Saving Rachel
by pari106
Disclaimer, etc., in chapter 1.
A/N: Yeah, this ep is almost here! :) I can't wait. I hope I did okay with this. I'm clueless about amnesia
and anything like that, so hopefully I can do Rachel's condition, and her recovery throughout these next
chapters, justice. Please let me know how I'm doing. And just so you know, from this chapter on I will
refer to "Alec" by another name. Basically because I couldn't think of a way of giving him the name Alec
that made sense. I'll also occasionally refer to him as 494, though, so you shouldn't get too lost. If you
have any ideas on how I can get his name back to what it is on the show, let me know. Or should I just go
on the way I am? Review, people! And let me know :) And thanks to those of you who have been
reviewing all this time. Now on with the next chapter…
Chapter Four…
"Simon…do you love me?"
Even in his dreams, 494 could feel the uncertainty and the anxiety those words had put in him the first time
they'd been spoken. He was dreaming now, he knew. But that didn't seem to matter at the moment. At
the moment, he wasn't lying in some dirty motel room somewhere, next to Rachel's battered body. At the
moment, he was standing in the Berrisford mansion, and Rachel was standing before him. Just as beautiful
and unbroken as she'd ever been, looking up at him with hope and love, and just a tiny trace of fear, in her
eyes.
And, dreaming or not, that was where 494 wanted to be.
"Simon, do you love me?"
Simple little words from a tiny little human. 494 had faced tougher questions in his time, but none that had
ever left his mouth dry or his hands shaking as Rachel's simple inquiry had done. None that had been able
to shake his dedication to his mission or to Manticore. But Rachel's question had. Otherwise, he would
have given her the answer most beneficial to his cause. He would have smiled…seductive, assuring. He
would have spouted off a lot of pretty words that wouldn't have meant anything, but would have wooed the
Berrisford heir that little bit more.
He hadn't done that. He hadn't even thought of it. All that had been on his mind was her…those eyes, that
face. And that funny feeling, deep in his stomach, that he'd never felt before. That funny warmth that
seemed to spread throughout his entire body whenever Rachel was near.
He hadn't spouted off a lot of pretty words. He hadn't been seductive or particularly assuring, he imagined.
He'd just been honest. He'd felt like an idiot, and an asshole, for not being able to give the words Rachel
wanted as easily as she had given them to him. But he'd been honest. And Rachel hadn't called him either
an idiot or an asshole.
"I don't know," he'd told her. "I just know I've never felt like this before."
"Have you ever been in love?" Rachel had asked. Now, as 494 dreamed, she asked it again. "Simon, do
you love me?"
Uncertainty…anxiety…
And then they weren't standing there anymore. They were in Rachel's bedroom…and she was lying there
in bed. A vision of long, black hair, flowing loosely around her…blue eyes and soft skin glowing in the
moonlight. White silk all around her, the fabric of her bedsheets and that tiny little gown she was wearing.
494 was standing by her bedside, the curtains of the window he'd just entered blowing in the breeze
coming in from behind him. Rachel sat up in bed, seeing him, and she didn't say a word. Just smiled. She
smiled…and held her arms out to him. 494 silently closed the window behind him.
He was beside her in a moment…wrapped up in her, and she in him. And suddenly the uncertainty and the
anxiety felt a million miles away from where they were. Suddenly he felt a million miles away from who
he was and what he was. Suddenly…he was able to give the words he'd never given or received before.
"I love you." Quick, quiet…no more than a breath against Rachel's lips before he crushed them beneath
his own. But it was enough…the words were enough to bring a smile to her lovely face before his kiss
captured it.
And then the dream ended the way it always did.
With him pulling back to find that the Rachel lying in his arms was not as before.
They were still in her bed…she was still wrapped in silk and innocence… But now she was also covered in
blood. And staring up at him through tears and fear and confusion.
No matter how many times he dreamt it, that image always had the power to rob his breath.
