Disclaimer:
[Everyone except for Buffy is sitting in a circle in the cave. It has been emptied of all its contents. They are passing around a flashlight and telling ghost stories.]
Spike: And I swear! Her hair was out there HERE! (indicates by holding his hands out to the sides of his head) It was a bloody scary moment! Buffy never used a fork to get tin foil out of a light socket again. (Shelley actually knows someone who tried this…ah, the joys of Kentucky)
Willow: Uh…neat. Who's next? I've got nothin'. Unless you wanna hear the story about the snakes coming outta my mouth when…
Everyone: Nooooo!!!
Willow: Okay, fine. Someone think of something then.
Angelus: I could tell you about when I had to live with Cordelia in her apartment.
Cordelia: You do and you die.
Angelus: Shutting up now.
Kelley: (looks at Shelley and then at everyone else) I got one. It's about this small town called Owensboro. It's in Northwestern Kentucky. We go to college there. I don't know where to begin. I wanna start by saying, you think you have it bad in your small town called Sunnydale which seems to constantly get bigger…I mean, you even have a river now, and a desert, and a college…okay, sorry about that rant. Well, this is the story of Owensboro, Kentucky. We don't even have a Starbucks!
[A collective gasp is heard and a shriek from someone…no! It wasn't Angelus. Looks around.]
Shelley: We don't have a Waffle House either! Or a White Castle. And we only have ONE COMIC BOOK SHOP!
Xander: What's a White Castle?
Shelley: Never mind. I guess it's a southern thing.
Xander: That sucks about the comic book shop.
Shelley: Yeah, I know. But Jeff is real nice.
Kelley: We got criticized for having a Wiccan ceremony on campus last year! Do you know how many people told us we were going to hell?
Willow: Ooooh! I feel an urge to create some evil birds!
[A shriek is heard in the cave. No! It wasn't Angelus! No way! Looks around.]
Spike: It doesn't have me either, pet.
Kelley: (shakes head) Yeah, that's true. It does have some nice graveyards from what Shelley says, although I have never seen one of those in Owensboro either. Our crime rate is like…nothing. Which is kinda strange for a town with 50,000 people.
Giles: Sounds somewhat Hellmouthy to me.
Shelley: Gee, I wonder. Maybe there is a Hellmouth in Owensboro.
Kelley: Actually, Shelley, Owensboro is most commonly referred to as the Pit of Hell.
[Everyone shudders.]
Shelley: Oh, but we do have a Wal-Mart! My hometown doesn't have a Wal-Mart. The closest one is thirty minutes away!
Xander: Where do you live? The 7th Circle of Hell?
Kelley: How'd you guess?
Anya: This is almost as scary as a bunny attack!!!
Kelley: Well, I come from Nashville, Country Music Capital of the World!
[A shriek is heard. No! It wasn't Spike. Looks around.]
Kelley: Yeah, I'm the same way. I hate country music.
Xander: Ah, the music of pain.
Willow: I'm so glad that Joss owns us. He would never make the Hellmouth THAT scary! Well, maybe he will now. I think I just jinxed us.
[A shriek is heard. No! It wasn't Buffy! That's cuz she isn't in the cave! Looks around.]
Anya: Could we get on with the story now? Please? These disclaimers are starting to become repetitive and kind of annoying.
Kelley and Shelley: (shrug) Yup, but we don't want to get sued cuz we're poor college students.
A/N: Almost finished! Just like the semester. Finals start Wednesday. Someone shoot us now! Kelley and Shelley share everything…brains and this god-awful cold they've both seemed to catch at the same time. So, we decided to update. Do you like how we used the third person right there? Heh. No? Okay. We'd like to announce that there will be a third story as we can't get everything into this story. The third one should be the last one of the series…even if we have to make it huge. We have other projects we're working on now too. However, it will be a little while before it comes out…summer break and all. You can look for this story sometime around August or September. It will be called "At My Signal, Unleash Hell" (Gladiator reference…Kelley's favorite movie). Sorry guys! Hope you don't hate us! Oh, and Heavenly Slayer! We still remember you! How could we forget you? You totally rock, girl! Enjoy the chapter peeps! Booyah! **coughs up a lung due to the retarded cold**
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Angel and a small army from both Sunnydale and L.A. walked toward the door with a commanding presence. He motioned for them to stop with his arm.
