Bullet the Blue Sky
Buffy was suddenly hit with such a strong and nauseating feeling of déjà vu that she had to run out of the room for a second and compose herself. The young girl's body, the empty, cold eyes, the way her night shirt had rolled back to reveal her panties…it hit way too close to home. She slunk down in the corner of the hallway and wrapped herself in a little ball. Those eyes. She buried her head in her arms, trying desperately to get the vision out of her head. She will never forget those eyes as long as she lived and now she knew they wouldn't either. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Dawn standing over her. Buffy let out an embarrassed, nervous giggle and Dawn dropped to the floor and hugged her. "I know," she said.
Roman was an absolute wreck. Nell was his mother, his creator, one of his oldest and best friends. To see her like this, it didn't seem right. "I don't understand," he said, pacing around the room frantically. "How? We haven't fed in days! We made sure of that!"
"Nell found the blood at the hospital," Spike said in a very low voice.
Roman stomped his foot. "God! That is so like her!" he ran his fingers through his hair and sunk on the floor. Davis was just watching this whole scene from the opposite corner of the room, flicking his own lighter and looking very frightened. He felt as if someone yanked his whole world out from under him. His own friend, in his own house while he slept next door. It was too close. It was just too god damn close. "How can they do this?" Roman shouted, and everyone turned to look at him. "They're so arrogant! You don't see cows putting anthrax in their drinking water, do you? It's the fucking food chain! It's life! When we kill them it's for food. It's for our own lives. But this…" he gestured to his friend's staring, bloated face. It made him sick to look at. She wouldn't want to be looked at like this. Centuries ago she drank from another man's vein to avoid ever looking at this. On some wild impulse, he grabbed Ryan's stake from her bag, ran back and drove it through Nell's heart. Immediately, the body disappeared. Roman was left shaking in a pile of dust. He stared at the stake in his own hand and tossed it to the ground. And then he just lost it. He tightened himself up in fetal position and sobbed bitterly.
Very slowly, Ryan had crept over from the doorway. She approached Roman until she was standing right beside him and crouched down. She stared at her own stake on the floor, to Roman and then back at the stake again. She sighed and very carefully and nervously, she placed her hand on his shoulder. He jumped at her touch and she recoiled. But he just stared at her with a rather pathetic expression. "I'm…I'm sorry," Ryan said.
He huffed and wiped his eyes, getting back in a sitting position. "For what, Slayer?" he accentuated "Slayer" with a heavy dose of hostility.
"I'm sorry that…I'm sorry that life is so fucked up," she blurted, rocking back on her own backside. And she was. She was sorry that she was called into this position in life, she was sorry that she ever met these vampires, she was sorry that everything always wound up in this stupid gray area where everyone second guessed themselves and nothing made sense. She was sorry that the fact still remained that these individuals killed people, and would take her own family's life as quickly as the Initiative had taken one of their own. And she was sorry that none of this offered any sort of consolation or easy answer. She was sorry for everyone who was ever forced to feel what they were feeling now and she was sorry for herself, cause she knew her lifestyle indicated she would be in this position too someday.
"Well…" Roman said weakly. "Apology accepted…I think."
Suddenly, Spike stormed out of the room. "Where are you going?" Dawn asked.
"I'm going for a walk."
Willow stumbled out of the shower and tried to frantically wrap a towel around her. Someone always calls when she's in the shower. She even had a bathmat to prove it, as that exact phrase was embroidered across it in blue stitching. Her mother's housewarming gift, and the only help she had ever received from her when she moved from Sunnydale to San Francisco. She hadn't even helped her move in. She made a lunge for the phone and dropped her towel. She struggled to wrap it around her again before she answered, then realized no one could see she was naked and picked up the receiver. "Hello?" she said weakly, as if she had just endured some terrible hardship on the way to the phone.
"Willow?" someone asked.
"Yeah," she managed to get the towel around her again. "Is this Dr. Finchler? Harry told me you might call in regards to the tests we did…"
"No, Wil. It's…it's Dawn."
Willow dropped the phone. Dawn. She felt as though she was receiving a long distance phone call from a ghost. She hadn't heard from her in…in….
"Willow? Hello?"
Oh, right. Phone. Willow dove back on the carpet and picked up the receiver. "Yeah, hi. Dawn. Little Dawn. Little Dawn Summers. Um…how, uh, how are you?"
"Are you all right? You sound more flustered than usual."
"Oh, I'm fine. Just super, really. Are you OK? I mean, its just that I hadn't heard from you in so long I was beginning to wonder if you ever actually existed or if I just dreamed you," she laughed nervously and then realized that she had in fact dreamed most of Dawn's life and then added, "I mean dreamed that I dreamed you. Well, you know what I mean."
Dawn shook her head. "Kinda. Anyway, I called because I actually need a huge favor from you."
"Oh, sure. Anything," Willow sat down on the couch.
"Really?" Dawn asked. She was amazed how well this was going.