"I thought you cared about us," she always cried out in his dreams, voice shaking with pain and
encroaching death. "How could you do this?"
…how could you do this…how could you do this…
"How could you hurt me, Simon?"
494 was dreaming. Just as he had dreamt many times since the explosion as he had cared for Rachel and
watched over her. But at the moment he awoke, that didn't matter. 494 shot up in bed, breathing heavily
and sweating profusely… The same, sharp ache in the pit of his stomach that had been there the first time
he'd broken Rachel's innocent heart. The words she'd spoken, once, even if they'd only been repeated in
his dreams, effecting him as strongly as a physical blow.
…how could you…how could you…I love you, Simon…I loved you…
The words repeated in his head, even as the motel room he'd fallen asleep in came into focus before his
eyes.
And then something else met his eyes, as well. The sight of Rachel, there beside him. And she wasn't
asleep.
"Rachel…"
Still breathless from his dream, 494 tried to gain control of himself; tried to regain composure. He calmed
his breathing and ran a hand through his disheveled hair as he turned to her. She was awake again… Like
before. Only this time she was only lying there quietly, looking at him through half-lidded eyes. And
relief, but also anxiety flooded him. He was happy she was awake. More relieved than he could say that
she seemed to be recovering. But afraid that she would react, this time, the same way that she had the last.
By fighting him.
'What do you expect, soldier?' He had to ask himself, swallowing a strange thickness that had suddenly
developed in his throat. 'She knows what you are. What you do. Of course she will fight to be away from
you.'
But then 494 remembered…she didn't know what he was, or what he'd done. Not anymore. The
"struggle", if you could call it that, that had ensued the last time Rachel had awaken had occurred only
because of gut reflex. She didn't have any actual memories to back up her instinct to fight him. He knew
because he'd heard her…speaking so softly no one but a transgenic would have made out the words…
He'd heard her ask "Who's Rachel?"
She'd lost her memory.
Whether temporarily or permanently, he couldn't know. Not yet. But her question had frozen his heart
when she'd asked it. It made him nervous now. It had already been established that, while acceptably
skilled in the duties of a field med, 494 had no experience with head trauma. Or amnesia. If there was
something wrong with Rachel, he had no idea how to help her.
So he did the only thing he did know to do, albeit not very well. Manticore never taught its soldiers how to
comfort or care for others, but 494 thought he'd learned a thing or two from Rachel. About the caring,
anyhow. He'd never felt such concern and responsibility over another living being in his entire life. And
he put that emotion into his eyes and his expression as he reached out to her, hoping the sincerity of his
feelings for her would make up for whatever else he might do or say wrong trying to comfort her.
"Rachel?" he asked, gently brushing a few stray curls off of her cheek. It felt good to touch her…though
for strictly sentimental reasons, not sexual. He made himself smile for her, even though there was still that
odd swelling in his throat. "Can you hear me?"
Rachel lay there for a moment. That's all she'd been doing since she'd woken up…who knew how long
ago. She just lay there…drifting in and out of consciousness, and trying to focus while doing the former.
After a while, she'd finally managed to keep her eyes open, if parted slightly. And after a while more she'd
been able to take in her surroundings.
Or, at least, what she could see of them. Her vision was still a little blurry around the edges, and her head
hurt. But she could make out four walls…two doors. A couple of windows, both heavily draped. She was
lying in bed, and the ceiling above her was unattractive.
Funny she would think of that at a time when she had so much more to worry about than the aesthetics of
the shelter over her head. She didn't even know her name…where she was or how she'd gotten there. And
her first observation was that the tiles above her needed a new scrubbing. Perhaps whatever had taken
away her memory had removed her sense, as well. Those tiles were damned ugly, though.
A very stark contrast…to the man lying beside her.
