The idea for this popped into my head after reading WAY too much TB/X fanfiction (heheh), as well as watching the X TV series. I hope you like it. ^^
Notes: Shounen-ai, angst, fluff. Of course, it also contains SPOILERS for Subaru's past and the famous mind dive. =D This is set after the mind dive and before the sealing of the shinken.
*********
One Step Forever
*********
"Subaru-san.." Kamui said quietly, looking up at the ceiling. The onmiyouji, too weary to go back to his own bed, lay next to him, half awake.
"Hai?" the older man responded quietly.
Kamui turned his head to look at his companion, whose gray-green eyes were studying him intently. "If I.. had chosen differently.. would Kotori be alive?"
Subaru thought for a moment, then chose his words very carefully. "I couldn't tell you, because I am not a yumeji. I'm an onmiyouji."
"Sou," the boy replied, looking back up at the ceiling. "It.. hurts."
Quietly, the onmiyouji agreed. "It does. And it never stops.. but it does lessen."
Kamui winced in pain as he rolled onto his side to study Subaru's face. "Why did you risk your life for me? Because I am.. -Kamui-?"
"Not entirely." Subaru resisted the urge to look away, effected in ways he didn't want to admit by the pain in Kamui's eyes. "It's true that, as a Seal, I have to protect you. But.. you and I are kindred spirits. You are.. like me, in that we both have been betrayed by the one we loved, and lost another loved one because of that."
"Your sister," the boy murmured, casting his gaze down at the quilt that covered them. "I'm sorry you had to remember that."
"It does me good to remember," Subaru said quietly. "I don't want to forget her."
Kamui returned his gaze to Subaru's. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
Subaru smiled slightly. "You didn't. If anything, I hurt myself."
For some reason, that just made Kamui feel worse. "You're.."
The onmiyouji sensed his pain and sighed. "Listen to me, Kamui. I saved you not only because you're important to the world, but because I see myself as I was in you. I don't want you to be destroyed by this like I was."
Kamui felt his face heat up. "I.. Subaru-san.."
Subaru smiled slightly. "You can call me Subaru."
The younger boy ducked his head, his face on fire. "A-all right. Subaru." He bit his lip, idily tracing the pattern on the quilt. "Thank you.. for caring about me."
"You're welcome," Subaru said simply. Slowly, he reached out and put his hand over Kamui's, causing the younger boy to blush even harder.. if that were at all possible.
Kamui struggled with himself and finally got his blushes under control. He lifted his eyes to Subaru's, and blinked when he saw that the Seal was smiling. Hesitantly, he turned his hand so their fingers were linked together, and found that they were much closer than they'd started out being. [I barely know him,] Kamui thought, dazed, [and yet.. he seems to care about me so much. -Me-, not -Kamui-. This.. hasn't happened to me since Kotori and Fuuma..]
Subaru squeezed Kamui's hand lightly. "It's late.. we should sleep. Thank you, Kamui."
Kamui blinked. "For what?"
The onmiyouji shrugged and smiled slightly. "For being yourself. Oyasumi, Kamui."
Kamui tilted his head, then smiled back. "Oyasumi, Subaru." He sighed happily and closed his eyes, feeling safe enough to move a little closer to Subaru, who released his hand in favor of embracing him lightly. Kamui returned the embrace and moved close enough that his face rested against the soft material of the older man's shirt. [I feel.. warm. Protected. Maybe.. maybe with him, I can be happy.]
Subaru closed his eyes and held the younger boy as close as he dared. [I'll only wind up hurting him in the end.. but for now.. just for now.. maybe..]
[Maybe I can be happy.]
*********
Owari
*********
-- Cheyne
cheyne@everlastingstory.net
9:15 PM 5/2/2002
Notes: Shounen-ai, angst, fluff. Of course, it also contains SPOILERS for Subaru's past and the famous mind dive. =D This is set after the mind dive and before the sealing of the shinken.
*********
One Step Forever
*********
"Subaru-san.." Kamui said quietly, looking up at the ceiling. The onmiyouji, too weary to go back to his own bed, lay next to him, half awake.
"Hai?" the older man responded quietly.
Kamui turned his head to look at his companion, whose gray-green eyes were studying him intently. "If I.. had chosen differently.. would Kotori be alive?"
Subaru thought for a moment, then chose his words very carefully. "I couldn't tell you, because I am not a yumeji. I'm an onmiyouji."
"Sou," the boy replied, looking back up at the ceiling. "It.. hurts."
Quietly, the onmiyouji agreed. "It does. And it never stops.. but it does lessen."
Kamui winced in pain as he rolled onto his side to study Subaru's face. "Why did you risk your life for me? Because I am.. -Kamui-?"
"Not entirely." Subaru resisted the urge to look away, effected in ways he didn't want to admit by the pain in Kamui's eyes. "It's true that, as a Seal, I have to protect you. But.. you and I are kindred spirits. You are.. like me, in that we both have been betrayed by the one we loved, and lost another loved one because of that."
"Your sister," the boy murmured, casting his gaze down at the quilt that covered them. "I'm sorry you had to remember that."
"It does me good to remember," Subaru said quietly. "I don't want to forget her."
Kamui returned his gaze to Subaru's. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
Subaru smiled slightly. "You didn't. If anything, I hurt myself."
For some reason, that just made Kamui feel worse. "You're.."
The onmiyouji sensed his pain and sighed. "Listen to me, Kamui. I saved you not only because you're important to the world, but because I see myself as I was in you. I don't want you to be destroyed by this like I was."
Kamui felt his face heat up. "I.. Subaru-san.."
Subaru smiled slightly. "You can call me Subaru."
The younger boy ducked his head, his face on fire. "A-all right. Subaru." He bit his lip, idily tracing the pattern on the quilt. "Thank you.. for caring about me."
"You're welcome," Subaru said simply. Slowly, he reached out and put his hand over Kamui's, causing the younger boy to blush even harder.. if that were at all possible.
Kamui struggled with himself and finally got his blushes under control. He lifted his eyes to Subaru's, and blinked when he saw that the Seal was smiling. Hesitantly, he turned his hand so their fingers were linked together, and found that they were much closer than they'd started out being. [I barely know him,] Kamui thought, dazed, [and yet.. he seems to care about me so much. -Me-, not -Kamui-. This.. hasn't happened to me since Kotori and Fuuma..]
Subaru squeezed Kamui's hand lightly. "It's late.. we should sleep. Thank you, Kamui."
Kamui blinked. "For what?"
The onmiyouji shrugged and smiled slightly. "For being yourself. Oyasumi, Kamui."
Kamui tilted his head, then smiled back. "Oyasumi, Subaru." He sighed happily and closed his eyes, feeling safe enough to move a little closer to Subaru, who released his hand in favor of embracing him lightly. Kamui returned the embrace and moved close enough that his face rested against the soft material of the older man's shirt. [I feel.. warm. Protected. Maybe.. maybe with him, I can be happy.]
Subaru closed his eyes and held the younger boy as close as he dared. [I'll only wind up hurting him in the end.. but for now.. just for now.. maybe..]
[Maybe I can be happy.]
*********
Owari
*********
-- Cheyne
cheyne@everlastingstory.net
9:15 PM 5/2/2002