TITLE: Back Roads: Expect That
AUTHOR: Kansas J. Miller
PAIRING: CJ/Carol
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: "Focus instead on this: you're a beautiful little girl who has someone right here, who wants you and loves you."
SPOILERS: None, really, but I'm trying to allude to this week's coming episode ("Enemies Foreign and Domestic"). Hoping it works, otherwise, I'll go crawl in a hole.
DISCLAIMER: So not mine.
***
"Gail is beginning to outsmart me," I offered in explanation for my lateness. Gingerly, I set down the fish bowl—with its new, clean water—on CJ's desk. She looked up from her laptop, over her tortoise shell glasses with amusement.
"So you're saying that my fish is smarter than my assistant?" she asked wryly, her glossy lips curling up into a smile. Gail was swimming around happily now, flicking her long orange tail fin back and forth.
It was slightly irksome that CJ had so deliberately called me her assistant, but I shrugged and played along. "Well, it took me a good five minutes to catch her in the net, so…"
CJ chuckled at me, and shaking her head, moved on. "Within the hour I need you to get me the most recent poll on Alaskan drilling, and I need to see Ainsley Hayes as soon as possible."
I nodded and turned to leave the office, feeling again the discomfort at CJ's ultra-professional attitude. It had been bothering me for the past week or so; in the office CJ hardly offered me any indication that we were more than boss/assistant. We were even more than friends…but I knew I was wrong to expect anything more than CJ's intensely serious work demeanor. It was even selfish of me to expect her to acknowledge our relationship at work, but it was eerily cold how she could disregard it so easily. I, on the other hand, could hardly lay eyes on CJ without grinning or blushing.
Shaking my head, I turned my attention to finding what CJ needed. As I paged through the computer data, searching for the weekly poll, my mind wandered back to CJ's personality.
It had been an entire week since the night in my apartment and she still hadn't opened up to me on a deeper level, she wasn't telling me things; she was hiding herself. I was also afraid to ask, afraid to bring up anything too personal—but I knew that I couldn't go on not knowing what was behind CJ's façade. It had to be within my reach…
I had just finished paging Ainsley Hayes when the phone rang. Finding the poll marked April 24th I clicked the printer icon on my computer screen, and reached for the receiver. What a job, what a boss, I thought sarcastically as the computer paper began to file out.
***
"CJ, security needs you to move your car," I announced, stilling her moving fingers on the laptop keys.
"Why?" CJ asked, raising her eyebrows. Her tone was incredibly disinterested, and I saw in my immediate future a trip to the parking lot.
"They say you're parked in a reserved spot," I shrugged, repeating what the lot guard had told me on the phone.
CJ shot me an annoyed look, and then rolled her eyes. "I'm sure I parked in the usual spot…Are they sure it's MY car?" she asked, tapping her pen on the desk.
"1998 Silver Lexus SC 400? District tag 137884? Sounds like your car to me…" I grinned, trying to be light.
CJ only groaned in response, and reached into her desk for something. "Why you spent sixty thousand dollars on a car is beyond me…," I added, trying to earn a smile, or any indication that today, right now, I was special to her.
I was rewarded when CJ smiled self-indulgently and sat back, letting her head bob from side to side. "Hey, Baby, that thing goes from 0 to 60 in like, six seconds, has a 12 disc CD changer, rear spoiler, and Lexus chrome wheels!" she defended, sounding much like a show-room dealer. I laughed aloud, satisfied by her response. It was casual, it was under-professional, and for the moment I could be happy with it.
"You don't have to convince me that it's impressive…but, are you moving the thing, or what?" I asked, cocking my head to the side, holding her gaze. Her face was all lines and symmetry. It was crushingly beautiful, I realized, knowing that at the moment, she knew so too.
CJ pressed her lips together in a pretty smile, her lipstick shining in the sunlight. "No, you are," she crooned, winking quickly at me as she tossed her keys at me.
I sighed happily, glad to get a flirt out of CJ. "Okay Miss Thing, but don't yell at me when you see my parking job," I teased, openly mocking her over-protection of the car.