It was several moments more before Rachel even realized there was someone beside her… But once she
had, she couldn't take her eyes off of him. She no more knew who he was, than she knew herself. But she
felt a shiver run through her entire body at the sight of him. And it wasn't an unpleasant shiver at all. It
was awareness… She knew that much, although she didn't understand how she could feel any sort of
awareness towards someone when she didn't even recall his name. He was familiar, though, that was
certain.
And he was absolutely gorgeous. He looked young…sleeping there, next to her in bed. He was lying on
his back, with his hands folded on top of his chest. And his expression was troubled even though he was
asleep, but his features were too boyish to be haggard.
Who was he? She asked herself, looking at him. What were they doing together, in this place? How had
they gotten there, and why couldn't she remember anything?
The questions tumbled through Rachel's clouded mind, one on top of the other, increasing the intensity of
her already pounding headache. The pain…and the fear and uncertainty of her situation, almost
overwhelmed her, making her want to cry. To close her eyes and go back to sleep and hope everything was
alright when she woke up the next time. But she didn't dare… She was too afraid that, next time,
everything would only be that much worse. That she would forget again even what few thoughts she'd
managed to form while she was awake now.
So she forced her eyes to stay open, and her mind not to focus on the pain splitting her head. She still felt
too weak to move, so she couldn't even put a hand to her brow to check if those were bandages she felt
against her skin. She was pretty sure they were, though. And that realization scared her only that much
more. Something had happened to her… She'd been hurt somehow…or something. That was why she
was bandaged; why she couldn't remember anything. Couldn't remember who or what had hurt her and
why. The fear made her want to cuddle up to the familiar stranger at her side, and a part of her longed to
do just that. But another part of her told her to stay away. Why did she have such conflicting emotions
about this man? She felt like running from him, and reaching out for him, at the same time.
Before she had the chance to do either…he moved.
If she'd had the strength for it, Rachel would have gasped. One minute the man was simply lying
there…the next he was sitting up as though shot. Breathing raggedly and gripping the sheets beneath him.
As it was…she could only lie there and wonder what could have possibly awaken him so abruptly. She
hadn't made a sound… So it would have had to have been a dream that roused him. Or a nightmare.
And then…he was looking at her.
"Rachel…"
That name… With a jolt, Rachel realized she had heard that name before. Where? She couldn't
remember, and she frowned at the effort. Rachel… It was familiar, though. It felt so familiar. Was it her
name? He was looking at her…reaching out to her, a dozen emotions playing across his handsome face.
His fingers brushed her cheek as he gently pushed her hair away from her face, and Rachel felt a charge at
his touch.
"Rachel? Can you hear me?"
His voice was nice. Another absurd observation, but a true one. Rachel tried to nod her head, to tell him
that she had heard, but the motion caused a stab of pain to rip through her, and she cried out when it did.
"It's okay! Hold still," she heard the man telling her, as if from far away. She felt the bed move as he rose,
but all she could concentrate on was willing away the pain that had once again washed over her.
When she was able to open her eyes again, she saw that he was sitting beside her on the edge of the bed. A
glass of water and a small vile of pills in his hand.
494 shook a couple of the pain pills into the palm of his hand, glad that he had thought to take them from
that neighbor's home when they had left Rachel's neighborhood. Then he turned to her, seeing that her
eyes were finally open again, though now brimmed with tears.
"Here, take these," he told her gently, bringing the pills to her mouth; thankful that she could understand
him and was cooperating when she parted her lips for him. He helped her take the pain pills and sip down a
little of the water, then set the glass and vile aside.
"Better?" he asked, not able to resist reaching out and stroking her cheek, once more as he had before. It
was odd for him…this sudden need for physical contact. Back at Manticore…or on his missions…he'd
never felt this compulsion before. He'd never been taught that you could touch someone for a purpose
other than battle or seduction. But he suddenly needed to touch Rachel; to reassure himself, time and time
again that she was really there and that she was alive. He suddenly craved her touch…needing the
reassurance that she did not hate him or fear him. But he knew that would be asking too much. He
deserved her hatred and her fear. And at the moment he would gladly accept both, just as long as she
stayed with him and her pain stayed away.
