----------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER 6
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Riccola and Shananakin are in the cockpit.
SHANANAKIN: Are we there yet?
RICOLLA: No
SHANANAKIN: Are we there yet?
RICOLLA: No
SHANANAKIN: Are we there yet?
RICOLLA: No.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
CAPTAIN: The Federal-ation THING will arrest you and force you to sign the treaty.
QUI-GON: I agree, I'm not sure what you wish to accomplish at this.
QUEEN: I will take back what's ours.
CAPTAIN: You and what army?
QUEEN: Jarari Bink.
JARARI: Who meesa?
QUEEN: Yes, I need your help.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Queen's ship lands. Obi-Wan approaches Qui-Gon.
OBI-WAN: Jarari's on his way to the Gungan city, you think the Queen's idea will work.
QUI-GON: No.
Silence.
OBI-WAN: Gee, I'm sorry Master. It's not my place to disagree with you about the boy. And I am grateful you think I'm ready to take the trials.
QUI-GON: Don't let it go to your head, I was just trying to get rid of you.
OBI-WAN: Oh.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jarari comes out of the water.
JARARI: Dere wuz nobotty dere! Gungan city was dezerted!
CAPTAIN: I bet they were all completely wiped out, huh-huh!
JARARI: No way homi-brudder, weesa no dien wit out a fight. Ya see when in trouble, Gungans go to sacred place, meesa will show yas.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The crew goes to the sacred Gungan place. The Boss takes the stand.
BOSS: Jarari Bink! Who's da ousen ooters?
QUEEN: I am Queen Armadillo of Naboo, I come in peace.
BOSS: Ah! Naboo bigen. Yousa bring da mackineeks, yousa berry berry bombad!
QUEEN: But we wish to form an alliance with you!
BOSS: Meesa form nutting wit no one!
HANDMAIDEN #1: You're honor, I am Queen Armadillo.
HANDMAIDEN #2: No, I am Queen Armadillo.
CAPTAIN: I am Queen Armadillo.
RICOLLA: I am Queen Armadillo.
PILOT: I am Queen Armadillo.
R2-D2: Beedweep bedweep!
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan look at each other in confusion, many voices can be heard saying "I am Queen Armadillo!" "No you're not, I'm Queen Armadillo" "No me!"
PADMÉ: You're honor wait! I am Queen Armadillo! I need your help!
BOSS: Meesa not hep any-uh yoos! Yoosa all too wacky!
PADMÉ: But the Trade Federal-ation THING has destroyed all we have worked so hard to build. I ask you to help us, no I beg you to help us. We are your humble servants, our fate is in your hands.
They all kneel before the Boss, all the Gungans are confused. Boss Nasty laughs.
BOSS: Waits a secoond, yousa no tinkin yousa greater then the GoonGuns? Meesa like-a dis. Maybe weesa bein frenz!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Again, the Viceroy and Rude Hacko are talking to the holographic Silliness. This time Darth Maul is with them.
VICEROY: We sent out our patrols, we already located their starship in the swamp. It won't be long now…
SILLINESS: This is an unexpected move for her, it's too aggressive. Lord Maul be mindful let them make the first move.
DARTH MAUL: Yes, my Master.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Everyone is gathering near a speeder for the briefing.
BOSS: Jarari Bink, yousa doin' grand. Yousa bring Naboo and Gunans togeta, so weesa make you bombad general.
JARARI: General? Oy vey!
The Captain walks up.
PADMÉ: What's the situation, Captain?
CAPTAIN: Well the droid army is a lot stronger than we though. You're Highness, if you want my opinion…
PADMÉ: No.
CAPTAIN: …This is a battle I do not think that we can win.
PADMÉ: The battle is a diversion. The Gungans must draw the droid armies away from the city.
QUI-GON: How'll we enter the city?
PADMÉ: We'll use the secret passages on the waterfall side, while Captain Panic-uh creates a diversion.
