The Musical Hogwarts
Act 1
Scene 4
(the Great Hall. The teachers and students are enjoying their meals. Dumbledore stands up after everyone is finished to make an announcement.)
DUMBLEDORE: Students! As I have often told you, I believe music is a magic in itself, far more powerful than what we do here. And I'm sure many of you have heard of instruments, especially if you take Muggle Studies. And I'm sure all of you sing. So I've hired a new Professor to teach musical instruments as another class. Please welcome Professor Hill.
(The students clap and a few cheer. Professor Hill steps up.)
PROFESSOR HILL:
(song)
May I have your attention please? Attention, please!
I can deal with this trouble friends with a wave of my hand, This very hand!
Please observe me if you will, I'm Professor Harold Hill,
And I'm here to organize a Hogwarts School Band!
Oh think my friends, of the magic of a gold trombone!
Oh a band'll do it my friends, oh yes I said a Hogwarts band
Do ya hear me?
I said Hogwarts gonna have her band and I mean she needs it today!
With Professor Harold Hill's on hand, Hogwarts is gonna have her school band
As sure as Dumbledore's the headmaster
And that band's gonna be in uniform!
Harry, Ron, Ginny, Fred!
FRED (spoken): How does he know our names?
HILL: And you'll see the glitter of crashing cymbals
The rolling drums!
And you'll feel something akin to the electric thrill I once enjoyed
When other magical musicians
All came to town on the very same historic day!
Seventy-six trombones led the big parade!
With a hundred and ten cornets right behind
We were followed by rows and rows of the finest virtuosos,
The cream of every famous band!
Seventy-six trombones caught the morning sun
While a hundred and ten cornets blazed away
There were more than a thousand reeds springing up like weeds,
There were horns, of every shape and kind!
There were copper bottom timpanis in horse platoons
Thundering, thundering, all along the way!
Double bell euphoniums and big bassoons
Each bassoon having it's big fat say!
There were fifty mounted cannons in the battery
Thundering, thundering, louder than before!
Clarinets of every size and trumpeters who'd improvise a full octave higher than the score!
(Professor Hill runs around and passes out all different instruments to the students. He even hands one to Professor Snape, who looks disgusted. Professor Dumbledore happily takes an instrument and joins in the fun. The band begins to march around the room.)
ALL: Seventy-six trombones hit the counterpoint
While a hundred and ten cornets blazed away
To the rhythm of Harch! Harch! Harch!
All the kids began to march and they're marching still right today!
(song ends)
DUMBLEDORE: Also, in addition, we are also going to have a school musical to create more music! Professor Karp is here to teach an acting class to anyone willing to take it after classes.
GINNY: That sounds like fun! Let's sign up, Harry!
HARRY: Oh, all right.
GINNY (dramatically): Mother always told me I should be an actress!
HARRY: Oh, just come on!
RON: Well, I suppose I'll sign up too. What about you, Mione?
HERMIONE: Why not? I'll give it a try.
(the scene changes. It's the next day, they're in an auditorium and Harry, Ginny, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, and other kids, some Slytherins as well, including Draco, are on stage.)
PROFESSOR KARP: All right, now pretend you're on a bobsled. How would you feel? Ron?
RON: It's cold, and I feel the wind blowing against my ears.
KARP: Very good. Ginny?
GINNY: I... I just can't feel it. I feel nothing. It's April, how are we supposed to pretend it's winter? I thought acting was more than this.
KARP: Miss Weasley, if you act like this, you'll never be an actress!
DRACO: You're hopeless!
RON: Lay off my sister!
KARP: Boys, no fighting!
(Ginny runs from the room, sobbing. The scene changes to Ginny's dorm room where she's sitting.)
GINNY: I was so excited cause I was going to go to a class for the performing arts.
I mean, I was dying to be a serious actress.
Anyway, it's the first day of class, and we're in the auditorium,
And the teacher, Mr. Karp, puts us up on the stage with our legs around everybody
One in back of the other, And he says,
Okay, now we're going to do improvisations.
Now you're on a bobsled, and it's snowing out, and it's cold.
Okay, go
Every day for a week we would try to feel the motion,
Feel the motion, down the hill Every day for a week we would try to hear the wind rush,
Hear the wind rush, feel the chill
And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul to see what I had inside
Yes I dug right down to the bottom of my soul and I tried, I tried!
And everybody's going swoosh, swoosh,
I feel the snow, I feel the cold, I feel the air
And Mr. Karp turns to me and he says,
Okay, Ginny, what did you feel?
And I said nothing, I'm feeling nothing
And he said nothing could get a girl transferred.
They all felt something, but I felt nothing!
Except the feeling that this bull**** was absurd!