Rachel didn't try to nod again. Instead she spoke, her sweet voice rough with disuse and fatigue. "Yes…"
494 eyes fluttered briefly in relief. Then Rachel's next question stilled him.
"Am I Rachel?"
494 stared at her, her words digging into him. But he gave her another tender smile with some effort. He
stroked her hair.
"Yeah…yeah, sweetheart, you are. Rachel Berrisford." What a beautiful name… 494 silently pleaded
with fate to make her amnesia temporary. She had such a beautiful name…such a beautiful personality…
Those things couldn't have been taken from her for good. They just couldn't. Not while he, with his cold
three-number designation, and his dark past, could remember every miserable moment of his cursed
existence.
Rachel accepted the information, her eyes slowly closing for a moment, as well. When she opened them
again, a single tear fell down her cheek. Her name. At least now she had her name.
"You?" she forced past the thickness in her throat.
494 hesitated. His name…that's what she was asking. What name could he give her?
Simon Lehane was the name she knew him by…but it wasn't truly his. And 494 didn't suppose it made
any sense keeping up that pretense now. After all that had happened. But "Simon" would work as well as
any other name, he supposed. Or he could simply give her his designation…but that didn't make much
sense either. Rachel was still weak from her injuries; exhausted and pained. She wanted a simple answer
to her question. Not a drawn out explanation of why he had a number but no name.
But would telling her his name was Simon trigger her memories? Did he want to trigger her memories?
494 had thought of little else ever since Rachel woke up the first time, and revealed that she had lost her
memory. He hoped that her amnesia was temporary, and he didn't want to do anything to interfere with her
regaining her memories. Nor did he want to deceive her any more than he had in the past. Rachel had
never deserved that, and yet he'd deceived her from the moment they met.
But he also didn't want to upset her while she was still so weak. Her amnesia could have been caused by
head trauma…but it also could have occurred for psychological reasons. Rachel had gone through a lot.
He'd been her first lover. According to her…her first love. And he'd broken her heart. Then she'd learned
the truth about her father…his secret criminal life…and she learned that there was a price on his head. And
then there'd been the explosion. Her amnesia could be a result of stress; her mind's way of protecting itself
by forgetting things she can't handle remembering in her current state. If that were true, telling Rachel the
truth about himself…helping her remember the truth about what happened…could do her more harm than
good.
494 had entertained these thoughts for hours, and he did so again now as Rachel awaited his response.
What name should he give her?
Not Simon, he suddenly decided. He wouldn't give her that name. And he wouldn't tell her that he'd ever
used it. Or why he'd had to use it in the first place. That would come later. And she would probably hate
him for lying by omission. But once she remembered, 494 assumed Rachel would hate him anyhow, so it
didn't really matter. He didn't want to risk hurting her any more by triggering her memories before she
was ready to handle them. And he didn't want her fighting him, fearing him, while she still needed him to
take care of her.
Whatever other reasons he may have had for wanting to shield Rachel, to shield himself, from the truth…he
stubbornly ignored.
"Sebastian," he told her, off the top of his head. Rachel had once told him one of her favorite composers
was named Sebastian.
"Sebastian," she repeated. And, whether that was actually his name or not, 494 felt warmed by having
heard her say it. Because regardless of who's name it was, Rachel was using it in reference to him. And
smiling. It was the slightest of smiles, but it was still a smile. And 494 released the breath he hadn't
realized he'd been holding.
"Sebastian," she said once more, her eyes getting droopy now. "Rachel…" It was as if she were trying to
memorize the names. She undoubtedly was.
494 stroked her cheek again. "It's okay, Rachel. Go to sleep. We'll talk again when you wake up."
Rachel barely heard his words, but she'd almost been asleep when he'd spoken anyhow. Her eyes fluttered
closed on their own accord, and her face relaxed. In moments, she was asleep again.
