Disclaimer:
[Everyone is gathered in a circle, ready to hand out momentos.]
Kelley: Guys, it's been great. (looks at Spike) Really great. Heh heh heh.
Shelley: Sadly, we have to go now. You all have to return to Sunnydale or L.A. We have to go study for our last finals. Well, not so much in our case since we don't really study…ever. It's amazing that we're even passing our classes because…
Kelley: Shelley! Enough with the babble. More leaving. Less talk.
Willow: Do you guys really have to go?
Kelley: Don't worry.
Shelley: We'll be back. There will be more stories after all.
Anya: Oh good.
Buffy: Why are you still here?
Kelley: Because we have to give you guys gifts!!!
[Everyone perks up at the offering of presents.]
Shelley: First, we need to do this. (pulls glass ball from pocket) Sorry, we can't leave things like this. (mumbles some Romanian)
Angel: Crap! Does this mean I have to lose the leather pants?
Cordelia: NO! You better not!
Angel: (with angsty look) Buffy, I'm so sorry for the things I did to you while I was Angelus.
Buffy: Are you really, Angel?
Angel: Uh…(shrugs) No, not really. You're a bitch no matter how you look at it.
[Buffy flips Angel off.]
Kelley: Drusilla, you can keep all the funny umbrellas.
Drusilla: Oh goody. Can I have the boy too? (she points at Xander)
Shelley: No. At least not in the Jossverse.
Drusilla: Bugger.
Shelley: Willow, here is an outfit that has no lace at all. And it isn't pink either.
Willow: I LOVE YOU GUYS!
Kelley: Anya, here's some carved coconuts. You can sell them and make a nice profit.
Anya: Ooooh! They look like fertility gods!
Shelley: Giles, here is your fixed coconut radio. We're sorry the psycho lady smashed it. She's cool though.
Giles: Good times.
Kelley: Cordelia, we already gave you Angelus. To keep him in line, we're going to make sure you keep all his hair gel under lock and key. If he's bad, he'll have to live with bed hair.
Cordelia: (cackles evilly) Thanks.
Shelley: Buffy, you can have the little collar on my cap and gown. I don't want it.
Buffy: That's all?
Kelley: Well, maybe we'll give you a heart or something. We were gonna give you the stick stuck up your ass, but you never got it out. Now you better start treating Spike better or we may just have to kidnap you again. Or better yet, leave you behind.
[Buffy glares at Kelley and sulks away.]
Shelley: Xander, here are all the toys we played with so you can remember me. Oh, and here's my phone number in case you come into the real world. (hands him a slip of paper)
Xander: Woohoo! (hugs Shelley and almost cracks a few of her ribs)
Kelley: Here's a copy of our stories. Now you can make fun of Angel all you want. There is also a good one where we get really mad at Buffy for beating you up in the alley by the police station. We'll send you the new ones. We love you, Spike!!! Oh, and here's a momento from the cave. Hehehe. (winks)
Spike: (looks at the momento) Hehe, neat.
Shelley: (elbows Kelley in the ribs) I knew you didn't only thumb wrestle in the cave.
Kelley: (glares at Shelley) And you DIDN'T just build sand castles!
Shelley: That's why I gave him ALL the toys!
Kelley: Okay, we better go now. (tears up) Joss has complete usage of you guys again! We were just borrowing you.
[Spike runs to Kelley and pulls her into a passionate embrace…ah yeah, porno tongue.]
Everyone else: Eeeew!!!!
Kelley: Now I can die happily! Not that I want to die or anything.
Shelley: Okay, now. Let's go. (snaps fingers and everyone from both shows disappear) Well, this sucks. Let's go study.
Kelley: (sighs) Okay, let's go I guess.
A/N: Well, here it is. The FINAL chapter, better known as the infamous epilogue that sets you up for the sequel. Bwahahahah! Don't worry, we aren't leaving you with too much of a cliffhanger. Watch out for a new little story (that isn't part of this series) to appear in what will hopefully be sometime before Wednesday…if we ever finish writing it. We'll give you a little hint. We have a new addiction. Badfics. This one is way out there in left field and it's more stupid than bad. But, oh well. Our brains don't work during finals. Kinda sucks for our quickly declining GPAs. Shelley's getting out of here in a few days though. Damn her!!! Okay, please send many new reviews! We'll be sooooooo happy! We watched the Wedding Singer earlier tonight and we now have our Billy Idol fix. Yeah! Not that has anything to do with anything, but we thought we'd share the pointless information.
