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CHAPTER 2
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Several invading craft come out of the big Federal-ation THING battleships. They land on the planet. Ugly brown vehicles come out of the landing craft. Tanks come out and battle droids, lots of battle droids.
The Head Roger is talking to the Viceroy and Rude Hacko via hologram.
Roger: Yez Viceroy?
Rude Hacko: Captain, we searched the ship, and there is no trace of the Jedi, dey may'ave gotten onto one of your landing crafts.
Roger: If they're down here, we'll find 'em, unless we don't…
Viceroy: Use caution. These Jedi are not tubee under-essimated.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Qui-Gon is running from a stampede, who is running from the ugly brown vehicles. He runs right into an orange frog-like guy called Jarari Bink.
Jarari: Give me a hug!
Qui-Gon: Get of me you freak!
They fall down just as a large brown vehicle goes over them. After it passes, Qui-Gon gets up and looks around to make sure no one saw him laying on top of Jarari.
Jarari: Oh moo-ie moo-ie! I wuv you!
Qui-Gon: What's wrong with you, are you gay?
Jarari: No no! Meesa no gay! Meesa Jarari Bink! Meesa entirewee compooter jinawated kowakter! Yousa save my life!
Qui-Gon: Yes, my mistake…
Jarari: No! No mistake! Meesa your humble serbant! Meesa doo aneetang for yoos!
Qui-Gon: Anything?
Obi-Wan comes up, dodging laser bolts from battle droids on flying motorcycles, doing moves like in "The Matrix", Qui-Gon whips out his saber and destroys the droids.
Jarari: You saved my again!
Obi-Wan: What's this?
Qui-Gon: My humble computer-generated servant, now let's go before more droids show up.
Obi-Wan: Go where?
Jarari: EXKWEEEEEEEEEZE ME! Meesa knows mosta safest place is Gunga city!
Qui-Gon: A city?
Jarari: Uh huh!
Qui-Gon: Can you take us there.
Jarari: Oops, my forgot my been shunned and day pwobabwee kill us all if we go.
Obi-Wan: Yeah, things like eternal banishment and being shunned out of my hometown always slip my mind too.
Qui-Gon: Ah, who cares? Let's go!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
They reach a lake.
Jarari: Weesa go unduh watah, okeyday? But my warns yoo again, Gungans no liken outsiders, so don't spek a worm welcome!
Obi-Wan: Don't worry this hasn't been our day for worm welcomes.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
They swim to the underwater Gungan city and go inside.
Jarari: Feels SOOO good bein' home!
Jarari notices several Gungan guards approaching them.
Jarari: Uh oh! Weesa busted!
Captain Tadpole: Stop in danaymuhduh- GASP! Zarari Bink!
Jarari: Meeesa back!
Captain Tadpole: Noah gain Zarari. Yoosa go see bosses yoosa in da big poo poo now!
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Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stand before a big Gungan called Boss Nasty, Jarari is in chains behind them. Qui-Gon speaks very slowly and in small words, for he fears the Boss may be retarded.
Qui-Gon: A droid army is about to attack the Naboo. We must warn them.
Boss: Meesa no lika Naboo. Meesa no hep yoos. Meesa wants dem to die.
Obi-Wan: Maybe I can reason with them…
Qui-Gon: Uh, Obi-Wan,wait…
Obi-Wan: You and the Naboo form a symbiotic circle. A natural union of the two exist are dependant upon each other for survival.
Boss: Uh, what?
Qui-Gon: Speak plainly, Obi-Wan, I think his lights are all burned out in the attic. I'll deal with him anyway. Your Bossness, you WANT to help us and you WILL give us a transport.
Boss: I WANT to hep yoos, and I will give yoosa una bongo.
The Boss snaps out of it.
Boss: And remember the speediest way to the Naboo is through the PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANET COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE.
Obi-Wan: Master, what's a bongo?
Qui-Gon: I'll tell you when your older, but right now we need a navigator. What is to become of Jarari Bink.
