August 16th

Dahlia Gillespie brought her baby in today.  She hasn't been named yet, but she's a beautiful, perfect little girl with jet-black hair and wide dark eyes.  Dahlia asked me to hold her and feed her while she visited with Alessa.  So I did, and she felt so wonderful in my arms.  She never took her eyes from mine, not even while she was nursing, and after she was done, she grabbed my finger and held onto it as she fell asleep.  When Dahlia was getting ready to leave, she tried to take the baby and the baby started screaming and crying, almost like she knew what a monster her mother really is.  After they left, I went in the bathroom and cried for almost an hour.  I feel like that baby was trying to ask for help in the only way she knew how. 

I've already made up my mind.  I can't let anything happen to her.  If I do, I'm just as bad---no, I'm even *worse*---than they are.  I know they're going to kill me, but I think they might do that anyway, because I know too much.  Even if I go to the police in a different town, why would they believe my story?  I sure as hell wouldn't!  So at least if I die, I will have saved that baby's life. 

I've got to keep a clear head if I'm going to do this right.  I flushed all of my White Claudia down the toilet, and I called in sick to work because I know the withdrawal symptoms are going to be bad. 

God, give me strength.

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August 17th

flies are banging on the windows with their wings, they want to get in and eat me!  my skin is falling off my bones, it splatters on the floor, i scrub and scrub but the stains won't come off.  the flies are coming in through the drain and secret holes in the house.  they are laying their eggs under my skin and it burns so bad, i turn on the faucets and blood and pus and maggots come out instead of water.  i scrubbed my arms with steel wool to make the itching stop.  make them go away!

need drug.

help me.

jesus christ won't SOMEBODY FUCKING HELP ME

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August 20th

I tried to quit.  I swear to God, I tried, but it was too much.  I defy anyone to read my previous entry and judge me.  Who the hell can live like that?  Finally I had to call Dr. Kaufmann and he came over and gave me a shot.  He said I was a fool for even trying to quit.  I just nodded and acted all grateful..."Yes, Dr. Kaufmann.  Thank you, Dr. Kaufmann.  You're so right, Dr. Kaufmann."  I hate debasing myself like this for him, but if it keeps him from suspecting anything...

Anyway, I guess this will be the last time I write in my diary.  If anyone finds this, I hope they find a way to stop them once and for all.  Silent Hill used to be a beautiful place that I was proud to call my home...now it's hell on earth.

Remember me.