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This is the beginning of the Star Wars Spoof of The Empire Strikes Back - if its liked enough I'll post the rest (first I need to write the rest) but even then it may have to wait in line for - BA BA BA the Star Wars Spoof of Attack Of The Clones - but who knows - well enjoy...
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Lots of probes come out of a star destroyer. One lands on the icy planet of Hoth, not so far away from Rebel hero, Nuke Moonwalker, who is patrolling the icy plains on a tauntaun.
NUKE: Eh? Wassat? (into his comlink:) Echo 3 to Echo 7, Han old buddy, do you read me?
HAN (OVER COMLINK): Loud and clear… very LOUD!
NUKE: Well I've finished my circle, but I saw a meteor or somethin', I think I'll go check it out.
HAN (OVER COMLINK): Well don't stay out too long, it's cold, besides you know what they say about the fool who worked overtime…
NUKE: Heh, sure, whatever. (flicks of comlink) son of a…
TAUNTAUN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
NUKE: Steady girl, it's not like we're about to be attacked by a giant furry horned beast.
GIANT FURRY HORNED BEAST: Grr.
NUKE: Woah!
The giant furry hroned beast swaps Nuke and his tauntaun, knocking them out in one hit.
Han gets back to the Rebel base. He passes by his clunky old ship, the Centurion Falcon, his hairy co-pilot Chewy is repairing it. He growls at Han for help.
HAN: I'll help you as soon as I get back… but first.
Han walks into a room full of Princess Leia and her clones and a general. Han walks up to Leia but the general stops in front of him.
HAN: Oh, uh, hi, General, I , uh, have to go.
GENERAL: Sure. Whatever.
HAN: Yeah, I mean, with this death mark and everything. I gotta pay off Garba the Nut or he'll have my head.
GENERAL: Yeah, a death marks not an easy thing to live with, just look what it did to me.
Han looks at what it did to the general.
HAN: Gee, I better hurry.
He walks off, Leia follows him.
LEIA: HAN!
HAN: Yes Your Highnessness?
LEIA: I thought you were going to stay…
HAN: Yeah, but a little something changed my mind, I think it was that bounty hunter on Org Mandrell.
LEIA: Han we need men like you!
HAN: You mean courageous good-looking valiant space-captains with insight into Imperial tactics and natural-born leading ability?
LEIA: Huh? No. We need men like you to be janitors… you know, scrub the toilets…
HAN: So why are you following me? 'Fraid I would leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?
LEIA: I'd rather kiss a Wookiee.
HAN: Yeah, well KISS MY WOOKIEE!
Han is standing next to his ship. C-PPO and R2-D2 approch.
PPO: Captain Solo! Captain Solo! Princess Leia's been trying to reach you on the communicator!
HAN: HA! I turned it off! I don't wanna talk to her!
PPO: But she's terribly worried about Master Nuke, he hasn't come back yet!
HAN: I don't know where he is!
PPO: Nobody knows where he is!
HAN: What do you mean nobody knows?
A deck officer walks by.
HAN: Deck officer! Deck officer!
DECK OFFICER: Sir, how did you know my name?
HAN: Nevermind that, has Commander Moonwalker reported in yet?
DECK OFFICER: Hmmm… It's a possibility he may have possibly passed through the south entrance, uh, possibly…
HAN: Well I'm going after him!
Han jumps onto a tauntaun and takes off, the deck officer hurries after him.
DECK OFFICER: Sir! Wait! You can't do that! Oh, phooey!
We find now that our favorite hero Nuke Moonwalker is hanging upside down in a wampa ice creature's freezer.
NUKE: Ugh…
The wampa, seeing he has run out of Bugles goes to the freezer to find a snack. Nuke hears him approaching and summons up all his training learned from the deceased Jedi Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi to reach his lightsaber, a Jedi weapon, in the ice - close by but just out of reach. Through the mystical energy field connecting the very fabric of the universe - simply called the Force - the lightsaber flies into his hand as he uses the Jedi power of telekinesis. Just then the wampa comes around. The wampa is no match for a Jedi once the Jedi has his lightsaber, quickly Nuke disarms the wampa and runs out of his lair - only to collapse two feet away from the entrance.
A loud-mouthed Rebel officer approaches the more tactful, higher-ranking officer.