CJ scrunched up her nose, ready to mock me back. But suddenly her expression grew straight. "I trust you, Carol."
***
I walked out to the staff lot, unable to stop smiling, despite the unseasonably high temperature. Washington should never be 90 degrees in April, I thought with a smile, not really caring one bit. It was CJ instead… Just when I thought she was disregarding me at work, CJ went and called me 'baby'. She said she trusted me, she flirted with me. I chuckled softly, hating happily that CJ had power enough to tie me in knots. I had an instant urge to go hold her, tell her that I loved her… But for the moment, all I held were her car keys.
The lot guard was standing by the Lexus, and when I got close enough, I saw that CJ's car was indeed parked in a spot reserved for visitors. I shook my head, and smiled at the guard.
"You're moving Ms. Cregg's vehicle?" he asked congenially, unfolding his arms when I nodded affirmatively.
I smiled at the uniformed man, and unlocked the car using the remote. He laughed, and we exchanged amused glances before I reached for the silver handle.
The loud crash and crush was immediate, and the bursting explosion of glass hit my body and face before I had time to turn away. Glass was instantly everywhere: on the ground, in millions of pieces…in my eyes, on my face. With a disgusting mixture of light red blood and glass raining down, I stood open-mouthed and stunned.
***
"What the hell happened?"
CJ's voice was all it took to coax me out of the daze I was in; the window of the Lexus had completely exploded when I'd opened the door; there was glass lying on the pavement, an incredible fifteen feet away. The security guard had immediately jumped to my aid, and now there were half a dozen Secret Service agents milling around the parking lot.
I was sitting with the lot guard and a first aid kit. Only about five minutes had passed, but it was clear that I had glass in one of my eyes and cuts all over my face; I was still shaking from the surprising force of the window.
"Carol, oh my God, what the…" CJ was as open-mouthed as I was, looking frantically back and forth between me, the glass, and the empty window of her car.
"CJ, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do it, I didn't even touch the window, it just happened, and…" I rambled, cut off quickly by a Secret Service agent's upheld hand.
"Ms. Cregg? The glass in the window exploded when your assistant opened the door…I'm pretty sure the heat inside the car had a lot to do with it, but we're checking out the area for any signs that this was something more."
CJ narrowed her eyes in confusion, still looking at me as I dabbed a bit of blood from my cheek. "What do you mean 'something more'?"
The agent shrugged. "Sometimes White House staffers are targets of violence." When a quick flash of horror dropped across CJ's expression, he shook his head. "Please, don't worry about it Ms. Cregg. It's just a precaution that we have to take. The President is yards away…"
She nodded, her face pallid. "Okay…The heat could do that?" CJ shrieked in disbelief, her arms flailing out as she more closely inspected the car.
The agent had turned away, but called over his shoulder. "I'll bet you had a piece of defective glass in that car…"
CJ sighed and gave up on the car; there was clearly nothing left to the window but broken shards of tinted black glass. She walked over to me and knelt down. "Oh, Carol. You've gotta go see a doctor. Or something…. Shit," she mumbled, looking back at all the littered pavement.
"I'm fine," I protested with half a heart; my eye was stinging, burning, and it was obvious to me that there was something sharp under the lid.
"Bull shit," CJ said harshly, standing up and tugging me to my feet. I let her pull me up, the jabbing pain in my eye killing any defense I wanted to mount. This was one of those situations where it was simply easier to let CJ be CJ…
***
"Honey, wake up…" I heard, softly as she stroked my back. My right eye was practically sealed shut with the pain, but I was aware of being in CJ's big cushy bed. She and it were my only comforts.
"Oh God," I groaned, bringing a hand to my intensely pained eye. I remembered quickly the trip to the hospital, the removal of all the glass from my eye, and the subsequent pain that the eye-drop medication had brought on. CJ had brought me home and coerced me into lying down; I hoped now that she'd returned to work, and I hoped the explosion had been nothing more than mis-produced glass and high temperatures. CJ couldn't be a target, I forced myself to think, it had was a precautionary idea…
"Shh, you're okay," CJ said soothingly, brushing my bangs from my face as she leaned forward in concern.