Boss: Binkie break "hitroadjackandonyeecomeback" rule, he be poonished.
Qui-Gon: I saved his life, he is my humble servant.
Boss: Fine! Take him! Ruin our fun time!
Qui-Gon: I think I will, come along Jarari.
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The bongo speeds away from the city towards the Planet Core.
Obi-Wan: So Jarari, why were you banished, ya kill a man.
Jarari: Well, it's a longo tello, but my basikwee caused few wittle accidentays.
Jarari accidently flips the bongo in reverse it flies into an evil carnivorous fish.
Jarari: Wike dat one!
The fish bites on the bongo and swims away, another bigger fish eats the small fish, the bongo is free.
Qui-Gon: Good day for fishing! Okay, head for that convenient hole.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Viceroy and Rude Hacko stand before the very blue hologram of Darth Silliness.
Viceroy: We are right on schedule ma'lord.
Silliness: Goood. I will see to it that in the Senate things stay as they are. Something only senators whose names begin with P can do, not like I'm a senator whose name begins with P or anything.
Viceroy: The Queen has great faith that the Senate will side with her.
Silliness: Queen Armadillo is young and naïve and stupid and oblivious to reality and not very bright. You will find controlling her will not be difficult.
He fades away.
Rude Hacko: You didn't tell him about the missing Jedi.
Viceroy: You didn't tell him about your little FLING at that party last week.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The bongo is in a little cave.
Obi-Wan: We're losing power.
They lose power.
Jarari: Now weesa dead!
Qui-Gon: Frankie says relax. Besides we're not in trouble yet.
Jarari: Yet? Yet! Monstairs out dare, weekin in here, oy sinkin in no power! Excaweeze me but dassa twuble!
Obi-Wan: Power's back! She just needed a new battery.
Obi and Jarari look out the window and see a big fish.
Jarari: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Qui-Gon: Relax, you're starting to bug me.
He uses the Force to make Jarari "relax". Jarari is now unconscious. They swim away from it, it follow them. The other big fish from before shows up, they pull up right above it and it eats the fish that was chasing them. (If you didn't get that, just watch the movie).
Qui-Gon: Head for that other convenient hole.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Traffic is really backed up to the city of Theed. Federal-ation ships are evrywhere. The Viceroy comes out of his ship.
Roger: Viceroy, we have captured the Queen.
Viceroy: Checkmate!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Viceroy, Rude Hacko, and some battle droids have captured the Queen and her loyal subjects, they walk down the stairs in the palace.
Sio Babble: How will you explain this invasion to the Senate?
Viceroy: The Queen and I will sign a treaty that will legitimitize our occupation here. I have ashoo-ranses it will be ratified by the Senate.
Sio Babble: That's very clever!
Queen: I will not cooperate! I will kick and scream and whine until I get my way!
Viceroy: Well, Your Highness, once you are… PA-ROCESSED you will see a different point of view. Commander.
Roger: Yez Vizeroy?
Viceroy: PA-ROCESS them.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Queen and company are being taken to a processing camp, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Jarari are on a bridge over them. They jump down and start slashing up the droids, well Jarari doesn't.
Qui-Gon: We should leave the streets.
They leave the streets.
Qui-Gon: We're ambassadors for the Supreme Chancellor, it's urgent we make contact with the republic.
Captain: They've knocked out all our communications.
Qui-Gon: Do you have transport?
Captain: This way.
They reach the hangar.
Captain: Screw that, there's too many of them.
Qui-Gon: It won't be a problem. Your Highness, under the circumstances I suggest you come to Corusnot with us.
Queen: Thank you, but I'd rather die along with my people.
Sio Babble: Our only hope is for the Senate to side with us, Senator Palpatine will need your help.
Queen: Then I will plead our case to the Senate.
They enter the hangar, there are a lot of battle droids. Several pilots are being held captive.
Captain: We'll need to free those pilots.
Obi-Wan: I'll deal with that.
Qui-Gon: No, let me.
