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[The island, the next night. The beach has been decorated with Tiki torches…from somewhere. There's music coming from a very banged up coconut stereo. Don't ask us how Giles made it.]
Willow: How come I'm the Professor, but Giles gets to make the cool stuff?
Shelley: Don't ask me. I'm just a co-author.
Xander: Wow…where did the Tiki torches come from?
Shelley: (excitedly) I summoned them! It was my first delve into creating something spontaneously! You like?
Giles: Very festive indeed.
Drusilla: It's a psycho beach party!
Xander: (snorts) Yeah, Dru. Who's up for hypnosis?
[Everyone stares at him in confusion…except for Shelley, who seems to be entertained with Cordelia and Angelus' interpretive dance number.]
Xander: (sighs) Oh, never mind.
[Everyone gets up and starts dancing around a bonfire…created from the discarded Tiki torches.]
Anya: Hey! (looks at Kelley and Spike) When did you guys get here? I thought you were busy giving each other orgasms in the cave.
[Kelley starts to choke on the piece of gum that she is chewing, and Spike trips over his own feet and falls to the ground.]
Spike: Bloody hell, woman! Don't you have any tact?
[Kelley starts laughing like crazy. Spike gives her a strange look, and then starts laughing along with Kelley, figuring out the joke.]
Anya: What are you laughing at?
Shelley: Silly, that's not what they are doing in the cave!
Anya: They're not orgasm friends?
Kelley: We were playing in the balls!
Willow: So that's what you call it these days?
Kelley: What?!?!?! What did you people think we were doing in that cave?
Giles: Having sex…
Cordelia: Oh, please. No one can have sex that much.
[Kelley and Spike fall into another fit of laughter. After a moment, their laughter subsides.]
Spike: Amazing how much fun we manage to have without Buffy around.
Willow: Yeah. You're right.
Giles: It's not that different.
Xander: Giles! We're dancing around a bonfire with Angelus, the Scourge of Europe. You and Anya were doing the Snoopy Dance! Angelus did the HOKEY POKEY! Kelley and Spike were doing the Robot…but they were already getting along, but that's beside the point. If Buffy was here, we'd all be trying to kill each other.
Anya: He does have a point, dear. Everything is much more melodramatic when she is around.
Giles: Yes, but perhaps her banishment will help her to reign in her anger.
[Everyone looks at him doubtfully. They are silent for a moment.]
Xander: Sooo…anyone wanna see the inside of the cave and find out what Kelley and Spike really do in there?
[Everyone cheers at once.]
Shelley: The night is young. Let's go!
Kelley: Yeah, and Joss owns all you guys! We just let you have more fun when we're in charge. Bwahahaha!
[Everyone disappears.]
A/N: Here's another chapter! Sorry it's taking so long! We have lots of crap to do and no time to do any of it!
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"Giles!" Buffy cried as she entered the shop, half-dragging Xander. Spike followed, trying to hold in his laughter. "Tell Xander to stop reading my…" She stopped when she saw a woman looking through the basket of chicken feet near the cash register. "…my…diary. Yeah, my diary!" She gave Giles a pointed look. "Because it's got all my thoughts…and feelings…and if he reads all those feelings and SECRETS, then we could be in big trouble."
Xander grinned, and laughed maniacally under his breath. "Yeah, it's like that time Buffy got all nosy." Xander looked to Buffy. Suddenly his eyes widened in horror. "They had SEX!" he yelled. "She called him a what? What does that mean?"
Buffy gritted her teeth. "Xander, there's a customer over there," she said, jerking her head toward the woman. "See what I mean, Giles? Tell him to stop!"
"Maybe you should pay more attention to what you write in your journal, Sl…Buffy," Spike pointed out.
"How come you've never read Spike's diary, huh, Xander?"
"I'm not a poofter like Angel! I don't keep a diary!"
"You don't think…I mean…write stuff down like normal people?" Buffy asked, perturbed.
Xander's eyes wandered to the woman at the counter who seemed to be paying very close attention to their conversation. Maybe he should show her some merchandise in the far corner before Buffy and Spike's bickering got out of control. As he approached her, the woman met his eyes, and smiled. Xander grabbed his head in pain and doubled over, groaning. The woman just looked at him in surprise. Giles, noticing Xander's distress, bolted out of his chair, and grabbed Xander before his knees buckled.
Giles smiled at the woman. "Pain medicine must be wearing off." He looked at Xander who was still having trouble standing. "What have we told you about overexerting yourself?"
The woman continued to look at him curiously. Giles handed the boy off to Buffy and Spike, who'd stopped arguing and came up behind. "Why don't you two take him to the back to sit down while I attend to this woman?"
