35

Ajene sat at Wedge's bedside in a comfortably padded chair that one of the medical staff had found for her. In fact it was so comfortable that she had to stretch her arms above her head in an attempt to fight off the sleep that threatened to overtake her. She wanted to be awake and alert when Wedge woke up.

He had been taken from the tank six hours before, in the middle of the Thyferran night, with only herself and Heblon present. The rest of the squadron would have wanted to be there, but the small private room that the tank was in couldn't have accommodated many more people. And the crush of bodies might not have been good for Wedge. Had he actually been conscious.

That was why Ajene had been surprised when the chief medical technician had announced that they were pulling Wedge from the tank. "But he hasn't regained consciousness," she said.

The gray haired technician just nodded. "The bacta we use is of high purity. It heals the body extremely quickly, sometimes too quickly. The injuries that General Antilles suffered were severe and traumatic, and time is required for his mind to catch up with his body." He placed a hand on Ajene's shoulder. "He'll come around when he's ready, Major."

A room in the medical building, somewhat isolated from the hustle and bustle of the rest of the facility, was set aside for Wedge's convalescence. That was where Ajene found herself, alone with him. Heblon had wanted to stay, but he looked tired after his long debriefing, so Ajene had told him that she would call him if anything changed.

She finished stretching and let her hands fall limply into her lap. She looked at Wedge, who remained in the same position he'd crawled into when they'd placed him in the bed. He had slowly pulled his knees up to his chest, his arms wrapping around his belly, his back to her.

Heblon had noted that the position was one that Wedge had adopted often while he was injured. It seemed to be a comfortable way for him to lie, especially after the wounds inflicted on his back. And whether he realized it or not, it had also given him an added sense of security. But to Ajene it made Wedge look almost childlike and so very vulnerable, and her heart ached at the thought of what he had been through.

During their conversation besides Wedge's tank, Ajene had made a point of asking Heblon about what had happened to Wedge on the planet, hoping that she would better understand how to help him in his recovery if she knew what he had experienced. Heblon had refused at first, obviously not wanting to cause her distress, but she had pressed the point, and he had seen her in action on the planet. In the end, he had acquiesced and provided as many details as he could. She accepted all of the information with a detached air, but inside she'd shuddered at the depth of Tchlinda and Turpa's cruelty.

Her attention was brought back to the bed as Wedge stirred. He muttered something and he seemed to constrict into an even tighter ball.

"Wedge?" she whispered as she leaned over him, still with his back to her.

"No...no...no more..." he mumbled. His hands came up and covered his face.

Ajene reached out with her left hand and settled it on Wedge's left shoulder. As soon as she made contact with him, his hands dropped from his face, his eyes shot open and he glanced frantically around the room. He retreated from Ajene, crawling backward up the bed until his back hit the durasteel wall and he could go no further. His arms wrapped around his legs and he hid his face in his knees.

Alarmed, her heart breaking over his obvious fear, Ajene approached him, gently laying a hand on his forearm. "Wedge, it's Ajene."

His brown eyes glanced over the top of his knees, and he finally seemed to recognize her. "Ajene?" he whispered.

He leapt forward onto his knees, throwing his arms around her. She was surprised by the sudden move, but held him close, running her hand up and down his back. Her throat thickened as she realized she could feel every bone in his spine through his thin hospital tunic. He had always been slim, but he had lost a lot of weight.

Ajene let him cling to her for a few minutes before she slowly pulled away from him. He sat back on the bed, leaning up against the wall, holding her left hand. Despite having been unconscious for days, he looked tired.

"Are you okay?" she asked as he took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

He opened his mouth to speak, but all he could manage was a croak. It had, after all, been a number of days since he had regularly used his speaking voice. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Yeah, I think so. I wasn't sure where I was for a minute and I...I guess I panicked."

She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "An understandable reaction after what's happened. But you're safe here with me."

He glanced around the room, further tying to settle his nerves. "Speaking of here, where are we?"