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"AAAAHHH!"
Angel rushed to Cordelia's side. "Cordy, what is it? Is it a vision?"
Cordy looked up at Angel. "Oh, it's a vision all right." She leaned against Angel and began laughing.
Now Angel was really confused. "Why are you laughing?"
She bit her lip, desperately holding in her giggles. "I'll be right back." She half-walked, half-stumbled to the open door. "Guys, get in here. Bring a camera! Preferably Polaroid!" She looked at Angel and burst out laughing again.
Angel looked down at himself. Shoes on correct feet, check. Pants pressed, check. Fly zipped, yep. Silk shirt matches ensemble, check. He patted his hair experimentally. It felt okay. He wished he could look in a mirror. "Damn you, Darla!" he cried silently.
Willow entered the room, camera in hand. She spotted Angel and stopped in her tracks.
"Oh goddess," she whispered.
Everyone else stumbled into the room. They stared, mouths hanging open. Dawn was the first to recover.
"Who has the stupid hair now, Lucky Charms?" she mocked.
Angel's hand automatically went up to his hair protectively. "What is it? What's wrong with my hair? It can't be that bad, right? It still feels the same."
"It still stands straight up," Willow supplied.
Angel looked from person to person suspiciously. Willow and Tara were trying to hide their grins behind their hands. Wesley, Cordelia, and Gunn were smiling much more openly. Buffy was biting her knuckles to keep the laughter from escaping. Fred was actually smirking at him. But where were Spike and Xander? Suddenly, Angel was very afraid.
Flash! Flash!
Flash! Flash!
"What the hell?"
The sudden flashing of the Polaroid camera Spike held started a chain reaction. When it ended several minutes later Angel was temporarily blinded. Blinking rapidly, he willed the spots out of his vision. Many of his friends were giggling openly now. Spike and Xander were waving the quickly drying photos and looking entirely too innocent. Angel looked at the group frantically. Good God! What was wrong? And why was everyone finding it so amusing?
"Someone better tell me what's so damn funny, or you're all going to have to learn how to drive without arms!"
"Give it a minute, Peaches," Spike drawled. "The photo's almost developed." He looked at the picture in his hand. The smile on his face at the sight of it was utterly wicked.
"Here ya go, Poofter," Spike said, holding out the picture. Angel snatched it from his hand. "Might be a little shocking," he added with a smirk.
Years later, the witnesses to this occurrence would tell their grandchildren of the once in a millennium happening. These few individuals witnessed a singular event. They heard Angelus, Scourge of Europe, ensouled Champion for the Powers that Be scream like a girl and faint.
Buffy punched Spike in the gut, making him cough and gasp for unnecessary breath.
"What the bloody hell did you do that for, Slayer?"
She pointed at Angel. "I know you had something to do with this!"
"So I get abused like this?"
"It would be worse if it wasn't so funny," Buffy argued. "Er…I mean that was mean, really mean." She glared at him accusingly. "You're a meanie."
Spike gasped melodramatically, clutching at his chest. "Oh, how can I go on when you say such things?" He fell to the ground. "I'm a meanie! Someone put me out of my misery!"
She looked down at him and grinned. "Don't tempt me."
"I don't know what you're talking about, Buff," Xander commented. "Someone did him a favor. I think that bleached blonde hair really brings out his tan."
*****
Lilah stormed into her office. Her superior Linwood was there waiting for her.
"You son of a bitch! You set me up! You had better have a damn good reason, or I might just be getting a promotion a few years ahead of schedule."
"Honestly, Lilah, I don't know what you're complaining about," Linwood spoke mildly. "You're alive and well, and have provided us with a wonderful sample of Ms. Summers in action."
"You used me as bait!" Lilah sputtered. "And when was I going to be informed of this plan?"