LOUD-MOUTHED REBEL OFFICER: SIR! STILL NO WORD FROM MOONWALKER OR SOLO!
MORE TACTFUL, HIGHER-RANKING OFFICER: Shut up you dolt, Princess Leia is standing right over there.
Hearing this Princess Leia begins to worry even more. The higher-ranking officer approaches her.
HIGHER-RANKING OFFICER: Well I'm not going to lie to you, it doesn't look good, there's only a one-in-a-million-shot of surviving that Hoth cold. Me, I'd rather be lit on fire, shot through a cannon and fed to the Karm-worms of Karkossi than rough the sub-zero snow plains of Hoth at night. But try not to worry…
The doors begin to close slowly, for dramatic effect.
Finally after everyone gets their rightful close up, the doors slam shut. C-PPO trys to comfort the solemn R2:
PPO: Don't worry R2, the chances of survival are 1,000,000 to 1, so there's still a chance!
We return to Nuke Moonwalker - Rebel hero and Jedi-in-training - now a frozen bulk barely clinging on to life.
NUKE: e….
We hear a familiar voice.
FAMILIAR VOICE: NUKE. NUKE!
NUKE: Eh?
We see a familiar form.
FAMILIAR FORM: Nuke!
It is none other than the ghost of Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi.
OBI-WAN: You are getting sleeeeeeeepy!
NUKE: Sleepy…
OBI-WAN: You will go to the Dagobah System.
NUKE: Dagobah System…
OBI-WAN: There you will learn from Yoda, the very same Jedi Master who did not teach me.
NUKE: Yoda…
Han comes up as Ben disappears.
NUKE: Ben….
HAN: Now how does Nuke know my REAL name?
Han tauntaun immediately drops dead from the cold, it's a wonder how those tauntauns survived before the Rebels came. Han claims Nuke's lightsaber and begins playing around.
HAN: BA BA! HANS THE JEDI! HIYA! WOOOHA! CHA!
He carves Nuke a coat from the tauntaun.
HAN: This'll keep you warm.
He pulls out a Game Boy and begins playing it.
HAN: Now lets see if I can't beat ole Bowser this time…
This is the beginning of the Star Wars Spoof of The Empire Strikes Back - if its liked enough I'll post the rest (first I need to write the rest) but even then it may have to wait in line for - BA BA BA the Star Wars Spoof of Attack Of The Clones - but who knows - well enjoy...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lots of probes come out of a star destroyer. One lands on the icy planet of Hoth, not so far away from Rebel hero, Nuke Moonwalker, who is patrolling the icy plains on a tauntaun.
NUKE: Eh? Wassat? (into his comlink:) Echo 3 to Echo 7, Han old buddy, do you read me?
HAN (OVER COMLINK): Loud and clear… very LOUD!
NUKE: Well I've finished my circle, but I saw a meteor or somethin', I think I'll go check it out.
HAN (OVER COMLINK): Well don't stay out too long, it's cold, besides you know what they say about the fool who worked overtime…
NUKE: Heh, sure, whatever. (flicks of comlink) son of a…
TAUNTAUN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
NUKE: Steady girl, it's not like we're about to be attacked by a giant furry horned beast.
GIANT FURRY HORNED BEAST: Grr.
NUKE: Woah!
The giant furry hroned beast swaps Nuke and his tauntaun, knocking them out in one hit.
Han gets back to the Rebel base. He passes by his clunky old ship, the Centurion Falcon, his hairy co-pilot Chewy is repairing it. He growls at Han for help.
HAN: I'll help you as soon as I get back… but first.
Han walks into a room full of Princess Leia and her clones and a general. Han walks up to Leia but the general stops in front of him.
HAN: Oh, uh, hi, General, I , uh, have to go.
GENERAL: Sure. Whatever.
HAN: Yeah, I mean, with this death mark and everything. I gotta pay off Garba the Nut or he'll have my head.
GENERAL: Yeah, a death marks not an easy thing to live with, just look what it did to me.
Han looks at what it did to the general.
HAN: Gee, I better hurry.
He walks off, Leia follows him.
LEIA: HAN!
HAN: Yes Your Highnessness?
LEIA: I thought you were going to stay…
HAN: Yeah, but a little something changed my mind, I think it was that bounty hunter on Org Mandrell.
