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[Angelus is standing in a clearing of trees while Cordelia reluctantly holds the umbrella over his head.]
Angelus: (looks at Cordelia) What do you think?
[Xander walks over towards Angelus and Cordelia.]
Xander: Dead Boy…what are you doing?
Angelus: (looks at Xander) Building a trap.
Xander: It's not for me, is it?
Angelus: Nah…you're too funny to scare.
Xander: (nervously) Ooookay.
Angelus: Drusilla likes you.
Xander: (opens and closes his mouth like a fish) So, uh, what's the trap for then?
Angelus: (smiles) Joss…
Xander: Who?
Angelus: The writer…the one that screws with our lives.
Xander: I thought that was Kelley and Shelley.
Angelus: No, they screw with us in a good way. Joss is the one responsible for turning you into a spider-eating man bitch.
Xander: Wait, Joss is Dracula?
Angelus: (rolls eyes) No…he owns us.
Xander: Dracula owns us?
Cordelia: (smacks Xander on the back of the head) No, you idiot!
Xander: Okay, I get it now. (looks up) So, uh, can I help?
[Shelley walks up to the group.]
Shelley: (looks up and down) Whatcha doin'?
Angelus: It's a trap. For Joss. Or Buffy if she gets here first.
Shelley: You're not trying to kill anyone, are you?
Angelus: No, no! Of course not. Wanna help?
Shelley: (thinks about it) Sure! I need a break from the treehouse.
[Xander, Shelley, and Angelus continue to work on the trap.]
Angelus: So….where are Kelley and Spike?
Xander: The cave…that place they always are. (looks at Shelley) We need to go back there soon.
Cordelia: Not that I care, but what's in the cave anyway?
[Buffy walks up to the group.]
Buffy: Hey guys. What are you doing?
Shelley: Nothing!
Xander: Ready to go, Shelley, Dead Boy, Cordy?
Buffy: Where you guys going?
Shelley: (smiles) The cave!
Buffy: Why do they get to go?
Shelley: They're being nice.
Buffy: Nice? He's evil!
Shelley: Yeah, but he hasn't killed Xander.
[Before Buffy can say anything else, they disappear a la Star Trek.]
Buffy: That's not fair! I'm gonna find you guys! Nothing's gonna stop me either!
[Buffy takes a step backwards and falls into the pit Angelus and the others had been digging.]
Buffy: Guys? Guys? This is really deep! Guys? This isn't funny! I need some help here! Guys? Guys? My life sucks!
A/N: Yeah, another update. Booyah. Ya liking it so far? We can only hope so.
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Tara walked through the Hyperion Lobby, wondering where everyone was. She was supposed to help organize the Demon Chronology Charts tonight. She didn't even know those existed until Cordelia had told her about them. She would be making a few extra bucks though so she thought there'd be nothing wrong with it.
She sat down behind a desk and began pulling out charts, but was distracted by Angel's parrot. They'd dubbed it "Angel's parrot" since he had spent so much time staring at it. However, the parrot seemed to be staring at her at the moment, and when she made eye contact with it, it looked away quickly. She shook her head. Angel's paranoia was beginning to rub off on her apparently. Still, she felt the need to get up and take a closer look. She scrutinized the parrot. He looked normal…mostly. There was something about it that was a little off. It was really ugly for one thing.
Gunn bounded down the stairs, whistling a jaunty tune, but stopped when he saw Tara.
"Oh god! Not you too!"
Tara did not respond so Gunn walked over next to her. He began looking at the bird in the same manner she was. He tilted his head to each side, studying the bird who appeared to quiver in nervousness.
"You know, that bird is really ugly," he said.
Tara looked at him and nodded. "Tell me about it. I was just thinking the same thing." She chuckled. "If you look at it long enough, it is kinda creepy."
Gunn shuddered. "I'm gonna have nightmares, man. I don't know why they keep this thing."
"Maybe we should keep an eye on it."
Gunn looked at her. "You're serious, aren't you?"
"Yeah. Not that I think it could do anything really. But it's still kinda freaky."
They grew silent and began observing the bird again.
"It's evil, ya know."
Tara and Gunn jumped in alarm.
"Angel, don't scare us like that!" Gunn cried.
"The bird will do that to you," Angel said seriously.
"Do what?" Tara asked.
"Make you more jumpy," Angel said gravely. "That's how it all starts."
"Huh?" Gunn asked in confusion.