"On Thyferra. We came back here after leaving the Arramsetti system. We made the trip on a Thyferran Home Defense Corps ship, you made it in a bacta tank. You spent three days here in a tank until they fished you out about six hours ago. I figure you've been unconscious for about five days at least." She paused and brushed some of his hair out of his eyes, then kissed him on the forehead. "How do you feel?"

"Honestly? Surprised to be alive." He smiled up at her, a forced smile to convince her he was okay. She didn't fall for it.

"No, I mean how do you feel."

His smile faded and a tremor ran through him as he shivered. He let go of her hand and wrapped his arms protectively around his stomach again. She wondered if he even realized he was doing it. "I can still hear Tchlinda's voice...cold and cruel. She wanted to hurt me for what I'd done to her sons. She thought that by making me suffer, she could fill the void left when they died. But nothing she did to me seemed to satisfy her. She...she..." His eyes lost focus and stared off into the distance as painful memories surfaced in his mind.

"She what?" Ajene pushed gently.

Shame and anguish filled his eyes and he glanced down penitently. "She broke me," he confessed quietly. "She caused me so much pain that I truly wanted to give in, to die."

His knees came up towards his chest again and he seemed to withdraw from Ajene, but she refused to let him. When she and Wedge had become involved, she knew that he had built up a set of shields around himself, armoring himself emotionally, and that she would have to break through them. She had begun to get through before his capture and wasn't going to let what Tchlinda did to him prevent her from doing so again.

"Wedge?" When he wouldn't look up at her, she reached out and cupped his face in both of her hands and gently tilted it upwards. "Wedge, you have to believe me when I tell you that she didn't break you. If she had, you wouldn't be here. You would have died down there on that planet and nothing Heblon, I, or anyone could have done would have stopped it. You fought for your life every step of the way. Don't stop now."

His mouth opened then closed again as words failed him. His right hand came up to cover his eyes. Ajene climbed into the bed beside him, wrapping her arms around him, pulling his head down onto her shoulder.

What Wedge had suffered was traumatic, the most traumatic thing that ever happened to him. Whether he could admit it or not, there was a huge amount of pain hiding beneath the surface, and the only way to ease the pressure would be to let some of it out. She felt his body convulse as he suddenly sobbed, anguish pouring from him, and his warm tears flowed against her neck. She hardly knew this Wedge, whose emotions were usually suppressed and carefully hidden, emotions that most people never even acknowledged that he had.

She wanted so much to help him; it hurt to not be able to remove the memories of the experience from his mind. So she held him tighter, trying to protect and comfort him as much as she could with her presence, if not with her words.

When Wedge awoke from his nightmare, he was shaking and a little unsure where he was. He took in a couple of deep breaths in an attempt to slow his pounding heart and propped himself up against the wall at the head of his bed. He looked around and noticed that Ajene was curled up to his left in a large, cushioned chair.

Slowly he remembered that he was on Thyferra, and a sense of security returned. He recalled the conversation that he and Ajene had had, and how close he had come to sinking into an emotional black hole. She had comforted and consoled him when he was at his most vulnerable, and some of the biting anxiety and dark humiliation had slowly begun to fade away. He still stood close to the edge, but no longer felt like he was free falling into it.

He was just beginning to realize that it was going to take some time for him to forget what Tchlinda had done to him, and the nightmare seemed to confirm that. But he also knew that the more time passed, the more the memories would wane to a point where they wouldn't haunt him or overshadow his life.

He tilted his head from side to side and rotated his shoulders. There was a bit of stiffness in his back and shoulders, he assumed because he hadn't been moving a lot recently. He also felt hungry, which he took to be a good sign, but he knew better than to just suddenly begin ingesting solid food, as it had been many days since he had eaten. He would have to start off slowly or else it might hit his stomach and bounce.

Ajene shifted in her seat and stretched her arms out above her head. She opened her eyes and seemed surprised to see Wedge looking back at her.

"Why didn't you wake me?" she asked as she moved over to his bed.