But I said to myself, hey it's only the first week, maybe it's genetic
After all, they don't have bobsleds in San Juan!
Second week, more advanced and we had to be a table, be a sports car, ice cream cone.
Mr. Karp, he would say very good,
Except for Ginny, please try Ginny, all alone.
So I dug right down to the bottom of my soul to see how an ice cream felt.
Yes I dug right down to the bottom of my soul and I tried to melt!
The kids said nothing, they called me nothing!
And Karp allowed it, which really makes me burn!
They were so helpful, they called me hopeless
Until I didn't really know where else to turn.
And Karp kept saying, Ginny, I think you should transfer to a different class.
You'll never be an actress, never!
(Ginny runs to the other side of the stage, where Dumbledore is and has been listening.)
Went to Dumbledore, asking send me guidance, send me guidance, on my knees.
Went to him, asking him to help me feel it, help me feel it, pretty please.
And a voice from down at the bottom of my soul came up to the top of my head
Yes a voice from down at the bottom of my soul here is what it said:
This man is nothing! This course is nothing!
If you want something, go find a better class!
And when you find one, you'll be an actress,
And I assure you that what will finally come to pass.
(song ends)
DUMBLEDORE: Believe it or not, Ginny, you are not the only one to complain about Mr. Karp. Susan Bones, from Hufflepuff, tells me she's done community theater in the muggle world where she grew up, and tells me Mr. Karp is not running things properly. Apparently he is incompetent. So we will be firing him. I'm not sure if we will be able to find another teacher, so the classes will be canceled for now.
GINNY: Thank you, Professor Dumbledore.
(Ginny starts to leave the room.)
DUMBLEDORE: Oh, and Ginny?
GINNY: Yes?
DUMBLEDORE: Remember you can come and talk to me anytime you need help.
GINNY: Thank you, Professor.
(She leaves the room. Lights dim. The scene switches to the Great Hall.)
HERMIONE: Ginny, don't worry about it. I think you're a wonderful actress.
HARRY: Really Ginny, and he wasn't a good teacher, Dumbledore fired him.
(A Hufflepuff, Susan Bones, walks over.) SUSAN: Hey, Ginny, I heard what happened. I'm sure you're a great actress.
GINNY: How would you know?
SUSAN: I did a lot of theater back when I was a muggle and didn't know I was a witch. I still do when I go home for the summer. And I can tell you, it's not that great.
GINNY: Oh, don't say that, I'm sure it's wonderful!
HERMIONE: But don't you meet a lot of cute actors?
RON: Hermione!
HERMIONE: Sorry, Ron.
SUSAN: Well, yes, but most of them- they aren't even worth it.
(song)
Why do stage struck maidens clamor to be acting in the drammer?
Though it seems cruel to bust all your dreams- still I must.
Here's the truth I tell you:
Life upon the wicked stage ain't ever what a girl supposes.
Stage door Johnnies aren't raging over you with gems and roses
When you let a feller hold you hand
Which means an extra drink or sandwich
Everybody whispers ain't her life a whirl?
HERMIONE & GINNY: Her life's a whirl, ain't it a whirl, her life's a whirl, ain't it a whirl!
SUSAN: Wild old men who give you jewels and sables
Only live in Aesops fables!
Life upon the wicked stage ain't nothing for a girl!
HERMIONE & GINNY: Though we've listen to you moan and grieve,
You must pardon us if we do not believe you
There is no doubt you're crazy about your awful stage!
SUSAN: I admit, it's fun to smear my face with paint,
Causing everyone to think I'm what I ain't
Yet when once the curtain's down my life is pure
And how I dread it!
If some gentleman would talk with reason
I would cancel all next season.
Life upon the wicked stage ain't nothing for a girl.
GINNY: You'd be back the season after!
(dance break! a short dance with everyone in the hall. Teachers exit at this point. All students exit in pairs of boy-girl. Except for one Ravenclaw boy still sitting at the table, and Susan, sitting alone at her table.)
SUSAN: I got virtue- but it ain't been tested
RAVENCLAW: No one's even interested!
(the Ravenclaw walks disgustedly off.)
SUSAN: Life upon the wicked stage ain't nothing for a girl!
(song ends)
(end of scene)
************************************************************************
A/N: This chapter may have been kind of boring, I don't know. I'm not sure whether to make this play ten chapters long or only six. Please give me your opinions by reviewing!
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and co. belong to JK Rowling. (sob!) And I don't even own Professor Hill or Mr. Karp. Professor Hill is from The Music Man, written by Meredith Wilson, and Mr. Karp is from A Chorus Line, written by Marvin Hamlisch and Edward Kleban.
