I Don't own Harry Potter. I'll try to to start the real fic based on this soon.

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Dear Dark Lord (or you were before retiring),

I have a student with a serious fungus infection on their arm and whenever I try to treat it it gets worse and turns pink! If you could help me figure out what's wrong I'll send your great grandson a present! No, no bribery. Um, well, I thought Slytherins were suppose to be good at Potions. Did you mention that Harry Pot-Snape I mean. Sorry about that, did you mention that he needed to finish his magical education here in America? Well, I am the Headmistress of a school and I'm sure both Mrs. Snape/Potter and Mr. Snape/Potter would be more then welcome to come to our school. Please ask him for me the next time you write to him.

Also, I've been looking for a Potion's Master for several years now. Would you like to take the job since you will no longer be the Dark Lord? I would very much appreciate it! You would definitely be much better then that ninny Lockheart who works for me now. I await your reply. I must warm you, if you want the job you must scare Lockheart away (not that that's very hard).

-Headmistress Selena Moonlight, First Order of Merlin Grade 1 of the School Festiva of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Finest School in America.


Dear Ms. Selena Moonlight.

The best cure that I can come up with right now is the Dragon's Breath Acid. Talk to Mr. Potter about getting your on shipment. He is the only brewer in the world crazy enough to brew that dangerous poison. Although, his father might be teaching it to the seventh years as a non hands on lesson. Or, he'll have Harry come to show the class what it look's like. He obviously has the family potion skills. Hid did alter the Poly Juice Potion. As for the magical education, he is currently going to Akari Magical High. But i'll tell him about your school for next year. I'll gladly take a teaching position. As long as the class room isn't in the basement. Being underground scare's me, almost as much as it scare's Lockheart. I though that his memory was blasted to bit's by my Great Grandson's friend? I'll just have Charles kill him.

Sincerely,

Tom.

P.S. I have located Osama Bin–Laden and am going to turn him in for dead for the bounty. What can I say, I'm stil a gready little basterd (Check this dictionary and it's true. I was born out of wedlock, there fore I am A basterd.)

Dear Lord Voldemort,
My name is Kassandra... I have jet-black hair and bright green eyes- some say I look like the 'famous Harry Potter' I wanted to know... do you know if we're related in any way? I mean- I've read all the fan fics of Harry having a twin sister, and since you were the one there on that night- did he really? Who am I really? Help...

[Kassi]


Dear [Kassi]

There aren't many people with combonation of hair and eyes. Harry would have had a half sister had I not killed Lily before she was born. I have yet to find the heir of merlin. But Aberforth Dumbledore is the heir of Griffindor, and Albus is the heir to Reavenclaw. (Both had different mother's but stil l look like twin's.) James' cousin went on the create Pokémon.

Sincerely,

Tom Riddle.

P.S. For your truble of writing to me I'll send you a pack of the newest Pokémon card's.

Not so dear old friend of me,

You utter bastard! you liar! you didn't sleep around! you would have told me! And in case you have forgotten, the Walker's are very rich (richer then the Malfoy's) and Bethany is already building an army AND gone back to James. Least he didn't ever lie. Go to hell.

Not Sincerely at all,

Ares Heraldry.

PS-I still have a note that you passed to me in History of Magic saying that you liked Bethany.

PPS-I got married to Karen De'Blanche.

Dear who ever you are.

See how easy it is to minipulate the human brain? To put in memory's that were wiped or never there in the first place. That was how I got the Muggle minister to let me go when I was cought at the age of fithteen for the muder of one of my bunk mate's at the orphanage.

Sincerely,

Tom.

Dear Tom,

Thanks for getting back my candy and cards! Anyway, if you can own one country, which one would it be? Um... What's your favorite color in the rainbow? If you can make a holiday, what would you call it?

Sincerely,

Divine

Dear Divine,

You're very welcome. A country all to myself? Hmmm... That would have to be Japan. My favorit color in the rainbow... Green of course. I make a holliday in honur of snake's. It would be called Snake Day.

Sincerely,

Tom.


Dear Tommy Lommy,

You zee i 'ave zis boyfriend 'oo likez 'Arry potter more zen me. What do i do?

love,

i iz not telling.


Dear Fluer,

Just dump the loser. Or if yopu have to, ask Harry for some Dragon's Breath Poison. And stop asking for love advise.

Please stop,

Tom.



Dear tom.

You got me expelled!! Man tom, I thought we was friends! By the way....
What happened to ya'? I mean ya' was nice when I first met ya'. But you had to go an' open the chamber and blame me fer it. Oh well! BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.

~Yer best friend,

R. Hagrid

P.S. i think i love you!


Dear Rubeus,

I hope that P.S. was just a joke, because if it wasn't... As for framing you for Mirtle's death. Do you remeber when we made that pact that said we wouldn't let friend ship get in the way of our education.

Sorry about getting you expelled,

Tom.


Dear Tom,

Hey! Hi Harry! Anyway, I have a crush on my friend but I don't want to, I just do, you understand? And I hate being ordinary, what can I do? I think you rock, even at old age. :) You're my idol since god knows when! Thanks for reading! Ciao!

The Super Star

P.S. What's the most effective way of killing an annoying person?


Dear Hermione,

Just stop being friends with this person. Or give up not wanting to go out with Ron and ask him out.

Sincerely,

Tom

P.S. If you want to make it look like some body else did it. Slip some Dragons Breath into this person's glass. If it is Harry, then don't bother he can tell when some Dragon's breath is in any thing.



Dear Tom,

A former employee of yours refuses to acknowledge the fact that I am the only woman for him. What would you suggest: the cat-o-nine tails or a simple Imperius Curse?

Sincerely,

Ivory Tower.

Dear Ivory Tower,

Okay folk's could you please stop asking love addvise? I have killed my last wife for being a ministry spy. Imperious would be the best.

Sincerely,

Tom.


Dear Tom,

I tried acting sane and no one believed that so I went with your second suggestion instead- killing everyone in the asylum. Well that didn't exactly work either and I just ended up letting all the crazies out and living in the ceiling. Thanks anyway.

Much Love,

Maggy

P.S.- So if you don't like fruits or nuts, what do you eat?


Dear Maggy,

I'll get you out of there as soon as I can. Like I have siad before, all I eat is Candy and food's high in saturated fat.

Sincerely,

Tom.

Dear Lord Voldemort,

Hi!!!! Do you like pink fluffy bunnies that eat bananas? Do you like pink fluffy bananas that eat bunnies? And what do I do if I am adddicted to raisens? Need. . . more. . .can't live . . . without them. . .

Nova.

Dear Nova,

OKAY... (Walks away slowly.) I have a nuber for you to call and give them your name and address. There you can have a the raisin's you want.

Sincerely,

Tom.


Dear Tom,

Ginny has gone into early labour. They are goin to preform a sesection when we get to the hospital. Please Hurry. And take the Tri juice potion first. Aberforth, and Albus will be there.

Love,

Harry.

Dear Harry,

I'll be there in a minuet.

Love,

Tom.