Disclaimer: Ok, I still don't own anything, so nobody sue. The song belongs to Lifehouse. Characters belong to Disney. And No Name Face is the best CD in the world. I HAD BETA READERS THIS TIME! YAY! Thanks to Val, AZKABANCONVICT, Montana Magic… Major sadness. I've reduced even myself to tears while writing this one, so if that counts for anything… You might want to have some ice cream or something while reading this, (leftover pie works too).

Somewhere In Between

Chapter 1

I can't be losing sleep over this- No I can't

And now I cannot stop pacing.

Give me a few hours, and I'll have this all sorted out-

If my mind would just stop racing…

            "Val!" Tyler screamed, lunging forward in a vain attempt to catch her before she landed in the water. Hank grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him back.

            "Don't! There's still a current! You'll be killed!"

            "I have to save her Hank! She- she could still be alive!" he cried, desperately trying to reach her limp body as it floated to the surface of the water.

            "SHE'S DEAD TYLER! SHE COULDN'T HAVE SURVIVED!" Hank yelled, blocking his way again. "Jamie, restrain him!" he ordered. Jamie stared back at him doubtfully.

"Hank, I don't think-"

"I SAID GET HIM OUT OF HERE!" Hank boomed. Jamie nodded dumbly and grabbed him by the arm, while Hank got the other arm. Tyler struggled helplessly as they dragged him up the basement steps, giving him one last look at her floating face down in the flooded basement before shoving him out and locking the door behind them…

            Tyler woke with a start. His breath coming in short gasps. It was that dream again. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her floating there, every time there was silence he heard her cry out. Val had been pronounce dead on arrival, and though the paramedics had attempted resuscitation, he, and everyone else knew that she was already gone. Hank had been right. She couldn't have survived. It had been two days. Two days since the accident. Two days and already Tyler felt like dying. He remembered watching the rescuers carry her body out of the house, shaking their heads in dismay. He remembered holding her cold hand, searching desperately for a pulse that wasn't there. He remembered seeing Jamie reach down and close her eyelids as Hank tearfully pronounced her time of death…

            Knock. Knock. Knock. The sound of someone at his bedroom door pulled him away from his memories. He looked up at to see Hank, Jamie and Caitie standing there, dressed in colors that matched their sorrowful expressions. Caitie looked as if she was trying desperately not to break down in front of him. "Tyler, you have to get ready. It's time." Of course. How could he have forgotten? Today was Val's funeral. They wanted him to say goodbye today. Watch as they lowered her into the ground, and then walk away. Get on with life- she's not coming back you know.

Well, with all respect to them, Tyler wasn't going anywhere. Sure, he'd go to the funeral, and he'd cry like all the others. But he wasn't leaving her. He couldn't. Didn't they understand? There was no walking away from Val.

Lost in his own thoughts, he suddenly remembered that they were still standing in the doorway. Watching him. Pitying him, waiting for him to jump up and pull on his suit. "I'll be there in a minute." He whispered into his hands. They nodded, and turned to walk back to the living room to wait for him. Hank lagged behind, letting Jamie and Caitie walk ahead of him.

            "Are you ok?" he asked quietly. Tyler stared at him blankly. One of his best friends had been killed right before their eyes, and he was asking if he was all right?

            "I'm fine Hank, I have to get dressed." He replied evenly.

            "Tyler, you've been shutting yourself off from everyone for the past two days… man, you haven't even left your house! Don't tell me that you're fine."

            "Will you just stay out of my business? I said that I was fine, ok, I'm dealing with it. Now will you please get out of my room so that I can change?" he snapped. Hank sighed.

            "You can't shut yourself off from the real world Tyler. I mean, look at you! You look awful! You haven't slept in days man." Tyler spun around to glare at him.

