"Super Mario Bros.: Saturday Secrets"

Chapter One: Mario's RAGE!

Mario has anger management problems. Luigi is unfaithful. Peach has a drinking problem. And Browser… well, you'll see.  (Note: I don't own Super Mario Bros., Nintendo does—Nintendo does probably not support these stories. Okay?)

It was a regular Saturday morning and everything was going great. I had just finished eating my 'healthy' breakfast and was washing the dishes. It was sunny and the birds were chirping. Everything was great. It was my day off—great, no plumbing today. Then I broke a dish. Then chipped my coffee mug. I could feel the anger starting to boil under my skin. But I took deep breaths and soon it went away. Great going, Mario!  Anyway, back to the story.

I went into my living room and turned on the TV to watch the Weather Network. The forecast read that it will be sunny and bright and warm all day. Nothing could get me mad now. After a short while, I went to go for a walk and then my neighbour Ms. Florence asked me if I could fix her pipe. It was my day off and I didn't feel like doing any type of plumbing but of course, I am a good neighbour.  So I went  inside her house and she led me to her kitchen. I saw what the problem was and went back home to get my tools. In like 15 minutes everything was clear. No more plumbing today! I didn't even get a lousy cup of tea or anything for my work. Cheapo.

After that I continued my walk. But bang! Guess who else came calling for my help? Mr. Harvey jogged over and in between pants, he asked me if I could check out his toilet and see what's up with it. So I walked all the way to his home and to his bathroom and checked his toilet. No problem. It was only clogged. Nothing a little elbow grease couldn't handle. And plus, I got a piece of hot apple pie for my work. At least Mr. Harvey and his wife weren't like cheap-y Ms. Florence. They "paid" me. Okay, I was all pumped up now for my walk. I trotted a bit further down the street and along came Madame Cartier and she asked me for some help installing a faucet that fell off. Now I was a bit ticked because this was my day off. But like a good ol' neighbour I gladly offered my services.

By the time all that was over it was already one o'clock in the afternoon. And I felt like I needed a nap. So I went to bed and dozed off. But not for too long. Because guess who called me up and woke me up from my siesta? One of my clients, the mayor. I was grumpy and didn't feel like helping him with his plumbing work. No free labour here. But he offered me a nice cheque and promised to recommend my plumbing services to others. Okay. Who couldn't resist?

When I got there, Mr. Big Shot Mayor had some plans of his own. He kept me for a few hours to re-do all his bathroom plumbing! By the end, I was all sweaty and hot and oh so cranky. And when I asked for my pay, the mayor chuckled and said:

"Oh, oh, Mario! I must have misplaced my cheque-book. Sorry about that."

And he shooed me out the door. Now, I was mad! My face went all red and I clenched my fists, locked my jaw. I've done a lot of work all day on MY DAY OFF. And all I got was a super-skinny slice of pie and a bunch of empty thank yous. I banged on the greedy mayor's door. He opened it up and I jumped him. Strangled him. His snobby wife must have called the cops because I saw them pulling into the drive way. An officer came and held me. I would have killed him [the mayor]. Then my anger got a hold of me. I punched the police officer and his fat sidekick pulled me away. Soon the media was there too. All the TV news reporters and nosey neighbours were watching. The cops were trying to act all tough and they tried to arrest me. It didn't work at first. But by the 3rd time, I was in the cop car and all the by-standers were booing me. I had just have the plumbing business a bad name.

I spent he rest of the night down at the station in anger. I tried to call Luigi to bail me out but no one would pick up the phone. Finally after the 100th ring, Luigi picked up. In the background I could hear a woman. She sounded like Linda, my ex from high school. What was he doing with her? And was too busy to bail me out?

"Later bro, I got some business to do. I'll getcha in the morning. Sleep tight. Don't let the criminals get you." That's all what Luigi said. Click! He hung up. I threw a fit in the cell and went to bed. Again. That was my Saturday.