"Holy hell, it hurts," I suddenly moaned, closing my eye, unable to get away from the rushing sting. CJ squeezed my hand in support.
"The doctor said it would. I got you up so I could give you more medicine…maybe you want food, Tylenol?" she asked, her tone slightly maternal. She could be so loving, I realized…
I ignored the thought of food, thinking instead of other things. "You better not have stayed here all day…and shit, I have to call my mother."
CJ snickered. "I worked from home, but I went over to your apartment and got you some things…your mother called when I was there."
Horror shot through my chest, enough to rival the sting in my eye. "CJ, no. Tell me you didn't talk to her. She's on the list."
CJ eyed me with confusion, pushing my hand gently away from my eye. "Don't rub it, sweetie. The list? What's that? And yeah, I did talk to her. We had a nice conversation, actually."
"The list!" I shrieked, feeling hysterical. "The one that names people I no longer speak to!"
"Carol, calm down. I don't have a list like that…" CJ grinned, stroking my hand slowly. "She was very suspicious, though. Wanted to know a lot of silly things."
"Please say you didn't tell her we were together," I moaned again, instinctively leaning into CJ. As I buried my head against her shoulder, she chuckled and rubbed my back.
"Let's not worry about your mother now, okay? I want to make sure you're all right. I know you can't see very well out of that eye…."
As CJ went around the room, gathering tissues and the eye-dropper bottles, I boiled on the inside. I didn't care if my cornea was scratched, if the inside of my eye-lid was cut up—CJ shouldn't have told my mother shit! It was my place to do that, not CJ's. And who was she to talk to my mom? If CJ wouldn't talk to me, she surely shouldn't talk to anyone else!
"CJ," I protested as she tilted my head up. "Stop it. I can't believe you told my mom…."
"Carol, she asked me! She straight up asked me! What was I going to do? Lie?" CJ cried, her face smirking in a humorous revelation that there were no other options.
I moved my head out of CJ's reach, stunned even further. "How could she? God, damn…" I growled, closing my eyes and bracing for the sharp stab. The pain in my eye was spreading to my head, and despite the scraping presence of my eye, I felt tears springing forth.
"Carol…" CJ said softly, setting aside the bottles. She gathered me into her arms, and I wondered absently if she could be anything but perfect. "Carol, your mom is like my mom. Your mom IS my mom," she emphasized, pulling me tightly against her slightly wrinkled blouse. "So believe me when I tell you that she's not going to change. The only thing you can do is go about your business and do what you feel is right. You DO NOT need her acceptance—you only want it. And I know it's hard not to have it, but you should focus instead on this: you're a beautiful little girl who has someone right here, who wants you and loves you," CJ finished slowly, her voice dropping to almost a whisper.
I was struck by her honesty, her openness, her emotion. She was really talking to me now, saying beautiful things, and it made the tears flow out of my eyes for a different reason. I wanted to say something, anything to let her know how much that love was returned…but I could only bite my lip and shudder with the rampant emotion running through me.
"CJ…" I finally sighed, breathing slowly. The day had been so odd, so strange, so unexpected. Glass was running through my brain at excruciating speeds, and now CJ was mixing it up with her words and nearness; she was everything, everything, just simply everything….
"Hmm?" she asked, her lips grazing my ear. A pleasant shiver was sent down my spine, and my heart was ready to explode.
"You always have the words…" I said, the tears threatening more desperately.
"Did you expect anything less?" CJ whispered, bringing my senses to an overload. I could hear her grin, and she was surrounding me, the pain in my eye distant now. As the saltiness rushed down my cheeks, I brushed my lips against her neck.
"I never expected anything from you, CJ. Never this much…" I breathed out, trying to control my voice. CJ didn't respond, but I felt her smile against my ear. And later, when I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, she tucked me in, turned out the light, and kissed my forehead; "I'm here," she said quietly. "Expect that." *
AUTHOR: Kansas J. Miller
PAIRING: CJ/Carol
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: "Focus instead on this: you're a beautiful little girl who has someone right here, who wants you and loves you."
