Disclaimer:
Roses are red,
Violet's are blue,
Me don't own,
So you don't sue.

_______________________________________________


Dear Tom,

Oh, thanks a whole damn f*****' bunch! Your rejection sent Bethany back to James, and he doesn't deserve her! Now they're combined fortunes are financing Bethany's army, which she managed to start up not long ago. Plus, you may not know this, but I knew everything that you said to Ares in our school years. How do I know? That will be explained in the letter attached to this one.

Not one bit sincerely,

Karen De'Blanche-Heraldry.


Dear Karen,

Why would I care. I'll list the reason's why I am not scared. One. Satan has guarantied me that i can't be killed because nether God nor him want's me in Hell. I would take over. Two. An Army made up of mercenary's can be easily taken over by a richer power. Have you not read who are the top five richest wizards and witch's. My great Grand son has more money than any of the other four combined.

Sincerely,

Tom


Dear Tom,

Well, when I make a threat I carry through with it. My army has been started. We are called 'The Wayward Angels'. You forgot one crucial thing about me, Tom: I. Am. A. Spirit. Elemental. I can read minds, restore memories, and I never lose a memory. You never were able to fool me in any way. So there! I also always made sure that Ares wasn't missing any memories. He was remembering properly in his letter, I assure you of that. Just remember that when my armies attack at the Dark Lord convention. *evil grin* And I know perfectly well how many years I have left. Exactly 70 years, 6 months, 2 weeks, 3 days, 15 hours, 27 seconds, and 59 milliseconds. My heir shall be my daughter, Chloe (and she's not James' daughter either...). She's perfect for the role. Evil, just like her mother. Oh, and I must show you this...*a shiny ring with a nice big diamond is shown on Bethany's ring finger* You can guess what it is. I f you don't believe that I'm a spirit elemental, maybe I should convince you...*a rather large ball of fire suddenly appears and chases tom around the room*Mwaahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!

Yours,

Bethany, AKA Lady Doblo

Dear Bethany,

I'll tell you what I told Karen. An Army of mercenary's is no good if there's someone wealthier than you. So it is logical that my great grandson would offer much more to your mercenary's than you can. The few that remain in your army won't be able to fight off an army of zombie's. YES, that's right. Harry is a Necromancer. Your small brain probably wont know what that mean's. Necro is greek for dead. Necromancer's can control the dead. They usually don't go to the good side. But Harry did. Oh and Harry can open a portal to the dead zone. Then you can spend the rest of eternity listening to other's who met the same fate scream. So you see, I have nothing to fear from you. Also, it is a bad idea to tell the enemy your plans.

Sincerely,

Tom.


Dear Tom,

uh, something happened to Luke at the hospital and he was turned into a vampire. Do you know a way to get him human again? If not we're gonna shun him

Amanda and Sirius.


Dear Mr. and Mrs. Black,

You are horrible parent's. Shunning him just because he became a vampire. I hate to say this, but you are just as bad as my father. Well all you have to do is get harry to raise his human soul.

Sincerely,

Tom.


Tom,

Thomas Grant Riddle! Where on Earth have you been? I've been waiting forever! You told me you'd come back to marry me as soon as you were done being evil, and now i see this! This is what i find! You sit here on your worthless butt answering mail while i rot away at home, waiting for you to come back! I cant wait forever, Tom! I'm leaving you!


Your disgruntled ex-fiance,

Estella.


Dear Estella.

Sorry about that. Albus put a memory charm on me. I'll be there to mary you as soon as I dump Jan Brady. Please don't leave me baby, now that you shocked that memory back into me.

See you tomorrow,

Tom.



Dear Tom,

I don't like Charles. He's mean. He called me too impotent to be a Death Eater. I want a Dark Mark from you. After all, YOU'RE much more important. And yes I was in a coma. Hermione had put a coma curse on me for saying that she had problems for falling in love with the Draco doll. Can I replace Charles's position? When is your birthday anyway? I stuck a chicken egg underneath a frog. You can have them for your birthday. The Basilisk might hatch soon.

