Chapter 3: The Unsummoned Summoned
[[This is what Diputs should really be saying to you. . .]]
Today I am a Necromancer and yesterday I was just a normal guy. You have eight career
choices in this world of Sanctuary. You can either be a Barbarian, Assassin, Druid, Paladin,
Sorceress (or Sorcerer), Amazon, Necromancer, or just a normal everyday kind off
farmer/peasant dude.
Being an everyday boring, ordinary guy is too boring and uh, ordinary. So I bought the Guide to
Necromancy for Dummies from this old guy named Gandalf . . . I mean Able . . . I mean Cain . .
. I mean an old guy named Deckard. (Scratches head.) I think. Deck of Cards? He must of
been quite a poker player in his younger days.
Then I studied the book with great studiousness.
[[You mean while on the toilet.]]
Uh hum. (That was him clearing his throat by the way.)
The coolest thing about Necromancy is that you can summon things from the great beyond.
[[Huh?]]
I mean . . . from the dead. (Scratches head. Dandruff falls like snow from his. . . head.) At least
I think that's where they come from. To me it always seemed like they came from 'No Where',
but where's that place? I believe there is a town called 'No Where' outside of Kurast, but No
One's the only person that's ever been there.
Well the first time I tried to summon things was quite an adventure. First of all to summon those
skeleton people you gotta kill a bad guy. So naturally I killed a skeleton. Then I was supposed
to assemble the skeleton in order to make it "come alive!" Mwa ha ha ha ha. Uh hum. . . .
(On the movie theater screen a little movie appears of Diputs trying to assemble the skeleton.)
Lets see the hip bone's connected to the shoulder. What type of bone is this! The butt bone?
Hm. (Feels butt.) I wonder how you connect that. (Shrugs and throws it aside.) It doesn't need
a butt anyway. It will just have to stand all the time and not sit down. OK. Got the leg
connected now I wonder what this is used for? (Holds up a piece of metal which was a part of
the original skeleton's sword but he didn't know it.) Hmm. I guess that goes here. (Puts it
between the legs not realizing it wasn't even a part of the original skeletons, um, anatomy.)
I knew I should have paid attention in anatomy class at that skeleton school run by skeletons in
Skeletonville in sixth grade!
(After glueing bones into strange places and such he got a strange looking peice of art work.)
Now to make it COME ALIVE! It says I have to chant these words in the ancient Arcane
language first said by Rathma. Well thanks for that useless peice of history! Now I can barely
read this handwriting. Wonder who this Rathma guy is anyway. He, he. Um . . . It looks like it
says . . . "Cum Ay Ly vah, Mes Ter Skel Ay Teen."
(Nothing happened.)
What? Maybe I said it wrong. Let me try again!
"Comb Ah Lie Veh, Meese-Tier-Skell-A-Ten."
(Nothing happened . . . again. The skeleton, if you can even call it that, was dead still.)
UHG! Why is it not coming ALIVE! AHHHHH! Just come alive Mister Skeleton! Please!
(The skeleton came alive!)
What? Oh yeah! It's alive! It's Alive! Mwha ha ha ha ahah.
(The skeleton takes one look at his master and dies again.)
Doh!
A deer. No, a female deer runs out into the meadow. A single ray or drop of golden sun peaks
through the cloudy sky. Me, tells you to review and I laugh at my own bad jokes and puns.
: )
[[This is what Diputs should really be saying to you. . .]]
Today I am a Necromancer and yesterday I was just a normal guy. You have eight career
choices in this world of Sanctuary. You can either be a Barbarian, Assassin, Druid, Paladin,
Sorceress (or Sorcerer), Amazon, Necromancer, or just a normal everyday kind off
farmer/peasant dude.
Being an everyday boring, ordinary guy is too boring and uh, ordinary. So I bought the Guide to
Necromancy for Dummies from this old guy named Gandalf . . . I mean Able . . . I mean Cain . .
. I mean an old guy named Deckard. (Scratches head.) I think. Deck of Cards? He must of
been quite a poker player in his younger days.
Then I studied the book with great studiousness.
[[You mean while on the toilet.]]
Uh hum. (That was him clearing his throat by the way.)
The coolest thing about Necromancy is that you can summon things from the great beyond.
[[Huh?]]
I mean . . . from the dead. (Scratches head. Dandruff falls like snow from his. . . head.) At least
I think that's where they come from. To me it always seemed like they came from 'No Where',
but where's that place? I believe there is a town called 'No Where' outside of Kurast, but No
One's the only person that's ever been there.
Well the first time I tried to summon things was quite an adventure. First of all to summon those
skeleton people you gotta kill a bad guy. So naturally I killed a skeleton. Then I was supposed
to assemble the skeleton in order to make it "come alive!" Mwa ha ha ha ha. Uh hum. . . .
(On the movie theater screen a little movie appears of Diputs trying to assemble the skeleton.)
Lets see the hip bone's connected to the shoulder. What type of bone is this! The butt bone?
Hm. (Feels butt.) I wonder how you connect that. (Shrugs and throws it aside.) It doesn't need
a butt anyway. It will just have to stand all the time and not sit down. OK. Got the leg
connected now I wonder what this is used for? (Holds up a piece of metal which was a part of
the original skeleton's sword but he didn't know it.) Hmm. I guess that goes here. (Puts it
between the legs not realizing it wasn't even a part of the original skeletons, um, anatomy.)
I knew I should have paid attention in anatomy class at that skeleton school run by skeletons in
Skeletonville in sixth grade!
(After glueing bones into strange places and such he got a strange looking peice of art work.)
Now to make it COME ALIVE! It says I have to chant these words in the ancient Arcane
language first said by Rathma. Well thanks for that useless peice of history! Now I can barely
read this handwriting. Wonder who this Rathma guy is anyway. He, he. Um . . . It looks like it
says . . . "Cum Ay Ly vah, Mes Ter Skel Ay Teen."
(Nothing happened.)
What? Maybe I said it wrong. Let me try again!
"Comb Ah Lie Veh, Meese-Tier-Skell-A-Ten."
(Nothing happened . . . again. The skeleton, if you can even call it that, was dead still.)
UHG! Why is it not coming ALIVE! AHHHHH! Just come alive Mister Skeleton! Please!
(The skeleton came alive!)
What? Oh yeah! It's alive! It's Alive! Mwha ha ha ha ahah.
(The skeleton takes one look at his master and dies again.)
Doh!
A deer. No, a female deer runs out into the meadow. A single ray or drop of golden sun peaks
through the cloudy sky. Me, tells you to review and I laugh at my own bad jokes and puns.
: )