"I'm just awake myself."

"How do you feel?"

"I'm coping," he answered truthfully. He took her hands in his. "Thanks for before."

She leaned over and kissed him gently on the lips. "It's better that you got it out. I just want you to feel better."

She kissed him again, more firmly this time, and wrapped her arms around him. He soaked in some of her warmth, beating back the cold and loneliness he was feeling.

From behind her, towards the door, Wedge heard someone clear their throat. "Sorry to interrupt."

Wedge looked over Ajene's shoulder and smiled. "Tycho!"

"I thought I'd check in, General. See if you were up and about."

"Well, I'm up, but the about may take a little time." Wedge frowned at the somber look on Tycho's face. He was trying to hide something, but wasn't doing a good job of it. The fact that he used Wedge's rank doubled his suspicion. He looked up at Ajene. "I could really use a glass of water. Could you..."

"No problem." She seemed to sense the seriousness in Tycho as well. She gave Wedge's hand one more squeeze, then turned to leave the room.

Tycho stepped out of the doorway to let Ajene leave then approached Wedge's bed. "I'm glad you're okay," he said.

"From what little Heblon, Face, and Kell managed to tell me, it sounds like I have you and Elscol to thank for that." Wedge swung his legs over the side of his bunk and stood tentatively, making sure to hold onto the side of the bed. He found his legs sufficiently stable and stood on his own. He offered Tycho his hand, but his friend brushed past it to give him a back-slapping hug.

"Never, ever do this to us again," Tycho said, making sure Wedge was still steady on his feet before releasing him. "You drove Wes to the breaking point. He didn't crack a joke in days!"

Wedge let a lazy grin creep onto his face. "You can believe me when I tell you that I never want to go through anything like this experience again." He walked back and forth a couple of times, stretching out muscles that hadn't been used in quite some time, then sat cross legged on his bed. "I've seen that look before, Tycho. You have bad news. Let's have it."

Tycho sighed in resignation. "I didn't want to have to tell you this as soon as you were awake."

"You're a pretty poor actor, Tycho. You've never been very good at hiding anything from me."

"I know." Tycho sat in the chair that Ajene had been sleeping in. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. "Arata Voran was killed at Arramsetti III."

Wedge leaned heavily against the wall again as the significance of what Tycho said hit him. The fact that one of his pilots had been killed trying to rescue him hurt Wedge deeply. He hadn't known Arata very well, but his loss still added to the grief he always felt when someone under his command was lost.

Another pilot to add to the long list of Rogue Squadron's dead. And this time it's because of me.

As guilt set like ferrocrete in his heart, he realized that Tycho had to be feeling the same thing. They had both lost pilots under their command before, but it never got any easier. The day it does is the day that we're as heartless and cold-blooded as the Empire.

"Wedge, I don't want you to feel bad about this," Tycho began. "All of the Rogues knew what they were getting into and accepted the risk. It's not your fault."

"And it's not yours either, Tycho. So stop beating yourself up over it."

"I haven't—"

Wedge held up a hand to forestall Tycho's argument. "You can stop right there. Both of us know that losing pilots is a part of war, but we're never prepared for the loss of a friend. I've only been back with the group for a short while, so I didn't know Arata as well as you did. You have to be hurting."

"Yeah, I guess." He looked towards the doorway, then back at Wedge. "I do have some good news. We managed to pull your X-wing off Arramsetti before we left the system. Gate, too. They're on the Venture, undergoing some repairs. There were quite a few laser burns on both of them."

"I don't doubt it! They were all that stood between me and several squads of stormtroopers. How are the Rogues?"

A faint smile took root on Tycho's face. "As concerned about you as you are about them."

"Is Corran around?"

Tycho shifted uncomfortably and his grin widened. "Actually, the whole squadron is further down the hall waiting for me to report."

"So you're the advance scout?" Wedge snorted.

"Something like that."

"I'd like to see Corran for a few minutes alone before they all pile in, if you don't mind."