And "Sebastian" sat right there watching her the entire time.
by pari106
Disclaimer, etc., in chapter 1.
A/N: Yeah, this ep is almost here! :) I can't wait. I hope I did okay with this. I'm clueless about amnesia
and anything like that, so hopefully I can do Rachel's condition, and her recovery throughout these next
chapters, justice. Please let me know how I'm doing. And just so you know, from this chapter on I will
refer to "Alec" by another name. Basically because I couldn't think of a way of giving him the name Alec
that made sense. I'll also occasionally refer to him as 494, though, so you shouldn't get too lost. If you
have any ideas on how I can get his name back to what it is on the show, let me know. Or should I just go
on the way I am? Review, people! And let me know :) And thanks to those of you who have been
reviewing all this time. Now on with the next chapter…
Chapter Four…
"Simon…do you love me?"
Even in his dreams, 494 could feel the uncertainty and the anxiety those words had put in him the first time
they'd been spoken. He was dreaming now, he knew. But that didn't seem to matter at the moment. At
the moment, he wasn't lying in some dirty motel room somewhere, next to Rachel's battered body. At the
moment, he was standing in the Berrisford mansion, and Rachel was standing before him. Just as beautiful
and unbroken as she'd ever been, looking up at him with hope and love, and just a tiny trace of fear, in her
eyes.
And, dreaming or not, that was where 494 wanted to be.
"Simon, do you love me?"
Simple little words from a tiny little human. 494 had faced tougher questions in his time, but none that had
ever left his mouth dry or his hands shaking as Rachel's simple inquiry had done. None that had been able
to shake his dedication to his mission or to Manticore. But Rachel's question had. Otherwise, he would
have given her the answer most beneficial to his cause. He would have smiled…seductive, assuring. He
would have spouted off a lot of pretty words that wouldn't have meant anything, but would have wooed the
Berrisford heir that little bit more.
He hadn't done that. He hadn't even thought of it. All that had been on his mind was her…those eyes, that
face. And that funny feeling, deep in his stomach, that he'd never felt before. That funny warmth that
seemed to spread throughout his entire body whenever Rachel was near.
He hadn't spouted off a lot of pretty words. He hadn't been seductive or particularly assuring, he imagined.
He'd just been honest. He'd felt like an idiot, and an asshole, for not being able to give the words Rachel
wanted as easily as she had given them to him. But he'd been honest. And Rachel hadn't called him either
an idiot or an asshole.
"I don't know," he'd told her. "I just know I've never felt like this before."
"Have you ever been in love?" Rachel had asked. Now, as 494 dreamed, she asked it again. "Simon, do
you love me?"
Uncertainty…anxiety…
And then they weren't standing there anymore. They were in Rachel's bedroom…and she was lying there
in bed. A vision of long, black hair, flowing loosely around her…blue eyes and soft skin glowing in the
moonlight. White silk all around her, the fabric of her bedsheets and that tiny little gown she was wearing.
494 was standing by her bedside, the curtains of the window he'd just entered blowing in the breeze
coming in from behind him. Rachel sat up in bed, seeing him, and she didn't say a word. Just smiled. She
smiled…and held her arms out to him. 494 silently closed the window behind him.
He was beside her in a moment…wrapped up in her, and she in him. And suddenly the uncertainty and the
anxiety felt a million miles away from where they were. Suddenly he felt a million miles away from who
he was and what he was. Suddenly…he was able to give the words he'd never given or received before.
"I love you." Quick, quiet…no more than a breath against Rachel's lips before he crushed them beneath
his own. But it was enough…the words were enough to bring a smile to her lovely face before his kiss
captured it.
And then the dream ended the way it always did.
With him pulling back to find that the Rachel lying in his arms was not as before.
They were still in her bed…she was still wrapped in silk and innocence… But now she was also covered in
blood. And staring up at him through tears and fear and confusion.
No matter how many times he dreamt it, that image always had the power to rob his breath.