SPOILERS: None, really, but I'm trying to allude to this week's coming episode ("Enemies Foreign and Domestic"). Hoping it works, otherwise, I'll go crawl in a hole.
DISCLAIMER: So not mine.
***
"Gail is beginning to outsmart me," I offered in explanation for my lateness. Gingerly, I set down the fish bowl—with its new, clean water—on CJ's desk. She looked up from her laptop, over her tortoise shell glasses with amusement.
"So you're saying that my fish is smarter than my assistant?" she asked wryly, her glossy lips curling up into a smile. Gail was swimming around happily now, flicking her long orange tail fin back and forth.
It was slightly irksome that CJ had so deliberately called me her assistant, but I shrugged and played along. "Well, it took me a good five minutes to catch her in the net, so…"
CJ chuckled at me, and shaking her head, moved on. "Within the hour I need you to get me the most recent poll on Alaskan drilling, and I need to see Ainsley Hayes as soon as possible."
I nodded and turned to leave the office, feeling again the discomfort at CJ's ultra-professional attitude. It had been bothering me for the past week or so; in the office CJ hardly offered me any indication that we were more than boss/assistant. We were even more than friends…but I knew I was wrong to expect anything more than CJ's intensely serious work demeanor. It was even selfish of me to expect her to acknowledge our relationship at work, but it was eerily cold how she could disregard it so easily. I, on the other hand, could hardly lay eyes on CJ without grinning or blushing.
Shaking my head, I turned my attention to finding what CJ needed. As I paged through the computer data, searching for the weekly poll, my mind wandered back to CJ's personality.
It had been an entire week since the night in my apartment and she still hadn't opened up to me on a deeper level, she wasn't telling me things; she was hiding herself. I was also afraid to ask, afraid to bring up anything too personal—but I knew that I couldn't go on not knowing what was behind CJ's façade. It had to be within my reach…
I had just finished paging Ainsley Hayes when the phone rang. Finding the poll marked April 24th I clicked the printer icon on my computer screen, and reached for the receiver. What a job, what a boss, I thought sarcastically as the computer paper began to file out.
***
"CJ, security needs you to move your car," I announced, stilling her moving fingers on the laptop keys.
"Why?" CJ asked, raising her eyebrows. Her tone was incredibly disinterested, and I saw in my immediate future a trip to the parking lot.
"They say you're parked in a reserved spot," I shrugged, repeating what the lot guard had told me on the phone.
CJ shot me an annoyed look, and then rolled her eyes. "I'm sure I parked in the usual spot…Are they sure it's MY car?" she asked, tapping her pen on the desk.
"1998 Silver Lexus SC 400? District tag 137884? Sounds like your car to me…" I grinned, trying to be light.
CJ only groaned in response, and reached into her desk for something. "Why you spent sixty thousand dollars on a car is beyond me…," I added, trying to earn a smile, or any indication that today, right now, I was special to her.
I was rewarded when CJ smiled self-indulgently and sat back, letting her head bob from side to side. "Hey, Baby, that thing goes from 0 to 60 in like, six seconds, has a 12 disc CD changer, rear spoiler, and Lexus chrome wheels!" she defended, sounding much like a show-room dealer. I laughed aloud, satisfied by her response. It was casual, it was under-professional, and for the moment I could be happy with it.
"You don't have to convince me that it's impressive…but, are you moving the thing, or what?" I asked, cocking my head to the side, holding her gaze. Her face was all lines and symmetry. It was crushingly beautiful, I realized, knowing that at the moment, she knew so too.
CJ pressed her lips together in a pretty smile, her lipstick shining in the sunlight. "No, you are," she crooned, winking quickly at me as she tossed her keys at me.
I sighed happily, glad to get a flirt out of CJ. "Okay Miss Thing, but don't yell at me when you see my parking job," I teased, openly mocking her over-protection of the car.