"I'll go get him."

Tycho rose out of the chair, but Wedge waved him over before he turned towards the door. "Tycho, thanks for coming after me."

"After all you've done for me, how could I do any less?" He laid his hand on Wedge's shoulder and gave it a squeeze, then headed for the door.

A minute later, Corran Horn entered the room. He stopped just inside the doorway and saluted. Wedge waived the salute away. "Cut it out, Corran, and come over here."

Corran smiled as his hand fell to his side and he quickly crossed the distance between the door and the bed. Wedge got to his feet and gave him a friendly hug, then pulled back and looked at him curiously. "How did you do it?"

"Do what?" Corran looked at him confused.

"Don't give me that," Wedge said, but it came out a little more heated than he would have liked. He took a deep breath to compose himself before continuing. "I felt you up here." He pointed to his own forehead with two fingers from his left hand. "You willed me back to life. I had given up hope, decided that if I had to live with that kind of pain, then maybe I just didn't want to live at all. Then you came and relieved some of that pain. You made me want to fight for my life, Corran. As much as Heblon or anyone else, you saved my life. I was just tired...Tired of fighting death alone."

Wedge tried to suppress the emotions that washed over him, but his throat thickened and he had to take a deep shaky breath to keep control.

Corran leaned against the wall beside Wedge's bed, his arms crossed loosely across his chest. "Wedge, you're one of the most courageous and honorable people I know. There's no one who could have withstood what you went through without giving in to desperation and depression. But you didn't let it overpower you. You may think you did, but I know you're wrong. You knew we would find you and that you just had to hang on until we did. You're stronger than you think, so don't let a moment's weakness mark you for the rest of your life."

Wedge looked at the floor and thought about what Corran had just said. He truly had believed through most of his captivity that the Rogues would be looking for him and that if he could survive long enough, they would indeed find him. But after Tchlinda had sliced up his back and the ceremony loomed before him, he had begun to doubt. And that doubt was what ate at him, more than anything Tchlinda could have done to him.

When he thought about it now, it was truly amazing how many people had been looking for him. Tycho, Mirax, and Corran had been doggedly determined to figure out what had happened to him. Wes and Hobbie transferred back to the squadron just so they could help find him. Ajene left her Special Forces group to go with them. Even General Cracken had gone behind the council's back and sent Kell and Face out to help. And perhaps most impressive of all was that Wedge had managed to make such an impression on an Imperial Lieutenant that he had decided to defect from their side to his.

"You're a good friend, Corran, and you may be right. But I think you had more to do with it than you may think. You reached me at exactly the moment I needed you, when I couldn't bear it any longer. I don't know how you managed it."

"To be honest, neither do I. It was all a dream."

"What?"

Corran opened his arms wide. "Okay, so it wasn't really a dream. But it all happened in my sleep. I unconsciously reached out across half a star system to find you. I think maybe the Force led me to you, reaching you when you needed me most. Master Skywalker believes there's no such thing as coincidence when the Force is involved."

Wedge leaned against the edge of his bed. If Corran could do something like that in his sleep, he wondered what the younger man would be capable of if he trained to become a full Jedi.

Corran lay a hand on his forearm, and his green eyes looked steadily into Wedge's. "Perhaps better than anyone else, I know what you went through down there. The suffering, the fear, the despair... If you ever need someone to talk to, to get through it—"

"You're one of the first people I'll turn to, Corran, I promise."

"Good. After being in the loving care of an Imperial madwoman myself, I know how you must be feeling right now."

Wedge smiled at him, letting the warmth of their friendship erode yet another small piece of the terrible ache he still felt inside. He nodded his head at the door. "I guess you'd better let the rest of them in before they mutiny."

"Are you sure you're up to it?"

"As long as you don't let Wes in, I suppose so."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," Corran laughed as he headed out into the passageway to call on his squadmates.

Wedge sat on his bed, ready for yet another ambush.

