Disclaimer:
I don't own it. I make no profit off of it. I mean to offend no one's sensibilities. Please God don't sue.
Thank You: MOM: I love you
Mr. Perez: for letting me type in class
Miss Sharp: you put up with me for no reason I know
Stelmarta: more than words can say!
MattieMattie had a unique Gift. It wasn't dangerous, like Firestarting, with poor Lavan Firestorm only a generation before. It wasn't really useful, like Fetching or Foresight. It wasn't anything fun at all. The Gift was that she had no Gift. She was the only Herald, among her peers that had no discernable Gift. There had been others, written about in old texts just after Vanyel's time, not many, but some. The fact of the matter was that she had no real Gift. Not one that could be trained, anyway.
From time to time she got "feelings". They were sometimes about people, sometimes about animals, though mostly they were about places. She could tell, for instance, if someone was scared or abused, or if an animal was mistreated, or if a place was 'sick' and some terrible wrong had been done there. It wasn't a true healing Gift; she couldn't really do anything about the 'sickness', but it was like an awareness of …something. She got one of those 'feelings' now. Mattie couldn't quite figure out what to 'do' about it, but she could feel the terrifying imprint of someone's fear on her psychic radar.
Rationalizing it in her head, she decided that it was the battlefield that was making her 'feel' scared. It didn't quite pan out, but that was OK in Mattie's mind. The fear wasn't of dying; the fear was of the change. Something inside someone had changed and it was making whomever it was half-mad with fear and apprehension. She'd gotten permission from Hoshi, the senior Herald on site, to wander about for a bit to try and pinpoint the location of this feeling.
The permission had almost startled her; Hoshi didn't seem like the type to allow her Heralds to wander about aimlessly in search of some nebulous something with a half existent Gift at best. She'd looked at Mattie, the same penetrating gaze that froze enemies (and small animals) in their tracks, and simply nodded. She'd even made the remark that sometimes Gifts worked best if they weren't actually being actively used and suggested that Mattie take a stroll around camp to 'clear her head'.
Mattie took up her idea with alacrity. She changed out of her new, and slightly self-conscious whites, into an old set of breeches and a tunic she borrowed from Suki. It was green silk with a colorful pattern that seemed so much like Suki it was clear who owned it. She wandered around, now, thinking about what had happened in her life to get her at this point and where precisely she wanted to go from here.
It wasn't easy; Mattie was confused, scared, and just a little apprehensive about this. It was all well and good to train to be a Herald, but, in cold sober reality, to embrace the responsibility was something else entirely. She just wandered around and thought, more about her own apprehensions than anything else. Whether or not she was going to be a decent Herald, if she'd have to face the eventuality of dying on duty, could she have the courage to go out on circuit and face the people who believed in her omnipotence and incorruptibility. Her mind was occupied with these thoughts to such an extent that Mattie quit walking and sat down on a convenient rock to ponder.
"Hey-la"
"What? I…oh, hi. I'm sorry, am I in your way or…"
"No" he interrupted, "you are not. We haff, I think, the same purpose to come here, yes?" He looked a little troubled. Mattie's Heraldic instincts took over; she wanted to help in any way possible.
"If you mean ruminating about random thoughts and worrying about the future, then yes I suppose that we've got a lot in common."
"Ru-min-ate-ing?" He looked even more confused.
"Oh, um, thinking. Y'know, um, pondering."
"Oh, thinking. Yes, I do a lot of thinking here" He frowned again, lost in thought.
"You're Albright, right?"
"Yes, I am he. How know you, that?" He was cute when he was confused.
"How do I know? Well, Hoshi and I share the same tent and it's kinda hard not to notice when she's a little late coming home, if you get my drift." She gave hima knowing look.
"Hoshi, yes, we…well," He sighed deeply, and blushed. Fair skin was a curse sometimes. He made as if his shoes were of great interest. "You are friends with Hoshi, no?"
"Yes," she said, surprising herself by the thought, Hoshi wasn't the type of person who would usually be a friend to Mattie. "I suppose I am"
"Tell me something" His looked at her intently.
