't a real genuine
Necromancer. He doesn't even know if Necromancers eat toast or not. Its all a sham!]
I'm not a sham! How dare you insult me higher power! Come out and fight me like a man!
[What are you gonna do? Poke me with the tree twig you call a wand?]
I can do spells with my wand!
(Ignores him.)
[Dear mortals I have taken it upon myself to prove that this poor excuse of a man is indeed not
worthy to even be called a grave digger! The following is the true story of this so called
Necromancer's adventures.]
. . . . . .
. . . . . .
. . . . . .
. . . .
. .
. .
.
.
.
.
Nothing's happening you stupid higher power!
[At least my name doesn't spell Stupid backwards.]
Are you making fun of my name given to me by my own mum?
[Yes.]
Well as long as you don't say she was fat I'm OK.
[?]
[Anyway. On with the footage.]
[Yo! Tyreal get that footage rolling!]
Tyreal: Gladly. (The screen is black with a couple of dust specks as the film of this
Necromancer named Diputs begins.
. . . .
., . . .
. . . ..
].
.
.
.
.
.