Of Redshirts and Redwall
Chapter 5
1 Back on the Enterprise E
In Ten Forward, Riker was on the stage with his jazz band. They all looked very tired.
"Alright, let's try it again. A one, a two, and a three!" The band started playing, but some of the members passed out! "No no no, that's wrong! No passing out!" He smiled, "That's an order." The hare said, his fur was stuck out at angles like he had been awake for a long time, and his facial fur was very black. "C'mon guys, we've only been at it for… Computer, How long have we been in Ten Forward?"
"Commander Riker, you and your band have been in Ten Forward for approximately seventy-two hours."
"I think they deserve a break William. Still having problems with 'Night Bird'?" Guinan said, one of odd hats balanced on top of her headspikes. "You really shouldn't push them too hard. Here, have a drink to calm you're nerves. How about some Romulan ale, or Cardasian ale, or maybe a nice cold Bolian beer?"
"No I think I'll have a beer, an Earth beer." Riker said, shaking his head.
"Where from? German, American, Australian, Japanese, British?"
"Just a beer." She handed him a glass of beer, looking pretty upset. "Thank you Guinan. I think I'll go to the
Holo-deck to find out about this book Q mentioned. Riker drained the pilsner glass, and walked to the corridor. When he reached the Turbolift, he opened it and said, "Whatever deck the Holo-deck is on!" The lift started moving with a hum, and a beam of light passed over him as he swayed. "On second thought, Computer, reroute to the… deck with quarters." He decided to get some sleep before attempting a Holo-novel. As he stumbled out of the Turbolift, he bumped into Barclay.
"Lemmings! There are lemmings everywhere! Every time I look in a mirror, I see a huge lemming starring at me!" The paranoid officer said, looking quite shaken and tired. Riker looked Barclay over, and saw that Q had put some thought into some crewmembers' change.
"Uh, you might want to go to sickbay. Too bad Deanna isn't here, she could've been useful."
"Why, do I look sick? What color is my tongue?" Barclay asked, sticking out his tongue.
"Er, I'd ask Dr. Crusher about that. I really wouldn't know."
"Well, you might want to come too. Have you noticed that you have a scut and long ears? She can change that."
"Um, just don't look in any mirrors between here and sickbay." Barclay took off down the corridor. "Sometimes Q's sense of humor is funny." Riker laughed as he stumbled to his quarters.
2 In Sickbay
Beverly Crusher was dashing from bed to bed, calming down crewmembers.
"AHH! Too many people! All right, Computer. Activate Emergency Medical Hologram! I hate that thing."
Soon beams of light formed the image of a balding man in a crewman's uniform.
"Please state the medical emergency."
"Just help me with all these people!" The EMH looked at all of the now anthropomorphic crewmembers lying on the examining beds.
"Dammit Beverly! I'm a doorstop, not a veterinarian!"
Beverly Crusher drew herself to her full height, which was well over the EMH being she was a large wildcat, and gave him a look that would have made Worf blanch.
"Would you prefer if I used you as a distraction for the Borg again?"
"That can be arranged. Hmm, I don't see what Q finds so interesting with you… Well, you're not exactly human, are you?" Beverly turned to see what appeared to be a human, in a captain's uniform.
"Who are you? And how come you didn't change?" She asked the human.
"Why, I'm Q. Can't you see the resemblance?" Crusher sighed.
"Great, just what we need, more of the Continuum! And what do you mean, resemblance?"
"Oh, I forgot! I've never visited this vessel, just Aunt Kathy's."
"Aunt Kathy? Who's that?"
"Why Admiral Catharine Janeway, of course! Who else? I can prove it!" He snapped his fingers and Admiral Janeway popped into sickbay.
"The Borg are dangerous, but… Q? Oh no!"
"Aunt Kathy! Please tell Dr. Crusher who I am."
Janeway sat down on a table and a flash of light went over and beside her. Suddenly Janeway was a vixen and Q was beside her!
"Kathy! Good to see you! Like your new body? Good, I have to talk to my son."
Q turned to Q, who was smirking to himself. "If you want to argue like this, let's do it in classic Redwall fashion!" Q snapped his fingers and became a young blue eyed weasel with a short sword in his belt.
"Ah, you've been studying! Well your no match for me!" Q snapped a claw and became an older blue eyed weasel with three knives in a cross- belt. Janeway, Beverly, the EMH, and the crew in sickbay all sighed.
