I do not own Harry Potter or any of the name's used by reviewers. Next time send your letters to Harry, I got that Idea from Lilly Smith's Ask the Dark Lord.

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Dear Tom,

Are you single? Have you gotten your youth potion yet? Do you have MSN Messenger? Do you like me? *giggles* Congrats to Harry and Ginny on their wedding and congrats to their baby, Tom. I love the name! Hope you are having as much fun as I am. ;) :)

Yours Truly,

Larissa.

Dear Larissa, have you not been reading this column. Of course I am single, but I am seeing Jan Brady. (A/N. I don't own that name, who ever owns the Brady Bunch does. See Chapter Three for the letter. I made the name up to go along with the letter.) No WormTail got caught shortly after he started making the potion. Do I have what? Would you never write me a letter again if I go out with you on Friday? Yes, I know how you feel. I am Very happy for Harry. I know what ot feel's like to grow up unloved. Now that he is starting a family of his own, he can start to fill that void in his heart that I created. Yes it was a good name till my father had it. That filthy muggle. How couldn't I be having fun, I get all the gossip a day early.

Sincerely,

Tom


Konichiwa!

Wow, I wish I could live on candy and Burger King's burgers... Special... Any ways, besides this answering column, what are you going to do when you retire? Not much to say today so I'll leave you alone now.

-Rinoa Toki Moro Lockheart

Dear Rinoa Toki Moro Lockheart

No you don't, I've had three heart Attack since Potter brought me back to life. God do they hurt. Um... I guess this is all that I am going to do.

Sincerely,

Tom.

P.S. What does that word mean. I know that it is Japanese.


Dear Voldemort,

Hi! My name is Selena. I'm a special little witch that has the power over time! Do you have a secret wish? Well here, I remember you wanted something like this *hands him a stuffed pink bunny with little fangs* I hope it makes up. Anyway, I'm pretty surprised you killed my twin! Draco was never THAT bad! In fact, he was planning to give you a tub full of sugar for your birthday coming up and he was starting to like Ron (we're telepathic so I could read his thoughts). Well, I think he still would if you want me to bring him back. I hate our parents so they can stay dead. They were going to give you saw dust I think. Well, anyway, would you give this to Harry and Ginny? *baby shower is given* I hope for the best! Anyway, tell me what you would like to do! And I wouldn't mind helping Lestrange when he takes over the throne, you know, make it a little harder for Dumbledore to win the dark vs. light fight (that rhymes! ^^). Well, this is getting LONG! By!

-Selena, Draco's Adorable and Gorgeous Twin Sister!


Dear Selena,

I know for a fact that The Malfoys put their daughter up for adoption. And that only Muggle born's can posses power over Time. Plus I didn't kill Mrs. Malfoy, Really a tub full of sugar? With how rich his family is he could at least give me a pool full of brown sugar. How exactly am I supposed to ship a Baby shower to America? You'll have to talk to Charles about joining the Death Eater's. I have officially retired and now live in Sweden.

Sincerely,

Tom


Dear Tom,

The Doctors have set a due date of March 15th. So I have to get a job so I can properly fill out the insurance forms. Can I work at The Daily Prophet with you? My new home is in America, just to let you and all the postal service's know where I am.

Sincerely,

Harry Potter in Detroit.

Dear Harry,

Don't worry, I'll be there for the birth of my Great, Great, grandson. My boss has been on my case for threatening reader's and say's he'll fire me if I don't tone it down a bit. So I'll tell that I'm letting you take it over for a month then you can work your own column on father hood. (the last guy who wrote in that one went insane from people asking how to make a baby stop crying [that was the only thing he didn't know how to do[) Thanks for the new address.

Love,

Tom

Dear Tom,

Well since Lily is dead, do you like anyone else? That's nice of Harry and Ginny to name their son after you, tell them congrats for me! Pansy isn't dead yet, but the other day I caught her in a broom closet with an inflatable doll that looks like Malfoy... Eeewww Well I tried to tell her he was dead, but she then stole my candy. Can you get my candy and my cards back?

Sincerely,

Divine.


Dear Divine,

Like I told Selena, I am seeing Jan Brady. Yes, I know how much of an honor it is to have some one named after me. And did you have to tell me that. I had to copy the rest of your letter with magic because I puked on the original. I'll send her his head along with a death serctificate. The shock just might kill her. Plus I snuck in to her house yesterday and took back your stuff, which I have sent by express owl to you; and my plastic bed liner's.

Sincerely,

Tom


Hola Tom,

Congrats on the Great-Grandson! Now onto my problems- if someone is in a mental institution, what is a foolproof way (short of being sane) to get out? My roommate and her monkey are driving me nuts... I like cashews, but I'd say you're a pistachio.

Much Love,

Maggy

Dear Maggy,

First off, it will be my Great, Great Grandson. There are only two way's out of one of those that are legal. One, Be sane. Two, put on a good sane act. Then there is the illegal way. Kill all the doctor's, Nurse's, and orderly's. And as for your room mate. Kill the Monkey. I hate fruits and nut's.

Sincerely,

Tom.

Dear Tom,

Can you kill all the Malfoys? Hermione is being a brat about the response you gave her, and has started RFPCTMAHIH (Researchers for potions and charms to make homosexuals into heteros) Where's Ginny any way? She left her baby things here, and if I send them to her, Mum and Dad would kill me. Oh well. I wanna become a Death Eater.

With all my hate,

Ron.

Dear Ron,

What did I ever do to you? Well besides put that spell on Hermione that made her obsessed with the dead Malfoy kid. But tell there is only one potion to make him change and he has to want to change because you have to kill your first child who has to be the child of the one who is gay. And use all it's blood then add some of both people's blood and some Whomping Willow leave's. About the Death Eater thing. Charles thinks he has enough minion to take over the world. Talk About stupid. The more Minions the better. And just send the stuff from her child hood to to me since I'll be helping set up the baby's room.

Sincerely,

Tom.

Dear Tom

Hey Tom! How old were you when you lost your virginity! Oh and can I have sex with you,to piss of my parents? BYE Babe!

Sincerely,

A kid who wants to piss off her parent's.

Dear Nutter,

I shall not even dignify that with an answer.

Sincerely,

Tom.

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Okay people, you heard Tom, send letter's ton Harry this time. And none like Isis sent, okay?