CAPTAIN: What? I will?
PADMÉ: Of course. So what do you think, Master Jedi?
QUI-GON: The Viceroy will be well guarded and there is a possibility that many Gungans will be killed in battle.
BOSS: Weesa ready to do our-sa part!
OBI-WAN: 'Our' meaning you will be hiding here the whole battle, isn't that right?
BOSS: Uh…
QUI-GON: Plus there's the danger of the Viceroy escaping and conjuring up another droid army.
OBI-WAN: And there's an even bigger danger, if this doesn't look good on film the critics will think the movie sucked, Jar Jar's taking away our audience as it is.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Viceroy, Rude Hacko, and the two Sith lords, one holographic of course.
VICEROY: We've sent out our droids to meet with this army assembling near the swamp. It appears to be made up of primitives.
SILLINESS: Good, this will work to our advantage.
VICEROY: I have your approval to proceed then, ma'lord?
SILLINESS: Wipe them out… ALL OF THEM.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Gungans form their army. The battle droids show up in tanks and start firing. The Gungans shield deflects the fire.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A speeder comes out and destroys a tank, the battle droids are distracted. Padmé, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Shananakin, and a couple of guards, pilots, and droids go into the hangar. The Jedi deflect blasts, protecting Padmé.
QUI-GON: Annie, quick! Find cover!
PADMÉ: Get to your ships.
They get to their ships. Shananakin gets in a ship with R2-D2. The fighters take off and fly to the droid control ship. Thousands of droid starfighters come out of the control ship.
RICOLLA: Fighters, dead ahead.
PILOT #1: Roger, Bravo Leader!
PILOT #2: Roger, Bravo Leader!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back to the Gungans. The head Roger finally notices their blaster bolts aren't doing anything to the Gungans.
ROGER: Wait a second guys, hey hey, wait a second! Cease fire!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the droid control ship…
DUNCE: Activate the droids.
ANNOYING COMM OFFICER: Yezzir!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The battle droids are activated, thousands of them march through the "deflector" shield. (some deflector shield, I say) The Gungans are in a big fight.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The battle droids are all dead in the hangar. The Captain and Queen's soldiers meet up with the Queen.
PADMÉ: My guess is the Viceroy's in the throne room.
CAPTAIN: Red group, gold group, blue group. Everybody. Let's go!
SHANANAKIN: Wait for me!
QUI-GON: Annie, stay in that cockpit.
They approach the doors, the doors open. Darth Maul has apparently been waiting there for two hours and he's mad as heck.
QUI-GON: We'll deal with this villain.
PADMÉ: We'll take the long way!
Some destroyer droids come out and block the long way. Padmé and her troops take cover.
SHANANAKIN: We gotta do something, Artoo!
Darth Maul pulls out his lightsaber, one end lights up. The other end does too.
OBI-WAN: Look Master! He's got a double-blader!
Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon and Darth Maul start fighting. The Queen's troops are no match for the destroyer droids. Shananakin "accidentally" turns on his ship it hovers above the ground.
SHANANAKIN: Oh, no I turned it on!
He blows the destroyer droids up. And takes off out of the hangar.
SHANANAKIN: Oh no! It's on autopilot.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Darth Maul fight all the way to the power generator complex.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Padmé and the group are running through the palace, battle droids are ahead of them. They take cover.
PADMÉ: We don't have time for this.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shananakin is well on his way to the droid control ship.
SHANANAKIN: Look Artoo, that's where the autopilot's taking us.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Gungans are getting whooped. Jarari is more of a nuisance than a help in the battle, so he just lays on the ground covering his eyes. A piece of a battle droid lands on his back.
JARARI: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Get it offa me!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Naboo pilots are getting whooped, too.
RICOLLA: Hey it's not our fault, the deflector shield is just TOO strong.
SHANANAKIN: Artoo, get us off this autopilot before we both get killed.
R2-D2 gets them off the autopilot.
