Disclaimer:
Buffy: (throwing a temper tantrum) I wanna go to the cave! (she beats her fists on the ground, throwing sand everywhere) Why do I always get the crappy end of the deals? Doesn't anyone care about me anymore? Joss owns me dammit! I'm not supposed to be treated this way!
[Suddenly, a new person appears.]
New person: Whoa! What's your problem? And where am I?
Buffy: (calms down and looks up) Who the hell are you?
New person: Jane McCartney. Who are you?
Buffy: Hello! I'm Buffy!
Jane: No way! Really?
Buffy: (smiles) Well, yeah.
Jane: Wow!
Buffy: Yep, I'm Buffy.
Jane: Ah! So can you tell me where I can find Xander?
Buffy: What?!?!?!
Jane: Xander! Tall, goofy, likes to wear bright clothing. A man after my own heart. I love Xander.
Buffy: You're with that other girl! Geez! Doesn't anyone like ME?
[Shelley and Xander appear. Shelley smiles.]
Shelley: Jane!!!! I've always wanted to meet you, but I couldn't afford the airline ticket to Brazil! Oh! Xander, this is Jane! She really wanted to meet you.
Xander: Hi! We can play hide and seek now!
Shelley: Kelley wants to meet Jane too! Let's take her to the cave. There are lots of good places to hide there!
Jane: Yeah! The cave! The cave!
Buffy: What about me? You guys keep forgetting about me!
Shelley: It's not always about YOU, Buffy! We'll just leave you here to think about that.
[Shelley snaps her fingers. Kelley finally taught her the neat trick of disappearing with a snap of the fingers. Jane and Xander disappear too.]
Buffy: God dammit!
[Lightning hits the ground two inches from her foot.]
Buffy: Aaah! (she faints)
A/N: Look! A new chapter! Oh, and we hope that you don't mind we used you in our disclaimer, Jane! Shelley just read your story "Faithless Rhapsody" and really liked it. Plus, her story "Loose Ends" is totally awesome and everyone should read it! Anyhoo, we hope you enjoy the chapter!
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Spike opened his eyes with a groan. "Bloody hell! Where am I?" He pressed his hand to his forehead. "God, my head is killing me!" He paused a second, thinking about the pun, but in the end dismissed it. He looked at the unconscious figure beside him. Then he hit him. "Wake up, whelp! You breathe way too loud!"
"Ow!" Xander said from his position on the floor. He curled up as tightly as he could and whimpered. "Leave me alone!"
"We don't even know where we are, whelp. Get up!"
"You're Wolfram & Hart's guests," a voice spoke from the darkness.
Spike's head whipped around, searching for the source of the voice. Xander tried to look too, but wasn't up to abandoning his fetal position.
"Who are you?" Spike growled into surrounding shadows.
"I'm no one to be trifled with," the voice answered.
"If you come out in a black mask, I'm going to lose my lunch." Xander retorted weakly from the floor. He swallowed heavily. "I might lose my lunch anyway."
Spike saw the figure step closer. "Yeah, you'll feel like shit for at least a few more hours."
Xander sighed. "Yippee."
"Why's that?" Spike asked. "All I've got is this stupid bloody headache and even it's going away."
"That's strange," the man commented. "This drug really messes humans up." He paused. "Don't tell me. You're a demon, right?"
Spike nodded. "Vampire, mate."
"Then why haven't you snacked on the kid? Oh god! You don't have a soul, do you?"
Spike looked insulted. "Hell no!"
"Good. I can't handle any brooding now. I just want my car back."
Wow, that came from nowhere, Spike thought. Suddenly, his mind processed everything that had been said. "Wait, brooding? You know Peaches?"
"What?" the man asked, confused.
"Dead Boy," Xander mumbled.
"Who?"
"Angel," they both grumbled.
"Yeah. I hate that guy."
"What did he do to you?" Spike asked.
"The bastard cut my hand off. I couldn't play guitar for over a year."
"Angel?" Xander asked. "Soul boy cut your hand off? Was he evil?"
"No, just really pissed. I'm going to get back at him if it's the last thing I do. No one messes with Lindsey McDonald!"
"Who's Lindsey McDonald?"
"Me!"
"Oh," Spike said. "Well, at least he didn't steal your girlfriend."