"Only if it's not in my confidence, I won't tell Hoshi's secrets for you if that's what you want." Mattie felt a little defensive of Hoshi now that she'd realized her new feelings of kindred friendship.
"No," He said quickly, reassuringly "No that is not. I am confuded about something."
"I think you mean confused," She corrected with a smile.
"Yes, confused." He nodded his thanks, " What means it to be a Herald?"
"Oh my." She shook her head and chuckled, "You don't ask the easy ones do you? Matter of fact I was just thinking about it myself. If I have what it takes to really do this job justice. "
"What make it so hard? Ride the Kingdom, dispense justice, lead the army. Seems simple to me. Dangerous, but not complicated. It seems not logical to me."
"Well, you're Karsite. You don't know about Heralds." Mattie realized what she said and gasped; "Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that."
"That ok." He shrugged, "Right even. I know that Heralds eat fire, breathe destruction, and ride on their demon horses to steal children in the night. That is what they teach us back home. It is a hard lesson to unlearn." Now he looked a little scared.
"That's just propaganda, it'll be better eventually. We're not that bad, I promise. Heralds, well ... Heralds are just the glue that holds everyone together. We do everything. And it's a terribly intimidating image to try and live up to. I just feel a little lost." She looked at him, trying to get him to understand. Suddenly she knew. "I got this Feeling. I get them sometimes, about someone's fear. It was you wasn't it?"
The fear spiked, and then came back down. Bingo.
"What kind of fear?"
"Fear of change." She thought quickly, about what she'd seen and what Hoshi'd told her about him, and what she'd observed during this conversation " It's Hoshi –isn't it? You're thinking about her." she cringed, "Augh! Did it again didn't I? I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry. That's your business, not mine. It just drives me mad knowing something's wrong and there's nothing I can do. I didn't mean to…"
"That OK." He said placidly and shrugged. He sounded so much like Hoshi it made her smile. "You try to help, yes? I need such help. Hoshi is… different. I know not how to… How do I say this? She is…"
"You love her."
He looked startled, and then almost as if a new realization had come upon him, he smiled and laughed. "Yes, I think I do"
"But you can't reconcile the woman and the job." Now she understood his problem.
He growled, a rumbling sound from deep in his chest, "The lessoning of the early years is difficult to ignore, yes?"
"I agree," she said amicably, " 'don't put your hand in the water or the silverpike will bite it off' That's what my momma had to say about fishing in the inlets on the bay. Gave me the willies. Still won't splash, if I can help it. Just think about it, what do you love about Hoshi?"
"She is… smart, determined, trustworthy. I know she will come if I have need of her to be there. She is … Hoshi."
"And she's a Herald. All Heralds have to follow the same way; they have to be smart enough to handle the King's Laws and all the crazies that come their way. They have to be loyal and kind and forgiving, because working for the crown often isn't. The King's got to be able to trust her; she out commanding his soldiers isn't she? She's got to be ready to go at a moments notice. That's just what a Herald does. She's not some kind of super goddess that can be in six places at once, but she'll do her damnedest to be there when she's able and do what she can when she can."
"…and she is a human being with her own follies and dangers to face, yes? I think, Herald, that you have answered your own questions and mine at once. Heralds are as human as anyone else. Think now you can go to work and do that job you are born to do?"
"Only if you can go back to Hoshi and see the woman and not the job that's chosen her."
"It is done, then, I think we have a solid deal."
"When did Karsite Generals get so wise?"
" I think it was when Valdemaran Heralds became so courageous. To face your own fears is no small task."
"To face someone else's is no different. This past month has changed so many things. "
"Yet things will be as they always are, no? We will return to Haven on this day or the next. The army will be there and so will the Heralds. So will the problems and so the solutions will too."
"And so it goes, life goes on and so does the world. Ugh, why can't we ever just stop and try to figure everything out? The Holderkin are still out there and so is everything else."
"Then we will deal with it." He stood up, "come Herald of Valdemar. Let's go find our future."
She let him pull her up and grinned. Yes, things were changing. Yes, they were giant and scary and enough to make a grown woman cry. Life went on. And this life had not yet begun to fight.