The two half-carried, half-dragged Xander into the training room. Giles turned back to the woman. "And how may I help you, Miss…"
The woman smiled and held out her hand. "I'm Lilah. Lilah Morgan."
*****
Buffy and Spike entered the training room, Xander in tow.
"What the hell was that, whelp?" Spike asked as he helped him lean against the wall.
Giles entered the training room. "Xander, what is going on?"
"That's what we're trying to figure out, Watcher," Spike told him. "You fainting at the sight of women now?"
"Guys," Buffy interrupted them. "Give him a second, will ya? Geez, men just don't know when to stop!" She guided Xander to a nearby chair.
"That was not a nice woman," Xander mumbled as he sank into the chair. "That was a very bad woman."
"Yeah," Spike said. "Every time a beautiful woman smiles at me, the first thing I think is 'She's evil'."
"With you they are," Buffy retorted with a smile.
Spike shrugged. "Well, yeah," he admitted with a sardonic grin.
"Come to think of it, Xander's luck isn't really that great in this area. There was the She-Mantis…"
"The She-What?" Spike asked.
"Big Praying Mantis. Wanted to boink Xander, then bite his head off. Then there was Ampata, life sucking mummy girl. Next was Cordelia…"
"Sorry, mate," Spike said, looking at Xander sympathetically.
"Then there was Faith, the Evil Slayer."
"Faith?" Spike asked. "Where's she?"
"Jail," Buffy supplied. "In L.A. I think Angel visits her sometimes, even though she tried to kill him a few times."
"I like her better already," Spike remarked.
Buffy glared at him. "She tried to kill Xander too. But she slept with him first."
Spike stared at Xander. "You bedded a slayer?" He smirked. "What's your secret?"
Giles coughed loudly as Buffy smacked Spike on the back of the head. "As fascinating as this may be, I still want to know what's happening to Xander."
"I saw something."
They all looked at Xander.
"You had a vision?" Giles asked. "I thought that spell had run its course."
"Apparently, it hasn't," Buffy observed. "And that's not the only wiggy thing."
"Well, let's just concentrate on the vision before we tackle anything else. Now, Xander, what did you see?"
Any answer Xander could have given was interrupted by the ringing of the phone.
"Bloody hell," Giles said with a sigh as he picked it up. "Magic Box, how may I help you?"
After a few seconds, he yanked the phone from his ear. Everyone heard a frantic voice gibbering from the phone. Spike plucked the phone from the Watcher's fingers.
"Calm down, Nibblet," Spike said soothingly. "What's the matter?"
"It's Drusilla!" she cried.
"What about Dru?" Spike asked nervously.
Xander looked up from where he was sitting.
"She's freaking out! One minute we were having a tea party, the next she started saying 'The white knight's under attack. Miss Edith smells a rat.' What's going on? Did something happen?"
"Kind of. The whelp saw this woman in the shop and he went bloody nuts for a couple minutes. Is Dru still acting barmy?"
"Yeah. Willow tried to calm her down, but it didn't work very well."
"Give her the phone. I'll try to talk to her," Spike said.
A few seconds passed while the phone changed hands.
"The whispers are getting louder. The stars want to sing. Is my sweet all right?"
"Yes, he's fine," Spike answered. "Did you see anything, pet?"
"I saw you, my sweet, and another man I've seen before. It was dark and cold and rats crawled everywhere. I was afraid they would start to nibble."
"You'll have to tell us more about it later."
"Are you coming over?" she asked. "Hurry up and get here."
"Yeah. We'll be there in a bit," Spike answered. "Gotta get the whelp to tell us what happened first. Put Nibblet on the phone for a moment."
Dawn got back on the phone. "Is Xander okay?"
"Looks like it to me. Tell Red we'll be there in a little while," Spike instructed.
After a series of back and forth "goodbyes" to each other, Spike and Dawn hung up.
"What was that all about?" Giles questioned.
"Drusilla was freakin' out and it scared the Platelet, so she called us," Spike replied.
"Is Dawn all right?" Buffy asked.
"Yeah. She's fine," Spike answered. "Drusilla had a vision and she knows you saw something too," he said, looking at Xander.
"Did Drusilla tell you what she saw?" Giles asked.
"Yeah, but it made no bleedin' sense."
"Are you okay, Xander?" Buffy asked, waving her hand in front of his face. He had been uncharacteristically silent.
Xander blinked. "Yeah, yeah. I'm good. So, we going to Giles' or what?"
Buffy looked at Xander oddly for a moment before nodding enthusiastically. "Yeah, we need much more brain wattage for this problem. Let's go meet up with Willow."