Lindsey frowned. "Well, actually…"
"I bet he never offered you to his relatives as snack food," Xander argued.
Lindsey looked slightly embarrassed. "Well, to tell the truth…"
Spike smirked. "At least you haven't seen him post shag. It's not pretty."
"Actually, you know that girlfriend I was talking about?"
Spike's eyes widened. "She was a blonde, wasn't she?"
Lindsey smiled. "Oh yeah."
"And he didn't lose his soul?"
"Nope."
"That's not bloody fair!" Spike yelled. "Wait, what am I saying? He's annoying as hell with the soul, but he's ten times worse without it."
Xander snorted in agreement.
"So, who are you guys anyway?" Lindsey asked. "I mean, what does Wolfram & Hart want with you?"
"The name's William the Bloody, you nonce. Don't forget it either!"
Xander snorted again.
Lindsey's eyes widened. "Wow! William the Bloody? Slayer of two Slayers? Grand childe to Angel! Childe of Dru…"
"Yes! That's me! What are you? A groupie?"
Lindsey shrugged. Not really. Just informed."
"Do you know about his chip?" Xander questioned.
"Shut up, Xander!" Spike said through gritted teeth.
"I didn't say what it does, fangless."
"Chip? What are you talking about?" Lindsey asked.
"Nothing for you to concern yourself with," Spike replied. "Just remember, I'm very dangerous and can kill you in a second."
Xander snorted for a third time.
"If you don't stop doing that, Harris, I'm going to pull your nose off!"
"So, who's the kid and why haven't you killed him if you hate him so much?" Lindsey asked.
"I don't want the Slayer to stake me."
Xander waved from the floor nonchalantly. "Xander Harris…Donut Boy."
"Holy shit!" Lindsey cried. "You're Xander Harris?"
Xander sat up surprised and immediately regretted it. He glared at Lindsey. "You know who I am?"
"You kept the Hellmouth from opening once."
Spike rolled his eyes. "Yeah. They've done it a couple of times. They're kind of predictable that way."
"No!" Lindsey interjected. "I'm talking about that time you stopped Jack O'Toole!"
"It wasn't that big of a deal," Xander muttered.
Spike listened in confusion. "What?"
"You personally set back the End of Days for years! Jack O'Toole was working for us…Wolfram & Hart. We hired him specifically to blow up the school so you guys could not close the Hellmouth." He chuckled. "You really pissed off the senior partners. I hid in my office for two weeks just so I wouldn't get killed."
Xander half-grinned. "Whoa."
Spike raised an eyebrow. "Why haven't I heard about this from the other Scoobies?"
"They don't know."
"You didn't tell them?" Spike asked in shock.
"Tell them? No! And they're not going to find out either. They didn't want me there that night anyway."
"But think of how much you could brag!"
"I don't need to brag. I know what I did," he replied.
"Have it your way, Harris," Spike said quietly.
"You didn't tell 'em huh? Good choice. Never show all your cards at once," Lindsey added.
"So, Lindsey, you worked for Wolfram & Hart. How did that work out?" Xander asked.
"I'm enjoying the unemployed life…well, until I got kidnapped. Wolfram & Hart doesn't exactly have a retirement program."
"Why'd they kidnap you?" Spike asked.
"I was just in Sunnydale minding my own business and waiting for my car to get repaired and wham! Here I am now."
"What did you do? Hit a vampire?" Xander questioned.
"Worse! I hit the 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign!"
"Now you're singin' my tune," Spike said with a smile. "Kinda cathartic isn't it?"
Lindsey shrugged. "I did see some nut jobs driving down Main Street staking vampires one night."
"Hey! That was us!" Xander cried with a smile.
Lindsey laughed. "Creative."
They were silent for a moment.
Lindsey chuckled. "Is it just me, or does Angel's hair stick straight up?"
Xander and Spike guffawed.
"He's the reason Dep is still in business," Xander replied.
Spike glared at Xander. "Hey!"
Xander smirked. "Well, you're the reason Dep and Clorox are still in business."
"We are talking about the poof here!" Spike whined.
"Spike, I'm just gonna say this once. Pot. Kettle. Black."
Lindsey laughed. "This could take awhile."
Xander looked around the room. "Well, we seem to have a lot of time to spare."