SHANANAKIN: Yahoo! Yipee! You did it!
R2-D2: Beedweep!
SHANANAKIN: Go back? Qui-Gon told me to stay in this cockpit and that's what I'm doing.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Queen's troops are pretty much stuck. The Captain notices a window. The window washer shakes his head and gets on his knees. The Captain blows the window up, the window washer falls.
CAPTAIN: Your Highness, the window!
PADMÉ: Right!
They get on the window.
CAPTAIN: Ha! Ascension guns!
They use ascension guns and go to the next floor up. They blow open the window and run around the palace.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Darth Maul are still fighting. Darth Maul kicks Obi-Wan off the catwalk and he falls, he grabs onto something quick. Darth Maul turns around and sneers in Qui-Gon's face. Qui-Gon smacks him off the ledge and jumps after him. Obi-Wan uses the Force to jump to the catwalk where his Master fights the Sith. He accidentally jumps too high and has to jump back down. By the time he reaches them he is separated by a laser beam. Darth Maul is pretty ticked, Qui-Gon meditates. Obi-Wan walks around impatiently.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The shield generator is taken down (it doesn't help much anyway). The Gungans retreat.
JARARI: Waiten for meesa!
He grabs onto the back of a little wagon full of energy balls. It snaps off and the balls fly everywhere. Jarari runs back to the battle droids. An explosion barely misses him and he lands on a tank. Captain Tadpole rides up next to the tank.
CAPTAIN TADPOLE: Zarari, Jump!
He jumps and knocks the Captain off his, uh, steed. The battle droids surround them.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Destroyer droids surround the Queen.
PADMÉ: Drop your weapons, they win this round.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shananakin's spacecraft is hit.
SHANANAKIN: We're hit Artoo!
He conveniently crash lands in the droid control ship. Battle droids surround him.
SHANANAKIN: Uh oh!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The laser gates go away. Qui-Gon and Darth Maul start fighting. Obi-Wan runs to the end of the hall but doesn't clear the last gate (too bad he didn't use the wicked speed he did when running from the destroyer droids earlier). He watches his Master fight the Sith. Suddenly Darth Maul jabs his lightsaber into Qui-Gon.
OBI-WAN: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Qui-Gon falls over. Obi-Wan is starting to get mad. Darth Maul is getting happy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Padmé and her group are taken to the Viceroy.
VICEROY: Ah, Queen Armadillo, your insurrection is at an end. Time to sign the treaty and end this pointless debate in da Senate! Looks like… I WIN! Ha! Checkmate!
QUEEN: Yo Viceroy! Your occupation here has ended.
The fake Queen shoots the battle droids.
VICEROY: Afta-ha! Das the real Queen, this one here's a decoy!
PAMÉ: Wrong again Viceroy!
Padmé grabs a couple of blasters hidden in a secret panel of the Queen's throne. (You know, just in case). She tosses one to Captain Panic-uh.
They destroy all the droids.
CAPTAIN: Seal the door.
Two guards run to the door.
GUARD: Huh! How many royal guards does it take to close a door?
PADMÉ: Now, Viceroy, we will discuss a new treaty.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The lasers go away, Obi-Wan launches himself at Darth Maul. They fight for a while. Obi-Wan manages to slice Darth Maul's saber in two. Darth Maul uses the Force and pushed Obi-Wan into a bottomless pit. Obi-Wan grabs onto one of the convenient things poking out from inside the pit. Obi-Wan's lightsaber falls down…
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
SHANANAKIN: Yes we have power! Shields up! Ha! Take this! Yipee!
He "accidentally" shoots the main reactor that is for some reason located in the hangar.
ANNOYING COMM OFFICER: Zir! We're lozing powuh! Dere zeem to be a problem witza main reactor.
DUNCE: I told you we shouldn't have put the main reactors in the hangar!
SHANANAKIN: Let's get outta here!
Shananakin flies out of the droid control ship.