"When we deemed it necessary," Linwood replied coolly. "Now, the test is over. The Slayer managed to evade the little trap we set for her."
"She had help," Lilah grumbled, thinking of the annoying, yet incredibly resourceful young man who'd managed to use her despite his disadvantaged position.
"Yes, her friends," Linwood mused. "The truly unpredictable element of the equation. Her greatest asset and her ultimate downfall. She was willing to take a human life for the sake of a kid and a soulless demon. They're her weakness; a way for us to exploit her."
Lilah looked at her boss skeptically. "That's what you see her friends as? Pawns to control the Slayer with?"
"Not entirely," Linwood amended. "A few of them have definite potential, both alone and as possible levers against Angel. And the Senior Partners are still consulting on what action to take with the boy. But in the long run they are of no consequence."
Lilah rolled her eyes. "Fine." She turned around and walked out of the office. You're in for a real surprise you stupid asshole she thought smugly.
While Xander was a pain in the ass, she actually kind of had respect for the kid. She didn't know what to make of him though. She'd read Wolfram & Hart's file on him. Sure, he was a smart ass, but none of the other descriptions fit him at all. Lilah knew the research team for Wolfram & Hart wasn't incompetent, so how could they be so wrong about one ordinary kid? The young man that had outsmarted her in her office was not the goofy, slow-witted klutz Lilah had been led to believe he was. And what had happened to him in her office? Was it all part of an elaborate ruse to get the key from her, or was something else going on? His haunted eyes definitely looked genuine. She smiled. Yes, Xander Harris was definitely a mystery, and something she intended to learn more about.
*****
Several days later…The Scooby Gang was getting ready to leave for Sunnydale. They would have left sooner, but it took them three days to get Spike's car started, and they decided they needed a vacation anyway. Plus, they really enjoyed listening to Angel beg Cordelia to dye his hair back.
"Angel, if we dye it back now it could all fall out," Cordelia chided mockingly.
Angel glared but quickly stopped arguing.
Dawn pointed and laughed at Angel. Angel put on his game face and growled at her.
Lorn grabbed Xander's elbow and pulled him aside.
"Hey, kid, let's talk for a second."
"Okay," Xander said nervously. "Hey! Dawn! Make sure Drusilla doesn't kill anyone while I'm gone!" he called out.
"Ay ay, Captain!" Dawn yelled back.
The Host cleared his throat. "I thought you might be interested in knowing what I saw when you sang."
"Yeah, I'm a little curious."
The Host looked at Xander for a second. "You're a hard one to read, kiddo. You're loyal to your friends, and that comes out loud and clear. But destiny-wise…" Lorn trailed off.
"What? What?" Xander asked impatiently.
"The Powers won't show me anything. They're being tight-lipped. This is the first time that's ever happened. Cryptic? Yes. Silent? No. Never!"
"What a crock of shit," Xander commented.
"I don't know. I think it's a great opportunity. Your destiny is what you make of it. You're not tied down."
"But can you explain the visions?" Xander asked.
"Just think of them as guides…they keep you from straying too far off the path."
"That doesn't explain much," Xander replied.
"This is where your aura comes in. I don't often see your color aura in humans. It's indigo with a good thread of blue running through it. The witch woke up something inside of you. It has always been there on some level, but she opened up the flood gates so to speak. It'll take some getting used to, but I'm sure you can do it."
"You mean I'm going to have these visions forever?"
"Fraid so, kid."
"The voices too?"
"You can hear voices?"
"Yeah," Xander answered.
"You're gift is even bigger than I thought," the Host said with a grin.
"Some gift," Xander grumbled.
The Host patted Xander on the shoulder and smiled. "Good luck."
"No one will ever believe this."
The Host shrugged. "Yeah. It could be hard to accept."
Xander sighed and walked back over to the 'Let's make fun of Angel's Hair' Party.
*****
Two weeks later…Two vampires, one Slayer, and a Zeppo sat on a blanket in the middle of Restfield Cemetery. One vampire was carrying a picnic basket; the other a porcelain doll.
"Spike!" Buffy exclaimed. "Stop it!"
