Disclaimer:
[Angel walked around under his umbrella, brooding.]
Angel: I can't believe they said those things about me in their story!
Cordelia: (pats him on the back) Oh, come on! It's not THAT bad! They did apologize.
Angel: They had Darla STAKE me!
Cordelia: But you didn't die! Well, you didn't get all dusty. And you healed quickly.
Angel: That's not the point! They put that stupid bird in there! How did they know I was afraid of birds?
Cordelia: You're really afraid of birds? (grins) Good guess.
Angel: It's not fair! They did nothing but torment me the whole time!
Cordelia: Hey! They got you together with me!
Angel: Like I said, they did nothing but torment me!
Cordelia: (grabs the handle of Angel's umbrella) I suddenly feel the need to be in the shade.
Angel: Oh come on. You know I'm kidding!
Cordelia: Ok, prove it to me. (she drags him down the beach)
Xander: (looking traumatized) Oh my god!
Giles: (panics) Someone stop them! He's going to lose his soul again!
Xander: With Cordelia?
Giles: (thinks it over) Good point. (waves) Have fun you two! Good riddance.
Buffy: (walks over to Giles and Xander) Hey, where are they going?
Shelley: They're gonna do the horizontal mambo!
Buffy: (gasps in shock) WHAT???????
Shelley: Oh come on. It's not that bad. Sure, evil…but leather pants!
Buffy: You won't say that after he kills you.
Shelley: Oh he won't kill me. I'm the author. Besides, I know Kelley packed that Orb of Thessulah somewhere. Actually, Kelley and Spike were playing with it while me and Xander were in the cave with them.
Buffy: What do they do in there ALL DAY?
Xander: (shrugs) I don't know. Stuff.
Buffy: (grabs Xander's shirt) Tell me!!!!!!!!
Xander: Geez, Buff, it's not that big of a deal. (looks at Shelley) Let's go build those huts now!
Shelley: Woohoo! Okay, good deal. Bye, Buffy.
[Shelley and Xander run off to build shelter for everyone.]
Buffy: What are they doing in there?
[Cut to cave.]
Kelley: Spike! Stop it! Spike! I need to say the disclaimer!
Spike: Joss owns us. (waves to imaginary audience) Now go away! We're busy.
[Cut back to middle of island.]
Buffy: I REALLY wish I could find that cave!
A/N: We're so hyper that we decided to update again! Yay!!!! Anyway, much more wackiness. Our special guest is at the beginning. Does anyone know who it is? More fun to be had throughout the story.
***************************************************************************************************
The mechanic winced sympathetically as the damaged American classic sputtered its way into the repair garage.
"Lemme guess," the mechanic started. "You had a bad run in with the 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign?"
The man behind the wheel looked at the mechanic in surprise. "How'd you know?" he asked.
The mechanic laughed. "There's another guy, comes in here every so often, likes to bang up the sign. I think it's some kind of catharsis for him." He pointed to the black DeSoto parked at the other end of the garage. "He brought it in just this morning, before sunup to get the dings out. Said he ran over the sign about a week and a half ago. I don't know why you guys treat these cars so bad."
The man looked over at the car the mechanic had indicated. Nice car, he thought. It'd be even nicer if the windows weren't spray painted black. Why would a guy spray pain every window black? The man quickly pushed the thought aside. This was the Hellmouth after all.
The mechanic looked up from the inspection of the mysterious man's vehicle. "I'll have her ready for you in a couple of days, mister," he stated.
The man smiled. "Good. I don't want to stay here any longer than I have to. Any places I should visit before then?"
The mechanic chuckled. "Not much to see in Sunnydale," he replied. "Couple of shops on Main Street, the gallery, but not much else." The mechanic paused for a moment, as if debating his next words. "I wouldn't be going much of anywhere after dark, either. Strange things happen in this town at night. You don't want to get messed up in that."
"I'll keep that in mind," the man answered. "Thanks." He walked out of the garage and into the early afternoon sunlight.
The newcomer strolled down Main Street, watching the citizens of Sunnydale as they enjoyed the day. How could so many people be so clueless? As if to emphasize his point, a manhole cover in the middle of the street was pushed off and a smoking, blanket-covered figure sprinted into the shop across the road from where the man stood. He looked up at the sign above the shop's door.
The Magic Box. Why would a vampire want to go into a magic shop in the middle of the day? Most vampires he'd met didn't use magic. He wasn't even sure if Angel ever used magic. But, that was something to think about later.
As he continued to watch the shop, he saw two others approach. One was a tall, lanky, dark-haired boy on crutches…wait, was that the Slayer with him? He was almost certain she'd died a few months ago. Surely his connections weren't that bad. He thought about investigating further, but the idea of a vampire, and what could possibly be the Slayer in the same room as him made him realize he'd much rather be at Starbucks.
*****
The bell above the door jingled, signifying Buffy and Xander's entrance.
