Of Redshirts and Redwall

Chapter 2

On the planet

The Juskadin tribe was happy. They had succeeded in defeating the Juskadun tribe and taking everything they owned. The leader, Truhel Din, was ferret much larger than others of his species. Every vermin in the tribe had the same facial tattoos, a red stripe down the center of the face with a broad curve of yellow cutting around the eyes. Only one beast in the crowd bared a different mark, and that was their Taggerung! He was a slim gray fox with a black stripe running from his ear tip to the tip of his nose. His name was Bane.

"Hey Truhel, when do we try harder game? This fighting weaker Juska does not allow me to show me skill at the kill!" Bane called over the singing rats, who were drunk from the seaweed grog that they had plundered from the Juskadun. Just as Truhel was about to answer, a large metallic sphere dropped into the middle of the camp.

"'Ey I wonder wot that is!" A rat said.

"I don't know, send the Taggerung to find out." Answered a weasel.

Suddenly the sphere opened and a pale person stepped out. Then three more stepped out!

"WE ARE BORG! RESISTENCE IS FUTILE! YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED!" All four of the Borg said in unison. The Borg made quick work of the Juska and soon Bane was quivering as the nanites took over his body.

Back on Enterprise

"T'pol, why this planet is not on your Vulcan star charts?" Captain Archer asked

Not that Enterprise! The Enterprise D!

"Q! How is turning my crew into animals helping?" Yelled the very peeved Picard, which is funny seeing a bald mouse looking peeved. Q was still deciding who to be, he had changed into a fox, badger, otter, and a ferret in the last five minutes. He finally

picked a weasel as it reflected his personality.

"O, Mon Capitan, how else would the inhabitants of this world take you as one of them unless you look like them! You see, this planet in inhabited by human-sized animals." Q explained, his dark eyes shining with delight.

"So why do the Borg seem interested in this planet?" Asked Worf.

"I thought you human, er beasts, knew more about the Borg than that. They seek perfection through assimilating every race in the universe! Imagine Borg badgers, they could wipe out entire galaxies in no time!" Yelled Q, his composure lost with the thought of this. He distractedly smoothed out his fur, mostly to make it seem he hadn't paniced.    

"Sir. Engineering is having problems, we might have to land." A mole with a visor said as he ran in (What else would Jordy be?).

"Fine assemble the important people, we have to plan this out!" Picard said looking peeved.

Later Riker, Data, Jordy, and Troi were gathered around the table in the ready room. Jordy was having trouble with the explanation of the plan because he couldn't reach the screen on his short legs. Troi, who was more than slightly taller as a fox, helped him with it. "Thank you, Diana. Now the neccels(SP?) are damaged due to Spot," he seemed  to shiver slightly, "We have to land on this planet. It is an M class planet, so the air is breathable. Any questions? No? Then Data will you explain the rest?" Data stood up, but being lizard didn't help the logical being.

"We zeem to be drifting. If land then we could zcout out the land and find the inhabitantz." He said. "Me vocal emitterz zeem to be malfunczoning." The android zaid, er said.

"No, that is the way the monitors like you talk." Q piped in. Next Riker, a hare with a stubby beard, announced he would take command of the Enterprise, with Captain's permission of course.

Picard gave the permission, and said that no one was to go down on the planet in uniform as that would break the Prime Directive.

"Isn't going down there a breach of the Prime Directive?" Asked Riker.

"If you still want to be acting captain, then you will be quite!" Picard was becoming more peeved by the second.

"You will all be issued these clothes for when we are on the planet. They are the types of clothes that the inhabitants wear.

You will also be issued a weapon that your temporary species is normally armed with, plus a type two phaser." Worf told the group. "You can use the time that we are preparing for the mission to practice with your issued weapon in the Holodeck. I suggest you do so!"

"Please report to your quarters to receive your issued equipment." Picard said, slightly less peeved.

Later in the Transporter Room

Everyone was waiting to be sent to the planet's surface, many did not feel comfortable in the barkcloth and rough cotton.

Jordy wore a jerkin of green cloth and carried dagger and a sling with his phaser hidden in a pocket. Troi carried a staff and wore a cloak, signifying she was a healer, she had her phaser in her herb bag. Worf refused to remove his metal shoulder thing and carried his ba'leth, and he didn't need a phaser. Data had whip made from sharkskin, synthetic of course Finally Picard that a red jacket, does the name 'Insurrection' ring a bell, And was armed with a rapier, his phaser was inside of the haversack he carried. They also had Ensigns Ansel (a squirrel), Dixie (a hare), Monroe (a ferret).

"Eight to beam down." Called Picard. Soon they dematerialized in a flurry of blue static, and the planet's surface met them.

They realized that they were surround by shrews, more that they could count. Suddenly a javelin struck Ensign Monroe in the heart. An older shrew stepped into the clearing and looked suspiciously at Troi. "Why are you vermin following these goodbeasts? I pinned the ferret and I can easily do the same to ye from here!" He shouted, pointing at Troi. " I sense hostility towards foxes and ferrets. Why is that so?" She asked him, her Betazoid abilities letting her look into his mind.

"You talk funny, but ye seem nice enough. I don't know about your lizard friend. I'm Log-a-log, and these fine shrews are the GUOSIM." He said, but before he could go on, everything stopped and Q popped in.

"Oh, you met the GUOSIM! You lost another redshirt ,too. Well Data, if you want to do some Tricorder readings now would be the time." Data pulled out a tricorder and proceeded to examine everything.

"These shrews have large cranial cavities, it is fascinating." Data reported.

"If you say fascinating one more time I will get Spock here!" Q screamed and snapped his fingers. Everything started again, and Log-a-log fainted when a weasel, who hadn't been there before, smiled at him.

Back at the Juska camp

Now that the nannites had taken over the Juska, the Borg beamed them back to Cube to be completely assimilated.

Later the Juska/Borg were sent down to the planet. Now in the collective, the animals were sent to find a settlement and assimilate the beasts inside.

What will happen now that an away team is on the planet? What will happen to Log-a-log? Will the Juska/Borg find a settlement to assimilate? Why does the author keep asking questions that you can't answer? Find out in our next Chapter titled "Wake up Log-a-log" or "Borg Vermin Freakdown."

NO ENSIGNS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS FIC.