"First, you begin to notice it staring at you like it has nothing better to do except get in your mind. It's sinister, devious, starting at you like it has all the time in the world while you get this uneasy feeling that your time is running out. That's when you begin staring back. And then, before you know it…" Angel paused for effect as Tara and Gunn stood strangely mesmerized by his every word, "…it starts chanting in Latin."
A shrill claxon broke the silence.
"Aaaah!" Tara screamed shrilly while Gunn would have argued that his version of the scream was rather manly. Neither of them were quite sure where the ax in Angel's hand had come from.
The sound repeated and Tara sighed in relief.
"I got it!" she said, extra cheerfully, picking up the phone. "Angel Investigations! We help the helpless!"
"Oh, Tara baby, you sound so sincere!" Willow's voice replied happily over the phone.
"Thanks! So, is this call business or pleasure?"
"Oh, pleasure! But…I do have a question too so I guess it is kind of business, but I would have called whether or not I had the question so it is pleasure in that way. But…"
"Willow! You're babbling. What's wrong?" Tara asked.
Angel and Gunn, catching the last bit of what Tara said, drug their focus away from the parrot and refocused on the phone conversation. Some may have called it eavesdropping, but they preferred to think of it as prudence.
"You know the spell we said probably would not have any consequences?" Willow asked nervously.
"Yeah."
"We think it's having consequences. Well, actually, I have my doubts, but I thought I'd tell you anyway. Xander thinks it's true, but Buffy thinks he's ill."
"Xander's ill?" Tara asked.
Angel was suddenly dying to know what the two witches were talking about, a small smile forming on his lips.
"No, he's not ill! He's just…confused. Spike might believe him."
"Spike? What?" Tara probed, more than slightly bewildered.
Angel was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet (you pervs!), desperate to know why Willow and Tara were talking about Spike and Xander.
Tara looked over at Angel who looked like he was about to jump out of his skin. Nosy vampire. And she thought Spike was bad. At least he had the decency to wait until she got off the phone to hound her. "Hold your horses" she mouthed to Angel. He pouted.
"Well, Spike was there the first time, and then they ran to Buffy. After Buffy set Spike's nose and gave him a towel to keep the blood off the floor…"
"What happened to Spike's nose?" Tara asked, cutting Willow off.
"Dawn broke it."
"Dawn broke Spike's nose?" Tara questioned in shock.
Angel, unable to control his laughter, guffawed loudly. Tara glared and shooed the vampire away. He pouted again. Tara had learned that his brooding and his pouting were often interchangeable.
"Well, anyway, they all came to the Magic Box rather quickly and did you know that Buffy and Spike have gotten closer…?"
"Willow! Focus! What is wrong with Xander?"
Tara looked around, noticing that she now had a bigger audience, since Fred, Wesley, and Cordelia had come in.
"Xander can hear Miss Edith!" Willow cried.
"Who is Miss Edith?"
Angel suddenly stopped bouncing and stared at her in shock. "Dru's Miss Edith?" he asked.
"Dru's Miss Edith?" Tara repeated Angel's question to Willow. After a moment, Tara turned back to Angel and nodded.
"What about her?" Angel asked quizzically.
"Xander heard her," Tara replied.
"Huh. It's finally happened," Angel chuckled.
"What?" Fred asked.
"He's finally gone insane," Angel remarked.
"He did seem a little off when I met him," Gunn mumbled.
"He's always been a little off," Cordelia retorted.
Tara frowned. "Xander's not off. He's just…eccentric."
"I was just calling to see if you guys could do any research on the matter. We can't find anything and we're hoping it just goes away in a few days."
Tara suddenly became thoughtful. "We'll see what we can find."
"Thanks, Tara! I love you!"
"I love you too, honey. Call back soon. Bye." She hung up the phone and noticed that Gunn had a goofy look on his face while appearing to be off in some exotic dreamland. She rolled her eyes and smacked the back of his head.
"Ow!" he whined, snapping out of it. "No one told me you were violent."
"What can I say? You bring out the worst in me," she replied with a smile.
When she noticed everyone still staring at her, she relayed the last part of the message to them.
"I guess I'll try to find something to look up," Wesley replied. He started to walk off but stopped and turned back to Tara. "Any suggestions?"
"Why don't you look at ESP?" Tara suggested.
"Now is not the time to watch sports," Cordelia huffed.
Gunn rolled his eyes. "Not ESPN, Cordy. ESP…extra sensory perception," he replied emphatically.
"Why ESP though?" Angel asked. "Xander's not psychic. It's because of the spell, right?"