"I thought you cared about us," she always cried out in his dreams, voice shaking with pain and
encroaching death. "How could you do this?"
…how could you do this…how could you do this…
"How could you hurt me, Simon?"
494 was dreaming. Just as he had dreamt many times since the explosion as he had cared for Rachel and
watched over her. But at the moment he awoke, that didn't matter. 494 shot up in bed, breathing heavily
and sweating profusely… The same, sharp ache in the pit of his stomach that had been there the first time
he'd broken Rachel's innocent heart. The words she'd spoken, once, even if they'd only been repeated in
his dreams, effecting him as strongly as a physical blow.
…how could you…how could you…I love you, Simon…I loved you…
The words repeated in his head, even as the motel room he'd fallen asleep in came into focus before his
eyes.
And then something else met his eyes, as well. The sight of Rachel, there beside him. And she wasn't
asleep.
"Rachel…"
Still breathless from his dream, 494 tried to gain control of himself; tried to regain composure. He calmed
his breathing and ran a hand through his disheveled hair as he turned to her. She was awake again… Like
before. Only this time she was only lying there quietly, looking at him through half-lidded eyes. And
relief, but also anxiety flooded him. He was happy she was awake. More relieved than he could say that
she seemed to be recovering. But afraid that she would react, this time, the same way that she had the last.
By fighting him.
'What do you expect, soldier?' He had to ask himself, swallowing a strange thickness that had suddenly
developed in his throat. 'She knows what you are. What you do. Of course she will fight to be away from
you.'
But then 494 remembered…she didn't know what he was, or what he'd done. Not anymore. The
"struggle", if you could call it that, that had ensued the last time Rachel had awaken had occurred only
because of gut reflex. She didn't have any actual memories to back up her instinct to fight him. He knew
because he'd heard her…speaking so softly no one but a transgenic would have made out the words…
He'd heard her ask "Who's Rachel?"
She'd lost her memory.
Whether temporarily or permanently, he couldn't know. Not yet. But her question had frozen his heart
when she'd asked it. It made him nervous now. It had already been established that, while acceptably
skilled in the duties of a field med, 494 had no experience with head trauma. Or amnesia. If there was
something wrong with Rachel, he had no idea how to help her.
So he did the only thing he did know to do, albeit not very well. Manticore never taught its soldiers how to
comfort or care for others, but 494 thought he'd learned a thing or two from Rachel. About the caring,
anyhow. He'd never felt such concern and responsibility over another living being in his entire life. And
he put that emotion into his eyes and his expression as he reached out to her, hoping the sincerity of his
feelings for her would make up for whatever else he might do or say wrong trying to comfort her.
"Rachel?" he asked, gently brushing a few stray curls off of her cheek. It felt good to touch her…though
for strictly sentimental reasons, not sexual. He made himself smile for her, even though there was still that
odd swelling in his throat. "Can you hear me?"
Rachel lay there for a moment. That's all she'd been doing since she'd woken up…who knew how long
ago. She just lay there…drifting in and out of consciousness, and trying to focus while doing the former.
After a while, she'd finally managed to keep her eyes open, if parted slightly. And after a while more she'd
been able to take in her surroundings.
Or, at least, what she could see of them. Her vision was still a little blurry around the edges, and her head
hurt. But she could make out four walls…two doors. A couple of windows, both heavily draped. She was
lying in bed, and the ceiling above her was unattractive.
Funny she would think of that at a time when she had so much more to worry about than the aesthetics of
the shelter over her head. She didn't even know her name…where she was or how she'd gotten there. And
her first observation was that the tiles above her needed a new scrubbing. Perhaps whatever had taken
away her memory had removed her sense, as well. Those tiles were damned ugly, though.
A very stark contrast…to the man lying beside her.
It was several moments more before Rachel even realized there was someone beside her… But once she
had, she couldn't take her eyes off of him. She no more knew who he was, than she knew herself. But she
felt a shiver run through her entire body at the sight of him. And it wasn't an unpleasant shiver at all. It
was awareness… She knew that much, although she didn't understand how she could feel any sort of
awareness towards someone when she didn't even recall his name. He was familiar, though, that was
certain.