LEIA: Han we need men like you!
HAN: You mean courageous good-looking valiant space-captains with insight into Imperial tactics and natural-born leading ability?
LEIA: Huh? No. We need men like you to be janitors… you know, scrub the toilets…
HAN: So why are you following me? 'Fraid I would leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?
LEIA: I'd rather kiss a Wookiee.
HAN: Yeah, well KISS MY WOOKIEE!
Han is standing next to his ship. C-PPO and R2-D2 approch.
PPO: Captain Solo! Captain Solo! Princess Leia's been trying to reach you on the communicator!
HAN: HA! I turned it off! I don't wanna talk to her!
PPO: But she's terribly worried about Master Nuke, he hasn't come back yet!
HAN: I don't know where he is!
PPO: Nobody knows where he is!
HAN: What do you mean nobody knows?
A deck officer walks by.
HAN: Deck officer! Deck officer!
DECK OFFICER: Sir, how did you know my name?
HAN: Nevermind that, has Commander Moonwalker reported in yet?
DECK OFFICER: Hmmm… It's a possibility he may have possibly passed through the south entrance, uh, possibly…
HAN: Well I'm going after him!
Han jumps onto a tauntaun and takes off, the deck officer hurries after him.
DECK OFFICER: Sir! Wait! You can't do that! Oh, phooey!
We find now that our favorite hero Nuke Moonwalker is hanging upside down in a wampa ice creature's freezer.
NUKE: Ugh…
The wampa, seeing he has run out of Bugles goes to the freezer to find a snack. Nuke hears him approaching and summons up all his training learned from the deceased Jedi Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi to reach his lightsaber, a Jedi weapon, in the ice - close by but just out of reach. Through the mystical energy field connecting the very fabric of the universe - simply called the Force - the lightsaber flies into his hand as he uses the Jedi power of telekinesis. Just then the wampa comes around. The wampa is no match for a Jedi once the Jedi has his lightsaber, quickly Nuke disarms the wampa and runs out of his lair - only to collapse two feet away from the entrance.
A loud-mouthed Rebel officer approaches the more tactful, higher-ranking officer.
LOUD-MOUTHED REBEL OFFICER: SIR! STILL NO WORD FROM MOONWALKER OR SOLO!
MORE TACTFUL, HIGHER-RANKING OFFICER: Shut up you dolt, Princess Leia is standing right over there.
Hearing this Princess Leia begins to worry even more. The higher-ranking officer approaches her.
HIGHER-RANKING OFFICER: Well I'm not going to lie to you, it doesn't look good, there's only a one-in-a-million-shot of surviving that Hoth cold. Me, I'd rather be lit on fire, shot through a cannon and fed to the Karm-worms of Karkossi than rough the sub-zero snow plains of Hoth at night. But try not to worry…
The doors begin to close slowly, for dramatic effect.
Finally after everyone gets their rightful close up, the doors slam shut. C-PPO trys to comfort the solemn R2:
PPO: Don't worry R2, the chances of survival are 1,000,000 to 1, so there's still a chance!
We return to Nuke Moonwalker - Rebel hero and Jedi-in-training - now a frozen bulk barely clinging on to life.
NUKE: e….
We hear a familiar voice.
FAMILIAR VOICE: NUKE. NUKE!
NUKE: Eh?
We see a familiar form.
FAMILIAR FORM: Nuke!
It is none other than the ghost of Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi.
OBI-WAN: You are getting sleeeeeeeepy!
NUKE: Sleepy…
OBI-WAN: You will go to the Dagobah System.
NUKE: Dagobah System…
OBI-WAN: There you will learn from Yoda, the very same Jedi Master who did not teach me.
NUKE: Yoda…
Han comes up as Ben disappears.
NUKE: Ben….
HAN: Now how does Nuke know my REAL name?
Han tauntaun immediately drops dead from the cold, it's a wonder how those tauntauns survived before the Rebels came. Han claims Nuke's lightsaber and begins playing around.
HAN: BA BA! HANS THE JEDI! HIYA! WOOOHA! CHA!
He carves Nuke a coat from the tauntaun.
HAN: This'll keep you warm.
He pulls out a Game Boy and begins playing it.
HAN: Now lets see if I can't beat ole Bowser this time…