DUNCE: Quick, someone get the license plate number on that Naboo starfight-air.
The droid control ship blows up.
SHANANAKIN: Now this is pot racing! Yipee!
R2-D2: BEEDODWEEP!
RICCOLA: Yeee Hee Hee!
PILOT: Uh, yeah.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
All the battle droids break down.
JARARI: Eh? Wassa goin on?
CAPTAIN TADPOLE: The control ship has been destroyed! Look!
JARARI: Dey are broken!
Everyone cheers.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Darth Maul is destroying the pit, I don't know why. Obi-Wan has one chance. He uses the Force to leap through the air, simultaneously grabbing Qui-Gon's lightsaber. He turns it on and cuts Darth Maul in half all before Darth Maul knows what happened.
DARTH MAUL: Narr….
He falls in the pit.
OBI-WAN: Master!
QUI-GON: It's too late!
OBI-WAN: No!
QUI-GON: Yes!
OBI-WAN: No!
QUI-GON: Obi-Wan, promise me you will train the boy.
OBI-WAN: No! I mean… er.. yes. Sure…
QUI-GON: He is the Chosen One, he will bring balance. Train him.
OBI-WAN: No goodbye? No I love you? No it's been a pleasure being your Master? He didn't even disappear! I'm going to have to wait 'till the next movie to find out why!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A spaceship lands. The Viceroy and Rude Hacko are being sent back to Corusnot.
QUEEN: Well well well, looks like your going to have to go the Senate and explain all this.
CAPTAIN: And I think you can kiss your trade franchise goodbye.
VICEROY: Ouch…
Chancellor Palpatine comes out of the transport.
CHANCELLOR: Good work, Obi-Wan Kenobi. On defeating my loyal Sith appren- I mean that, er, Sith Lord. And you young Moonwalker, we will watch your career with great interest.
QUEEN: Congratulations on your election, Chancellor.
CHANCELLOR: Your boldness has saved our people, congratulations to you. Together we can bring peace and prosperity to the Republic.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yoda and Obi-Wan are in the Naboo Palace.
YODA: Confer on you the level of Jedi Knight the council does. Hummph. But agree with your taking this boy as your Padawan Learner, I do not! Hmmph!
OBI-WAN: Master, you don't scare me with your 'Hummphs' and 'Hmmphs'. But Master Qui-Gon was dying and I- Well I had to promise him. Qui-Gon believed in him… I don't… But Qui-Gon did.
YODA: The Chosen One the boy may very well be, but GRAVE DANGER I sense in his training.
OBI-WAN: Grave danger? Sounds a bit dangerous, doesn't it? I don't think I want to train Shananakin.
YODA: HA! But promised Qui-Gon you did! Train him you must.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Everyone is at Qui-Gon's funeral. Everyone is sad except for Chancellor Palpatine who is grinning Sithly.
SHANANAKIN: What will happen to me now?
OBI-WAN: The Council made me- I mean- have 'granted me permission' to train you. You will be a Jedi, I promise.
MACE: There's no doubt in my mind the mysterious warrior was a Sith.
YODA: Yes but always two there are… no more, no less… a Master and an Apprentice.
MACE: But which was destroyed, the Master or the Apprentice?
Close-up on Chancellor Palpatine.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is a big celebration. Queen Armadillo, Captain Panic-uh, Chancellor Palpatine, R2-D2 and Sio Babble stand with the pilots and soldiers. The Jedi Council is also there with Obi-Wan and Shananakin who now has a Padawan haircut. Jarari, Captain Tadpole and Boss Nasty walk up the stairs. Queen Armadillo steals a glowing purple glass ball from Sio Babble. Boss Nasty steals it from her.
BOSS: PEACE OUT!!!
Everyone cheers and looks at each other. The screen goes to a little circle like it does in the cartoons. Jarari steals the ball from Boss Nasty and drops it. It shatters.
JARARI: Oopsie.