And he was absolutely gorgeous. He looked young…sleeping there, next to her in bed. He was lying on
his back, with his hands folded on top of his chest. And his expression was troubled even though he was
asleep, but his features were too boyish to be haggard.
Who was he? She asked herself, looking at him. What were they doing together, in this place? How had
they gotten there, and why couldn't she remember anything?
The questions tumbled through Rachel's clouded mind, one on top of the other, increasing the intensity of
her already pounding headache. The pain…and the fear and uncertainty of her situation, almost
overwhelmed her, making her want to cry. To close her eyes and go back to sleep and hope everything was
alright when she woke up the next time. But she didn't dare… She was too afraid that, next time,
everything would only be that much worse. That she would forget again even what few thoughts she'd
managed to form while she was awake now.
So she forced her eyes to stay open, and her mind not to focus on the pain splitting her head. She still felt
too weak to move, so she couldn't even put a hand to her brow to check if those were bandages she felt
against her skin. She was pretty sure they were, though. And that realization scared her only that much
more. Something had happened to her… She'd been hurt somehow…or something. That was why she
was bandaged; why she couldn't remember anything. Couldn't remember who or what had hurt her and
why. The fear made her want to cuddle up to the familiar stranger at her side, and a part of her longed to
do just that. But another part of her told her to stay away. Why did she have such conflicting emotions
about this man? She felt like running from him, and reaching out for him, at the same time.
Before she had the chance to do either…he moved.
If she'd had the strength for it, Rachel would have gasped. One minute the man was simply lying
there…the next he was sitting up as though shot. Breathing raggedly and gripping the sheets beneath him.
As it was…she could only lie there and wonder what could have possibly awaken him so abruptly. She
hadn't made a sound… So it would have had to have been a dream that roused him. Or a nightmare.
And then…he was looking at her.
"Rachel…"
That name… With a jolt, Rachel realized she had heard that name before. Where? She couldn't
remember, and she frowned at the effort. Rachel… It was familiar, though. It felt so familiar. Was it her
name? He was looking at her…reaching out to her, a dozen emotions playing across his handsome face.
His fingers brushed her cheek as he gently pushed her hair away from her face, and Rachel felt a charge at
his touch.
"Rachel? Can you hear me?"
His voice was nice. Another absurd observation, but a true one. Rachel tried to nod her head, to tell him
that she had heard, but the motion caused a stab of pain to rip through her, and she cried out when it did.
"It's okay! Hold still," she heard the man telling her, as if from far away. She felt the bed move as he rose,
but all she could concentrate on was willing away the pain that had once again washed over her.
When she was able to open her eyes again, she saw that he was sitting beside her on the edge of the bed. A
glass of water and a small vile of pills in his hand.
494 shook a couple of the pain pills into the palm of his hand, glad that he had thought to take them from
that neighbor's home when they had left Rachel's neighborhood. Then he turned to her, seeing that her
eyes were finally open again, though now brimmed with tears.
"Here, take these," he told her gently, bringing the pills to her mouth; thankful that she could understand
him and was cooperating when she parted her lips for him. He helped her take the pain pills and sip down a
little of the water, then set the glass and vile aside.
"Better?" he asked, not able to resist reaching out and stroking her cheek, once more as he had before. It
was odd for him…this sudden need for physical contact. Back at Manticore…or on his missions…he'd
never felt this compulsion before. He'd never been taught that you could touch someone for a purpose
other than battle or seduction. But he suddenly needed to touch Rachel; to reassure himself, time and time
again that she was really there and that she was alive. He suddenly craved her touch…needing the
reassurance that she did not hate him or fear him. But he knew that would be asking too much. He
deserved her hatred and her fear. And at the moment he would gladly accept both, just as long as she
stayed with him and her pain stayed away.