"Spike, Miss Edith thinks that's naughty." Drusilla smiled. "Do it again."
Spike ignored Buffy's earlier comment and continued his evil deeds.
"Spike, I mean it! Miss Edith was not meant to bend that way. Or go there!"
Spike laughed maniacally and continued to concentrate on contorting the small doll.
"Really, Spike, cut it out," Xander pleaded. "Between her thoughts and yours I don't know which will drive me insane first."
"Naughty Spike," Drusilla chided. "Miss Edith says that only the White Knight may do such things to her."
"So there," Xander said triumphantly. He snatched the doll from the vampire's grasp.
Miss Edith squealed in pure ecstasy. Of course, only Xander and Drusilla heard it. Xander gave the doll a quick hug and kiss on the forehead before setting her down on the blanket beside him.
Miss Edith pouted. After a few moments, Xander glared back down at the doll.
"Don't even think about it, you little skankpot."
"You do realize that Miss Edith is just a voice inside Drusilla's head, right?" Spike asked after watching the little scene.
"Yeah," Xander answered. "But that doesn't mean she can say gross things like that."
Spike rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I give up. Let's eat."
Drusilla began unloading the basket. Buffy and Xander quickly grabbed sandwiches. Spike got one too, along with a thermos of blood.
"No! No dipping!" Xander shouted.
"It's peanut butter and jelly," Spike argued. "It's good."
"I'll projectile vomit on your duster!"
"I'll spill blood all over your lap!"
"I'll break off the legs of all your Spiderman action figures!"
"You have Spiderman action figures?" Buffy interrupted.
"Some of them are over thirty years old, thank you very much," Spike stated indignantly. He turned back to Xander. "You do that and I'll shove a stake up your ass, whelp."
"Don't you say a word," Xander directed to the porcelain doll perched beside him.
Miss Edith looked at Xander way too innocently.
"I'll burn your Sex Pistols records," Xander threatened.
"Harmony already did that, dumbass. Admit it. You can't think of anything."
Xander smirked. "I'll give Janice a key to the apartment."
Spike's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You wouldn't dare."
"I'd do it in a second."
Buffy frowned. "What are you guys talking about?"
"Janice has this huge crush on Spike." Xander widened his eyes and pasted a look of girlish adoration on his face. "Oh, Spike's a bad boy. I love his hair. It totally rocks. Do you think Spike would let me borrow his duster? Do you think Spike has a big…"
"Shh," Drusilla shushed, covering Xander's mouth with her hand.
"What is it with all these teenage girls having crushes on Spike?" Buffy asked.
"He's a nummy treat," Xander answered. "Shut it, Miss Edith!"
Miss Edith pouted again.
"On that note, we're going for a walk," Buffy said, dragging Spike to his feet. "Come on, Spike. Let's go kill something."
"Vampboy, walk with me. I'm scared of the dark."
Buffy smacked him on the back of the head as they walked away through the cemetery.
Xander suddenly realized that he and Drusilla were alone. In a graveyard. On a blanket under the stars. Xander smiled nervously at Drusilla and began to whistle the theme to "Gilligan's Island." He found it oddly comforting.
"You need not worry, my sweet," Drusilla purred. "I won't hurt you."
Xander smiled. "But will you bite me?"
"Only if you want me to," Drusilla answered.
"I don't need any extra holes in my body right now, but thanks."
"Okay." Drusilla patted him on the head like a small child, and laid back on the blanket.
Xander stretched his legs out in front of him. He was thankful he'd finally gotten that damn cast off his leg.
"The stars looks really pretty tonight, my sweet," Drusilla cooed. She rolled over and laid her head on Xander's chest. "Your heartbeat is whispering to me."
Xander looked downward at the crazy vampire. "Really? What is it saying?"
"It says you're not as scared of me anymore."
"I think it's right," Xander replied.
"Really?" Drusilla looked up and grinned.
"It is hard to be too frightened of you when you're wearing a baseball cap and the witch socks I got for you."
Drusilla laid her head back on Xander's chest and began humming "Gilligan's Island."