Battle Droid: Halt!
Qui-Gon: I'm ambassador for the Supreme Chancellor, here's my card, I'm taking these people to Corusnot.
Battle Droid: Where are you taking them?
Qui-Gon: To Corusnot.
Battle Droid: Uh, that does not compute, could you repeat it again?
Qui-Gon: Corusnot.
Battle Droid: Wait a second! Where'd all these people come from? Where are you taking them?
Qui-Gon: Corusnot.
Battle Droid: I can't hear you, I got something in my, uh, ear…
Qui-Gon slashes the battle droid up, the everybody runs to the Queen's ship. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon slash up all the droids. Soon the hangar is full of smoking droid pieces. They get on the ship.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The ship takes off, we can hear the voices of Obi-Wan, Jarari, and Riccola the pilot.
Obi-Wan: Can I pilot?
Riccola: No.
Jarari: Meesa will pilot!
Riccola: No!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The ship flies towards the deadly blockade. Jarari is with a lot of R2 droids.
Jarari: Heyo boyos! Yousa hear da one about da pweest and a wabbi?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The battleships fire at the Queen's ship, a laser bolt hits the shield generator. Jarari has his back to them, he is laughing his head off, all the droid leave.
Jarari: An he says- he says- but mom dis in'nt peenoot booter and jeyey! Ahahahahahaha!
He turns around, everyone is gone.
Jarari: How wude.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The R2 units are repairing the ship, but keep getting shot off. Only R2-D2 is left and all the laser bolts miss him.
Riccola: What the- Power's back! That little droid did it! Uh oh! We don't have enough fuel to get us to Corusnot. The hyperdrive is leaking!
Obi-Wan: I thought something was leaking…
Qui-Gon sits at a computer.
Qui-Gon: Dang these IBM computers! Well, I found a gas station on a remote planet called Tattoospleen.
Captain: You can't take Queen Armadillo there, it's controlled by the Nuts!
Qui-Gon: But the Nuts aren't looking for her, which gives us the advantage.
CHAPTER 2
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Several invading craft come out of the big Federal-ation THING battleships. They land on the planet. Ugly brown vehicles come out of the landing craft. Tanks come out and battle droids, lots of battle droids.
The Head Roger is talking to the Viceroy and Rude Hacko via hologram.
Roger: Yez Viceroy?
Rude Hacko: Captain, we searched the ship, and there is no trace of the Jedi, dey may'ave gotten onto one of your landing crafts.
Roger: If they're down here, we'll find 'em, unless we don't…
Viceroy: Use caution. These Jedi are not tubee under-essimated.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Qui-Gon is running from a stampede, who is running from the ugly brown vehicles. He runs right into an orange frog-like guy called Jarari Bink.
Jarari: Give me a hug!
Qui-Gon: Get of me you freak!
They fall down just as a large brown vehicle goes over them. After it passes, Qui-Gon gets up and looks around to make sure no one saw him laying on top of Jarari.
Jarari: Oh moo-ie moo-ie! I wuv you!
Qui-Gon: What's wrong with you, are you gay?
Jarari: No no! Meesa no gay! Meesa Jarari Bink! Meesa entirewee compooter jinawated kowakter! Yousa save my life!
Qui-Gon: Yes, my mistake…
Jarari: No! No mistake! Meesa your humble serbant! Meesa doo aneetang for yoos!
Qui-Gon: Anything?
Obi-Wan comes up, dodging laser bolts from battle droids on flying motorcycles, doing moves like in "The Matrix", Qui-Gon whips out his saber and destroys the droids.
Jarari: You saved my again!
Obi-Wan: What's this?
Qui-Gon: My humble computer-generated servant, now let's go before more droids show up.
Obi-Wan: Go where?
Jarari: EXKWEEEEEEEEEZE ME! Meesa knows mosta safest place is Gunga city!
Qui-Gon: A city?
Jarari: Uh huh!
Qui-Gon: Can you take us there.