"You wanna know why Hank? Want to see what I see every time I close my eyes? I see her dying! That's the only memory my mind is letting me have right now! Every damn time I fall asleep I see her fall. Over and over again. I hear the boards snap. I hear her scream…" He buried his head in his hands, "and every time, I'm too late to save her. Always a second to late to tell her to turn back, always an inch too far away to catch her…" Hank put a comforting hand on his best friend's shoulder.

"I miss her too Tyler, but it was an accident, and instead of dwelling on what we could have done, we should try and focus on the good memories that we had with her." Tyler didn't even look up. "Tyler, Val knew that what she was doing was dangerous, she wouldn't have blamed any of us for what happened." He said before turning to leave the room. Tyler watched him walk away. He wished that he could find comfort what his best friend had told him. But he'd been living in reality too long to believe him… and reality told him that she was gone, and as much as everyone else wanted to pretend that everything would be all right, the world had become a dark, lonely place, and his only goal was to escape…

Cause I cannot stand still I can't be this unsturdy

And this cannot be happening

            The service was surreal. Tyler sat numbly in the hard pew, trying to listen to friends and family members coming up to the podium to speak about Val. His Val. Brooke had gone up to talk about what she had learned from her sister, even Caitie had gone; reading an essay she'd written earlier that year about the person who'd influenced her the most- Val. Hearing the familiar words sent ripples of memory through his mind, memories that he didn't need to be seeing. He pressed his palms against his ears, trying to block out her voice. Caitie saw his misery, and the words caught in her throat. Silence filled the church for a few moments until she swallowed back her tears and bravely continued to read. She didn't break down until the final line of the essay- "When people find out she heals hearts they're surprised, but I'm not, see, because she's been healing mine all along." She finished, the strain evident in her voice. She walked back to her seat in silence, finally collapsing in the pew behind Tyler, her muffled sobs echoing through the church. The Laniers had asked him to come up and say a few words, but he declined. He couldn't talk about it, about her. It hurt him too much. Slowly time passed, until one by one people began to file past the dark, polished coffin that held her body. He stood from his seat and slowly began to walk towards the front of the church, past the flower lined pews, and the sniffling mourners, until it loomed in front of him. Resting on top of it- a picture taken of the four of them at the station, posing in front of the new ambulance. Seeing her smile again sent another wave of pain through his chest…

This is over my head, but underneath my feet

Because by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat

And everything will be back to the way that it was

I wish that it was just that easy.

He let the white rose slip out of his fingers and watched as it fluttered down, landing on the polished wood of her casket. "I'm going to miss you so much." He murmured, letting a tear slide down his face. For a moment he stood there, silent, almost as if he was waiting for her to reply. "I never got to tell you. I never got to tell you how much I cared about you. How your smile made my heart skip a beat. How every day I fell even more in love with you..." His voice cracked, and more silver drops fell from his blue eyes. "I never even got to tell you goodbye." He whispered painfully.

Cause I'm waiting for tonight

Then waiting for tomorrow

And I'm somewhere in between…

What is real and just a dream.

            Tyler sat at the counter, his head bent over the paperwork that had been left for him in his folder. Alex still hadn't let him go on calls, it had been two weeks since it had happened, and Alex kept him on the DL. Tyler didn't mind. He didn't need the calls. Didn't need to see other people being saved while she had to die…

            "Tyler?" a voice called from Alex's office. Val's voice. His head snapped up. No, it couldn't be… Val was dead, she couldn't be calling him… his hand gripped the pencil in his hand, snapping it in two.

            "V-Val?" he gasped. Brooke poked her head out of Alex's office.

            "Tyler, I was talking to you." She said crossly. He let out a relieved sigh. Tyler chuckled at his foolishness. Brooke. It was Brooke. Not Val.

            "Yeah Brooke?" he answered. She walked into the common room, concealing something in the palm of her hand. "Whatcha got there Shorty?" he asked. A small smile played at the corners of her mouth. He hadn't called her Shorty since… well since before Val died.