Xander looked over at the dirty minded porcelain doll. He glared at Miss Edith then reached out and grabbed her by the arm and stuck her in the picnic basket. "Miss Edith, we don't need your nasty comments," he said before closing the lid.
Meanwhile…"So, you're actually not worried about leaving the whelp alone with Drusilla?"
Buffy looked up at Spike. "What? Why? Are you?"
"All right. Who are you and where is the real Buffy?"
Buffy playfully slapped Spike in the gut. "We've come to an understanding, that's all."
"Really. You and Dru? An understanding? That's rich! No one understands her!"
"Apparently Xander does. As long as she doesn't hurt him, I won't stake her."
"Fair 'nuff, I suppose."
The pair walked along in silence for a moment. Buffy sighed loudly, causing Spike to look down at her.
"You all right, luv?" he asked.
"Yeah," Buffy replied. "Tag! You're it!" she suddenly called out before running off.
It took Spike a moment to realize what had just happened, but he quickly ran after the Slayer. He caught up to her and shoved her forward. "HA HA! Now you're it!" He turned and ran in the other direction.
"Stupid vampire!" she yelled after regaining her footing and turning back in the direction Spike went. She ran at top slayer speed and caught up to the bleached wonder. Instead of tapping him from behind, she managed to catch up to the side of him and tripped him. She laughed maniacally as Spike fell flat on his face and quickly ran back in the opposite direction.
"Bloody hell, Slayer!" he cried, rubbing his nose gently. He stood up and smirked before taking off after Buffy. She'd managed to hide herself somewhere, but he'd find her. He stopped and looked around, taking in unnecessary breaths. "Slayer! Here kitty, kitty, kitty!"
Buffy watched from behind the tree and bit her tongue to keep from laughing. She finally decided to make a run for it. She whizzed past, but he saw her anyway. In a flash he caught her around the waist and tackled her to the ground. Buffy laughed and squealed happily as she hit the ground, Spike falling on top of her.
"Geez, Spike! Lay off the sandwiches, will ya?"
"Maybe you should eat more then, pet!"
"Spike, you're a pig!"
Spike laughed to himself and sat up. Buffy then sat up and turned to face the vampire. He watched her as she caught her breath. She smiled at him, and then noticed the serious look on his face.
"What is it, Spike?"
He tilted his head to the side. "Would you really have taken a human life to save me and the buttmonkey?"
Buffy scowled and bit her lip. She studied Spike's face before answering. "Yeah," she admitted quietly.
"Why?"
"You and Xander are family. I'd do anything for you guys."
"I can understand the whelp, but why for me? I'm just a soulless vampire."
"Would you have done the same for me?"
"In a bloody second," Spike replied quickly.
Buffy smiled. "I know."
Spike caressed the side of Buffy's face. She leaned into his hand and closed her eyes.
"Buffy," he whispered.
She opened her eyes. "Hmm?"
"Thank you."
"You're welcome," she whispered back. She grabbed the back of his head and slowly pulled him forward. Mere centimeters away from her face, he blinked.
"Buffy," he whispered again, swallowing hard.
"What?" she mouthed.
"Did you tell Lilah I was your boyfriend?"
Buffy smiled. "Yes."
"So that makes you my girlfriend."
"Yes, it does, Spike."
"Why?"
Buffy sighed. She really wanted Spike to shut up so she could kiss him. "Why what?"
"Why everything, I suppose?"
"Because…I love you."
That was all Spike needed to hear for his undead heart to leap into his throat. He laughed.
"What are you laughing at?"
"No one's ever told me that."
"Well, I just did so shut up and kiss me."
"As you wish," he answered before kissing her.
"Well, isn't this just the picture of sweetness? I think I'm going to be sick. It's worse than watching Dru and that stupid kid! Heh heh heh. Are we ready for the attack?" A few minions nodded that their plan was almost completely read. "Soon, my minions!" From the shadows, Darla smiled wickedly.
A/N the Second: Well, it's over. Anybody sad? We're sad, but just a little. Now enjoy your wait, while we are separated for a summer. No worries though, we might be working on other projects! Please send reviews! Flames will be used to burn down your house. Er, just kidding. We love all of you guys for reviewing and being super nice!