THE END
CHAPTER 6
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Riccola and Shananakin are in the cockpit.
SHANANAKIN: Are we there yet?
RICOLLA: No
SHANANAKIN: Are we there yet?
RICOLLA: No
SHANANAKIN: Are we there yet?
RICOLLA: No.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
CAPTAIN: The Federal-ation THING will arrest you and force you to sign the treaty.
QUI-GON: I agree, I'm not sure what you wish to accomplish at this.
QUEEN: I will take back what's ours.
CAPTAIN: You and what army?
QUEEN: Jarari Bink.
JARARI: Who meesa?
QUEEN: Yes, I need your help.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Queen's ship lands. Obi-Wan approaches Qui-Gon.
OBI-WAN: Jarari's on his way to the Gungan city, you think the Queen's idea will work.
QUI-GON: No.
Silence.
OBI-WAN: Gee, I'm sorry Master. It's not my place to disagree with you about the boy. And I am grateful you think I'm ready to take the trials.
QUI-GON: Don't let it go to your head, I was just trying to get rid of you.
OBI-WAN: Oh.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jarari comes out of the water.
JARARI: Dere wuz nobotty dere! Gungan city was dezerted!
CAPTAIN: I bet they were all completely wiped out, huh-huh!
JARARI: No way homi-brudder, weesa no dien wit out a fight. Ya see when in trouble, Gungans go to sacred place, meesa will show yas.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The crew goes to the sacred Gungan place. The Boss takes the stand.
BOSS: Jarari Bink! Who's da ousen ooters?
QUEEN: I am Queen Armadillo of Naboo, I come in peace.
BOSS: Ah! Naboo bigen. Yousa bring da mackineeks, yousa berry berry bombad!
QUEEN: But we wish to form an alliance with you!
BOSS: Meesa form nutting wit no one!
HANDMAIDEN #1: You're honor, I am Queen Armadillo.
HANDMAIDEN #2: No, I am Queen Armadillo.
CAPTAIN: I am Queen Armadillo.
RICOLLA: I am Queen Armadillo.
PILOT: I am Queen Armadillo.
R2-D2: Beedweep bedweep!
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan look at each other in confusion, many voices can be heard saying "I am Queen Armadillo!" "No you're not, I'm Queen Armadillo" "No me!"
PADMÉ: You're honor wait! I am Queen Armadillo! I need your help!
BOSS: Meesa not hep any-uh yoos! Yoosa all too wacky!
PADMÉ: But the Trade Federal-ation THING has destroyed all we have worked so hard to build. I ask you to help us, no I beg you to help us. We are your humble servants, our fate is in your hands.
They all kneel before the Boss, all the Gungans are confused. Boss Nasty laughs.
BOSS: Waits a secoond, yousa no tinkin yousa greater then the GoonGuns? Meesa like-a dis. Maybe weesa bein frenz!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Again, the Viceroy and Rude Hacko are talking to the holographic Silliness. This time Darth Maul is with them.
VICEROY: We sent out our patrols, we already located their starship in the swamp. It won't be long now…
SILLINESS: This is an unexpected move for her, it's too aggressive. Lord Maul be mindful let them make the first move.
DARTH MAUL: Yes, my Master.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Everyone is gathering near a speeder for the briefing.
BOSS: Jarari Bink, yousa doin' grand. Yousa bring Naboo and Gunans togeta, so weesa make you bombad general.
JARARI: General? Oy vey!
The Captain walks up.
PADMÉ: What's the situation, Captain?
CAPTAIN: Well the droid army is a lot stronger than we though. You're Highness, if you want my opinion…
PADMÉ: No.
CAPTAIN: …This is a battle I do not think that we can win.
PADMÉ: The battle is a diversion. The Gungans must draw the droid armies away from the city.
QUI-GON: How'll we enter the city?
PADMÉ: We'll use the secret passages on the waterfall side, while Captain Panic-uh creates a diversion.