Rachel didn't try to nod again. Instead she spoke, her sweet voice rough with disuse and fatigue. "Yes…"
494 eyes fluttered briefly in relief. Then Rachel's next question stilled him.
"Am I Rachel?"
494 stared at her, her words digging into him. But he gave her another tender smile with some effort. He
stroked her hair.
"Yeah…yeah, sweetheart, you are. Rachel Berrisford." What a beautiful name… 494 silently pleaded
with fate to make her amnesia temporary. She had such a beautiful name…such a beautiful personality…
Those things couldn't have been taken from her for good. They just couldn't. Not while he, with his cold
three-number designation, and his dark past, could remember every miserable moment of his cursed
existence.
Rachel accepted the information, her eyes slowly closing for a moment, as well. When she opened them
again, a single tear fell down her cheek. Her name. At least now she had her name.
"You?" she forced past the thickness in her throat.
494 hesitated. His name…that's what she was asking. What name could he give her?
Simon Lehane was the name she knew him by…but it wasn't truly his. And 494 didn't suppose it made
any sense keeping up that pretense now. After all that had happened. But "Simon" would work as well as
any other name, he supposed. Or he could simply give her his designation…but that didn't make much
sense either. Rachel was still weak from her injuries; exhausted and pained. She wanted a simple answer
to her question. Not a drawn out explanation of why he had a number but no name.
But would telling her his name was Simon trigger her memories? Did he want to trigger her memories?
494 had thought of little else ever since Rachel woke up the first time, and revealed that she had lost her
memory. He hoped that her amnesia was temporary, and he didn't want to do anything to interfere with her
regaining her memories. Nor did he want to deceive her any more than he had in the past. Rachel had
never deserved that, and yet he'd deceived her from the moment they met.
But he also didn't want to upset her while she was still so weak. Her amnesia could have been caused by
head trauma…but it also could have occurred for psychological reasons. Rachel had gone through a lot.
He'd been her first lover. According to her…her first love. And he'd broken her heart. Then she'd learned
the truth about her father…his secret criminal life…and she learned that there was a price on his head. And
then there'd been the explosion. Her amnesia could be a result of stress; her mind's way of protecting itself
by forgetting things she can't handle remembering in her current state. If that were true, telling Rachel the
truth about himself…helping her remember the truth about what happened…could do her more harm than
good.
494 had entertained these thoughts for hours, and he did so again now as Rachel awaited his response.
What name should he give her?
Not Simon, he suddenly decided. He wouldn't give her that name. And he wouldn't tell her that he'd ever
used it. Or why he'd had to use it in the first place. That would come later. And she would probably hate
him for lying by omission. But once she remembered, 494 assumed Rachel would hate him anyhow, so it
didn't really matter. He didn't want to risk hurting her any more by triggering her memories before she
was ready to handle them. And he didn't want her fighting him, fearing him, while she still needed him to
take care of her.
Whatever other reasons he may have had for wanting to shield Rachel, to shield himself, from the truth…he
stubbornly ignored.
"Sebastian," he told her, off the top of his head. Rachel had once told him one of her favorite composers
was named Sebastian.
"Sebastian," she repeated. And, whether that was actually his name or not, 494 felt warmed by having
heard her say it. Because regardless of who's name it was, Rachel was using it in reference to him. And
smiling. It was the slightest of smiles, but it was still a smile. And 494 released the breath he hadn't
realized he'd been holding.
"Sebastian," she said once more, her eyes getting droopy now. "Rachel…" It was as if she were trying to
memorize the names. She undoubtedly was.
494 stroked her cheek again. "It's okay, Rachel. Go to sleep. We'll talk again when you wake up."
Rachel barely heard his words, but she'd almost been asleep when he'd spoken anyhow. Her eyes fluttered
closed on their own accord, and her face relaxed. In moments, she was asleep again.
And "Sebastian" sat right there watching her the entire time.