Kaiooshin-Kai: A History

Book of Wands, part 5: Perversion and Eternity

A DBZ fanfiction by LadyRivka

Hoshiko got up with a start. If today's the day, she thought, best get ready. She put on her best outfit: a saffron-yellow doublet with puffy purple sleeves (which continued as a straight sleeve), the hems of which hung almost to her knees; a long purple skirt; underneath, a pair of carmine-red Oriental pants with yellow cuffs; a carmine-red sash to tie up the doublet, and a pair of flat black Chinese-style slippers.

As she put on her shoes, an uneasiness came to her mind. Were all the rumors about the Dai Kaiooshin true? Was he really an old pervert? Did he really fuse with that Namae-nai witch?

She had to go see for herself.

Hesitantly she went to Ban'noh's quarters and roused him from slumber. His voice in her brain echoed, Sensee, I'm not a morning person.

"Yes, I understand," she whispered, "but today's the day you're going to see Dai Kaiooshin."

His face lit up. "Really?"

"Yes. Now go get dressed and we'll be on our way."

Ban'noh and Hoshiko walked the long route to the palace of the Dai Kaiooshin. On the way, they were surrounded by Northern merchants peddling the newest fad: the potara earrings. Whole crowds of people were gathered in the tents to buy them; buy these, they'll make you stronger, here's how, the peddlers howled.

But Hoshiko didn't buy into such things. Four years ago, she had come across what was actually the first pair of potaras in the metal-smith's tent in the north. She remembered the smith saying the earrings were cursed; but that didn't stop people with visions of grandeur from buying them and actually USING them. The North Kaiooshin was making a killing off of the earrings; but Hoshiko has heard they were originally invented to fortify diplomacy between the artistic North and the bellicose West. If the North Kaiooshin could invent something that he could sell to the West, it would tie the planet closer together. Of course, the potaras were big hits in the West, since they combined the bodies and spirits of two warriors together, boosting their strength; but it was later found out that the two persons involved became permanently fused. How the Northern mages, being some of the weakest on Kaiooshin-kai, did it amazed Hoshiko; also amazing was the fact that the earrings had been a smash hit in the East and South as well. The Dai Kaiooshin bought a pair, so it was said, and fused with a Namae-nai sorceress [witch] so he could overcome the loss of memory and impaired magic abilities that came with old age. It didn't help much, but

the Dai Kaiooshin was still fused to the lower-class witch, for better or worse. He was just lucky that his personality was the dominant one in the fusion.

Ban'noh clamored for a pair, roused by the shouts of the peddlers. Hoshiko had to restrain the young god, both physically and mentally. He fought back, but to no avail since his sensee had telepathically reasoned with him- his "weakness", so to speak, was logic.

They kept on the road to Dai Kaiooshin's palace, not letting the earring salesmen or anything else be a distraction to them. When they finally got there, they noticed that the line was very, very long, so long, in fact, that it had to curl up on itself just to keep itself in the domain of the Dai Kaiooshin.

They waited in that line for two long years, subsiding on whatever food Ban'noh-kun had made out of the grass or soil, which was usually either chocolate or fruit. Hoshiko began to tire of chocolate day in and day out, but it was keeping her alive, so she had no reason to complain to her charge.

Finally, their moment in the sun had arrived. It was their turn to see the God of Gods, and the six-year-old boy was thrilled. He could learn so many things from the Dai Kaiooshin…

Or maybe not, since the God of Gods was making an approach towards his sensee that he really didn't understand.

"Hey, kid, you the East Kaiooshin-in-training?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, then, sonny, let me tell you that…" he paused for a millisecond. "Your teacher or whatchamacalit over there is really HOT! Whoa mama!"

"What do you mean? She's not on fire or anything, is she? At least I didn't put any fire spells on her…"

Great, thought Hoshiko. He really IS a pervert…and an ugly one, to boot.

Hoshiko walked toward the old Dai Kaiooshin, angry as all hell. "Just a minute, you…I happen to be the Lead Mage of the Eastern Universal Quadrant, and…"

"So what? You've got a great chest, you do," the God of Gods interrupted. "All bouncy…and…and…perky…and…damn!" Blood started to leak out of his nose.

"How in the world did you get so…erm…dirty?" Hoshiko asked the old god.

"Heck, been dirty all of my life. The purification spells they put on me when I became the East Kaiooshin long ago had no effect. I was resistant to magick, an' that's how I got here. Too powerful for most people's magick…'cept maybe yours, 'cause you've got me under your spell, hehe…"

"AUGGH!" yelled the mage. "Can't a woman get any respect around here?"

"Of course ya can get respect, for a price," interrupted Dai Kaiooshin. "Just show me your underwear, and…"

"OHHHH NOOO I'm not! Here, take Ban'noh-kun. Train him well; I'll come back to check on him once in a while." She handed the boy over to the perverted old man. "Ban'noh, don't listen to any of the stuff he says about…girls, okay?"

Okay, he answered telepathically and grinned. I'll just train.

"Bye-ya, sexy!" yelled the Gods of Gods as Hoshiko raced back home. "See ya 'round sometime, okay? I'll take care of the boy, don't you worry your pretty little head off…Hey, where'd she go?"

"Away," answered the six-year-old deity. "Now you can train me."

Dai Kaiooshin sighed. "Okay, but it won't be easy…"

END BOOK OF WANDS

STORY TO BE CONTINUED IN BOOK OF CUPS

Cups, chapter 1: Ban'noh is now 13, and goes back with his original sensee…and someone else.