CJ scrunched up her nose, ready to mock me back. But suddenly her expression grew straight. "I trust you, Carol."
***
I walked out to the staff lot, unable to stop smiling, despite the unseasonably high temperature. Washington should never be 90 degrees in April, I thought with a smile, not really caring one bit. It was CJ instead… Just when I thought she was disregarding me at work, CJ went and called me 'baby'. She said she trusted me, she flirted with me. I chuckled softly, hating happily that CJ had power enough to tie me in knots. I had an instant urge to go hold her, tell her that I loved her… But for the moment, all I held were her car keys.
The lot guard was standing by the Lexus, and when I got close enough, I saw that CJ's car was indeed parked in a spot reserved for visitors. I shook my head, and smiled at the guard.
"You're moving Ms. Cregg's vehicle?" he asked congenially, unfolding his arms when I nodded affirmatively.
I smiled at the uniformed man, and unlocked the car using the remote. He laughed, and we exchanged amused glances before I reached for the silver handle.
The loud crash and crush was immediate, and the bursting explosion of glass hit my body and face before I had time to turn away. Glass was instantly everywhere: on the ground, in millions of pieces…in my eyes, on my face. With a disgusting mixture of light red blood and glass raining down, I stood open-mouthed and stunned.
***
"What the hell happened?"
CJ's voice was all it took to coax me out of the daze I was in; the window of the Lexus had completely exploded when I'd opened the door; there was glass lying on the pavement, an incredible fifteen feet away. The security guard had immediately jumped to my aid, and now there were half a dozen Secret Service agents milling around the parking lot.
I was sitting with the lot guard and a first aid kit. Only about five minutes had passed, but it was clear that I had glass in one of my eyes and cuts all over my face; I was still shaking from the surprising force of the window.
"Carol, oh my God, what the…" CJ was as open-mouthed as I was, looking frantically back and forth between me, the glass, and the empty window of her car.
"CJ, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do it, I didn't even touch the window, it just happened, and…" I rambled, cut off quickly by a Secret Service agent's upheld hand.
"Ms. Cregg? The glass in the window exploded when your assistant opened the door…I'm pretty sure the heat inside the car had a lot to do with it, but we're checking out the area for any signs that this was something more."
CJ narrowed her eyes in confusion, still looking at me as I dabbed a bit of blood from my cheek. "What do you mean 'something more'?"
The agent shrugged. "Sometimes White House staffers are targets of violence." When a quick flash of horror dropped across CJ's expression, he shook his head. "Please, don't worry about it Ms. Cregg. It's just a precaution that we have to take. The President is yards away…"
She nodded, her face pallid. "Okay…The heat could do that?" CJ shrieked in disbelief, her arms flailing out as she more closely inspected the car.
The agent had turned away, but called over his shoulder. "I'll bet you had a piece of defective glass in that car…"
CJ sighed and gave up on the car; there was clearly nothing left to the window but broken shards of tinted black glass. She walked over to me and knelt down. "Oh, Carol. You've gotta go see a doctor. Or something…. Shit," she mumbled, looking back at all the littered pavement.
"I'm fine," I protested with half a heart; my eye was stinging, burning, and it was obvious to me that there was something sharp under the lid.
"Bull shit," CJ said harshly, standing up and tugging me to my feet. I let her pull me up, the jabbing pain in my eye killing any defense I wanted to mount. This was one of those situations where it was simply easier to let CJ be CJ…
***
"Honey, wake up…" I heard, softly as she stroked my back. My right eye was practically sealed shut with the pain, but I was aware of being in CJ's big cushy bed. She and it were my only comforts.
"Oh God," I groaned, bringing a hand to my intensely pained eye. I remembered quickly the trip to the hospital, the removal of all the glass from my eye, and the subsequent pain that the eye-drop medication had brought on. CJ had brought me home and coerced me into lying down; I hoped now that she'd returned to work, and I hoped the explosion had been nothing more than mis-produced glass and high temperatures. CJ couldn't be a target, I forced myself to think, it had was a precautionary idea…
"Shh, you're okay," CJ said soothingly, brushing my bangs from my face as she leaned forward in concern.
