Makaze

By Lotusmoon

 

 

What can I say? She's dead.

Overtime, when I say or think or write the word,

It feels so heavy.

(Excerpt from Open Mic Showcase poem, Dear Journal)

 

 

Frailty

 

The sky doesn't look too good today. It seems angry that I'm here. All I want is to see her. The heavens have prevented me to do so, but what can they do? Strike me?

I remember her. She was so beautiful then, but now, the earth has claimed her, as it's own. Ash to ash dust to dust, what belonged to the earth will always end up in the earth. Or so they say. I have all the power to bring her back, the only thing is; she's happy where she is. And now I am here-- all alone. I am grimacing at the fact that there could've been a future for us, but it was denied.

This space that was saved for her, it was repugnant. Until, I made the beauty that will stun the heavens like hers.

It's not fair! We were supposed to get married and then…but then she died so suddenly. It was my entire fault. I led myself to her, to them to be exact. They were wiped out. The ones that survived have gone somewhere in fear for their life. They realized I'm not someone they can easily defeat. I tried to fight it myself but it kept winning.

Each and every one of them now owns their own grave stone, with their epitaph and their very own principle carved into it. Out of all of them, there was one. I made to see that her gravestone is of the finest marble. She was the one that was tortured the most, and in her memory she deserves the best that there is. She deserves everything of purity and the power to leave people, even the heavens in awe.

She was an angel! The most beautiful angel I ever saw. She had the silkiest skin and the softest lips. Her hands were like a child, so small, so sensitive. I had to be careful not to break her, for if I did, it would ruin my world. Her hair was the smoothest that I have ever touched, and her body made me not want to leave her. All the while she loved someone else. But I kept holding on to my flicker of hope. It provided me with only that much, until it died out completely. She neglected me because of him; it was he that caused all this.

It's funny how anyone can say they saw the most beautiful person, in their entire life when they feed on the fact of their bodies; their raging hormones that leads them to trouble. I wonder if they really know what they're saying?

Humans today, are so fragile yet they are too oblivious too see it. They're so awestruck with the power that they have discovered and still, they can't find the answers. They need the spoon shoved into their mouths like babies until they choke. Someone has to kick them dead just to show them.

Now I stare at her gloomy eyes that has no life, no spark of breath and no flicker of hope. Her lips speak the only words she could ever say, but her heart remains steady, for eternity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  We used to walk to school together. How stupid of me to get on the fence and walk above her. What was the purpose of that? To make me feel higher, more powerful, like a god? To have her leave me alone at times when I need to be by myself.

I've been alone all my life and then the opportunity came for someone to hold me close and I denied it. I was scared at the thought of even touching her. Rejection was my bestfriend yet how ironic that those girls found me quite amusing. Like their entertainment for their lust, desperation, that lunatic and finding herself through me. Every step I took on that fence paved my way here.  To be left here with nothing but memories of her face and how small she looked from where I was. Even though she looked small, she had the biggest part of my heart. She occupied every thought that I have saved for the future. The thought that I often don't think of until she made me realize it.

She's the one that I want to have my children with. She's the one that I will bind with at night and the one who'll admit me. Walking on that fence, what was the purpose of that? How funny that I find myself walking the same steps again. Although this time there's no water in the canal, no old lady who splashes water on the road and for some instance I always get touched by it. She's been long dead. I wonder what kind of old lady she was? There's hardly anybody in that house anymore. Only the cobwebs and a stray cat that's drinking out of a broken pot. Come to think of it, this is like tracing back when, only this time the only population is my myself and a couple of people hiding somewhere. All have gone from Nerima, departed, left or was never born. This is weird, retracing my steps to go home.

The Tendo Dojo, it looks ugly the front gate is wrecked and rotten. That wood was supposed to stand to anything.

I could still see them here, their faces and their voices, their behaviors and manners. This was my home until he stole it; he took everything that was supposed to be mine. He denied it to me. I'm not done yet; I'm still after him. He will pay for what he did.