Seventy-Six Trombones- The Music Man
Nothing- A Chorus Line
Life Upon The Wicked Stage- Showboat
Act 1
Scene 4
(the Great Hall. The teachers and students are enjoying their meals. Dumbledore stands up after everyone is finished to make an announcement.)
DUMBLEDORE: Students! As I have often told you, I believe music is a magic in itself, far more powerful than what we do here. And I'm sure many of you have heard of instruments, especially if you take Muggle Studies. And I'm sure all of you sing. So I've hired a new Professor to teach musical instruments as another class. Please welcome Professor Hill.
(The students clap and a few cheer. Professor Hill steps up.)
PROFESSOR HILL:
(song)
May I have your attention please? Attention, please!
I can deal with this trouble friends with a wave of my hand, This very hand!
Please observe me if you will, I'm Professor Harold Hill,
And I'm here to organize a Hogwarts School Band!
Oh think my friends, of the magic of a gold trombone!
Oh a band'll do it my friends, oh yes I said a Hogwarts band
Do ya hear me?
I said Hogwarts gonna have her band and I mean she needs it today!
With Professor Harold Hill's on hand, Hogwarts is gonna have her school band
As sure as Dumbledore's the headmaster
And that band's gonna be in uniform!
Harry, Ron, Ginny, Fred!
FRED (spoken): How does he know our names?
HILL: And you'll see the glitter of crashing cymbals
The rolling drums!
And you'll feel something akin to the electric thrill I once enjoyed
When other magical musicians
All came to town on the very same historic day!
Seventy-six trombones led the big parade!
With a hundred and ten cornets right behind
We were followed by rows and rows of the finest virtuosos,
The cream of every famous band!
Seventy-six trombones caught the morning sun
While a hundred and ten cornets blazed away
There were more than a thousand reeds springing up like weeds,
There were horns, of every shape and kind!
There were copper bottom timpanis in horse platoons
Thundering, thundering, all along the way!
Double bell euphoniums and big bassoons
Each bassoon having it's big fat say!
There were fifty mounted cannons in the battery
Thundering, thundering, louder than before!
Clarinets of every size and trumpeters who'd improvise a full octave higher than the score!
(Professor Hill runs around and passes out all different instruments to the students. He even hands one to Professor Snape, who looks disgusted. Professor Dumbledore happily takes an instrument and joins in the fun. The band begins to march around the room.)
ALL: Seventy-six trombones hit the counterpoint
While a hundred and ten cornets blazed away
To the rhythm of Harch! Harch! Harch!
All the kids began to march and they're marching still right today!
(song ends)
DUMBLEDORE: Also, in addition, we are also going to have a school musical to create more music! Professor Karp is here to teach an acting class to anyone willing to take it after classes.
GINNY: That sounds like fun! Let's sign up, Harry!
HARRY: Oh, all right.
GINNY (dramatically): Mother always told me I should be an actress!
HARRY: Oh, just come on!
RON: Well, I suppose I'll sign up too. What about you, Mione?
HERMIONE: Why not? I'll give it a try.
(the scene changes. It's the next day, they're in an auditorium and Harry, Ginny, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, and other kids, some Slytherins as well, including Draco, are on stage.)
PROFESSOR KARP: All right, now pretend you're on a bobsled. How would you feel? Ron?
RON: It's cold, and I feel the wind blowing against my ears.
KARP: Very good. Ginny?
GINNY: I... I just can't feel it. I feel nothing. It's April, how are we supposed to pretend it's winter? I thought acting was more than this.
KARP: Miss Weasley, if you act like this, you'll never be an actress!
DRACO: You're hopeless!
RON: Lay off my sister!
KARP: Boys, no fighting!
(Ginny runs from the room, sobbing. The scene changes to Ginny's dorm room where she's sitting.)
GINNY: I was so excited cause I was going to go to a class for the performing arts.
I mean, I was dying to be a serious actress.
Anyway, it's the first day of class, and we're in the auditorium,
And the teacher, Mr. Karp, puts us up on the stage with our legs around everybody
One in back of the other, And he says,
Okay, now we're going to do improvisations.
Now you're on a bobsled, and it's snowing out, and it's cold.
Okay, go
Every day for a week we would try to feel the motion,
Feel the motion, down the hill Every day for a week we would try to hear the wind rush,
Hear the wind rush, feel the chill
And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul to see what I had inside
Yes I dug right down to the bottom of my soul and I tried, I tried!
And everybody's going swoosh, swoosh,
I feel the snow, I feel the cold, I feel the air
And Mr. Karp turns to me and he says,
Okay, Ginny, what did you feel?
And I said nothing, I'm feeling nothing
And he said nothing could get a girl transferred.
They all felt something, but I felt nothing!
Except the feeling that this bull**** was absurd!
