I've decided to use [[these brackets]] to let you know that the higher voice is conversing. : )



Chapter 2: Your Mommas so fat.



[[It began in a small cottage out in the middle of no where. A baby boy was born much to the
disappointment of the mother who wanted a girl so she could become a great Amazon one day.
Don't ask me why, because she had no relation to the Amazons and had never even met one
outside of the fairy tales, yet she admired their strength and beauty and really wished to raise
one. Could be also due to the fact that she hated men. I don't blame her since the childs father
left her once he found out she was pregnant and ran off with her best friend, but we won't get
into that.]]

. . . As long as you don't say she was fat!

[[This boy grew up in a strange world. He talked to animals but they never talked back so he
gave up the idea of being a Druid. He tried to yield a sword and wear a loincloth but only
managed to stumble on the rather long loin cloth and fall over onto the sword which scarred him
for life. Also scared those who happened to be watching. His little "fall" managed to reveal
areas that not nobody should see.]]

. . . . As long as you don't say she was fat. . .

[[So he wasn't gonna follow the ways of a Barbarian. He tried to shoot a bow and arrow but his
puny little arms could stretch even the tiniest of bow strings back. And much to his mothers
disappointment he wasn't gonna be the super hero known as the Male Amazon.]]

. . . .Because she wasn't fat.

[[He was slow and couldn't sneak up on a deaf person so there were no Assassin guilds that
would accept him into their academies. He got rejected fifty times.]]

The fiftieth time proved that I wasn't meant to be an assassin. Yet who cares. My momma isn't
fat.

[[He was scared of fire, lightning and ice so he definitely wasn't gonna be a sorcerer or
sorceress.]]

. . .Did you just say she was fat?

[[He had some sort of bad experience involving a Paladin so he was hesitant to be one of those.]]

. . . Let me tell you again. My momma is not fat.

[[Then he tried with all his might to raise his dead dog from the dead but couldn't so he decided
to become a Necromancer.]]

I did? Oh yeah? Now I remember. Do you think I look fat in this? (Gives us a full view of his
rear in these really tight pants--not exactly a pleasant view.)

[[Yes you look fat! What is this fascination you have with fat?]]

As long as you don't say my momma was fat.

[[Why?]]

Because she wasn't.

[[Should I say it?]] (Looks to audience.) [[Who knows a good "You momma's so fat . . ."
joke?]]

(Crickets chirp.)

Tyreal: I think the connection to our audience is broken. There is absolutely no way to get an
answer from them because they will not view this till the future.

[[So lets go to the future.]]

Tyreal: We have not the power to do so.

[[But I am THE greater power. All you need is me. Let's go.]]

Tyreal: We are forbidden by that guy that sits on the Emerald throne all day looking down at us.

The Wizard of OZ? (Ignore him.)

[[Well I guess we will have to just wait for the future to come to us to hear a "Your momma's so
fat" joke."]]

(Waits and the crickets have a ball.)

[[Well I've decided to continue to relay my story of the Necromancer before he gets old and
dies. We greater Powers and Angels can wait a long time. Unfortuanatly HE can not.]] (Points
to a skeleton of a Necromancer.)

[[But then again he is not really a Necromancer.]]

(Becomes a chubby Necromancer.)

[[I think your momma was fat if she resembles anything like you!]]

What! I'm lucky to eat a high nutritional diet. I cleared the Rogues out of all their chickens.
The people in Kurast out of all their fish and the Barbarians out of all their rabbits. And . . .
WHAT! Did you just say my mom was fat!

[[Yes.]]

You said my momma was fat!

[[Did you not hear me mortal?]]

MY MOMMA'S NOT FAT! HOW DARE YOU SAY SHE IS FAT. HIGHER POWER! YOU
SHALL NOW FEEL MY WRATH! (Attempt to curse the higher power. Nothing happens.)

[[See? What did I tell you? A disgrace to all those who call themselves Necromancers.]]

Why didn't it work? It worked before. Metal Girl! (Scratched head.) Isn't that what it was
called? Copper Maiden? Iron Girl? Molten Virgin? I can't remember!



Oh yes! Iron Maiden! I shall now perform Iron Maiden on you . . . where ever you are.

[[What's that?]]

I don't know. I just heard it is a really good skill. I think. All the Necromancers use it. I think.

Where's that manuel? (Looks in pockets. Pulls out a rubber chicken.)

Woops how did that get there?

(Lots of items fall out of his pockets including a pocket watch, a quill pen-from a quill rat of
course-don't ask me how he got it, a floppy disk, a peice of crumbled paper, a rock, a pillow, a
TV guide, a cell phone, his wallet, and these really skimpy panties. . . )

What! I swear I have no idea how those got there!

[[So that stop at that . . . um . . . house, wasn't intentional?]]

I had no idea they had stripper girls in there! I promise! Besides they were all corrupted
anyway! Andariel ran quite a show!

[[But we are not hear to talk about that! Were you looking for this book?]]

(A huge book with stone front and back covers falls from the sky and onto Diputs's head.)

(After coming back to consciousness . . . )

Yes this is the book I was looking for. . . The guide to Necromancy for Dummies. It says even a
child can follow this.

[[And how old are you?]]

I'm actually pretty old for my age.

[[?]]

I may look like I'm 35, but indeed I am 34.

[[Big whoop. Can I kill him Tyreal? Why does he even continue to live? Can't we put him out
of his misery?]]

Tyreal: Now higher power, control yourself. You were gonna tell these nice mortals why he is
not a real Necromancer.

[[Of course. Thank you Angel.]]



If you are laughing and don't know why, then I have done my job well. : )