This old stairs can give in anytime; I just need to be careful with my step. I wonder where that old wooden duck went. I guess along with the ruins of this house somewhere. That door in that room that's where I slept. I used to anyway, not anymore. This old house has only one occupant, me. This house all to myself! What a dreadful fate! I'd rather die than be here in this rotten junk. It is a memory I'd rather forget. I am here, alone.

This door needs oil, stupid noise. It creeps me out even if I've been here for three years.

My chest feels so heavy that I could cry.

For three years I've been sleeping in her bed, yet it feels so different. I wish she were here. But she never will be no matter how much I long for her.

The metal on this spring bed is giving in; I'm going to end up on that floor soon.

I could still see her here, right there waiting for me, so we could start our everyday routine of arguing and bickering. What was the purpose of that?

Why did we argue? To develop our relationship so we can get close? To communicate because we like each other? Yeah right! We didn't have to argue; we could've settled it in a good manner. Who am I kidding? It was fun teasing her, she's so cute when she gets mad. I could just kiss her. That's all too late now isn't it? Definitely.

But then again, I can't remember a time when I did kiss her and I was wide- awake. That Romeo and Juliet play, she was beautiful but she didn't have to trick me like that.

Holding her hand was enough to send me mad, having her in my arms were enough to put me to eternity of happiness. I could be happy for eternity and not complain knowing she's here.

DAMN IT! STUPID RAT! Still the force of nature gets to find a way to disrupt my moment even in my imagination. Not fair!

I'd lay on this bed with you and have our kids. Wait for me, I still want my family. I want them back--I want you back.

 

 

Mmm…feels so good. ---Wake up! Time to wake up! ---

I'll be up in a minute. ----Daddy, daddy!

Oh men! This little rascals give me a break. ---Honey! ---

Oh no not the curtain. WAIT!

Aaah! That bright light! Have my wishes finally come true? Is this heaven? Where is she? What is that smell? I got to get out of here! Hey wait a minute! Aaah! What? Sunlight in Nerima? That's weird there hasn't been any sunlight in Nerima…for years. SUNLIGHT!

*Fell on the floor real hard* OUCH!

Damn it my neck hurts. My body just did a slumber jam with an old piece of flat wood. That stupid bed will get it one day! I swear! Ouch my back! I got to get a new futon. I'll probably swing by an old house and borrow one. As for right now, what the heck is going on? The heck is that bright light. Ha! What do you know its going to be a sunny day today! It seems like a miracle that after three years the heavens finally showed pity and gave little rays of sunshine on my window. Her window actually. Don't be surprised that I'm surprised. Nerima has been clouded by well, dark skies ever since. And it seems like it was out of the ordinary. Something strange is going to happen I know it. I could feel it in my guts. A certain person, someone I know, someone I loathe or maybe someone I have loved. That's a good one, some I have loved.

Anyway, I might as well enjoy this little blessing and walk outside, maybe even go to the park. I just need to fix a couple of things; one of them is myself.

The park! Ray of sunshine, check. Grass with bald spots, check. Fountain with no water and broken, check. Well except for the ray of sunshine. Zombies would come out and play if they ever hear about this. Actually the only zombie is already out, the others probably don't even know about this little miracle. Funny how I can make that sound like a mockery. Hahah!

This is so overwhelming. After that storm, our lives were turned around. Here I am sitting on an old bench, thinking the things that could've, would've and should've. Damn when I said old, this bench is really old. The two other legs are broken so I'd rather lie down than sit. Besides this is the only bench here. Wow, the skies have never been this blue before. I guess I never really bothered looking at it when everything was well.

What if I didn't follow him that day? What if I listened to him? What if I kissed her? All these things are cramming up to my brain and yet, they can never be answered.

For there will be no answer, not today not tomorrow, not ever.

 

 

 

 

I hope you guys like this chapter. I'm trying to make it into a mystery, horror, angst and drama type of a story. Thanks for all the reviews I wish I could get more. Gives me satisfaction that peeps like my story and gives me a push to keep doing it. Or maybe I'm just a sucker for reviews. Muahahahah! Anyway, I'm not a comedian and I don't want to bore you with my blabbering, until the next chapter.

Lotusmoon