"Super Mario Bros.: Saturday Secrets"

Chapter Three: Peachie

Mario has anger management problems. Luigi is unfaithful. Peach has a drinking problem. And Bowser… well, you'll see.  (Note: I don't own Super Mario Bros., Nintendo does—Nintendo does probably not support these stories. Okay? Also, the name Richard Johnson is made up and I don't think any one who works for Nintendo has that name. If they do, it's purely coincidental)

I woke up that morning with a major hangover. My head hurt and my belly was queasy. I got up from my bed and looked down the floor and there was a reminder of Friday night; an empty bottle of sparkling pink champagne. Oh, great. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I went to my bathroom. I washed my face with cool water and went to the medicine cabinet and took out a bottle of Tylenol (medicine). Oh, poppy. Stupid childproof caps! It took me a couple of moments before I could open the darn thing. I swallowed them down with a gulp of tap water.

I made my lazy way downstairs and made myself a cup of tea. But I was too impatient for the water to boil. So I turned the stove off. I went back upstairs and went back to sleep.

Later In The Day…

The doorbell woke me up. It was my neighbour/friend, Cindy. She was having a barbeque and was wondering if I would be interested in joining. Sure, heck, why not? I had twenty minutes to get ready (take a shower, change, brush my teeth, etc). Though I made it. I hopped out of my house, crossed my backyard, opened the gate, and entered Cindy's party.

Her backyard was crawling with handsome men, hot dogs, and alcohol. I sat down on a lawn chair, and Cindy offered me a paper plate of juicy shish kabobs. Just then the most richest and most good-looking man came up to me. He had a tailored cigarette in his hand and two bottles of beer. He offered me one. My heart raced and my mind was giving me mixed signals. Yes. No. What should I pick? My urges, my temptations, got a better hold of me. In a split second, I chugged down the bottle and finished it with an "ahhhhh." A sly smile crept on my lips. Filled with new false confidence, I asked him what his name was and what he did for a living.

"Richard Johnson. I work for Nintendo. You know, the video game company." He winked. I melted and soon the next round of beer came. I had another bottle. But I personally don't like beer, so I went back to my place and brought over a new bottle of red wine. And Richard and me sat on the lawn chairs, drinking it. At first I was drinking it in fancy wine goblets but by the end of the bottle, I was gulping in down straight. And I was drunk. Hammered. Wasted. Another last night all over again. But this time I had a partner to share my passion. Richard Johnson. I invited him over to my home. He accepted and soon we were drinking up some more. Just then I got an angry knock on the door. It was some women.

"Richard? What the hell are you doing here, with this…this…tramp?! Come on don't make a fool of yourself again. Hey! Put that fricking bottle down right now!" It must have been his wife, Mrs. Johnson. I felt embarrassed and betrayed. They left and I felt like a fool. I took another swing at the alcohol cabinet before dozing off.

NEXT CHAPTER IS BOWSER'S SATURDAY!!