"On the count of three…"
"What are you gonna do on three?" Dawn asked.
Angel rolled his eyes. "Isn't it kind of obvious?"
"Are we all gonna do the Care Bear stare on the door?" Dawn asked sarcastically.
"Who let her come?" Angel asked in irritation.
"Drusilla," Dawn replied with a smile.
"Figures," Angel mumbled.
"Oh bite me," Dawn muttered under her breath.
Drusilla giggled.
"Don't tempt me," Angel answered. He turned back to the door and Dawn stuck her tongue out at him.
"One…two…three!" He kicked the door mightily. "Ow! What the hell?" He tried kicking the door again and a bolt of pain shot up his leg. "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" he screamed, slipping into his Irish dialect. "What is this door made of?"
"Titanium," came a voice as the door opened.
"Did we make a wrong turn somewhere?" Willow asked.
"Nice to see you finally got the kind of office you deserve, Lilah," Angel retorted.
"Funny. Your friends escaped. They've been gone for at least a half an hour," Lilah replied. "That stupid kid."
"Escaped?" Tara exclaimed. "Well good for them. Although this was a wasted trip."
"Tara, how nice to see you," Lilah said.
"If they escaped, why are you still here, you bitch?" Tara spat.
Willow gasped. Gunn smiled. Even Angel looked a little taken aback.
"It's that stupid Harris kid! First the Senior Partners go ape shit over him…"
"Why?" Cordelia interrupeted.
"Like I'd tell you," Lilah shot back. "Then, he trashes my office. He broke all my pens, drew nude figures on my desk calendar, dumped all my books off the book shelf, and locked me out of my computer. I just came down here to get the fucking password from him!"
Willow smiled. "I knew he didn't look over my shoulder just to see my cleavage in high school."
"Xander knows how to work a computer?" Angel asked in shock.
"That kid is one pain in my ass," Lilah commented.
"That's my White Knight," Drusilla cooed.
"Go Xander!" Dawn cheered.
"He even left me a note," Lilah said, gesturing toward the far wall.
Drusilla walked in, growling at Lilah as she went past her, and read the message.
"Well, it's been fun, but we got hungry. Thanks for the key. Love: Xander, Spike, and Lindsey. P.S. Listen to your computer."
"Lindsey?" Angel asked.
"Oooh! The lawyer's back!" Drusilla cried.
"I hate Lindsey," Angel muttered.
"Listen to your computer?" Wesley wondered aloud.
"Watch your back, dearie. My sweet is right," Drusilla said, swaying back and forth.
"What?" Lilah asked in confusion.
"Someone wants to kill you," Drusilla sing-songed.
"Someone always wants to kill me," Lilah replied.
"Listen to my sweet and you'll live…maybe," Drusilla warned.
Lilah quirked an eyebrow. "Whatever." She glanced at Angel's army. "What are you guys still doing here? Go back to the hotel. Tell the Slayer she's off the hook."
"Too late," Drusilla replied cryptically.
Tara glanced at Drusilla questioningly. "What?"
Drusilla didn't respond. Tara shook her head. Everyone turned around semi-defeatedly and left.
*****
Buffy looked up at the building and then checked the address she had written down on the piece of paper in her hand. Yep, this was the place.
She stared back up at the expensive-looking apartment buildings. With a dreaded sigh, she walked in the door, carefully concealing the knife in her jacket.
She took the elevator to the correct floor and knocked on the door. No one answered.
"Great," she mumbled. "Not home."