"The Scoobies think it's because of the spell, and they're looking into that. I figured we should consider the possibility that it isn't."
Everyone seemed to contemplate it for a second.
"Well, I suppose it's a good place as any to start," Wesley said.
****
Xander walked up the stairs. He wasn't afraid. That was just nervousness. That was the feeling he felt. Nervous. Not fear. No! None of that!
He softly knocked on the door. Maybe she wouldn't be hear him.
"Come in, my White Knight!" Drusilla said.
Xander sighed. Dammit! She was there. Where else would she be? She's chained to the bed.
He mustered up the courage to walk in the door. He'd finally given up on the crutches. He'd actually been upgraded from the crutches to one of those nifty little shoes you strap to your foot so you can walk in the cast without falling over.
"You don't have your sticks anymore. Is your leg better, my Xander?" Drusilla cooed.
Xander sighed. "Nope. Still casted. We humans take longer to heal, unless you're the Slayer."
"Pity," Drusilla commented. "She should learn to share."
Xander smiled. "That'd be nice, wouldn't it?"
"Why'd you come to see me all alone, my sweet?"
"Don't you know?"
"No, your mind is cloudy like the wonderful London Fog."
"I thought everyone hated London Fog."
Drusilla just smiled mysteriously. "It's like clouds on the ground."
Xander sat opposite her on the bed. "Actually, I have a question. How do you get Miss Edith to talk to me?"
"I don't make her. She likes to talk to you. I would be fretful, but I like you, so it's ok."
"You like me?" Xander asked.
"Oh, yes. Such depths you have!"
"I'm deep?"
Drusilla's eyes got wide as saucers. "Miss Edith!"
Xander blushed and smacked his forehead, looking quickly away from Drusilla.
"I'm going to have to punish Miss Edith. She spoke out of turn." She poked the eyes of the doll cradled in her arms, causing Xander to wince. "You read like a poem, but it keeps changing before I finish. Love, hate, anger, sorrow; all mixed into one. Always different. You're special."
Xander looked at her in shock. No one had ever called him special before except for those people who gave him the test when he was seven. They'd told him he might have to ride the short bus.
"No one sees it, but they will," Drusilla said sweetly.
"Good to know," he replied.
"Did you bring me another present?" she asked.
He rolled his eyes. She knew him too well. Wait, that was a bad thing, right? "Yeah, I'll be right back." He picked up the large gift sitting outside the door and set it next to Drusilla.
"Naughty Knight," Drusilla giggled. "Little bunnies all over the paper. Should we throw them in the Watcher's bed for the demon to find?"
"Nah. Maybe later," he said with a smirk. He'd picked up the smirk from Spike.
Drusilla opened the box, pulling out the contents. "Ooooh. Witches socks!" she cried, putting the red and white striped socks on her feet. Next she pulled out a coffee mug that read "I only do what the voices in my head tell me to do." Drusilla held it up questioningly.
"What can I say? It made me think of you."
Drusilla actually got a kick out of it.
Next she pulled out a change of clothes for Miss Edith. Drusilla clapped in delight. Xander had been considerate enough to buy her more than one outfit.
"I was gonna get her a whip and chain, but I didn't want to encourage her," Xander commented.
Next she pulled out a slinky. One of
the cool metal ones, not a plastic one.
She started to play with it. Oh
boy. She knew this would keep her busy
for awhile.
Xander remembered back to the summer when they had given the Buffybot a slinky to get her to shut up for awhile. She'd played with it for three days straight until it had mysteriously vanished. No! It had nothing to do with the annoying click clack sound.
Next she pulled out a giant bag of animal crackers. Something to dip in the blood. Woohoo! She smiled at Xander before looking back in the box.
She pulled out a CD player.
"It's one of my old ones. I repaired it."
Finally, she pulled out the last item.
"Oh! The funny man who dances to the music only he can hear!" she cried, holding tightly to the Weird Al CD. If she hadn't been chained to the bed, she would have jumped up and down with glee.
"You like Weird Al?" Xander asked.
"Oh yes!" she said enthusiastically.
Xander plugged the CD player in and shower her how to work it. She was actually a pretty quick learner.
After they got the CD playing, Xander stood up.
"Well, I need to go now, Drusilla."
"If you must," she said softly.
He walked to the door and stopped when he heard a voice that was becoming all too familiar.
"If you can't say anything decent, don't say anything at all," Drusilla scolded. She smiled. "Thank you for the gifts."
Xander nodded. A doll wanted to have it's wicked way with him. His life wasn't weird. Nope. Not at all.