            "T-they found something in her pocket… when they were giving us her belongings. I-I remembered her telling me that day and, well…" she opened her palm to reveal the shiny copper penny. Tyler froze, unable to breathe. His eyes stung with tears that he wouldn't let the 12 year old see. "I think she'd want you to have it back." Brooke said quietly, not bothering to conceal her tears. All Tyler could do was nod and hold out his hand to catch the penny as she dropped it in his palm.  "I miss her so much Tyler." She cried. "Every night I have to fall asleep alone in the room we shared, and everything in it reminds me of her. I can't get myself to touch any of her stuff. It's all still there, like it's waiting for her to come home." He put his arms around her in a comforting hug as she cried into his chest.

*** Three Weeks later…             He walked up the stone pathway to the front porch of her house, where Jamie, Caitie, Hank and Brooke sat waiting. "Are you guys sure you want to do this?" Brooke asked, leading them into the house. They nodded and made their way to her room. There was a sharp intake of breath as they opened the door and were hit with the scent of her perfume; still lingering in the air as though it refused to accept the fact that its owner was gone. On the bed lay five boxes, one for each of them to fill with things from her life- and pack away into the attic. Mrs. Lanier had called them all over, begging them to do this. She still couldn't get herself to go into her own daughters' room. "Too many memories" she claimed. Slowly they began to pick up the pieces of Val's life- her teddy bears, the familiar blue parka, her cheerleading uniforms… all placed into their boxes.             "What's this?" Hank asked from over by her desk. He was holding a light blue box, it's edges worn, and its sides doodled over.             "I-I don't know." Brooke said. He brought it over to the bed so that they could inspect its contents. Inside were knick-knacks, notes, keepsakes… All matter of meaningless junk, unless one happened to know their stories. Dumping it out on the bed they discovered a copy of "Cries of Pain", Val's self-published pamphlet of angst poetry. Caitie quickly scooped it up.             "Can, Can I-" Brooke nodded smiling through her tears as Caitie slipped the stapled pieces of paper into her purse. They continued to examine the box, and as they shifted the spilled contents on the bed, a small green snow globe rolled off the edge and landed on the carpet with a muted thud. Tyler bent down to pick it up, and when he recognized the hideous leprechaun inside, he let a small smile cross his features- his first real smile since what had been deemed "the accident."

            "Always giving her good luck charms weren't you Connell." Jamie joked. Laughter filled the small room, startling its occupants with a long forgotten reminder of happiness. They cleared the rest of her belongings quickly, not stopping to rest until the last box had been taped shut, and her half of the room lay bare except for a few pieces of furniture.

            "She's really gone now, isn't she." Brooke said, surveying her empty room. She began to cry again.

            "Shhhh, Brookie, it's all right." Caitie soothed, hugging her. At the sound of Val's nickname for her, Brooke only began to cry harder.

            "Why couldn't you save her?" she sobbed loudly, staring at the three guys standing awkwardly in front of them, "Why did you let her drown?" they looked at her, shocked.

            "Brooke, Val died of electrocution when she fell into that water. It was instant. We couldn't save her. Nobody could." Hank explained quietly. Brooke furiously shook her head.

            "They didn't tell you guys?" she gasped, her eyes widening.

            "T-tell us what?" Tyler asked, confirming her fears. She backed out of the room, and ran into her father's study, with the four teens following at her heels. They found her digging through the stacks of papers on his desk until her hands found what she's been looking for- the coroner's report. She handed it to Tyler shakily, pointing to the line that read Cause of Death. There, in the coroner's messy scrawl was written:

"Though the deceased suffered from electrical shock due to a fall into electrified water, the actual cause of death, as indicated by fluid found in the Valerie's lungs was drowning. She had been alive when she was submerged in the water, but as the electrical current had rendered her unconscious, she inhaled a fatal amount of liquid into her lungs and, as a result, died."

            Tyler flung the paper to the ground as if it had bitten him. "You could have saved her." His mind told him. "You could have pulled her out of that water, and she'd be here, standing next to you, laughing, talking, ALIVE." "No." he moaned. "I killed her!" he crumpled to the floor in tears, completely broken.