Jarari: Oops, my forgot my been shunned and day pwobabwee kill us all if we go.
Obi-Wan: Yeah, things like eternal banishment and being shunned out of my hometown always slip my mind too.
Qui-Gon: Ah, who cares? Let's go!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
They reach a lake.
Jarari: Weesa go unduh watah, okeyday? But my warns yoo again, Gungans no liken outsiders, so don't spek a worm welcome!
Obi-Wan: Don't worry this hasn't been our day for worm welcomes.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
They swim to the underwater Gungan city and go inside.
Jarari: Feels SOOO good bein' home!
Jarari notices several Gungan guards approaching them.
Jarari: Uh oh! Weesa busted!
Captain Tadpole: Stop in danaymuhduh- GASP! Zarari Bink!
Jarari: Meeesa back!
Captain Tadpole: Noah gain Zarari. Yoosa go see bosses yoosa in da big poo poo now!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stand before a big Gungan called Boss Nasty, Jarari is in chains behind them. Qui-Gon speaks very slowly and in small words, for he fears the Boss may be retarded.
Qui-Gon: A droid army is about to attack the Naboo. We must warn them.
Boss: Meesa no lika Naboo. Meesa no hep yoos. Meesa wants dem to die.
Obi-Wan: Maybe I can reason with them…
Qui-Gon: Uh, Obi-Wan,wait…
Obi-Wan: You and the Naboo form a symbiotic circle. A natural union of the two exist are dependant upon each other for survival.
Boss: Uh, what?
Qui-Gon: Speak plainly, Obi-Wan, I think his lights are all burned out in the attic. I'll deal with him anyway. Your Bossness, you WANT to help us and you WILL give us a transport.
Boss: I WANT to hep yoos, and I will give yoosa una bongo.
The Boss snaps out of it.
Boss: And remember the speediest way to the Naboo is through the PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANET COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE.
Obi-Wan: Master, what's a bongo?
Qui-Gon: I'll tell you when your older, but right now we need a navigator. What is to become of Jarari Bink.
Boss: Binkie break "hitroadjackandonyeecomeback" rule, he be poonished.
Qui-Gon: I saved his life, he is my humble servant.
Boss: Fine! Take him! Ruin our fun time!
Qui-Gon: I think I will, come along Jarari.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The bongo speeds away from the city towards the Planet Core.
Obi-Wan: So Jarari, why were you banished, ya kill a man.
Jarari: Well, it's a longo tello, but my basikwee caused few wittle accidentays.
Jarari accidently flips the bongo in reverse it flies into an evil carnivorous fish.
Jarari: Wike dat one!
The fish bites on the bongo and swims away, another bigger fish eats the small fish, the bongo is free.
Qui-Gon: Good day for fishing! Okay, head for that convenient hole.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Viceroy and Rude Hacko stand before the very blue hologram of Darth Silliness.
Viceroy: We are right on schedule ma'lord.
Silliness: Goood. I will see to it that in the Senate things stay as they are. Something only senators whose names begin with P can do, not like I'm a senator whose name begins with P or anything.
Viceroy: The Queen has great faith that the Senate will side with her.
Silliness: Queen Armadillo is young and naïve and stupid and oblivious to reality and not very bright. You will find controlling her will not be difficult.
He fades away.
Rude Hacko: You didn't tell him about the missing Jedi.
Viceroy: You didn't tell him about your little FLING at that party last week.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The bongo is in a little cave.
Obi-Wan: We're losing power.
They lose power.
Jarari: Now weesa dead!
Qui-Gon: Frankie says relax. Besides we're not in trouble yet.
Jarari: Yet? Yet! Monstairs out dare, weekin in here, oy sinkin in no power! Excaweeze me but dassa twuble!
Obi-Wan: Power's back! She just needed a new battery.
Obi and Jarari look out the window and see a big fish.
Jarari: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Qui-Gon: Relax, you're starting to bug me.