Mirax sat in the comfortable chair in Wedge's small room, watching as his chest rose and fell while he slept. The squadron had been in to see him a couple of hours before, and although he said he enjoyed the visit, it had clearly tired him a great deal.

After much pestering, Mirax had also convinced Ajene to go and get something to eat and some proper rest. The major had reluctantly agreed, but only on the condition that Mirax stayed with him. Ajene had been standing guard over Wedge ever since he had been taken from the tank, sleeping in the chair that Mirax now occupied.

Slowly climbing to her feet, Mirax approached the bed. She reached out and very gently tousled Wedge's hair. It was hard to believe that the awkward and shy boy she had known as a child had grown into such an accomplished and remarkable man, so well-respected and loved that his many friends had been frantic to find him. She wondered if he realized how well thought of he was.

She remained at his bedside, watching as he slept, when a pair of tremendous arms surrounded her. Without even turning to look, she knew who it was. "Thank you for coming, father. I'm sure you wanted to supervise the repairs the Thyferrans are making on the Venture."

She placed her hands over his as he pulled her tightly against him. This was the first time she had seen him since Wedge had been removed from the tank. He had contacted her repeatedly for updates on his status, but had been unable to break away from debriefings and other responsibilities.

"How could I not come?" Booster chided quietly.

He gave Mirax a gentle squeeze then she pulled away and turned towards him. She looked up into his eyes, both organic and machine. "I can't believe we nearly lost him like this."

"I know," he replied, turning from her gaze to look at Wedge. "I know."

She leaned her left cheek against his broad chest, gaining comfort from his familiar scent and presence. "I wanted to thank you again for bringing the Venture. I know how much it must have cost you."

"Daughter, if you think that I'd choose credits over Wedge, then you're not nearly as smart as I thought I raised you to be." He continued to look past her to where Wedge lay in his bed, peaceful and innocent. "When you called to tell me that he'd been taken prisoner, I knew I had to do everything in my power to help. If anything were to happen to him—"

"We all felt that way."

"No, let me finish." He sighed and leaned down to kiss Mirax on the forehead. He circled his arms around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him, leaning his chin on the top of her head. "You know that there's no one in this galaxy that I love more than you, but when I heard that Wedge was missing, I felt as if a part of my heart had gone missing with him. It was only then that I realized I'd never really told him how much I cared about him. And now that we have him back, I want to make sure to let him know how I feel, to tell him that he's a part of our family."

"You don't have to tell me that, Booster. I knew it all along."

Mirax turned and saw that Wedge was awake, looking up at them. "How long have you been listening?" she asked him.

"Long enough." He pulled himself up into a sitting position. Mirax could tell from the way he moved that he was still weak and worn out. "I've always known how you felt, whether you expressed it verbally or not. While I was imprisoned, I thought often of my mother and father, and how much their death has marked me and changed my life. And I realized that however much I felt alone in this galaxy, I always had you and Mirax to turn to. After my parents were killed, it was you who took me in, Booster. You didn't have to, but you did. I shudder to think what might have happened to me had you not."

Mirax moved over to Wedge and took his hand in hers. He placed his other hand over the top of their intertwined fingers. Booster came up behind her, swallowing hard before speaking. "You've turned out better than even I could have hoped for, Wedge, but I don't think that has anything to do with me. Your parents did a good job of raising you before they died."

Wedge looked up at Booster, obviously struggling with the emotions that surfaced whenever he thought about the death of his parents. "I guess they did. But so often since they died, you've been like a father to me, guiding and helping me on my path through life the way that I hope my father would have. Knowing that you're proud of me gives me hope that he would have been as well. I realize that I've never told you this, I wasn't able to before, but I love you as a father. And I hope that you will think of me as your son."

Booster moved beside Mirax and took Wedge's free hand in his, while draping his other arm over his daughter's shoulder. Mirax brushed away the tears that had begun to roll down her cheeks. Unable to speak, she looked over at her father. Though she couldn't be sure, she thought that she saw tears forming in his one organic eye.