CAPTAIN: What? I will?
PADMÉ: Of course. So what do you think, Master Jedi?
QUI-GON: The Viceroy will be well guarded and there is a possibility that many Gungans will be killed in battle.
BOSS: Weesa ready to do our-sa part!
OBI-WAN: 'Our' meaning you will be hiding here the whole battle, isn't that right?
BOSS: Uh…
QUI-GON: Plus there's the danger of the Viceroy escaping and conjuring up another droid army.
OBI-WAN: And there's an even bigger danger, if this doesn't look good on film the critics will think the movie sucked, Jar Jar's taking away our audience as it is.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Viceroy, Rude Hacko, and the two Sith lords, one holographic of course.
VICEROY: We've sent out our droids to meet with this army assembling near the swamp. It appears to be made up of primitives.
SILLINESS: Good, this will work to our advantage.
VICEROY: I have your approval to proceed then, ma'lord?
SILLINESS: Wipe them out… ALL OF THEM.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Gungans form their army. The battle droids show up in tanks and start firing. The Gungans shield deflects the fire.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A speeder comes out and destroys a tank, the battle droids are distracted. Padmé, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Shananakin, and a couple of guards, pilots, and droids go into the hangar. The Jedi deflect blasts, protecting Padmé.
QUI-GON: Annie, quick! Find cover!
PADMÉ: Get to your ships.
They get to their ships. Shananakin gets in a ship with R2-D2. The fighters take off and fly to the droid control ship. Thousands of droid starfighters come out of the control ship.
RICOLLA: Fighters, dead ahead.
PILOT #1: Roger, Bravo Leader!
PILOT #2: Roger, Bravo Leader!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back to the Gungans. The head Roger finally notices their blaster bolts aren't doing anything to the Gungans.
ROGER: Wait a second guys, hey hey, wait a second! Cease fire!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the droid control ship…
DUNCE: Activate the droids.
ANNOYING COMM OFFICER: Yezzir!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The battle droids are activated, thousands of them march through the "deflector" shield. (some deflector shield, I say) The Gungans are in a big fight.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The battle droids are all dead in the hangar. The Captain and Queen's soldiers meet up with the Queen.
PADMÉ: My guess is the Viceroy's in the throne room.
CAPTAIN: Red group, gold group, blue group. Everybody. Let's go!
SHANANAKIN: Wait for me!
QUI-GON: Annie, stay in that cockpit.
They approach the doors, the doors open. Darth Maul has apparently been waiting there for two hours and he's mad as heck.
QUI-GON: We'll deal with this villain.
PADMÉ: We'll take the long way!
Some destroyer droids come out and block the long way. Padmé and her troops take cover.
SHANANAKIN: We gotta do something, Artoo!
Darth Maul pulls out his lightsaber, one end lights up. The other end does too.
OBI-WAN: Look Master! He's got a double-blader!
Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon and Darth Maul start fighting. The Queen's troops are no match for the destroyer droids. Shananakin "accidentally" turns on his ship it hovers above the ground.
SHANANAKIN: Oh, no I turned it on!
He blows the destroyer droids up. And takes off out of the hangar.
SHANANAKIN: Oh no! It's on autopilot.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Darth Maul fight all the way to the power generator complex.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Padmé and the group are running through the palace, battle droids are ahead of them. They take cover.
PADMÉ: We don't have time for this.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shananakin is well on his way to the droid control ship.
SHANANAKIN: Look Artoo, that's where the autopilot's taking us.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Gungans are getting whooped. Jarari is more of a nuisance than a help in the battle, so he just lays on the ground covering his eyes. A piece of a battle droid lands on his back.
JARARI: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Get it offa me!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Naboo pilots are getting whooped, too.
RICOLLA: Hey it's not our fault, the deflector shield is just TOO strong.
SHANANAKIN: Artoo, get us off this autopilot before we both get killed.
R2-D2 gets them off the autopilot.
