Tifa watched.
She sat by Cloud's bedside and watched him exist.
It would not seem a very difficult thing, to watch a sleeping man, but it was.
Those blue, dead eyes staring blindly, unconsciously meeting hers if she shifted to the right position.
Tifa watched this man she loved but could not trust. Loved him, and told him so, many times, while managing never to speak in the process. Felt sheer panic and despair at the thought he might desert her.
She found that nothing in his situation was improving, except that he had begun to talk. But Tifa wasn't sure if that necessarily meant he was getting better.
The first time it happened, she had grown lightheaded with shock. He had sleepily murmured something, not moving other than that.
"Cloud!? Oh my God!" She had spoken hoarsely, and choked on tears running treacherously down her cheeks. But he had not reacted to her cry, or to her crying. He just said something on occasion, and then went back to being a vegetable. One time, he drew a long breath and cried out, "Tifa! No, wait -don't.. it's dangerous.. I -the materia.." He had stopped quite suddenly again, heedless to her shaking, hardly daring touch on his forehead.
Lateron he mumbled an apology, and after that, he described the men in the black cloaks, repeating and repeating all about the reunion.
The others had stopped in from time to time, checking more on Tifa than on Cloud, it seemed, catching her weary expression with looks of concern and doubt, directed only at each other, not at her.
But Tifa knew. Understood.
If she had been in their stead, she probably would have behaved the same.
*
She thought of the kiss a lot, and of her parents, and of the end of the world. She thought of all these different suppressed feelings she held for Cloud Strife. She wondered what it was that had happened that had screwed this world up so badly, and all these lives. She realised, to some degree of astonishment, that she felt sympathy for Sephiroth. But, as she realised it, she also knew that this would not stop her from doing whatever it would take to bring an end to the shadow of death he had let fall on the planet. Kill him.
Tifa shook her head and turned to more benevolent things within her thoughts. She smiled. Back to Cloud. Interesting, really, how he could make her feel so.. happy, sometimes, simply so laidback and at peace. While he also seemed to bear so much pain and hatred and distrust to her memory. The most prominent feelings, she perceived, were constant. Love, fear and hesitation.
Yes, she loved him. Tifa knew that, had known for about seven years now. And yes, she feared him. She still knew she could not trust him. She knew he was at Sephiroth's mercy, though he did not want to be. Something was within Cloud, holding his mind tight, keeping him from being free, and true. Tifa's eyes narrowed in thought. She feared Cloud. She feared for Cloud.
Hesitation had played a big part all along. It was, sadly enough, Tifa's nature. From the moment she realised she adored that blonde hair, those bright, bright blue eyes, that gorgeous smile.. she had stopped, stepped down, turned, fled.
And now, all these years later, years of boyfriends dumped because she couldn't get those commanding blue eyes out of her head, he had returned. And she had found she still had a very grand weakness for this boy, and now young man, handsome and chilling and absolutely lovely.
Tifa still could not speak a word of it. Not even when Aeris threatened so much, simply by smiling. Tifa sighed, wondered what Aeris had that she didn't, to make every single guy she met grow absolutely infatuated with her.
*
Then came a day in the quiet, endless torture Tifa was undergoing. A day that, from the start, seemed destined to have something happen.
Tifa hadn't slept for three nights straight now. She also hadn't been able to eat or drink. The doctor had threatened to kick her out if she didn't rest and accept some nourishments, but for the half-hour she actually lay silently in a sterile bed beside Cloud, she could not sleep. She was so restless and nervous, the moment she had forced some bread down her throat with a sip of water, she had had to run outside to vomit it all out again. She couldn't keep anything in.
So Tifa sat, and watched, and became less human.
She was non-responsive to almost everything Barret and Cid said to her when they stopped in one day. They figured she was so afraid of losing Cloud that she was locked tight in her own world, not listening to them.
Every word.
"Look at her.." Barret murmured from where he was standing, the corner of the room. "She's lookin' like a corpse. Not ever sleepin', always hoverin' over Cloud.. as soon as he wakes up I'm gonna kick his spikey ass for havin' her so sad.."
Cid grunted in reply. "It's incredible, how she is, how much she cares fer the kid. Hope I get a girl like that some day."
"What? What do you mean? You.. you think Cloud 'n' Tifa got a history together?" Barret exclaimed as softly as he could, glancing nervously at Tifa. She had her eyes closed.
"Shht!" Cid hissed through his teeth. "And for as far they can have a history at their age.. yes. They are or have been romantically involved, I'd say. Just look at 'em together.." Now Cid glanced at Tifa as well. She ignored them both.
How ironic, Tifa thought passively. After trying to hide my feelings, everyone still knows. My whole life seems to be equal to gossip. How.. how amusing..
She stopped listening as the ground began to shake violently. Barret and Cid flashed out the door to see what was going on.
"Weapon!" Tifa heard Cid cry out.
Oh no, Tifa's thoughts were deadened but purposeful. This was our haven, our sanctuary, and now it's under attack? I have to take care of Cloud. I have to make sure he doesn't get hurt.
She lifted him into the nearby wheelchair with considerable difficulty. Besides being rather heavy, Cloud was entirely unaware of anything that was going on, and stuck to his behavior -a deadweight. In the wheelchair he sat limply, said something once or twice, called her name.
"Tifa."
"TIFA!"
She flew up, ready to act, no longer stupidly wondering what was going on.
Weapon was attacking Mideel. She had to get out of the tiny hospital. She manoeuvered the wheelchair carefully, escaping the small building. And then outside. Buildings were crashing down around them, the ground bursting open, strange, glowing water spraying about.
Tifa slowed and looked about, helplessly. Saw a little boy fall and his grandmother help him up. Saw the stray dog yank on a man's sleeve. Forget your potions. Get out. Get the hell out.
"Sephiroth's at the Crater," Cloud remarked, deadpan.
"You're not being very helpful, you know," Tifa muttered in reply.
She began to push him -to safety, to secure grounds, to a Weaponless Place. The ground behind her was shaking so badly it was falling apart. Tifa ran for her life, Cloud right in front of her.
She ran until she found that the ground in front of her had actually already fallen apart. She had fallen in, plummeting after Cloud, who was ever subconscious, and still halfway mentioning something about the Reunion. The warm, glowing water was so close..