She turned the door knob roughly and broke the lock, but left the door intact. She walked inside and closed the door behind her.
*****
Lilah walked out of the parking garage across from her place. She really needed a drink or six after the kind of day she had.
She trudged to the door of the building, letting herself in. She got in the elevator and leaned against the wall. It was days like this that she questioned working for Wolfram & Hart…almost.
The elevator dinged and she walked off. Could this day get any worse? she asked herself as she headed for her door.
It was then that she noticed the lock on her door knob was broken.
*****
Spike, Xander, and Lindsey all sat comfortably in their newly stolen car. After fighting over what radio station to listen to, they all agreed to just listen to whatever music was playing in their heads.
"If I had known it was going to take you that long to steal a car, I would have done it myself," Spike said to Lindsey.
"Oh, like you could have done any better," Lindsey replied.
"Dawn is better at stealing a car than you are," Xander retorted.
"Actually, the Nibblet is better at stealing cars than most people."
"Shut up," Lindsey drawled.
"What building is that?" Xander asked, grabbing Lindsey's arm.
"It's an apartment building. Why?"
"We need to go there," Xander said.
"When?" Lindsey asked.
"Now!" Xander replied.
"What are you bloody talking about, whelp?"
"We need to go there," Xander reiterated.
"Why?" Spike asked, trying to be patient.
"Because of something I heard…in Lilah's office," he said pointedly.
"Why didn't you say so?" Spike asked.
They did a U-turn in the middle of the road. The car screeched to a halt in front of the building and Xander practically dragged Spike and Lindsey from the car (which is kinda funny since he still has a cast on his leg).
"Where's the fire?" Lindsey asked.
"We have to hurry!" Xander said frantically.
"Where are we going?" Spike asked.
Xander rolled his eyes and pointed. "Up there."
"Why?" Lindsey asked.
"Buffy's about to do something really stupid," Xander answered.
*****
Lilah pushed her apartment door open. She noticed Buffy sitting on her couch and sighed.
"Yeah, I was surprised too," Buffy said.
"It's kind of ironic," Lilah began. "Wolfram & Hart had me hire the person that is going to kill me."
"Funny in a Machiavellian sort of way," Buffy commented.
"I guess the Harris kid was right."
"About what?" Buffy asked.
"He told me to watch my back," Lilah said.
Any further conversation was stopped by voices screaming from down the hallway.
"Buffy, don't do it!"
Buffy blinked a few times. "Xander?" She ran to the door.
"Oh yeah, they escaped by the way," she muttered, walking to the counter and grabbing the largest bottle of vodka she had.
Buffy let out a sigh of relief. She was about to run to the three men, but stopped half way when she realized she didn't know one of them. She grinned. "You must be Lindsey." She held out her hand. "I'm Buffy. Nice you meet you."
He shook her hand quickly, noting her desparation to get to her friends. She ran to Xander and Spike, hugging them both at once. After a moment, she let go of them, stepped back, and slapped them both.
"Ow!" they both whined in unison.
"You guys scared me to death!" she cried, tears running down her cheeks. "I was ready to kill someone for you guys!"
Spike wrapped his arms around the upset slayer. "It's all right, luv. You're okay. We're okay. Everything turned out just fine. It was kind of a let down really."
Buffy snorted. "Not for me, it wasn't."
"Let's get back to Sunnydale before Spike's Passions tape fills up."
"Actually, everyone's at the Hyperion," Buffy admitted.
"Oh," Spike said. "Wanna join us, Lindsey?"
Lindsey grinned. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."
Spike, Buffy, and Lindsey walked off.
Xander turned around, noticing Lilah was standing in her doorway. "Told you," he said. "Oh yeah…the password is Zeppo." With a little wave to the lawyer, he followed his friends down the hall.
Lilah smiled. She went back inside and sat down on her couch. "How the hell did he know to come here?" she asked herself. "One more question to ponder."