"Dawn, of course. You're practically my sister too. I missed you. I was worried about you."
Dawn sighed. "I missed you too, Wil," she said and she meant it. Though she never realized how much she missed her until that very moment.
"Well, what can I do you for?" Willow said in pseudo-business like manner.
"I'm actually in New York right now."
"No kidding."
"Seriously. And there's this problem, sort of. Anyway, I was wondering if we sent you a sample of something…of blood, actually, if you could tell us if it was tampered with in any way? You know. If there's been like, stuff done to it."
"Yeah, no problem. Of blood? Are you all right, Dawn?" Willow asked again, the concern returning to your voice.
"I'm fine. Really. It's more of a favor to a friend than anything else. Loooong story. You wouldn't believe half of it if I told you. But that wouldn't be a problem?"
"Not at all."
"Thank you so much, Wil. I really appreciate it."
"No problem. And Dawn, if you ever, ever, need my help again for any reason…you can always call me. You know that right?"
"Yeah, I know," Dawn said. "I had just forgotten for a while."
Willow smiled. Hearing a familiar voice again was nice. "Ok. Give me your number, and I'll get back to you."
Dawn said her good byes and hung up the phone. "How is she?" Buffy asked.
"She seems all right. Are you sure you didn't want to talk to her?"
Buffy shook her head. "No. But I don't think I'm ready yet. This whole trip has rehashed a lot issues I've avoided dealing with for a long time."
Dawn nodded and then sat next to her on the couch. "What were you thinking?" she asked softly. "During that…during that whole…thing." Dawn shuddered just thinking about it. She wasn't sure how many more funerals she could take, and that last one was certainly one of the worst.
Buffy sighed a shaky sigh and put her arm around her. "It was strange, watching that from the outside. I never imagined that anyone anywhere could understand what I felt when I found mom or when Giles…" she trailed off for a moment. "But there it was. Everything I've had inside me these past years was on their faces, on Spike's face…on the people least likely." She paused and took a deep breath, wiping the water from the corner of her eye. "It just made me realize that everybody hurts a million times better than all the REM songs ever could. It just kinda made me realize that I'm not alone."
Dawn leaned her head on her sister's shoulder. "You never were alone."
Buffy smiled. "I'm sorry that I forgot that." She kissed the top of her sister's head and leaned back on the couch. She was sorry for many things. She had come to New York hoping to repair the relationship with her sister and ran headfirst into the two men in her life she never expected to see again. This trip made her realize how many loose ends she had left to tie up.
Buffy was suddenly hit with such a strong and nauseating feeling of déjà vu that she had to run out of the room for a second and compose herself. The young girl's body, the empty, cold eyes, the way her night shirt had rolled back to reveal her panties…it hit way too close to home. She slunk down in the corner of the hallway and wrapped herself in a little ball. Those eyes. She buried her head in her arms, trying desperately to get the vision out of her head. She will never forget those eyes as long as she lived and now she knew they wouldn't either. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Dawn standing over her. Buffy let out an embarrassed, nervous giggle and Dawn dropped to the floor and hugged her. "I know," she said.
Roman was an absolute wreck. Nell was his mother, his creator, one of his oldest and best friends. To see her like this, it didn't seem right. "I don't understand," he said, pacing around the room frantically. "How? We haven't fed in days! We made sure of that!"
"Nell found the blood at the hospital," Spike said in a very low voice.
Roman stomped his foot. "God! That is so like her!" he ran his fingers through his hair and sunk on the floor. Davis was just watching this whole scene from the opposite corner of the room, flicking his own lighter and looking very frightened. He felt as if someone yanked his whole world out from under him. His own friend, in his own house while he slept next door. It was too close. It was just too god damn close. "How can they do this?" Roman shouted, and everyone turned to look at him. "They're so arrogant! You don't see cows putting anthrax in their drinking water, do you? It's the fucking food chain! It's life! When we kill them it's for food. It's for our own lives. But this…" he gestured to his friend's staring, bloated face. It made him sick to look at. She wouldn't want to be looked at like this. Centuries ago she drank from another man's vein to avoid ever looking at this. On some wild impulse, he grabbed Ryan's stake from her bag, ran back and drove it through Nell's heart. Immediately, the body disappeared. Roman was left shaking in a pile of dust. He stared at the stake in his own hand and tossed it to the ground. And then he just lost it. He tightened himself up in fetal position and sobbed bitterly.
Very slowly, Ryan had crept over from the doorway. She approached Roman until she was standing right beside him and crouched down. She stared at her own stake on the floor, to Roman and then back at the stake again. She sighed and very carefully and nervously, she placed her hand on his shoulder. He jumped at her touch and she recoiled. But he just stared at her with a rather pathetic expression. "I'm…I'm sorry," Ryan said.
He huffed and wiped his eyes, getting back in a sitting position. "For what, Slayer?" he accentuated "Slayer" with a heavy dose of hostility.