Chapter 5
1 Back on the Enterprise E
In Ten Forward, Riker was on the stage with his jazz band. They all looked very tired.
"Alright, let's try it again. A one, a two, and a three!" The band started playing, but some of the members passed out! "No no no, that's wrong! No passing out!" He smiled, "That's an order." The hare said, his fur was stuck out at angles like he had been awake for a long time, and his facial fur was very black. "C'mon guys, we've only been at it for… Computer, How long have we been in Ten Forward?"
"Commander Riker, you and your band have been in Ten Forward for approximately seventy-two hours."
"I think they deserve a break William. Still having problems with 'Night Bird'?" Guinan said, one of odd hats balanced on top of her headspikes. "You really shouldn't push them too hard. Here, have a drink to calm you're nerves. How about some Romulan ale, or Cardasian ale, or maybe a nice cold Bolian beer?"
"No I think I'll have a beer, an Earth beer." Riker said, shaking his head.
"Where from? German, American, Australian, Japanese, British?"
"Just a beer." She handed him a glass of beer, looking pretty upset. "Thank you Guinan. I think I'll go to the
Holo-deck to find out about this book Q mentioned. Riker drained the pilsner glass, and walked to the corridor. When he reached the Turbolift, he opened it and said, "Whatever deck the Holo-deck is on!" The lift started moving with a hum, and a beam of light passed over him as he swayed. "On second thought, Computer, reroute to the… deck with quarters." He decided to get some sleep before attempting a Holo-novel. As he stumbled out of the Turbolift, he bumped into Barclay.
"Lemmings! There are lemmings everywhere! Every time I look in a mirror, I see a huge lemming starring at me!" The paranoid officer said, looking quite shaken and tired. Riker looked Barclay over, and saw that Q had put some thought into some crewmembers' change.
"Uh, you might want to go to sickbay. Too bad Deanna isn't here, she could've been useful."
"Why, do I look sick? What color is my tongue?" Barclay asked, sticking out his tongue.
"Er, I'd ask Dr. Crusher about that. I really wouldn't know."
"Well, you might want to come too. Have you noticed that you have a scut and long ears? She can change that."
"Um, just don't look in any mirrors between here and sickbay." Barclay took off down the corridor. "Sometimes Q's sense of humor is funny." Riker laughed as he stumbled to his quarters.
2 In Sickbay
Beverly Crusher was dashing from bed to bed, calming down crewmembers.
"AHH! Too many people! All right, Computer. Activate Emergency Medical Hologram! I hate that thing."
Soon beams of light formed the image of a balding man in a crewman's uniform.
"Please state the medical emergency."
"Just help me with all these people!" The EMH looked at all of the now anthropomorphic crewmembers lying on the examining beds.
"Dammit Beverly! I'm a doorstop, not a veterinarian!"
Beverly Crusher drew herself to her full height, which was well over the EMH being she was a large wildcat, and gave him a look that would have made Worf blanch.
"Would you prefer if I used you as a distraction for the Borg again?"
"That can be arranged. Hmm, I don't see what Q finds so interesting with you… Well, you're not exactly human, are you?" Beverly turned to see what appeared to be a human, in a captain's uniform.
"Who are you? And how come you didn't change?" She asked the human.
"Why, I'm Q. Can't you see the resemblance?" Crusher sighed.
"Great, just what we need, more of the Continuum! And what do you mean, resemblance?"
"Oh, I forgot! I've never visited this vessel, just Aunt Kathy's."
"Aunt Kathy? Who's that?"
"Why Admiral Catharine Janeway, of course! Who else? I can prove it!" He snapped his fingers and Admiral Janeway popped into sickbay.
"The Borg are dangerous, but… Q? Oh no!"
"Aunt Kathy! Please tell Dr. Crusher who I am."
Janeway sat down on a table and a flash of light went over and beside her. Suddenly Janeway was a vixen and Q was beside her!
"Kathy! Good to see you! Like your new body? Good, I have to talk to my son."
Q turned to Q, who was smirking to himself. "If you want to argue like this, let's do it in classic Redwall fashion!" Q snapped his fingers and became a young blue eyed weasel with a short sword in his belt.
"Ah, you've been studying! Well your no match for me!" Q snapped a claw and became an older blue eyed weasel with three knives in a cross- belt. Janeway, Beverly, the EMH, and the crew in sickbay all sighed.