            "Tyler, you didn't kill her- we, we didn't know." Hank said, the guilt already creeping into his mind. He was the one who had pushed Tyler out of the way and locked the door. He was the one who didn't let him pull her out. "Murderer." He thought bitterly.

Caitie stared at the three EMTs that stood in the office, the bile rising in her throat. "You said that she couldn't be helped, that you didn't have a chance to save her." She said in disbelief. Jamie walked towards her.

            "Caitie, I, we didn't know! We would have saved her, but we just didn't know that we could." She backed away from him.

            "You let her die." She accused, tears spilling down her cheeks. "You were so damn scared for your own lives that you sacrificed hers!" she screamed before turning to run out the door.

            "Caitie! Wait!" Jamie cried, running after her. Tyler, Hank and Brooke heard the front door open and slam shut, leaving them alone in the office.

            "This was no one's fault." Hank repeated, convincing not even himself, Tyler looked up at him, his eyes narrowing.

            "You." He growled, jumping to his feet and towering over his best friend. "You wouldn't let me save her. You said she was dead. Said that there was no way she could have survived. You shoved me out of the way."

            "I was saving your life Tyler. You dying wouldn't have helped her in any way."

            "No…" he began thoughtfully, pushing back the hysterical screams in the back of his throat. "No, no one would have died Hank. Not me, not Val, not anybody. No one would have died if you hadn't played God." He brought his hand up to his best friend's face, and Hank flinched, anticipating the strike, but it never came. Tyler simply continued to wave his hands in front of Hank's eyes. "Do you see it Hank? Do you see her blood?" Hank closed his eyes and turned his face away swallwing back the wave of sickness he felt raising inside him. "Look at my hands!" Tyler yelled, shoving Hank back into the door, hard. He grabbed him by the arms and forced his own hands into his face. "Do you see it now Hank?" he demanded crazily, his eyes wild.

"Stop it." Hank muttered, wrenching himself out of Tyler's grasp. This was it, he'd finally been unhinged. Tyler had been pushed as far as he could go, and now he was crumbling. "Get a hold of yourself." Hank snapped, though it was clear that he was shaking. "That's not true Tyler, you know it isn't." he said, over calmly. Tyler snapped. He threw himself at Hank, tackling him to the ground and throwing a punch at his face. Brooke watched the spectacle in horror, tears streaming freely down her cheeks.

            "Stop it." she cried weakly. "God, please stop it!"  She fled the office and ran into her room, locking the door behind her. Tyler and Hank picked themselves off the floor, ashamed, but not willing to forgive one another. This was the final crashing blow that their friendship could withstand, and the slamming of the door as Tyler marched himself out of the house clearly signified the end.

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in

Don't be surprised if I collapse

Down at your feet again

I don't want to run away from this

I know that I just don't need this.

            He stood at the gravesite, letting his tears fall on her gravestone. "I'm so sorry." He whispered, falling to his knees and leaning against the cold marble. "I didn't know that I could save you. Didn't know that you were still hanging on." His words came out as soft mournful sobs. "Can you forgive me? Can you forgive me for letting you die?" a soft breeze blew through the graveyard, drying his tears and sending showers of dried leaves fluttering to the ground. He thought that he smelled the scent of her shampoo on the breeze, thought that he heard her laughter in the distance. He stood to leave; keeping his eyes on the white roses that had been lain across her tombstone. "I love you." He breathed, taking one last look as the breeze scattered the rose petals across her grave before walking slowly out of the graveyard.

Cause I cannot stand still

I can't be this unsturdy

And this cannot be happening

Cause I'm waiting for tonight

Then waiting for tomorrow

And I'm somewhere in between

What is real and just a dream…

What is real and just a dream…

What is real, and just a dream.

***

AN: Sorry to be such a downer… I'm sorry if I depressed anyone, but then again, you could always go back and read A Little Harmless Competition if you feel like laughing again. Man, I love this song…

~Makatibird