"Holy hell, it hurts," I suddenly moaned, closing my eye, unable to get away from the rushing sting. CJ squeezed my hand in support.
"The doctor said it would. I got you up so I could give you more medicine…maybe you want food, Tylenol?" she asked, her tone slightly maternal. She could be so loving, I realized…
I ignored the thought of food, thinking instead of other things. "You better not have stayed here all day…and shit, I have to call my mother."
CJ snickered. "I worked from home, but I went over to your apartment and got you some things…your mother called when I was there."
Horror shot through my chest, enough to rival the sting in my eye. "CJ, no. Tell me you didn't talk to her. She's on the list."
CJ eyed me with confusion, pushing my hand gently away from my eye. "Don't rub it, sweetie. The list? What's that? And yeah, I did talk to her. We had a nice conversation, actually."
"The list!" I shrieked, feeling hysterical. "The one that names people I no longer speak to!"
"Carol, calm down. I don't have a list like that…" CJ grinned, stroking my hand slowly. "She was very suspicious, though. Wanted to know a lot of silly things."
"Please say you didn't tell her we were together," I moaned again, instinctively leaning into CJ. As I buried my head against her shoulder, she chuckled and rubbed my back.
"Let's not worry about your mother now, okay? I want to make sure you're all right. I know you can't see very well out of that eye…."
As CJ went around the room, gathering tissues and the eye-dropper bottles, I boiled on the inside. I didn't care if my cornea was scratched, if the inside of my eye-lid was cut up—CJ shouldn't have told my mother shit! It was my place to do that, not CJ's. And who was she to talk to my mom? If CJ wouldn't talk to me, she surely shouldn't talk to anyone else!
"CJ," I protested as she tilted my head up. "Stop it. I can't believe you told my mom…."
"Carol, she asked me! She straight up asked me! What was I going to do? Lie?" CJ cried, her face smirking in a humorous revelation that there were no other options.
I moved my head out of CJ's reach, stunned even further. "How could she? God, damn…" I growled, closing my eyes and bracing for the sharp stab. The pain in my eye was spreading to my head, and despite the scraping presence of my eye, I felt tears springing forth.
"Carol…" CJ said softly, setting aside the bottles. She gathered me into her arms, and I wondered absently if she could be anything but perfect. "Carol, your mom is like my mom. Your mom IS my mom," she emphasized, pulling me tightly against her slightly wrinkled blouse. "So believe me when I tell you that she's not going to change. The only thing you can do is go about your business and do what you feel is right. You DO NOT need her acceptance—you only want it. And I know it's hard not to have it, but you should focus instead on this: you're a beautiful little girl who has someone right here, who wants you and loves you," CJ finished slowly, her voice dropping to almost a whisper.
I was struck by her honesty, her openness, her emotion. She was really talking to me now, saying beautiful things, and it made the tears flow out of my eyes for a different reason. I wanted to say something, anything to let her know how much that love was returned…but I could only bite my lip and shudder with the rampant emotion running through me.
"CJ…" I finally sighed, breathing slowly. The day had been so odd, so strange, so unexpected. Glass was running through my brain at excruciating speeds, and now CJ was mixing it up with her words and nearness; she was everything, everything, just simply everything….
"Hmm?" she asked, her lips grazing my ear. A pleasant shiver was sent down my spine, and my heart was ready to explode.
"You always have the words…" I said, the tears threatening more desperately.
"Did you expect anything less?" CJ whispered, bringing my senses to an overload. I could hear her grin, and she was surrounding me, the pain in my eye distant now. As the saltiness rushed down my cheeks, I brushed my lips against her neck.
"I never expected anything from you, CJ. Never this much…" I breathed out, trying to control my voice. CJ didn't respond, but I felt her smile against my ear. And later, when I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, she tucked me in, turned out the light, and kissed my forehead; "I'm here," she said quietly. "Expect that." *