Ron.


Dear Ron,

I now realize that appointing Charles was a mistake. The Dark lord of the Caribbean. As for the Basilisk. You can give it to me as a wedding gift.

See you at the up and coming Dark Lord convention,

Tom.


Dear T-man,

I've got disco fever and i'm an angel. I have babies that talk and I lived through the 50s. You are far out and groovy! I think you are outta sight!!!! Just thought i'd share

John Travolta!


Dear J–Man,

Oh, aren't you the star of my favorite movie Saturday Night Fever.' Could I have your autograph?

Sincerely,

Tom.


Dear Tom Riddle,

I wanted to thank you for killing Lockheart. When you left (I hope you liked our American food by the way) his ghost returned and I was able to destroy it. Well, all of the students absolutely adore you and can't wait until you become a teacher here. Ms. Carmella, the other Charms teacher that you met, seemed very interested to meet you again *wink*. Well, I have another question for you.

This Charles, he isn't as great as you were. Why not ask your grandson Severus Snape or your great grandson Harry Potter to take over the job? I'm sure they would do much better.

Also, I have yet another problem. We have a new Divination professor and her name is Sibyll Trelawany (I wonder why all of the crack pot professors from Hogwarts are coming to my school). She is becoming quite annoying and I have reason to believe she is molesting the students. When I asked those that came to complain, they wanted to know if you could help.

Honestly, you have become the most popular teacher here, even though you haven't even started teaching yet! I'm wondering how I can torture Trelawany before I kill her or ask someone else to kill her. Do you have any suggestions for me?

-Headmistress Selena Moonlight.


Dear Ms. Moonlight,

Yes, I had a wonderful trip (Not with DRUGS! Drug's aren't cool. [A/N. can any one say subliminal messaging?]) the food was great. Barley any saturated fat and it tasted great. What did you call it? Oh' yes. A Double Quarter Pounder with cheese and a Coke.' Kill just about any one of the teachers that the student's are complaining about. As for torture. Ask A.O.D.

K.C. fan on a Mac here. My best form of torture is the Hug, hug' form. If that doesn't work. I'll send my little brother who asks if he should worry, all the time. Now, back to Tom.

You could also smash each finger and toe with a hammer, and do it slowly. Didn't you expect such an intelligent, handsome man, to become the most popular teacher at the school?

Sincerely,

Tom.


Dear Tom,

U always say bite me to her! here's the translation!

pudi li!

^^ Have a good day!

-Addy.


Dear Addy,

Thanks for the translation. She'll think that I've gone nut's. I shall send you thousand's of Galleon's if it work's.

Love,

Tom.


Dear Tom,

I'm one of Addy's friends and I'm wondering if u like to read romance novels? Have u played FF9?

-Mereika


Dear -Mereika,

No I don't read Romance Novel's. (Run's and burn's allot of book's on the shelf.) And NO, I DO NOT PLAY MUGGLE GAME'S!

Sincerely,

Tom.


Dear Tom,

How are you? Do you own fluffy pink slippers? If you do, can I borrow them? If you don't, can you buy me some? I saw Hermione with an inflatable Draco doll like Pansy had, she said it helped her study. Is there any spell that can make an inflatable doll change it's appearance to a very scary/ugly/funny looking thing?

Sincerely,

Divine.


Dear Divine,

Just pop the damn doll's. Then throw them both into the dead zone.

A VeRy CrAzY,

ToM.


Dear Tom,

Chibi Tom is almost twelve Lb.'s He has started a steady growth pattern now. He look's just like Dad now, but with your eye's. Also, me and Ginny are having a party for our first anniversary.

Love,

Harry.


Dear Harry,

It's great to hear from you. I'll be at the party with a gift. Till then, I rock.

Love,

Tom.