He uses the Force to make Jarari "relax". Jarari is now unconscious. They swim away from it, it follow them. The other big fish from before shows up, they pull up right above it and it eats the fish that was chasing them. (If you didn't get that, just watch the movie).
Qui-Gon: Head for that other convenient hole.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Traffic is really backed up to the city of Theed. Federal-ation ships are evrywhere. The Viceroy comes out of his ship.
Roger: Viceroy, we have captured the Queen.
Viceroy: Checkmate!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Viceroy, Rude Hacko, and some battle droids have captured the Queen and her loyal subjects, they walk down the stairs in the palace.
Sio Babble: How will you explain this invasion to the Senate?
Viceroy: The Queen and I will sign a treaty that will legitimitize our occupation here. I have ashoo-ranses it will be ratified by the Senate.
Sio Babble: That's very clever!
Queen: I will not cooperate! I will kick and scream and whine until I get my way!
Viceroy: Well, Your Highness, once you are… PA-ROCESSED you will see a different point of view. Commander.
Roger: Yez Vizeroy?
Viceroy: PA-ROCESS them.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Queen and company are being taken to a processing camp, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Jarari are on a bridge over them. They jump down and start slashing up the droids, well Jarari doesn't.
Qui-Gon: We should leave the streets.
They leave the streets.
Qui-Gon: We're ambassadors for the Supreme Chancellor, it's urgent we make contact with the republic.
Captain: They've knocked out all our communications.
Qui-Gon: Do you have transport?
Captain: This way.
They reach the hangar.
Captain: Screw that, there's too many of them.
Qui-Gon: It won't be a problem. Your Highness, under the circumstances I suggest you come to Corusnot with us.
Queen: Thank you, but I'd rather die along with my people.
Sio Babble: Our only hope is for the Senate to side with us, Senator Palpatine will need your help.
Queen: Then I will plead our case to the Senate.
They enter the hangar, there are a lot of battle droids. Several pilots are being held captive.
Captain: We'll need to free those pilots.
Obi-Wan: I'll deal with that.
Qui-Gon: No, let me.
Battle Droid: Halt!
Qui-Gon: I'm ambassador for the Supreme Chancellor, here's my card, I'm taking these people to Corusnot.
Battle Droid: Where are you taking them?
Qui-Gon: To Corusnot.
Battle Droid: Uh, that does not compute, could you repeat it again?
Qui-Gon: Corusnot.
Battle Droid: Wait a second! Where'd all these people come from? Where are you taking them?
Qui-Gon: Corusnot.
Battle Droid: I can't hear you, I got something in my, uh, ear…
Qui-Gon slashes the battle droid up, the everybody runs to the Queen's ship. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon slash up all the droids. Soon the hangar is full of smoking droid pieces. They get on the ship.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The ship takes off, we can hear the voices of Obi-Wan, Jarari, and Riccola the pilot.
Obi-Wan: Can I pilot?
Riccola: No.
Jarari: Meesa will pilot!
Riccola: No!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The ship flies towards the deadly blockade. Jarari is with a lot of R2 droids.
Jarari: Heyo boyos! Yousa hear da one about da pweest and a wabbi?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The battleships fire at the Queen's ship, a laser bolt hits the shield generator. Jarari has his back to them, he is laughing his head off, all the droid leave.
Jarari: An he says- he says- but mom dis in'nt peenoot booter and jeyey! Ahahahahahaha!
He turns around, everyone is gone.
Jarari: How wude.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The R2 units are repairing the ship, but keep getting shot off. Only R2-D2 is left and all the laser bolts miss him.
Riccola: What the- Power's back! That little droid did it! Uh oh! We don't have enough fuel to get us to Corusnot. The hyperdrive is leaking!
Obi-Wan: I thought something was leaking…
Qui-Gon sits at a computer.
Qui-Gon: Dang these IBM computers! Well, I found a gas station on a remote planet called Tattoospleen.
Captain: You can't take Queen Armadillo there, it's controlled by the Nuts!
Qui-Gon: But the Nuts aren't looking for her, which gives us the advantage.