But I said to myself, hey it's only the first week, maybe it's genetic
After all, they don't have bobsleds in San Juan!
Second week, more advanced and we had to be a table, be a sports car, ice cream cone.
Mr. Karp, he would say very good,
Except for Ginny, please try Ginny, all alone.
So I dug right down to the bottom of my soul to see how an ice cream felt.
Yes I dug right down to the bottom of my soul and I tried to melt!
The kids said nothing, they called me nothing!
And Karp allowed it, which really makes me burn!
They were so helpful, they called me hopeless
Until I didn't really know where else to turn.
And Karp kept saying, Ginny, I think you should transfer to a different class.
You'll never be an actress, never!
(Ginny runs to the other side of the stage, where Dumbledore is and has been listening.)
Went to Dumbledore, asking send me guidance, send me guidance, on my knees.
Went to him, asking him to help me feel it, help me feel it, pretty please.
And a voice from down at the bottom of my soul came up to the top of my head
Yes a voice from down at the bottom of my soul here is what it said:
This man is nothing! This course is nothing!
If you want something, go find a better class!
And when you find one, you'll be an actress,
And I assure you that what will finally come to pass.
(song ends)
DUMBLEDORE: Believe it or not, Ginny, you are not the only one to complain about Mr. Karp. Susan Bones, from Hufflepuff, tells me she's done community theater in the muggle world where she grew up, and tells me Mr. Karp is not running things properly. Apparently he is incompetent. So we will be firing him. I'm not sure if we will be able to find another teacher, so the classes will be canceled for now.
GINNY: Thank you, Professor Dumbledore.
(Ginny starts to leave the room.)
DUMBLEDORE: Oh, and Ginny?
GINNY: Yes?
DUMBLEDORE: Remember you can come and talk to me anytime you need help.
GINNY: Thank you, Professor.
(She leaves the room. Lights dim. The scene switches to the Great Hall.)
HERMIONE: Ginny, don't worry about it. I think you're a wonderful actress.
HARRY: Really Ginny, and he wasn't a good teacher, Dumbledore fired him.
(A Hufflepuff, Susan Bones, walks over.) SUSAN: Hey, Ginny, I heard what happened. I'm sure you're a great actress.
GINNY: How would you know?
SUSAN: I did a lot of theater back when I was a muggle and didn't know I was a witch. I still do when I go home for the summer. And I can tell you, it's not that great.
GINNY: Oh, don't say that, I'm sure it's wonderful!
HERMIONE: But don't you meet a lot of cute actors?
RON: Hermione!
HERMIONE: Sorry, Ron.
SUSAN: Well, yes, but most of them- they aren't even worth it.
(song)
Why do stage struck maidens clamor to be acting in the drammer?
Though it seems cruel to bust all your dreams- still I must.
Here's the truth I tell you:
Life upon the wicked stage ain't ever what a girl supposes.
Stage door Johnnies aren't raging over you with gems and roses
When you let a feller hold you hand
Which means an extra drink or sandwich
Everybody whispers ain't her life a whirl?
HERMIONE & GINNY: Her life's a whirl, ain't it a whirl, her life's a whirl, ain't it a whirl!
SUSAN: Wild old men who give you jewels and sables
Only live in Aesops fables!
Life upon the wicked stage ain't nothing for a girl!
HERMIONE & GINNY: Though we've listen to you moan and grieve,
You must pardon us if we do not believe you
There is no doubt you're crazy about your awful stage!
SUSAN: I admit, it's fun to smear my face with paint,
Causing everyone to think I'm what I ain't
Yet when once the curtain's down my life is pure
And how I dread it!
If some gentleman would talk with reason
I would cancel all next season.
Life upon the wicked stage ain't nothing for a girl.
GINNY: You'd be back the season after!
(dance break! a short dance with everyone in the hall. Teachers exit at this point. All students exit in pairs of boy-girl. Except for one Ravenclaw boy still sitting at the table, and Susan, sitting alone at her table.)
SUSAN: I got virtue- but it ain't been tested
RAVENCLAW: No one's even interested!
(the Ravenclaw walks disgustedly off.)
SUSAN: Life upon the wicked stage ain't nothing for a girl!
(song ends)
(end of scene)
************************************************************************
A/N: This chapter may have been kind of boring, I don't know. I'm not sure whether to make this play ten chapters long or only six. Please give me your opinions by reviewing!
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and co. belong to JK Rowling. (sob!) And I don't even own Professor Hill or Mr. Karp. Professor Hill is from The Music Man, written by Meredith Wilson, and Mr. Karp is from A Chorus Line, written by Marvin Hamlisch and Edward Kleban.
Seventy-Six Trombones- The Music Man
Nothing- A Chorus Line
Life Upon The Wicked Stage- Showboat