SHANANAKIN: Yahoo! Yipee! You did it!
R2-D2: Beedweep!
SHANANAKIN: Go back? Qui-Gon told me to stay in this cockpit and that's what I'm doing.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Queen's troops are pretty much stuck. The Captain notices a window. The window washer shakes his head and gets on his knees. The Captain blows the window up, the window washer falls.
CAPTAIN: Your Highness, the window!
PADMÉ: Right!
They get on the window.
CAPTAIN: Ha! Ascension guns!
They use ascension guns and go to the next floor up. They blow open the window and run around the palace.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Darth Maul are still fighting. Darth Maul kicks Obi-Wan off the catwalk and he falls, he grabs onto something quick. Darth Maul turns around and sneers in Qui-Gon's face. Qui-Gon smacks him off the ledge and jumps after him. Obi-Wan uses the Force to jump to the catwalk where his Master fights the Sith. He accidentally jumps too high and has to jump back down. By the time he reaches them he is separated by a laser beam. Darth Maul is pretty ticked, Qui-Gon meditates. Obi-Wan walks around impatiently.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The shield generator is taken down (it doesn't help much anyway). The Gungans retreat.
JARARI: Waiten for meesa!
He grabs onto the back of a little wagon full of energy balls. It snaps off and the balls fly everywhere. Jarari runs back to the battle droids. An explosion barely misses him and he lands on a tank. Captain Tadpole rides up next to the tank.
CAPTAIN TADPOLE: Zarari, Jump!
He jumps and knocks the Captain off his, uh, steed. The battle droids surround them.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Destroyer droids surround the Queen.
PADMÉ: Drop your weapons, they win this round.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shananakin's spacecraft is hit.
SHANANAKIN: We're hit Artoo!
He conveniently crash lands in the droid control ship. Battle droids surround him.
SHANANAKIN: Uh oh!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The laser gates go away. Qui-Gon and Darth Maul start fighting. Obi-Wan runs to the end of the hall but doesn't clear the last gate (too bad he didn't use the wicked speed he did when running from the destroyer droids earlier). He watches his Master fight the Sith. Suddenly Darth Maul jabs his lightsaber into Qui-Gon.
OBI-WAN: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Qui-Gon falls over. Obi-Wan is starting to get mad. Darth Maul is getting happy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Padmé and her group are taken to the Viceroy.
VICEROY: Ah, Queen Armadillo, your insurrection is at an end. Time to sign the treaty and end this pointless debate in da Senate! Looks like… I WIN! Ha! Checkmate!
QUEEN: Yo Viceroy! Your occupation here has ended.
The fake Queen shoots the battle droids.
VICEROY: Afta-ha! Das the real Queen, this one here's a decoy!
PAMÉ: Wrong again Viceroy!
Padmé grabs a couple of blasters hidden in a secret panel of the Queen's throne. (You know, just in case). She tosses one to Captain Panic-uh.
They destroy all the droids.
CAPTAIN: Seal the door.
Two guards run to the door.
GUARD: Huh! How many royal guards does it take to close a door?
PADMÉ: Now, Viceroy, we will discuss a new treaty.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The lasers go away, Obi-Wan launches himself at Darth Maul. They fight for a while. Obi-Wan manages to slice Darth Maul's saber in two. Darth Maul uses the Force and pushed Obi-Wan into a bottomless pit. Obi-Wan grabs onto one of the convenient things poking out from inside the pit. Obi-Wan's lightsaber falls down…
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
SHANANAKIN: Yes we have power! Shields up! Ha! Take this! Yipee!
He "accidentally" shoots the main reactor that is for some reason located in the hangar.
ANNOYING COMM OFFICER: Zir! We're lozing powuh! Dere zeem to be a problem witza main reactor.
DUNCE: I told you we shouldn't have put the main reactors in the hangar!
SHANANAKIN: Let's get outta here!
Shananakin flies out of the droid control ship.
