Of Redshirts and Redwall

Chapter 3

Previously on Of Redshirts and Redwall: The Borg had assimilated the Juska tribe, Q had joined the away team with Picard, and a certain shrew (cough 'Log-a-log' cough) has fainted.   "What's up with him? Like he's never seen a weasel before." Q said flatly. Data whipped out the Tricorder to scan the shrew chieftain forgetting that the inhabitants had never seen the technology before. "He appears fine. A hypospray will revive him." As he said this Picard shook his head. "Data, Prime Directive!" he said through clenched teeth. The shrews screamed in unison. "The lizard is killing Log-a-log! Get 'im!" They yelled pulling out their rapiers, but before they could reach him Log-a-log sat up! "'Ey what 'appened? I amember a group of beasts that traveled with a fox and a lizard." He said groggily. He looked around and saw Q. "AAHHH! That weasel! 'E's the one that spooked me! 'Ow'd ye do that, huh?" The GUOSIM seemed to lighten up when Log-a-log smiled at the weasel. He normally hated vermin of any kind, but he was a good choice of character. The only bad judgment he made was the liking of Q. "So, wot's your names, startin' with you." Log-a-log said pointing at Picard. "I am Jean Luc Picard, Captain of the starship Enterprise." "A cap'n hmm? I own a boat, from my great-grandfather Dippler. Next." He said. "I am Lt. Commander Data." The android said simply. "I'm Diana Troi, thank you for the compliment, and no I'm not evil." "'Ow did ye know wot I was thinkin'?" a shrew said, blushing from his colorful headband to his footpaws. Seconds later "I am Q!" replied the weasel. "Wot kind of a name is 'Q'?" a shrew asked cheekily. "The kind that scares the Borg!" Snapped Q, quite literally. A sword was at his side after the snapping of his paw. "He gets mad when people insult his name, all of his people have the same name." Picard interjected. "And I'm Jordy LaForge." The mole with the odd headband (visor) said. "A mole that speaks normal! This is amazing! Where did you learn?" The GUOSIM said all at once. "I can fix that!" Q shouted triumphantly. With that he snapped his paw and nothing happened! "Hoi Q, wot do ee be oop to? Whoi am oi talken so funny?" Jordy asked in mole speak. "I prefer when he talked normal." Q admitted, and snapped his paw again. Once again it seemed nothing had happened. "What did you do to me Q?" Jordy screamed. He launched himself at Q, and to his surprise Q didn't move! The tackle hit Q in the chest knocking him flat. "Break it up, we have to get on our way. Sorry about yore mate. We shrews are off to Redwall Abbey! Why don't you come with us." Log-a-log said his last question was really a statement. Before Picard could refuse, Troi stepped in. "Captain, I have more experience breaking the Prime Directive. I will handle this." She whispered. "We would be glad to accompany you and your fine group of shrews." This she said louder so every shrew could hear. With that, the away team and the GUOSIM walked toward Redwall Abbey. Meanwhile, at the Salamandastron "Sah, Runners report odd vermin coming this way. They appear to have some kind of armor over small portions of their body." Major Ash told Russano the Wise, Badger Lord of the fire mountain Salamandastron. "Thank you, Major. At ease." The wise badger nodded his great striped head. These vermin were odd indeed, they were pale and had a red light beside one eye. "How long until they reach the mountain?" He asked. "Oh, a bally week or two from now I'd say. Want to evacuate the wife and child?" Ash said in the usual hare fashion. "Aye, and all my hares. This horde does not behave like a horde usually does and that scares me. They don't argue, and they don't fight for leadership." Russano said, worry showing in his face. The Borg horde "Seven of Twenty, Nine of Twenty life-forms detected. Dispatch at once." The one Borg in charge was one the Queen liked, Bane the Taggerung. He was much like Lokitus, the Queen's pet. He had known of the hares following them long ago, but wanted news of their arrival to reach the ears of beasts in charge of a settlement. That way he could strike fear in the hearts of his foes. He was coming, and Salamandastron was his target! At Redwall

"Where are the GUOSIM, they have never been late for a feast before." A fidgety squirrel said.

"I'm sure they are on their way. They might have found some travelers. Anyway they know that, you, Abbot Zane worries about them." Goldstripe, the Badger mother, said.

"Hey what are you looking at up there?" An otter called up to the two on the wall.

"Oh, Froster, you startled me. You do have some of your father's abilities. Deyna was a great warrior and you will be too." Goldstripe said walking down the wall steps.

"I know, but there has been no way to prove I am a warrior." Froster said walking toward to badger he loved, due to the fact his mother had died when he young so he saw Goldstripe as a mother. His fur was pure white, but his eyes were not red like that of an albino. He carried the great sword of Martin, like his father Deyna had before him.

Just then there was a knock on the gate. "'Ullo, anyone still out there?" A voice called from the other side of the wall.

"Aye, what do you want you old river beast? You worried Abbot Zane here to death." Froster called down, hooking a claw over to the squirrel bouncing everywhere with joy.

"Oh, we 'ad to stop an' help some travelers. Do ye mind haven' some guests?" Log-a-log called up.

"We would be glad to have some. Open the gate Froster." Zane said. With that Froster opened the gate to let the shrews in, and drew his sword when he saw Q, Data, and Troi.

"Log-a-log, why do vermin travel with your company?" Froster said in voice that dripped with malice, pointing his sword at Troi.

"Ah, but these are reformed vermin. They traveled with Cap'n Picard 'ere." Log-a-log said while Froster stepped forward.

"Reformed or not, they are vermin. Remember the stories of what happened last time vermin were kept in these walls. Veil the Outcast poisoned an innocent hedgehog and Chickenhound killed Methuselah. They will have to prove they are not as evil as their species." He announced. "They are on a probationary trial period, they screw up they are exiled, they pass and they will be able to stay."

"We will act satisfactory, as I will not malfunction." Data said

"Good, but one slip up is all it takes! And I will be glad to exile vermin." Froster said coldly.

Will the away team 'vermin' behave? Will Salamandastron be taken?

Find out next time on "On Qs and Needles" or "Borg Mountain"?

Ensigns were harmed in the making of this fic!