"I'm sorry that…I'm sorry that life is so fucked up," she blurted, rocking back on her own backside. And she was. She was sorry that she was called into this position in life, she was sorry that she ever met these vampires, she was sorry that everything always wound up in this stupid gray area where everyone second guessed themselves and nothing made sense. She was sorry that the fact still remained that these individuals killed people, and would take her own family's life as quickly as the Initiative had taken one of their own. And she was sorry that none of this offered any sort of consolation or easy answer. She was sorry for everyone who was ever forced to feel what they were feeling now and she was sorry for herself, cause she knew her lifestyle indicated she would be in this position too someday.
"Well…" Roman said weakly. "Apology accepted…I think."
Suddenly, Spike stormed out of the room. "Where are you going?" Dawn asked.
"I'm going for a walk."
Willow stumbled out of the shower and tried to frantically wrap a towel around her. Someone always calls when she's in the shower. She even had a bathmat to prove it, as that exact phrase was embroidered across it in blue stitching. Her mother's housewarming gift, and the only help she had ever received from her when she moved from Sunnydale to San Francisco. She hadn't even helped her move in. She made a lunge for the phone and dropped her towel. She struggled to wrap it around her again before she answered, then realized no one could see she was naked and picked up the receiver. "Hello?" she said weakly, as if she had just endured some terrible hardship on the way to the phone.
"Willow?" someone asked.
"Yeah," she managed to get the towel around her again. "Is this Dr. Finchler? Harry told me you might call in regards to the tests we did…"
"No, Wil. It's…it's Dawn."
Willow dropped the phone. Dawn. She felt as though she was receiving a long distance phone call from a ghost. She hadn't heard from her in…in….
"Willow? Hello?"
Oh, right. Phone. Willow dove back on the carpet and picked up the receiver. "Yeah, hi. Dawn. Little Dawn. Little Dawn Summers. Um…how, uh, how are you?"
"Are you all right? You sound more flustered than usual."
"Oh, I'm fine. Just super, really. Are you OK? I mean, its just that I hadn't heard from you in so long I was beginning to wonder if you ever actually existed or if I just dreamed you," she laughed nervously and then realized that she had in fact dreamed most of Dawn's life and then added, "I mean dreamed that I dreamed you. Well, you know what I mean."
Dawn shook her head. "Kinda. Anyway, I called because I actually need a huge favor from you."
"Oh, sure. Anything," Willow sat down on the couch.
"Really?" Dawn asked. She was amazed how well this was going.
"Dawn, of course. You're practically my sister too. I missed you. I was worried about you."
Dawn sighed. "I missed you too, Wil," she said and she meant it. Though she never realized how much she missed her until that very moment.
"Well, what can I do you for?" Willow said in pseudo-business like manner.
"I'm actually in New York right now."
"No kidding."
"Seriously. And there's this problem, sort of. Anyway, I was wondering if we sent you a sample of something…of blood, actually, if you could tell us if it was tampered with in any way? You know. If there's been like, stuff done to it."
"Yeah, no problem. Of blood? Are you all right, Dawn?" Willow asked again, the concern returning to your voice.
"I'm fine. Really. It's more of a favor to a friend than anything else. Loooong story. You wouldn't believe half of it if I told you. But that wouldn't be a problem?"
"Not at all."
"Thank you so much, Wil. I really appreciate it."
"No problem. And Dawn, if you ever, ever, need my help again for any reason…you can always call me. You know that right?"
"Yeah, I know," Dawn said. "I had just forgotten for a while."
Willow smiled. Hearing a familiar voice again was nice. "Ok. Give me your number, and I'll get back to you."
Dawn said her good byes and hung up the phone. "How is she?" Buffy asked.
"She seems all right. Are you sure you didn't want to talk to her?"
Buffy shook her head. "No. But I don't think I'm ready yet. This whole trip has rehashed a lot issues I've avoided dealing with for a long time."
Dawn nodded and then sat next to her on the couch. "What were you thinking?" she asked softly. "During that…during that whole…thing." Dawn shuddered just thinking about it. She wasn't sure how many more funerals she could take, and that last one was certainly one of the worst.
Buffy sighed a shaky sigh and put her arm around her. "It was strange, watching that from the outside. I never imagined that anyone anywhere could understand what I felt when I found mom or when Giles…" she trailed off for a moment. "But there it was. Everything I've had inside me these past years was on their faces, on Spike's face…on the people least likely." She paused and took a deep breath, wiping the water from the corner of her eye. "It just made me realize that everybody hurts a million times better than all the REM songs ever could. It just kinda made me realize that I'm not alone."
Dawn leaned her head on her sister's shoulder. "You never were alone."
Buffy smiled. "I'm sorry that I forgot that." She kissed the top of her sister's head and leaned back on the couch. She was sorry for many things. She had come to New York hoping to repair the relationship with her sister and ran headfirst into the two men in her life she never expected to see again. This trip made her realize how many loose ends she had left to tie up.