DUNCE: Quick, someone get the license plate number on that Naboo starfight-air.
The droid control ship blows up.
SHANANAKIN: Now this is pot racing! Yipee!
R2-D2: BEEDODWEEP!
RICCOLA: Yeee Hee Hee!
PILOT: Uh, yeah.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
All the battle droids break down.
JARARI: Eh? Wassa goin on?
CAPTAIN TADPOLE: The control ship has been destroyed! Look!
JARARI: Dey are broken!
Everyone cheers.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Darth Maul is destroying the pit, I don't know why. Obi-Wan has one chance. He uses the Force to leap through the air, simultaneously grabbing Qui-Gon's lightsaber. He turns it on and cuts Darth Maul in half all before Darth Maul knows what happened.
DARTH MAUL: Narr….
He falls in the pit.
OBI-WAN: Master!
QUI-GON: It's too late!
OBI-WAN: No!
QUI-GON: Yes!
OBI-WAN: No!
QUI-GON: Obi-Wan, promise me you will train the boy.
OBI-WAN: No! I mean… er.. yes. Sure…
QUI-GON: He is the Chosen One, he will bring balance. Train him.
OBI-WAN: No goodbye? No I love you? No it's been a pleasure being your Master? He didn't even disappear! I'm going to have to wait 'till the next movie to find out why!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A spaceship lands. The Viceroy and Rude Hacko are being sent back to Corusnot.
QUEEN: Well well well, looks like your going to have to go the Senate and explain all this.
CAPTAIN: And I think you can kiss your trade franchise goodbye.
VICEROY: Ouch…
Chancellor Palpatine comes out of the transport.
CHANCELLOR: Good work, Obi-Wan Kenobi. On defeating my loyal Sith appren- I mean that, er, Sith Lord. And you young Moonwalker, we will watch your career with great interest.
QUEEN: Congratulations on your election, Chancellor.
CHANCELLOR: Your boldness has saved our people, congratulations to you. Together we can bring peace and prosperity to the Republic.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yoda and Obi-Wan are in the Naboo Palace.
YODA: Confer on you the level of Jedi Knight the council does. Hummph. But agree with your taking this boy as your Padawan Learner, I do not! Hmmph!
OBI-WAN: Master, you don't scare me with your 'Hummphs' and 'Hmmphs'. But Master Qui-Gon was dying and I- Well I had to promise him. Qui-Gon believed in him… I don't… But Qui-Gon did.
YODA: The Chosen One the boy may very well be, but GRAVE DANGER I sense in his training.
OBI-WAN: Grave danger? Sounds a bit dangerous, doesn't it? I don't think I want to train Shananakin.
YODA: HA! But promised Qui-Gon you did! Train him you must.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Everyone is at Qui-Gon's funeral. Everyone is sad except for Chancellor Palpatine who is grinning Sithly.
SHANANAKIN: What will happen to me now?
OBI-WAN: The Council made me- I mean- have 'granted me permission' to train you. You will be a Jedi, I promise.
MACE: There's no doubt in my mind the mysterious warrior was a Sith.
YODA: Yes but always two there are… no more, no less… a Master and an Apprentice.
MACE: But which was destroyed, the Master or the Apprentice?
Close-up on Chancellor Palpatine.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is a big celebration. Queen Armadillo, Captain Panic-uh, Chancellor Palpatine, R2-D2 and Sio Babble stand with the pilots and soldiers. The Jedi Council is also there with Obi-Wan and Shananakin who now has a Padawan haircut. Jarari, Captain Tadpole and Boss Nasty walk up the stairs. Queen Armadillo steals a glowing purple glass ball from Sio Babble. Boss Nasty steals it from her.
BOSS: PEACE OUT!!!
Everyone cheers and looks at each other. The screen goes to a little circle like it does in the cartoons. Jarari steals the ball from Boss Nasty and drops it. It shatters.
JARARI: Oopsie.
THE END