"We will all need to move to the stage area today." Tom said. (We have a stage area??!!) Gimli's eyes brightened up "Are we gonna see a play? Are we gonna see a play??" "Why yes, Gimli, a very popular Broadway musical, Saruman and the Technicolor Dream Coat!!" Tom replied. They all skip over to the auditorium. When they arrive at the auditorium, everyone's jaw drops, as they are shocked to see Saruman dancing around on the stage. "What the hell is he doing here??" Asked the ever-skeptical Boromir. "Well, he will be interpreting his problems in his own way on stage for us today, and we should all be polite and watch," Replied Tom. (Man, has he got problems…) (Yeah they weren't kidding when they said he had issues) Saruman prances out and begins to sing- I have a coat

Orcs- I have a coat

Saruman- Of many colors

Orcs- Oooh oooh

Gandalf- Why does he get a coat of many colors?

Orcs- Of many colors

All the wizards are jealous and they throw Saruman in a pit, but then suddenly some gypsy balrogs come by.

Gandalf- We are willing to trade this wizard here for some of those nifty goods of yours.

Orcs- Those nifty goods oooh oooh!

Balrogs- What would we do with him?

Orcs- Do with him? Ooooh oooh

Gandalf- Sell him as a slave or something, I don't know just give me some nifty goods!

Orcs- Those nifty goods oooh oooh!

Out of the audience Sam shouts, "Why don't you orcs shut-up and give Mr. Frodo some peace, you're really getting on his nerves!"

Orcs- Why don't you shut-up OOOOH OOOH!

Balrog- Ok, fine, fine, I meant no offense, it's my job to ask questions after nightfall. (This refers to Gandalf ignore comments between Sam and Orcs.)

Orcs-ooooh ooh

Gypsy Balrogs head off with Saruman in their gypsy cart. They sell him to the Nazgul. Saruman serves the Nazgul but is framed by some jealous Uruk-Hai for swimming in the hot tub at Mount Doom and lands in jail. In jail some orcs sing him a song to cheer him up.

Orcs- Go, go, go, Sharkey you know what they say, Go, go, go, Sharkey you'll make it someday… (This play is starting to sound a little familiar…)

It was discovered that Sharkey had special wizard powers and could be of great use to the Pharaoh. (Umm ok where do we go from here?) Pharaoh Sauron comes out dressed in disco suit and with some groovin Elvis hair. Sings some song we dare not utter here for it is in the language of Mordor.

Pharaoh Sauron- If you join me you can have Orthanc, how about that?

Saruman- Okie dokie!

Orcs- Oooh oooh

60 years later... in Isengard

Orcs- In Isengard oooh oooh

Gandalf- The ring must be destroyed! I must take care of the head of my order Saruman the umm not quite white anymore.

Orcs- OOOOh OOOH!

Legolas- Shut- up or eat elven arrows!

Audience- Shoot 'em Shoot 'em!

Orcs- OOOOOOOH OOOOOOOOH! (Since we cannot come up with an ending for this musical, enjoy the fight scene!) Prepare for the fight scene!

Enraged audience rises up, Legolas whipping out arrows at the orcs as fast as he can shoot, (which is pretty fast, in case you haven't seen the movie)(I have!)(That's very nice, now shut up) and the great Battle of Stage's Deep is fought. Many were whacked by the horn of Gondor (horn of Gondor, eh? I always thought that sounded a little racy!)(Yes, indubitably) and flying pots and pans. (Quite mysteriously some sandbags were dropped onto Aragorn and other random fighters, hmm wonder who did that)

In the end they all make up join hands and give out the grand finale OOOOOOOOOH OOOOH!