"Did your spider sense go off a second ago?" Xander asked.
"No," Buffy answered. "Why?"
"I got the strangest feeling we were being watched," Xander explained. "It was weird."
Any other comments stopped when he spotted Anya at the counter. He looked at her awkwardly for a moment.
"Hi," he muttered.
"Hi," she answered, just as awkwardly.
Xander quickly made a bee-line for the tables near the back while Anya concentrated on the cash register even more than usual.
Giles approached Xander warily. "So, what is the ,er, problem Buffy contacted us about earlier?"
"It's kind of hard to explain," Buffy began.
"I think I'm going crazy," Xander interjected.
"What?!" Giles exclaimed. That wasn't what he'd expected. Apocalypse, maybe, but not this.
"He said he was going crazy," Anya supplied from where she stood.
"Thank you, Anya. I heard the first time," Giles replied.
"I was just trying to be helpful," Anya complained. "I may not date him anymore, but I do want him mentally stable."
"We appreciate it, Anya. Really," Willow assured her.
Buffy sat down in the chair next to Spike and picked up a large tome.
"So, did you and Xander have fun last night?"
"Yeah, thanks for taking my temperature," Spike answered. "My nose healed just fine, thanks for asking."
"And you were being such a baby about it." Buffy smiled and grabbed his hand under the table.
"Nibblet's got an arm on her." Spike gave Buffy's hand a gentle squeeze. "So, I'm going to see 'The Princess Bride' tonight and you're going to see 'The Princess Bride' tonight. Why don't we go together?"
Buffy put her free hand to her chest as if deeply touched. "Spike, are you asking me out on a date?" She looked around the Magic Box. Willow and Giles were still busy interrogating Xander. "You want to watch the movie with me?"
Spike smirked. "I didn't say we were going to watch it, luv."
Buffy scowled at him, but her heart wasn't really in it. She answered in her tried and true manner. "Spike, you're a pig."
Spike just grinned. Then he stuck his tongue out at her.
"I am NOT delirious!" Xander yelled.
Buffy and Spike broke out of their private conversation. They'd definitely missed something.
"Buffy, what do you have to say on the matter?" Giles asked.
"Huh?" Buffy asked. "Why're you asking me for? He's the one hearing Miss Edith talk to him."
"Hey, in my defense," Xander said, "she was talking to Drusilla. Not me."
"Either way, whelp," Spike argued, "you're still hearing voices. Maybe you've been conked on the head one too many times."
"Ooh, the spell!" Willow exclaimed.
"What spell?" Xander asked, now somewhat frightened.
"I didn't do it, Tara did," Willow quickly clarified.
"Way to blame it on your girlfriend, Red," Spike observed drolly.
Willow blushed. "I wasn't blaming, just clearing a few things up is all. Anyway…"
Willow quickly recapped the spell Tara had cast while being held captive by Darla and Drusilla. Those who'd heard it before took a quick nap, but Xander listened rather astutely.
"…so since the spell didn't work as expected, Tara and I thought there might be a few, you know, side effects."
"And you were going to tell me about this when?" Xander asked. "This isn't exactly dry mouth, you know!"
"Well, there weren't any side effects normally and we didn't want to get you worried."
"Willow does bring up an interesting point," Giles interjected before the argument could go any further. "The spell has no adverse side effects. Your symptoms maybe completely unrelated, from a totally different source. And it's always possible these 'voices' are completely hallucinatory."
"And we're back to the 'I'm delusional' theory." Xander grabbed his crutches and lurched to his feet. "I think I'll grab some books, and work on what we have so far. Either I'm crazy," he said, grabbing a psychology book from among the ancient tomes, "as all of you like to keep pointing out." He snatched another book off the shelves. "Or maybe Drusilla is on to something." He slung one of the backpack straps over his shoulder before leaning on his crutches once more. "So, Buff, I'll see you tonight at Giles' for the mega-movie-extravaganza?"
"I don't see why you guys have to include Drusilla," Willow said.
"It was Dawn's idea," Xander informed her.
"What?" Buffy asked, surprised. "I thought it was Spike's idea. Are you letting your sire corrupt my sister?"
"What are you talking about? She lives in Sunnyhell. She's been corrupted for years."
Buffy hesitated. "Yeah, well, if she starts reenacting her childhood by carrying around dolls and having tea parties, I'm going to kill you slowly."
"Hey, Wills, why don't you join us?" Xander asked. He wanted as many people between him and Drusilla as possible.
"I can't," Willow answered. "I'm talking to Tara tonight. It's kind of a set thing every week."
"Ok, your loss. You ready, Buffster?"
"Yeah, just let me get my stuff." She pulled Spike closer, using the hand that still clasped his under the table. "Pick me up at eight o'clock," she whispered.
Buffy and Xander went out the door, leaving their friends to stare at the chipped badass vampire now sporting a goofy grin.